(no subject)
there's no such thing as getting what you want. because we all have these twisted perceptions of what things are. nothing is ever what we expect. nothing ever goes as planned. and memories have ways of altering details depending on the bias, to make something better, or worse, then it actually was. and when we meet people, we judge them...and then make up our minds about the stuff we don't know. we decide who people are before we get to know them. it's not that first impressions are so important because we give off some kind of all-showing exhibit, it's because a lot has to change for a person to change their mind. and if you happen to have the horrible luck of having a bad hair day, or you're wearing a bad outfit because it's laundry day, or you're only 17 when you meet him, it's your own freakin' fault, simply because nothing will ever change the fact that he's too good for you and you have no chance. because he made up his mind around the same time you did. he's perfect, you're not. the key is figuring that out....and moving on. one down, one to go. moving on. easier said than done. moving on is a process, not an event, and certain factors must line up, first. move onto what? what is there, around here, to move on to? what's the motive? maybe I like beating myself up over how things could have been different. or fantasizing over how it would be, if it ever could be. maybe I'm just lame and I suck at this game of moving on. it took 4 years for the last one. maybe more. am I really over him? why should I expect this one to be any easier? he's 2 steps closer to perfection than the last one. it's a lost cause. for the first time in my life, I kind of don't feel like moving away. I want to stay here and have things change around me. is that selfish? what if it's not my turn to go and make things change. maybe for once, things could happen to me. for me. yeah right. like that would ever happen. I keep telling myself that I'll stop staying up so late. it's like I'm waiting for something I know will never happen. I just hate going to bed. I like sleeping, but not the process of getting there. screw processes. I'm getting impatient. life just keeps stickin' it to me. but alas, there's no such thing as getting what you want.