New Page : Part 6/8
Part 6
“Why are you like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you always want to be with me?”
“Because I love you and I wanna spend every available time with you”
“But why can’t you be like my co-workers’ partners, girl friends or whatever you wanna call them? They sometimes make it a point that they’re partners miss them. But you? You always say that you love me, always there for me. Sometimes I’m getting tired of it.”
“You want me to do what they’re doing? Why? Are you ashamed that I openly show how much I love you and care for you?”
“I’m not ashamed but sometimes I feel like our relationship is just like a routine. There’s no spice anymore.”
“Are you saying that you’re getting tired of it?”
“I think… I’ll be going out of town for a while.”
And without really answering the question, the person just went out of the door.
Yuuki suddenly woke up with a painful wrench in his heart and when he ran his fingers on his face, he felt traces of fresh tears.
‘I was crying in my sleep’ as he tries to recall what he just dream about ‘is that a part of my memory?’
“How come I still can’t see Hayato’s face? Though I’ve have small flashes from of my past. Why?”
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He decided to take a walk around the neighborhood in order to shake the painful feeling he had that morning when he woke up.
And without realizing it he’s been walking for quite sometime and he end up walking in front of a school building.
Out of curiosity, he peeps inside the school grounds and when he noticed that there’s a small bench near the field he proceed there and took a sit.
“What was it like when I was in school?” he asked himself “Was I able to finish University?”
He closed his eyes in order to savor the feeling of being at school when at that exact moment another flash of memories came.
“Yuuki… Promise me that I’m the only one you’ll love forever. And I’ll promise the same thing to you” a boy said to him
“I promise that you’re the only one for me” he heard himself.
“I promise that I’ll work very hard in order to support our needs. You don’t have to work. I won’t let you. Coz a precious person like you shouldn’t get tired. I promise I’ll make you the happiest person in the whole world”
“Baka! I’m not a girl so you don’t have to worry. Besides who said I wanna be with you forever” Yuuki laugh as he lightly hit the other’s arm lightly.
“I know you do. Coz you love me too… So much” the person grinned at him.
“Haha you know me too well… Yeah I love you too… so much…” And this earned a huge bright smile from the person he’s talking to.
He snap his eyes open as he felt another painful tug in his heart ‘Why can’t I see his face?’ he silently holler ‘Even I’m right in front of him I can’t see his face. But his smile is almost clear.’
“What will I do, I wanna know the truth” the said out loud. So immediately stood up and head back towards their shared apartment.
When he arrived, he pulled out his diary once again and started reading the contents. He’s almost near the end.
Unknown to Akihiko, little by little fragments of his past starts to put into pieces, most likely with regards to Hayato coz that’s the only topic he writes on his journal.
The last entry Yuuki saw was the longest of all the entries he have written, so maybe this is the most important one.
Dec 24
Merry Christmas!
I hope I could say that to myself as well… Right now, my heart is broken into a million pieces. He finally admitted it. Of all the days, he chose to ‘fess up today when it’s supposed to be a happy day.
He and the girl I saw several months ago, they’re together. Something even happen between the two of them and if it weren’t for the girl’s fiancé who called in their office and talked to him they wouldn’t cut their ties.
All these time, I’ve been a fool to believe that the only person he loves is me. Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself. The promises he made way, way back were not fulfilled.
What have I done to deserve this kind of life? Am I not good enough? Am I soft enough? Maybe it’s wrong that I chose him over my future. But I don’t have any regrets because I love him. Well that’s what I felt before, but now seems like I wanna say to myself I made the wrong one.
He doesn’t love me. Not anymore. I can no longer feel it. He loves his work more. He loves the other woman more, that’s what I feel. So what’s the use of me being here?
I’m planning to pack my things tonight and leave. Leave without him knowing and I’ll start another life maybe far from here or maybe go abroad to where my parents are. I guess it makes no difference to him. I don’t mean anything to him anymore.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable, yes maybe I am. Yes, I love him too much but at the same time I feel like that this love will cause my death. Not physically but emotionally. Without him I know more than half of me will die. But I finally made up my mind. I have to be strong…
This maybe my final entry, coz after this, when I’m no longer at the same town or country as he is, I’m planning to throw this away to forget all the heart ache he caused me. I’m starting anew…
Lastly, when I finally settle somewhere faraway from here, I’ll use my last name once again… It’s been a while since I used it. Cause for the longest time, I’ve been using his family name. Yeah we’re not married but we have… No had plans but it will no longer happen. It will remain as a dream for me.
I’ll end it here… By tomorrow I have a new life… I’ll be a new person… Far more different than what I am now…
After reading it a terrible pain shots right through his heart and suddenly his head began to hurt so much that he wanted to scream out loud.
And like a pieces of puzzle being put together, events from each page of his diary once again played on his mind and with the final page being read it was finally complete. And right before his eyes, like a curtain that suddenly opens he clearly saw what Hayato looks like.
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Part 7