(no subject)
I've had a rough week, year, life. I've been sick the last few days. On bed...couch rest, essentially, coughing and aching and hating everything. Earlier in the week I had to put Mruczka.. my family's 13 year old cat to sleep after trying to diagnose and save her life with all sorts of testing, basically emptying my bank account and still finding out there was little I could do but save her from prolonged suffering due to the complications of pancreatic cancer. Everyone in my family has been in painful mourning since my dad unexpectedly died early in July but it seems like it's been the hardest for my grandmother and myself.. being mother and child.. and Mruczka was again closest to both of us, so it was excrutiating to have to take this on at such a horrible time. I wish Death would stop toying with me. Enough is enough already. At so many points this year I've thought... this is the worst things could get.. but the universe keeps throwing more at me. I guess I'm learning how much one can really survive. This little heart of mine does seem to be extremely resiliant. Still being able to laugh and love despite it all is pretty amazing. I still feel like crap, and tomorrow I have to work a rediculously early shift, which I've resigned to working sick or not, because I haven't been scheduled in much too long. I dragged myself out of bed earlier today to make a huge withdrawl at the bank and pay the remaining balance of my vet bills, and the bank teller seemed all flustered with me and greeted me with 'you smell really nice'. I like that the world can still make me randomly giggle like that, death, sickness, and depression aside.