so wats up? do yu know me?
ok ive been thinking alot... ok so here is just so much stuff going on rite now in my life...the guy i have liked for god knows how long now tells me he has feelings for me.. and the other guy that i liked is now all i dunno.. and then theres jonathan... i love him somuch but sumtimes i cant help wondering if hes just with me cuz i dunno... i mean wat does a senior want with a sophmore ya know? like mike made that painfully clear wen he sed hes too old for me.. i mean i know well i feel that jonathan has good intentions and that he really does like me.. i mean mike (b.) told me that he does but sumtimes i just wonder.. i mean dont get me wrong, cuz it sounds like i dont want to be with jonathan, but i seriously do, like ive wanted this day to come again for the longest time.. he was always there for me watching my back before we went out and then things got pretty bad btween us and then we became friends again, but then he moved to his dads and i barely ever saw him, so it was like i felt all alone again....
and i dont know but for some reason, i just feel like most of the ppl around me dont care about my feelings and dont care if the things they are doing could affect me.... like how daddy is smoking again.. doesnt he realize that he could die from it? he watched his father die, and how his little girl grew up without that grandfather in her life, and how my grandma now has all these complications from smoking and everythin.. does he want to miss out in my childrens life? does he want to miss out in my life? i am just so mad... and then of course, jon still smokes.. well at least he says he doesnt smoke weed nemore, and i believe him, but he still smokes cigarettes, and i hate it.. and i dont know wat to say to him, cuz i dont know i just feel that given the situation between me and cigarettes, hed choose cigarettes, cuz hes got all these hott girls vying for his attention so he wouldnt give a shit,so like he wouldnt care that something might happen to him and im scared that he might die or get hurt and i might lose him... and i dont think i could lose him again it would just be to hard.. ya kno? and then there is who else is doing shit that they dont think twice about that might hurt me.. o yea theres the whole im gonna beat yu up cuz your my gfs friend or yu sent pictures or cuz your her bf.. it drives me crazy... so many ppl want to fight each other and ITS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!!! make it stop! just cant yu all get along? god mike, ok dont hurt jon... jon dont hurt luke... jon dont hurt george... and all this other stuff... o yea and billy and logan? i think that billy wants to fight logan.. just god make it stop make it stop.. its hurting me like no one knows... i feel like taking a gun ans shooting myself in the head.. then that way noone can fight because of me cuz i wont be here.... theyll all just go bak to their perfect little lives and ill be dead in the ground rotting beneath six feet of dirt and grass...
but oh well hopefully i can get all this past me soon.. im going to visit uncle jeff on thursday for a week and ill be gone and itll be all good... cept for that stupid dog they have... i hope it doesnt attack me.. but i hope ittl be fun.. it was fun with aunt beth for that weekend and that was wen the kids werent there.. im hoping i have sumthin in common with brit and chris.. cuz dude brit is now a senior and i dunno wat grade chris is in but i know hes younger.. so i just need to like get happy.. think happy!!!! ill be happy then!!!
and i dont know but for some reason, i just feel like most of the ppl around me dont care about my feelings and dont care if the things they are doing could affect me.... like how daddy is smoking again.. doesnt he realize that he could die from it? he watched his father die, and how his little girl grew up without that grandfather in her life, and how my grandma now has all these complications from smoking and everythin.. does he want to miss out in my childrens life? does he want to miss out in my life? i am just so mad... and then of course, jon still smokes.. well at least he says he doesnt smoke weed nemore, and i believe him, but he still smokes cigarettes, and i hate it.. and i dont know wat to say to him, cuz i dont know i just feel that given the situation between me and cigarettes, hed choose cigarettes, cuz hes got all these hott girls vying for his attention so he wouldnt give a shit,so like he wouldnt care that something might happen to him and im scared that he might die or get hurt and i might lose him... and i dont think i could lose him again it would just be to hard.. ya kno? and then there is who else is doing shit that they dont think twice about that might hurt me.. o yea theres the whole im gonna beat yu up cuz your my gfs friend or yu sent pictures or cuz your her bf.. it drives me crazy... so many ppl want to fight each other and ITS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!!! make it stop! just cant yu all get along? god mike, ok dont hurt jon... jon dont hurt luke... jon dont hurt george... and all this other stuff... o yea and billy and logan? i think that billy wants to fight logan.. just god make it stop make it stop.. its hurting me like no one knows... i feel like taking a gun ans shooting myself in the head.. then that way noone can fight because of me cuz i wont be here.... theyll all just go bak to their perfect little lives and ill be dead in the ground rotting beneath six feet of dirt and grass...
but oh well hopefully i can get all this past me soon.. im going to visit uncle jeff on thursday for a week and ill be gone and itll be all good... cept for that stupid dog they have... i hope it doesnt attack me.. but i hope ittl be fun.. it was fun with aunt beth for that weekend and that was wen the kids werent there.. im hoping i have sumthin in common with brit and chris.. cuz dude brit is now a senior and i dunno wat grade chris is in but i know hes younger.. so i just need to like get happy.. think happy!!!! ill be happy then!!!