(no subject)

[so_i_forgot]

Today was just a day. I spent far too much money on clothes and to ease my mind spent more money on dvds (smart thinking). I visited my grandmother and thought of how old she got. She's a short lady, fat legs and ankles, she wears her skirt under her boobs and has runs in her stockings. I don't know. That seems to be the thing I think the most, "I don't know". She waits for "her" cat, looking worried. How depressingly old she got. She hasn't been the same since she got back from the hospital. She doesn't move as quickly and her equilibriam is disappearing. She'll stand for a few seconds and then stumble wherever she has to go, swerving from side to side. I put my head on her shoulder while she waited for that damn stray cat that she calls her own. She gave me a hug and I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I'm too tired to cry. I'm getting tired again. It's strange how that happens. No matter how happy I am, it'll set in. I will remember too much or think too much or be reminded of something. My grandmother told me how all of her friends were dying. I nodded. I had nothing to say. I didn't tell her about Chris' mom. What would that help? This old woman used to be my best friend. I told her everything (minus drug and alcohol related events) now I have nothing to say. I don't have any stories. Grade school is over, high school is over, times when driving around town finding shit to do WAS something to do are all over. My youngest neice is turning 7. My grandmother and grandfather are aging like I never thought they would. When did I get old?

I'm over it I suppose. The happy part of my day was that my grandmother still smiles when talking about my grandpa. I suppose there is always that to hope for.