What's going on with me?
I don't know what in the name if God is going on with me but I feel like every decision I make is the wrong one, like I am just incapable of doing things right.
I wanna dissapear, just leave and not deal with all of this, just leave everything behind, create for myself a new identity, a new life, so i'm not just the daughter, the pastors kid, the uncooperative sister, the can't-let'go-of-the-past friend, the screwed up emotionally big time person, that can't seem to trust in orthers and even less in herself.
I wanna dissapear and just leave freely, not worrying about what God might say, or how dissapointed in me he's gonna be, not worry about how othes see me, or i guess worse how i see myself.
I wanna dissapear into oblivion and see just how life would be if I weren't around, how would everyone deal with things, how would they live their lives once i'm gone. Would it really effect them, or would it be like a bump to just get over and move on with?
In the end, though i want to just leave it all behind, i can't and i never will which makes me wonder just how much i'm enjoying my life knowing that i can't really be free from myself, of myself, of others.
I guess it doesn't matter cause i'm never leaving, doesn't matter how much i dream and how much i would like to leave, in the end, i'm stuck, here in this place where I see everyone trying new things and taking risks, whereas i'm afraid, afraid of doing anything because of fear that things will end badly or that people will see me diferently.
How i would love to just get in my car and drive, with the windows down to an unknown destination, just enjoying the scenery, taking in nature and all in has to offer, to arrive at a small town in the middle of nowhere, were no one knows me and no one would judge me.
I wanna dissapear, just leave and not deal with all of this, just leave everything behind, create for myself a new identity, a new life, so i'm not just the daughter, the pastors kid, the uncooperative sister, the can't-let'go-of-the-past friend, the screwed up emotionally big time person, that can't seem to trust in orthers and even less in herself.
I wanna dissapear and just leave freely, not worrying about what God might say, or how dissapointed in me he's gonna be, not worry about how othes see me, or i guess worse how i see myself.
I wanna dissapear into oblivion and see just how life would be if I weren't around, how would everyone deal with things, how would they live their lives once i'm gone. Would it really effect them, or would it be like a bump to just get over and move on with?
In the end, though i want to just leave it all behind, i can't and i never will which makes me wonder just how much i'm enjoying my life knowing that i can't really be free from myself, of myself, of others.
I guess it doesn't matter cause i'm never leaving, doesn't matter how much i dream and how much i would like to leave, in the end, i'm stuck, here in this place where I see everyone trying new things and taking risks, whereas i'm afraid, afraid of doing anything because of fear that things will end badly or that people will see me diferently.
How i would love to just get in my car and drive, with the windows down to an unknown destination, just enjoying the scenery, taking in nature and all in has to offer, to arrive at a small town in the middle of nowhere, were no one knows me and no one would judge me.