New York, Friday Evening
When Kitty went off to deal with the aftermath of her Avengers being attacked, Clint decided this week would be a good time to visit Barney. They'd only gotten into a few fights so far, which was a miracle in itself, and Clint felt a lot better about how the apartment building and his tenants were faring in his absence. The current problem was "solicitors" with thick Russian accents coming by every couple of days, but only one had shown up since Clint had arrived, and he'd quickly turned around at the sight of two Bartons on the stoop. Overall, Clint was feeling pretty good about his promise to Kitty that he'd stay safe on his trip.
According to Barney, the rooftop picnics had started as soon as there was sunlight in the evenings, which didn't surprise Clint at all. What did catch him by surprise was how many people were on the roof tonight, and one person in particular made Clint flag Simone down as discreetly as possible.
"Simone, why is Wade Wilson talking to Grills?" he asked, trying to sound like his brain wasn't hurting from the sight of two separate parts of his life sharing the same space.
"Oh, well, that's my friend Emily and her kids over there," Simone said, pointing, "and she and Wade were both taking care of their daughter tonight and I figured we always have enough food for an army, so a few more mouths wouldn't be a problem."
"You do know who Wade is, right?" Clint asked.
"I know he's Deadpool. But since Hawkeye owns our building, I figured we'd be fine."
"I'm not--" Clint said, before catching Simone's smirk. "You're too smart, you know that?"
"Clint, when you're as outnumbered by children as I am, you have to be wise," Simone said. She patted him on the arm, and laughed as she went back to her kids.
The cookout went surprisingly smoothly, mostly because Clint retreated down to his apartment as quickly as he could. That decision turned out to be a good thing, because he hadn't been inside long before he heard a knock on his door.
"Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying," Clint said as he opened the door. He casually shifted his weight against the opening, hiding the hand that came to rest on his bow, leaning against the wall by the entrance.
"I'm not selling anything," the young man said, in a surprisingly non-Russian voice. "You're Clint Barton. You're an Avenger."
That made Clint take hold of his bow as he stared the guy down. "No, I'm the landlord, and you're trespassing."
The guy waved his hand dismissively and began rifling around in his messenger bag. "Look, I can't incriminate myself. So, I kind of got mixed up in a mob thing--come on, where is it--and I know you're just like, a reserve Avenger because you're not Iron Man or anything, but you'll do in a pinch."
"Hey!" Clint said. He wasn't offended - it wasn't like the guy's assessment was wrong - but the mention of the mob made it clear where this guy was coming from, and Clint knew he needed to get rid of him quickly. "Keep your hands where I can see them. I don't know who you think I am, but you're wrong. Now get the hell out of here, and if you have a real problem? Tell the cops." He slammed the door with maybe a little more force than necessary, and kept his hand on his bow as he listened for signs that the guy was retreating... which was probably stupid considering how bad his hearing was without a door in the way, but he had to try.
He was still in place a minute later when Barney came in, smacking Clint on the side of the head with the door. "Hey!"
"Hey yourself," Barney said. "Why were you standing at the damn door?"
"Another 'soliciter,'" Clint said, peering down the hallway. "I'm hoping he left without bothering anyone else."
"I think he might have been bothering Deadpool on his way out. Does that count?" Barney asked.
"No, it doesn't. I need to talk to Simone about bringing uninvited psychopaths to the cookouts and-" Clint said, before getting cut off by the sound of gunfire. He instinctively crouched down, while Barney moved closer to him. "Check the-"
"-roof, I'm on it. Make sure no one's outside," Barney said.
Clint nodded and grabbed his bow and quiver, slinging them over his shoulder as he raced down the stairs. When he got outside, he found a small crowd of people in a circle and pushed his way through them, stopping when he saw the man who had been at his door lying on the ground.
"Hawkeye! Or Hawkguy, whichever version you are. I'm here to help!" Deadpool said, pushing through as well and peering over Clint's shoulder while Clint kneeled down next to the man and began checking him. "Ooh, that doesn't look good."
"He's gone," Clint said, sighing. "What the hell just happened?"
"I don't know, but I bet that guy's got an idea," Deadpool said, pointing to a large man in the shrinking crowd holding a gun.
"Wade, get out of here!" Clint yelled, letting off an arrow towards the man as he opened fire. He heard someone come up behind him, but he didn't have enough time to look before he got punched in the head.
If he could get out of this without any injuries Kitty might notice, then maybe he'd be okay?
Clint heard Deadpool yelling for him, and managed to roll out of the way of another wave of gunfire. His bow wasn't as lucky though, and Clint winced as he saw the limb crack.
"I am a patriot," the man said. "He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword."
"Oh, yeah, that's not creepy," Clint said. His eyes widened as he saw a pin fly out of the man's hand, and he scrambled to get away. "Deadpool, grenade!" he yelled, as the explosion went off.
"He's turning into a fog-creature!" Deadpool said.
Clint peered through the smoke, but didn't see the man until he was right on top of Clint with his gun pointing at him. "His truth is marching on," the man said, and Clint felt himself get crushed right as the man fired, as Deadpool jumped in front of him.
"Deadpool?" Clint said frantically. He could see the bullet holes, but Deadpool was also still moving.
Deadpool groaned a little and patted Clint's face. "Go get 'em tiger."
Clint resisted the urge to roll his eyes and took off after the man, racing behind him. His bow was still in one piece, but he knew his next shot would shatter it, and that meant he had to be absolutely perfect. As soon as he had a clear shot he took it, and hit the guy right through his leg in the perfect spot to slow him down.
All the commotion must have drawn police attention, because by the time Clint caught up to the guy, an NYPD squad car was blocking his way, telling the man to drop his gun.
"I am a patriot," the man said, and sharply turned into oncoming traffic, stepping right in front of a truck.
There was nothing Clint could do but watch, and as traffic slowed to a stop, he assured the officer he'd be right back. He was still replaying the man's turn in his mind as he made his way back to Deadpool.
"Hey, the cops need to talk to us," he said. "The big guy's dead."
"Did you use one of your disintegrating arrows?" Deadpool asked.
"No, he killed himself rather than be taken alive. Did you see the guy that hit me?"
"Only for a second. He took off with the dead guy's bag."
Clint sighed, and offered Deadpool a hand to help him up. "Look, uh, thanks for the save. We should get you back to my place."
Deadpool shook his head. "Thanks, but I can't just yet. I don't want Ellie to see me full of holes."
He sounded so sincere that Clint couldn't really think of a reason to push it, so he shrugged instead. "All right. That means you get to help me talk to the cops."
Watching Deadpool talk to cops while pulling bullets out of his body was almost worth everything else that had happened that evening, and once he'd recovered a little more, Clint and Deadpool had tried to track down the guys who had attacked them, or anything they could find on Jeremy Ellsden, the dead man. Nothing turned up though, and Clint couldn't stop thinking about how this would all have been different if he hadn't slammed the door in Ellsden's face. He brought Deadpool back to his place, sighing softly as he shut the door behind them.
"Looks like your brother got everybody on my end home safe," Deadpool said. "How long have he and Simone been a thing?"
"Barney and Simone? They're not-what do you mean?" Clint asked.
Deadpool shook his head. "Never mind, I'll explain it to you when you're older. Hey, Ellie forgot her backpack," he said, picking it up off the floor. "I'll get it back to her. Good luck with 'The Mystery of the Guy You Didn't Help and Then He Died on Your Doorstep.'"
Clint just glared at him until he saw Deadpool pull a thumb drive out of the backpack.
"Hey, this isn't hers. Who's been slipping her information?" Deadpool asked, as Clint snatched the drive away and put it in his laptop. It didn't take long for a video to open, showing Ellsden in an apartment building.
"My name is Jeremy Ellsden, and I've stolen the complete human resources files of every active SHIELD agent," he said. "I don't love the government, but I don't want anyone to die either-"
Clint snapped the laptop shut before the video could continue, and scooped it up into his arms.
"What are you doing?" Deadpool asked.
"This doesn't concern you," Clint said. "I'll handle it."
Deadpool moved in front of Clint, standing between him and the door. "My daughter lives with an active SHIELD agent," he said.
"I am a SHIELD agent," Clint said.
"An inactive one, since the Battle of New York. Or was I not supposed to know that? I can never keep track."
Clint held the laptop tighter. "I said I'll handle it." Deadpool looked at Clint for a long moment, and then punched him in the face. "Ow! What was that for?"
"Don't take this the wrong way. I just thought that punch would be strong enough to knock you out," Deadpool said. "Then I could walk out with the drive and solve this without any dead weight."
Clint was vaguely aware of setting the laptop down before throwing a punch at Deadpool, but everything was a blur of attacks and defenses until he heard Barney's voice and felt Barney pulling him backwards. "Hey! What are you two idiots doing?"
Clint collapsed onto the floor, catching his breath, and looked around at the broken furniture he and Wade had left in their wake. "Well, that was a pointless fight."
"They're all pointless fights," Deadpool said sullenly.
Clint stared at him for a moment. "You're gonna have a long wait if you think I'm about to ask why you're sad."
"I'm more concerned about why you let this guy beat you up," Barney said.
"He didn't beat me up," Clint protested.
"Oh yes I did," Deadpool said, looking to Barney, "Are you gonna help me up too?"
Barney sighed but offered Deadpool a hand nonetheless. "Why are you beating my brother up? That's my job."
"This is Wade, aka Deadpool," Clint said shortly. "Sometimes he helps SHIELD. Sometimes he's on the other side of what we're doing. Right now, he's on his way home."
"Is he why the front stoop still looks like a crime scene?" Barney asked.
"No, that's Clint's fault for sending the dead guy away," Deadpool said. "And I'm not leaving."
"We think the guy was a hacker," Clint said quickly. "He stole personal information from SHIELD and was probably trying to buy safety with the information. You can watch the video if you want, but the drive is useless. We need to find his apartment and hope the stolen files are still there."
"You know, we could see if anyone at SHIELD can locate an address on Ellsden, and see if Grenade Guy had an ID," Deadpool said. "You said 'we' first, so I'm taking that to mean we're working this together."
Clint looked to Barney, who shrugged like he was not remotely involved in this, and sighed. "Fine. But when we get to the coroner, let me do the talking."
"You got it. You're the Avenger," Deadpool said. "Or is it Reserve Avenger?"
[Adapted from Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0 and #1. TW for violence and suicide. Let's pretend my scheduled post worked right and this went up last night, yes?]
According to Barney, the rooftop picnics had started as soon as there was sunlight in the evenings, which didn't surprise Clint at all. What did catch him by surprise was how many people were on the roof tonight, and one person in particular made Clint flag Simone down as discreetly as possible.
"Simone, why is Wade Wilson talking to Grills?" he asked, trying to sound like his brain wasn't hurting from the sight of two separate parts of his life sharing the same space.
"Oh, well, that's my friend Emily and her kids over there," Simone said, pointing, "and she and Wade were both taking care of their daughter tonight and I figured we always have enough food for an army, so a few more mouths wouldn't be a problem."
"You do know who Wade is, right?" Clint asked.
"I know he's Deadpool. But since Hawkeye owns our building, I figured we'd be fine."
"I'm not--" Clint said, before catching Simone's smirk. "You're too smart, you know that?"
"Clint, when you're as outnumbered by children as I am, you have to be wise," Simone said. She patted him on the arm, and laughed as she went back to her kids.
The cookout went surprisingly smoothly, mostly because Clint retreated down to his apartment as quickly as he could. That decision turned out to be a good thing, because he hadn't been inside long before he heard a knock on his door.
"Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying," Clint said as he opened the door. He casually shifted his weight against the opening, hiding the hand that came to rest on his bow, leaning against the wall by the entrance.
"I'm not selling anything," the young man said, in a surprisingly non-Russian voice. "You're Clint Barton. You're an Avenger."
That made Clint take hold of his bow as he stared the guy down. "No, I'm the landlord, and you're trespassing."
The guy waved his hand dismissively and began rifling around in his messenger bag. "Look, I can't incriminate myself. So, I kind of got mixed up in a mob thing--come on, where is it--and I know you're just like, a reserve Avenger because you're not Iron Man or anything, but you'll do in a pinch."
"Hey!" Clint said. He wasn't offended - it wasn't like the guy's assessment was wrong - but the mention of the mob made it clear where this guy was coming from, and Clint knew he needed to get rid of him quickly. "Keep your hands where I can see them. I don't know who you think I am, but you're wrong. Now get the hell out of here, and if you have a real problem? Tell the cops." He slammed the door with maybe a little more force than necessary, and kept his hand on his bow as he listened for signs that the guy was retreating... which was probably stupid considering how bad his hearing was without a door in the way, but he had to try.
He was still in place a minute later when Barney came in, smacking Clint on the side of the head with the door. "Hey!"
"Hey yourself," Barney said. "Why were you standing at the damn door?"
"Another 'soliciter,'" Clint said, peering down the hallway. "I'm hoping he left without bothering anyone else."
"I think he might have been bothering Deadpool on his way out. Does that count?" Barney asked.
"No, it doesn't. I need to talk to Simone about bringing uninvited psychopaths to the cookouts and-" Clint said, before getting cut off by the sound of gunfire. He instinctively crouched down, while Barney moved closer to him. "Check the-"
"-roof, I'm on it. Make sure no one's outside," Barney said.
Clint nodded and grabbed his bow and quiver, slinging them over his shoulder as he raced down the stairs. When he got outside, he found a small crowd of people in a circle and pushed his way through them, stopping when he saw the man who had been at his door lying on the ground.
"Hawkeye! Or Hawkguy, whichever version you are. I'm here to help!" Deadpool said, pushing through as well and peering over Clint's shoulder while Clint kneeled down next to the man and began checking him. "Ooh, that doesn't look good."
"He's gone," Clint said, sighing. "What the hell just happened?"
"I don't know, but I bet that guy's got an idea," Deadpool said, pointing to a large man in the shrinking crowd holding a gun.
"Wade, get out of here!" Clint yelled, letting off an arrow towards the man as he opened fire. He heard someone come up behind him, but he didn't have enough time to look before he got punched in the head.
If he could get out of this without any injuries Kitty might notice, then maybe he'd be okay?
Clint heard Deadpool yelling for him, and managed to roll out of the way of another wave of gunfire. His bow wasn't as lucky though, and Clint winced as he saw the limb crack.
"I am a patriot," the man said. "He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword."
"Oh, yeah, that's not creepy," Clint said. His eyes widened as he saw a pin fly out of the man's hand, and he scrambled to get away. "Deadpool, grenade!" he yelled, as the explosion went off.
"He's turning into a fog-creature!" Deadpool said.
Clint peered through the smoke, but didn't see the man until he was right on top of Clint with his gun pointing at him. "His truth is marching on," the man said, and Clint felt himself get crushed right as the man fired, as Deadpool jumped in front of him.
"Deadpool?" Clint said frantically. He could see the bullet holes, but Deadpool was also still moving.
Deadpool groaned a little and patted Clint's face. "Go get 'em tiger."
Clint resisted the urge to roll his eyes and took off after the man, racing behind him. His bow was still in one piece, but he knew his next shot would shatter it, and that meant he had to be absolutely perfect. As soon as he had a clear shot he took it, and hit the guy right through his leg in the perfect spot to slow him down.
All the commotion must have drawn police attention, because by the time Clint caught up to the guy, an NYPD squad car was blocking his way, telling the man to drop his gun.
"I am a patriot," the man said, and sharply turned into oncoming traffic, stepping right in front of a truck.
There was nothing Clint could do but watch, and as traffic slowed to a stop, he assured the officer he'd be right back. He was still replaying the man's turn in his mind as he made his way back to Deadpool.
"Hey, the cops need to talk to us," he said. "The big guy's dead."
"Did you use one of your disintegrating arrows?" Deadpool asked.
"No, he killed himself rather than be taken alive. Did you see the guy that hit me?"
"Only for a second. He took off with the dead guy's bag."
Clint sighed, and offered Deadpool a hand to help him up. "Look, uh, thanks for the save. We should get you back to my place."
Deadpool shook his head. "Thanks, but I can't just yet. I don't want Ellie to see me full of holes."
He sounded so sincere that Clint couldn't really think of a reason to push it, so he shrugged instead. "All right. That means you get to help me talk to the cops."
Watching Deadpool talk to cops while pulling bullets out of his body was almost worth everything else that had happened that evening, and once he'd recovered a little more, Clint and Deadpool had tried to track down the guys who had attacked them, or anything they could find on Jeremy Ellsden, the dead man. Nothing turned up though, and Clint couldn't stop thinking about how this would all have been different if he hadn't slammed the door in Ellsden's face. He brought Deadpool back to his place, sighing softly as he shut the door behind them.
"Looks like your brother got everybody on my end home safe," Deadpool said. "How long have he and Simone been a thing?"
"Barney and Simone? They're not-what do you mean?" Clint asked.
Deadpool shook his head. "Never mind, I'll explain it to you when you're older. Hey, Ellie forgot her backpack," he said, picking it up off the floor. "I'll get it back to her. Good luck with 'The Mystery of the Guy You Didn't Help and Then He Died on Your Doorstep.'"
Clint just glared at him until he saw Deadpool pull a thumb drive out of the backpack.
"Hey, this isn't hers. Who's been slipping her information?" Deadpool asked, as Clint snatched the drive away and put it in his laptop. It didn't take long for a video to open, showing Ellsden in an apartment building.
"My name is Jeremy Ellsden, and I've stolen the complete human resources files of every active SHIELD agent," he said. "I don't love the government, but I don't want anyone to die either-"
Clint snapped the laptop shut before the video could continue, and scooped it up into his arms.
"What are you doing?" Deadpool asked.
"This doesn't concern you," Clint said. "I'll handle it."
Deadpool moved in front of Clint, standing between him and the door. "My daughter lives with an active SHIELD agent," he said.
"I am a SHIELD agent," Clint said.
"An inactive one, since the Battle of New York. Or was I not supposed to know that? I can never keep track."
Clint held the laptop tighter. "I said I'll handle it." Deadpool looked at Clint for a long moment, and then punched him in the face. "Ow! What was that for?"
"Don't take this the wrong way. I just thought that punch would be strong enough to knock you out," Deadpool said. "Then I could walk out with the drive and solve this without any dead weight."
Clint was vaguely aware of setting the laptop down before throwing a punch at Deadpool, but everything was a blur of attacks and defenses until he heard Barney's voice and felt Barney pulling him backwards. "Hey! What are you two idiots doing?"
Clint collapsed onto the floor, catching his breath, and looked around at the broken furniture he and Wade had left in their wake. "Well, that was a pointless fight."
"They're all pointless fights," Deadpool said sullenly.
Clint stared at him for a moment. "You're gonna have a long wait if you think I'm about to ask why you're sad."
"I'm more concerned about why you let this guy beat you up," Barney said.
"He didn't beat me up," Clint protested.
"Oh yes I did," Deadpool said, looking to Barney, "Are you gonna help me up too?"
Barney sighed but offered Deadpool a hand nonetheless. "Why are you beating my brother up? That's my job."
"This is Wade, aka Deadpool," Clint said shortly. "Sometimes he helps SHIELD. Sometimes he's on the other side of what we're doing. Right now, he's on his way home."
"Is he why the front stoop still looks like a crime scene?" Barney asked.
"No, that's Clint's fault for sending the dead guy away," Deadpool said. "And I'm not leaving."
"We think the guy was a hacker," Clint said quickly. "He stole personal information from SHIELD and was probably trying to buy safety with the information. You can watch the video if you want, but the drive is useless. We need to find his apartment and hope the stolen files are still there."
"You know, we could see if anyone at SHIELD can locate an address on Ellsden, and see if Grenade Guy had an ID," Deadpool said. "You said 'we' first, so I'm taking that to mean we're working this together."
Clint looked to Barney, who shrugged like he was not remotely involved in this, and sighed. "Fine. But when we get to the coroner, let me do the talking."
"You got it. You're the Avenger," Deadpool said. "Or is it Reserve Avenger?"
[Adapted from Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0 and #1. TW for violence and suicide. Let's pretend my scheduled post worked right and this went up last night, yes?]