I Wish You Well.
Okay so I've listened to the song I posted a few hours back.. over and over again until everything has cleared in my head.
There is very much I wish to do this summer.. Very, very much.
I am done sick and tired of new beginnings. I am tired of clean slates, and cutting things out. The truth is, it's never a clean cut. It's definitely time I learned how to find a way to heal wounds instead of just trying to get rid of them.
I don't know why I suffer from chronic thoughts that everyone hates me or that somehow I will never be as much a part of groups as everyone else. I am working through this. If you've been in the line of fire, I apologize. It is part of our journey to encounter our barriers and find a way to scale the walls. I am navigating my way through... And I'm proud of where I've come to so far.
The truth is, everybody, I don't want to date. I don't want a partner. I'm already interested in someone -- myself. I need to show the love, honour and commitment to myself first. I can't give those things to anyone else again until I find it for myself. I find dating to be painful, and often, as terrible as it sounds, I feel like telling people to just leave me alone. I don't have the energy to be someone for someone else, I'm having trouble being someone for me!
I am truly finding my way around letting go. It's more than just moving on. It's more than just "forgetting" or "locking away" the memories. It's.. accepting what's to come. It's being able to take on the fear of never feeling that way again -- which is huge. Letting go means truly putting it down and walking away, not carrying the weight everywhere I go. It's believing in myself to be the woman I want to be for me. I am worth more than I give myself credit for.
Love. Tricky, tricky love. I am looking for it in the wrong places. In the past, and in people who don't care about me.. I look for it in approval and fantasies about the future.
I need to start remember where true love lies. In myself, for myself. In God. In my mother and my brother... In the friends that I am always so sure don't love me. I need to look for love in the things I am proud of, that I've accomplished already. I need to look for love in the little things, to have faith that the future will hold the love I need.
Yep.. Lots and lots of thinking tonight. What can i say? I mull =)
There is very much I wish to do this summer.. Very, very much.
I am done sick and tired of new beginnings. I am tired of clean slates, and cutting things out. The truth is, it's never a clean cut. It's definitely time I learned how to find a way to heal wounds instead of just trying to get rid of them.
I don't know why I suffer from chronic thoughts that everyone hates me or that somehow I will never be as much a part of groups as everyone else. I am working through this. If you've been in the line of fire, I apologize. It is part of our journey to encounter our barriers and find a way to scale the walls. I am navigating my way through... And I'm proud of where I've come to so far.
The truth is, everybody, I don't want to date. I don't want a partner. I'm already interested in someone -- myself. I need to show the love, honour and commitment to myself first. I can't give those things to anyone else again until I find it for myself. I find dating to be painful, and often, as terrible as it sounds, I feel like telling people to just leave me alone. I don't have the energy to be someone for someone else, I'm having trouble being someone for me!
I am truly finding my way around letting go. It's more than just moving on. It's more than just "forgetting" or "locking away" the memories. It's.. accepting what's to come. It's being able to take on the fear of never feeling that way again -- which is huge. Letting go means truly putting it down and walking away, not carrying the weight everywhere I go. It's believing in myself to be the woman I want to be for me. I am worth more than I give myself credit for.
Love. Tricky, tricky love. I am looking for it in the wrong places. In the past, and in people who don't care about me.. I look for it in approval and fantasies about the future.
I need to start remember where true love lies. In myself, for myself. In God. In my mother and my brother... In the friends that I am always so sure don't love me. I need to look for love in the things I am proud of, that I've accomplished already. I need to look for love in the little things, to have faith that the future will hold the love I need.
Yep.. Lots and lots of thinking tonight. What can i say? I mull =)