I can't believe I'm about to say this...again
I can't believe I'm actually about to say this a second time...my Mom's right
The other day when she came down for my B-day, btw thanks for all the birthday wishes on here and on facebook, we went out for dinner at IHOP, I know that it's kind of contradictory but it's freakin IHOP, and as the topic of a person came up that continually runs over me, ever since high school, and another person that shall remain descriptionless other than the fact that they are a person of the female persuasion, she looked at me and said, "CJ, if there's one thing about you, it's that you're generous to a fault." or something to that effect. It wasn't until today, really, that I realized exactly what she meant. It's not that I'm so "generous" that I'm handing out free money or doing other people's work for them or anything like that, it's that I'm so caught up in wanting to make other people happy that I disregard my own happiness. Basically in this situation, and many others from my past, I've developed feelings for Person B, but in interest of trying to become closer to Person B I've kept said feelings secret so as to not totally destroy friendship. Person A, who I know is not stupid and can read me fairly well considering I've known them for around 7 years, enters picture and gains attention of Person B. I, being a man of at least above average intelligence and awareness, notice the attention being given to Person A by Person B and try to remain close to Person B, if not become closer to Person B. I realize intentions of Person B and, although it hurts a great deal, I back out of the picture because I don't want to get in the way of Person B's happiness.
In short, I tend to end up liking someone and then notice that that person likes someone else and then don't think that I stand much of a chance against the person they like even if I know that the person they like isn't worth their time.
I wish this was something that I could just change, but I'm just not that self-assured. It doesn't help that I've only had one girlfriend, ever, and that took until college to happen. Don't get me wrong, the relationship Virginia and I had was great and all, but we're not getting back together anytime soon and I don't really want it.
I guess when it gets right down to it, all I really want is a little attention from a pretty, and single, girl. Or maybe it's worth that I'm looking for, someone to say, "You're worth something to me."
Sorry about dumping all this on you guys, I just needed somewhere to vent.
CJ, out.
The other day when she came down for my B-day, btw thanks for all the birthday wishes on here and on facebook, we went out for dinner at IHOP, I know that it's kind of contradictory but it's freakin IHOP, and as the topic of a person came up that continually runs over me, ever since high school, and another person that shall remain descriptionless other than the fact that they are a person of the female persuasion, she looked at me and said, "CJ, if there's one thing about you, it's that you're generous to a fault." or something to that effect. It wasn't until today, really, that I realized exactly what she meant. It's not that I'm so "generous" that I'm handing out free money or doing other people's work for them or anything like that, it's that I'm so caught up in wanting to make other people happy that I disregard my own happiness. Basically in this situation, and many others from my past, I've developed feelings for Person B, but in interest of trying to become closer to Person B I've kept said feelings secret so as to not totally destroy friendship. Person A, who I know is not stupid and can read me fairly well considering I've known them for around 7 years, enters picture and gains attention of Person B. I, being a man of at least above average intelligence and awareness, notice the attention being given to Person A by Person B and try to remain close to Person B, if not become closer to Person B. I realize intentions of Person B and, although it hurts a great deal, I back out of the picture because I don't want to get in the way of Person B's happiness.
In short, I tend to end up liking someone and then notice that that person likes someone else and then don't think that I stand much of a chance against the person they like even if I know that the person they like isn't worth their time.
I wish this was something that I could just change, but I'm just not that self-assured. It doesn't help that I've only had one girlfriend, ever, and that took until college to happen. Don't get me wrong, the relationship Virginia and I had was great and all, but we're not getting back together anytime soon and I don't really want it.
I guess when it gets right down to it, all I really want is a little attention from a pretty, and single, girl. Or maybe it's worth that I'm looking for, someone to say, "You're worth something to me."
Sorry about dumping all this on you guys, I just needed somewhere to vent.
CJ, out.