the baby blues...

[so_carpediem]

I am fuh-reaking out. I was so anxious to go home. So happy and elated to give birth and then so overwhelmed. Since he came early, I was in a hurry to get home and get situated. And then I get this call from school about being kicked out of the Phlebotomy program that I need to take care of thats not even my fault! And so if its not fixed, its

Comments

[heels_on]

Just your random comment fairy, here again by way of yourgypsy.

First and foremost, congratulations on the birth of your son! I swear, there's nothing like becoming a parent--a mommy. It's so crazy. I know that when I was pregnant, I endlessly dreamed of the moment I'd hear his cry. I loved my pregnancy, to be sure, but I wanted my baby in my arms. And then it happened. And it was beautiful. And amazing.

And terrifying.

I cried buckets when Aidan came home. Most of them were happy tears--like the "omg, I can't believe he's mine and I get to keep him/I love him so much" kind, but some of the "what the hell I am doing" kind, too. I worried ENDLESSLY about SIDS. He was a co-sleeper until he was 6 months old (we had that thing that attaches to the bed), and then once he was in his own space, I checked on him a zillion times a night at first. I didn't want anyone else to hold him, feed him, change him, etc. I wanted to make sure he was always safe, protected. In short, I probably drove everyone around me completely nuts.

So for what it's worth, I think you're totally right on with your feelings. I think it's normal to ride the rollercoaster, so to speak, especially with the hormone surges and whatnot. But I can promise you this: it does get better, and way easier. It took me a long time to relax, but I'm WAY better now. I worry less about what I'm doing wrong, and think more about what a fun little guy he's become.

If you don't mind my asking, what did you expect it to be like? I'm curious because I had NO expectations whatsoever, so I never encountered that situation. Again, no pressure if you don't want to talk about it with a total stranger. :-)

As far as mom support goes, I found that--outside of most of my f-list moms--there's so much cattiness and competition and whatnot, and it depressed me. I was the first out of my RL friends, and a lot of them didn't "get it." But as time went by, honestly--it didn't really matter to me either way. I think I was hungrier for support early on, and then I got into a groove and the rest was history. :-) But that's just me...

And listen, I know I don't know you, but don't doubt yourself. It sounds like you love your son more than anything and want the very best for him. That, in my book, already makes you a great mom. <3

[yourgypsy]

you're not a "total stranger"... you're my pregnancy references! ;)

[so_carpediem]

Thank you stonefoxmomma...for your comments, your advice, your support...everything. I do love my son. Alot. And I guess that's why I worry. I was a "structure" kinda person and still sorta am. I like routine, organization and all that so I know what comes next. But I knew that when Tristan was coming I wouldn't have that anymore which sorta bothered me but I knew would be worth it with some minor adjusting on my part. I expected to be happy and elated and just so content with everything which for the most part I am...but I didn't expect to feel this way. Yes, I know its totally normal to get the baby blues, but with someone so wanting a baby, someone so enthused as myself, I didn't think I'd quite be feeling like this or the whole "not liking the pregnancy feeling." Any expectations I've had came from me. I expect a lot from myself. As far as friends go...being a mommy made me realize and think about the people that I do need or want in my life and forget about those who I don't. I find that support from outsiders that have experienced it can be very valuable to me. But thanks again for your thoughts.