(no subject)
united colors of beards
once upon in the land of beardstropolis, there lived two bearded ladies of different genetic structure. though the color of their beards did contrast, the color of their hearts remained the same. each her own, had a fiery passion for sport and flaky pastries alike.
the split monarchy of beardstropolis held their annual pie-eating contest in the month of april. april snuck up on the ladies, leaving them with little preparation and much anxiety towards the big event. when the time came to get their snack on, the ladies were ready as ever to duel. the games began. the royal pie of the afternoon just so happened to be the pumpkin of pies, sponsored by the outlying sharecroppers of san beardadino.
the shots were fired, the bearded wonders were off. one minute...two minutes...three bites...four bites...when the fifty-third and final pie had been devoured, it was time for the routine beard inspections. the ladies sat patiently as well renowned bearded scholars made their calculations. the results were in.
it was a close call, but to the horror of her competitor, sarah redbeard was proclaimed champion for the third year running. thrice over, the least amount of pie remained in her extravagent crimson mane. "this is simply preposterous," exclaimed heather blackbeard, "for crying out loud, the pumpkin pie remnants are camouflaged in her overly groomed russet excuse for facial hair! it's like dandruff on a dark tunic, my beard is black as night!"
"you fool, do not underestimate the power i hold in the field of rapid yet tidy consumption of dessert!"
just when the two were about to exchange blows, a compromising voice rang from the crowd. "but wait! with your speed and your precision, the greatest pie-eating force known to man could be assembled!"
after given enough time to process the prospect of collaborating, the two shook hands. from this day forth, the kingdom was no longer split. the two reigned side by side conquering the world with their pie-eating ability and spreading equality throughout the land, making it known that all beards are created equal and that no two beards are alike.
to this day beardstropolis remains the pie-eating capitol of the world.
writing credits:
heather blackbeard
sarah redbeard
once upon in the land of beardstropolis, there lived two bearded ladies of different genetic structure. though the color of their beards did contrast, the color of their hearts remained the same. each her own, had a fiery passion for sport and flaky pastries alike.
the split monarchy of beardstropolis held their annual pie-eating contest in the month of april. april snuck up on the ladies, leaving them with little preparation and much anxiety towards the big event. when the time came to get their snack on, the ladies were ready as ever to duel. the games began. the royal pie of the afternoon just so happened to be the pumpkin of pies, sponsored by the outlying sharecroppers of san beardadino.
the shots were fired, the bearded wonders were off. one minute...two minutes...three bites...four bites...when the fifty-third and final pie had been devoured, it was time for the routine beard inspections. the ladies sat patiently as well renowned bearded scholars made their calculations. the results were in.
it was a close call, but to the horror of her competitor, sarah redbeard was proclaimed champion for the third year running. thrice over, the least amount of pie remained in her extravagent crimson mane. "this is simply preposterous," exclaimed heather blackbeard, "for crying out loud, the pumpkin pie remnants are camouflaged in her overly groomed russet excuse for facial hair! it's like dandruff on a dark tunic, my beard is black as night!"
"you fool, do not underestimate the power i hold in the field of rapid yet tidy consumption of dessert!"
just when the two were about to exchange blows, a compromising voice rang from the crowd. "but wait! with your speed and your precision, the greatest pie-eating force known to man could be assembled!"
after given enough time to process the prospect of collaborating, the two shook hands. from this day forth, the kingdom was no longer split. the two reigned side by side conquering the world with their pie-eating ability and spreading equality throughout the land, making it known that all beards are created equal and that no two beards are alike.
to this day beardstropolis remains the pie-eating capitol of the world.
writing credits:
heather blackbeard
sarah redbeard