Left my name with the boys.

[so1993]

I just had a huge arguement with my mom, I pushed her buttons to try and get something other than the word money to come out of her mouth. But money, that's all. I guess people get to old to change. I have no impact on anything she thinks. That makes me feel like a spawn, some little thing she created to do her deed and agree with her wants. That's not children & that's not growing up. Unless I do as she pleases, I'm just some heavy load, useless and feeding on what could have been profit. I never hear aything out of that mouth other than money, food, debt, cleaning and everything I'll never care about. Growing up isn't me becoming you. I feel so fucking stuck in this room and everytime I open my eyes I want to cover the walls in white, I want to dig out everything that's mine and put it in a box. I want to dig out everything that she ever gave me and toss it into the hall. I want to set this house on fire. You may feel close to your family but when asked if family was a responsibility, I'd have to say no. Family looks like a burden. I may regret everything I've ever said. But I'll never claw for money the way I see her do.

How many times a day
do you think about
burning your house down?
How many late night drives
make you think of driving
into on coming traffic?
How many sober nights
make your nose bleed for sanity?
What is sanity to you?
Sanity isn't sobriety.

On an informative note, I'm moving to Chicago for a month.

Stop now before it's too late
Been eating in the ghetto on a hundred dollar plate
Nothing lasts forever, that's the way it’s got to be
There's a great black wave in the middle of the sea
For me
For you
For me
It's always for you
The sound is not asleep
It's moving under my feet