so not useful
yea. do you ever get the feeling that one day everythings the best theyve ever been and the next your lying in the grave you dug for yourself? well thats what i feel like right now. i mean everything has been finally getting better. i mean im actually wanting to go to school, not all the time but sometimes. and even though, i know this whole thing wont last, because there will always be something there that doesnt like me, im getting over it. our club day was good. we had 23 people sign up, which is more than last year, not including me, robert, jim, and i think justin. so it will be like 27 people which is a really good turnout. but then there are some people that think that this club is going to be stupid and that its not worth even trying to start. its like they just want to crush my dreams, and reduce me to this little speck of a person who cant do anything right. some people, even like some of my best friends just dont have faith in me. and then i finally started talking to logan again. im not sure if hes completely over what i did yet( even though i mean it wasnt that big of a deal.. cuz i mean i did stop it didnt i? it was wrong on so many levels, first because of logan, and second because of billy.. he had a girlfriend, which he still does, yet he lied to me about that too, and so i kissed him again! and he didnt tell me that he was with julie.. i foung out from mike) but anyways, we finally talked over the phone, the first time since we broke up. and it felt kinda like a relief, i mean to know that someone is still there for me. and then jonathan? yesterday he told me that he does but doesnt think that we are working out. what is that supposed to mean? that he doesnt like me or something. it had me crying all night, i mean it sounds like hes going to break up with me. again.... and it sucks, because i mean isnt the third time the charm? i thought it would have been better and everything would have worked out. i dont know. god i cant take it anymore. i mean here i am finally beginning to be happier again than i ever thought i could in awhile, and now its starting its spiral down again toward hell. so yea.. im just waiting for hannah to come over today.. i just need to talk to my best friend. i need someone there for me.. other than logan. did i mention he tried to cheer me up last night? it was sweet, but i dont know how long its going to last. o well pe@ce