(no subject)
I'm having a hard time with clarity lately. It comes and it goes, I guess. But there is no organization in my thoughts, just lots and lots of them with no order or priority. And the strangest thing is that I find it so important to keep you in my head and in my life in some small way.
I'm going ice skating next week after a final in one of my classes. I'm going through a mini crisis on the fact that I will soon be graduating. I wish I had more people in my life that seemed to understand that crisis for what its worth. I just don't want any of this to end. I don't want to leave my job, and I don't know when that will be absolutely necessary for my growth. I signed up for my last semester. What do I take from that?
If theres anything I can say about my years at college, its that I've grown more than I could have imagined. I'm not afraid to be myself, or to have a voice, or to love and be loved and have things I deserve, and to be okay in myself and this recovery road I've been on. Its hard to look back on the times I've been so hurt I could hardly move. I got a long waited apology from Stephen Lewis the other day. I feel set free from the burden he left on me, and I needed it more than I realized. Its hard to care for someone in a way that they don't understand. But he apologized in a way that truly left everything settled. I wish I could say that for everyone.
I'm going to try and spend a lot of time with Amanda because she's going through a tough time. Morgan is leaving soon for treatment and thats hard for me. I wish that all my friends didn't go off to places like that. Kelsey came back and she came with me to get my ears pierced. My ears are pierced now. Meghan is still gone. I think I need friends that don't struggle like this, though I appreciate them so much.
One of my greatest joys of this semester has been the knowledge and purpose I've gained through activism on campus. I am more than grateful that I have Tanya in my life. I am glad I know someone that is so much like me and that I can tell everything to.
I don't even know what I was trying to get out. I'll try to write more when my head is clearer.
I'm going ice skating next week after a final in one of my classes. I'm going through a mini crisis on the fact that I will soon be graduating. I wish I had more people in my life that seemed to understand that crisis for what its worth. I just don't want any of this to end. I don't want to leave my job, and I don't know when that will be absolutely necessary for my growth. I signed up for my last semester. What do I take from that?
If theres anything I can say about my years at college, its that I've grown more than I could have imagined. I'm not afraid to be myself, or to have a voice, or to love and be loved and have things I deserve, and to be okay in myself and this recovery road I've been on. Its hard to look back on the times I've been so hurt I could hardly move. I got a long waited apology from Stephen Lewis the other day. I feel set free from the burden he left on me, and I needed it more than I realized. Its hard to care for someone in a way that they don't understand. But he apologized in a way that truly left everything settled. I wish I could say that for everyone.
I'm going to try and spend a lot of time with Amanda because she's going through a tough time. Morgan is leaving soon for treatment and thats hard for me. I wish that all my friends didn't go off to places like that. Kelsey came back and she came with me to get my ears pierced. My ears are pierced now. Meghan is still gone. I think I need friends that don't struggle like this, though I appreciate them so much.
One of my greatest joys of this semester has been the knowledge and purpose I've gained through activism on campus. I am more than grateful that I have Tanya in my life. I am glad I know someone that is so much like me and that I can tell everything to.
I don't even know what I was trying to get out. I'll try to write more when my head is clearer.