☆024
I'm the worst kind of person. I'm so selfish. This is not good enough.
I'm sure Roxas is a nice guy, but it's not fair that he was here with Kaoru longer than I have been. It's not fair that he has the advantage. Does that make him and everyone else a better person than me for having been here longer? I mean, it's not like it's my fault that I wasn't...
I guess I should be happy that Kaoru hasn't been alone the entire time he's been here, since he has those long time friends. I'm sure they must be nice people since they've been taking care of him in my absence. I never meant to be away as often as I was. I don't have control over my own life anymore.
I always talk a big talk, saying that I'm going to catch up to Kaoru, or that this will help us learn to be individuals and all that kind of stuff, but I don't like it. I like to pretend and say that I'm maturing, but I don't think I really am. I think I'm still the same Hikaru I've always been. I don't really want to let Kaoru go, especially here in the City when most of my friends I know are still back home. It's so easy to feel left out here, to feel so worried that they're going to take me away from Kaoru again. This is no way to live. It's hard to be carefree and do what I want like this. It's like the City is trying to separate us, make Kaoru believe that I'm always going to leave him, even though I would never do that.
Making new friends doesn't seem to work. They're nice, but not enough of a distraction from the City and how annoying it is. It's as if it's everyone who's been here a long time VS those of us who haven't. People have already got their certain routines all figured out, their own group of people, and I don't fit into any of them.
It's really pissing me off how I'm saying everything I don't mean to say. It's like all of my thoughts are coming out. So annoying. I bet it's probably a curse, just like it always is.
Meh. All I can do is keep trying, curses or no curses. I don't give up so easily.
Anyone want to hang out or something, give me a call. Just... maybe not today. This curse is annoying and is really upsetting me.
I'm sure Roxas is a nice guy, but it's not fair that he was here with Kaoru longer than I have been. It's not fair that he has the advantage. Does that make him and everyone else a better person than me for having been here longer? I mean, it's not like it's my fault that I wasn't...
I guess I should be happy that Kaoru hasn't been alone the entire time he's been here, since he has those long time friends. I'm sure they must be nice people since they've been taking care of him in my absence. I never meant to be away as often as I was. I don't have control over my own life anymore.
I always talk a big talk, saying that I'm going to catch up to Kaoru, or that this will help us learn to be individuals and all that kind of stuff, but I don't like it. I like to pretend and say that I'm maturing, but I don't think I really am. I think I'm still the same Hikaru I've always been. I don't really want to let Kaoru go, especially here in the City when most of my friends I know are still back home. It's so easy to feel left out here, to feel so worried that they're going to take me away from Kaoru again. This is no way to live. It's hard to be carefree and do what I want like this. It's like the City is trying to separate us, make Kaoru believe that I'm always going to leave him, even though I would never do that.
Making new friends doesn't seem to work. They're nice, but not enough of a distraction from the City and how annoying it is. It's as if it's everyone who's been here a long time VS those of us who haven't. People have already got their certain routines all figured out, their own group of people, and I don't fit into any of them.
It's really pissing me off how I'm saying everything I don't mean to say. It's like all of my thoughts are coming out. So annoying. I bet it's probably a curse, just like it always is.
Meh. All I can do is keep trying, curses or no curses. I don't give up so easily.
Anyone want to hang out or something, give me a call. Just... maybe not today. This curse is annoying and is really upsetting me.