Breathe into me
You Are A Good Friend
You're always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You're there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their "best friend"!
What Kind of Friend Are You?
Life around here has been quite silly. Time doesn't really seem to have any relevance these days. Going to bed at 11, midnight, 3 AM? What's the difference, really? No night but tonight, no day but today. There will always be work, and there will always be people, but when will we ever be here, in this moment, at 10:38 AM on Friday September 15, 2006 ever again? Make the most of it. I'm trying to.
I had a chat with Graham yesterday at Ragged Edge for about an hour and a half. It was a bad idea. I wanted to talk to him because I'm over missing his relationship and am merely, at this point, bitter about what he's done to me. Seven lies upon being broken up.... and tomorrow makes it two weeks. But I can't walk away. Not until I know he's on his own feet, and not using his fraternity brother image as a crutch to make himself feel more useful. There were some very hurtful things said, mainly because I believe he's angry that I'm enjoying life without him so much. I mean, I don't fear anymore. I'm not worried about anything, I'm not obsessing... I'm just being, just walking, just breathing. And having a hell of a lot of fun with my housemates. But he just kept blaming me and insulting me and tearing me down. He told me that my current happiness is fleeting - I think I'm going to be alright but inevitably I will sink back down into depression over what happened. It is at this moment I know he's just trying to manipulate me. Keep me by his side until he's sure whether to throw me in the trash or recycle me for some other purpose. So what do I do? I care, but I most certainly do not love him anymore, not after thinking critically about how degrading being his girlfriend was for the past few months. And it makes me wonder - why did I stay? Am I that pathetic that I felt I couldn't leave him? Was it my nature to stay and nurture? Or was it my codependence, thinking that one day I might be the spark in his life again?
What it comes down to is I'm angry and horribly, severely wounded from this all. I'm hurt because, as it turns out, to him I was exactly the nothing for which I had always counted myself. I'm just a nothing who can generate a whole lot of love for some people who maybe do not deserve it...
You're always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You're there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their "best friend"!
What Kind of Friend Are You?
Life around here has been quite silly. Time doesn't really seem to have any relevance these days. Going to bed at 11, midnight, 3 AM? What's the difference, really? No night but tonight, no day but today. There will always be work, and there will always be people, but when will we ever be here, in this moment, at 10:38 AM on Friday September 15, 2006 ever again? Make the most of it. I'm trying to.
I had a chat with Graham yesterday at Ragged Edge for about an hour and a half. It was a bad idea. I wanted to talk to him because I'm over missing his relationship and am merely, at this point, bitter about what he's done to me. Seven lies upon being broken up.... and tomorrow makes it two weeks. But I can't walk away. Not until I know he's on his own feet, and not using his fraternity brother image as a crutch to make himself feel more useful. There were some very hurtful things said, mainly because I believe he's angry that I'm enjoying life without him so much. I mean, I don't fear anymore. I'm not worried about anything, I'm not obsessing... I'm just being, just walking, just breathing. And having a hell of a lot of fun with my housemates. But he just kept blaming me and insulting me and tearing me down. He told me that my current happiness is fleeting - I think I'm going to be alright but inevitably I will sink back down into depression over what happened. It is at this moment I know he's just trying to manipulate me. Keep me by his side until he's sure whether to throw me in the trash or recycle me for some other purpose. So what do I do? I care, but I most certainly do not love him anymore, not after thinking critically about how degrading being his girlfriend was for the past few months. And it makes me wonder - why did I stay? Am I that pathetic that I felt I couldn't leave him? Was it my nature to stay and nurture? Or was it my codependence, thinking that one day I might be the spark in his life again?
What it comes down to is I'm angry and horribly, severely wounded from this all. I'm hurt because, as it turns out, to him I was exactly the nothing for which I had always counted myself. I'm just a nothing who can generate a whole lot of love for some people who maybe do not deserve it...