an update about ME
Lots of fun stuff is swirling through my life right now like an excited dislexic child on a sugar rush trying to make it to the bath room without peeing himself.
the wife and i are looking into purchasing a house... thats definatly the biggest thing right now... and the odds seem to be in our favor for once in regards to the house its a pretty nice place, only a year old and never been lived in yet, its near some freinds of ours in a decent little culdesack, even the price seems to be right.
hopefully that luck will continue as we set out to get a loan so we can stop calling it ours in that cute imaginative way and start moving our shit in and doin a lil happy dance while singin the doom song because it is ours.
also all systems seem to be go with this band.
tyler and i seem to be on at least a similar page over all in regards to ideas, creative controle, and direction... we're gonig to be putting in some practice time this week to see how well we work together actually writing and performing.
i saw spider man 3 on opening day and was sadly dissapointed but still thrilled that its beaten out pirates of the carribeans records and been such an over whelming hit because the movies only real crime is trying too hard and thats a crime that i can respect.
all of this fun shit flying around but yet im still caught in this miserable pit of dispair for some reason.
i dont quite know the full extent of its being here... i know that ive recently developed a very jaded and overwhelmingly negative (or neutral in some cases which is just as bad or worse) out look on things as well as seemingly gone from a crisis of faith to a loss there of but in a strange way thats difficult to explain.
it really isnt that i have lost my faith so much as i just feel convinced that if my faith is just then im going to hell.
perhaps ill divulge on that another time though.
as if that werent enough im still so overwhelmed by the problems that exist within our world on a community, local, state, nation, and world scale i care about things that no one else seems too and i guess im just far too sympa/empathetic to people and happenings in the world and it really does just kill me a little inside every day to see the attrocoties of mankind and the suffering of people and even animals.
ive been very depressed for a while and hiding it even from myself for too long now and it seems worse than i have ever had to deal with before without booze, my best friends, pot, and concerts.
conecting with bands and people at a show was the best high i ever experienced and i havent caught a show in going on 3 years now.
i havent drank in a long time, and havent been drunk in even longer, not that its necissarily a bad thing there.
like wise pot i havent used it for any reason in a long time... the last time i can remember smoking is the night before the wedding in the place of getting drunk or having a real "batchelor party" and once after that when we watched sarah silvermans "jesus is magic".
and really i think pot is a dumb escapist tool anyhow because when i get stoned i get goofy and hungry yeah but if its worth smoking to begin with i get really reflective and/thoughtful and i really dont want to confront my thoughts right now.
ive had some really nerve racking bouts with suicidal thoughts. thats probably the scariest thing of all for me really.
as a result ive become what most people unaware of all of this would and will refer to as "lazy" i sleep alot and i stay as detatched mentally as possable and try my best to keep myself distracted at all times when i have to be up and about... speaking of which i have work to do now so i dont lose my job.
the wife and i are looking into purchasing a house... thats definatly the biggest thing right now... and the odds seem to be in our favor for once in regards to the house its a pretty nice place, only a year old and never been lived in yet, its near some freinds of ours in a decent little culdesack, even the price seems to be right.
hopefully that luck will continue as we set out to get a loan so we can stop calling it ours in that cute imaginative way and start moving our shit in and doin a lil happy dance while singin the doom song because it is ours.
also all systems seem to be go with this band.
tyler and i seem to be on at least a similar page over all in regards to ideas, creative controle, and direction... we're gonig to be putting in some practice time this week to see how well we work together actually writing and performing.
i saw spider man 3 on opening day and was sadly dissapointed but still thrilled that its beaten out pirates of the carribeans records and been such an over whelming hit because the movies only real crime is trying too hard and thats a crime that i can respect.
all of this fun shit flying around but yet im still caught in this miserable pit of dispair for some reason.
i dont quite know the full extent of its being here... i know that ive recently developed a very jaded and overwhelmingly negative (or neutral in some cases which is just as bad or worse) out look on things as well as seemingly gone from a crisis of faith to a loss there of but in a strange way thats difficult to explain.
it really isnt that i have lost my faith so much as i just feel convinced that if my faith is just then im going to hell.
perhaps ill divulge on that another time though.
as if that werent enough im still so overwhelmed by the problems that exist within our world on a community, local, state, nation, and world scale i care about things that no one else seems too and i guess im just far too sympa/empathetic to people and happenings in the world and it really does just kill me a little inside every day to see the attrocoties of mankind and the suffering of people and even animals.
ive been very depressed for a while and hiding it even from myself for too long now and it seems worse than i have ever had to deal with before without booze, my best friends, pot, and concerts.
conecting with bands and people at a show was the best high i ever experienced and i havent caught a show in going on 3 years now.
i havent drank in a long time, and havent been drunk in even longer, not that its necissarily a bad thing there.
like wise pot i havent used it for any reason in a long time... the last time i can remember smoking is the night before the wedding in the place of getting drunk or having a real "batchelor party" and once after that when we watched sarah silvermans "jesus is magic".
and really i think pot is a dumb escapist tool anyhow because when i get stoned i get goofy and hungry yeah but if its worth smoking to begin with i get really reflective and/thoughtful and i really dont want to confront my thoughts right now.
ive had some really nerve racking bouts with suicidal thoughts. thats probably the scariest thing of all for me really.
as a result ive become what most people unaware of all of this would and will refer to as "lazy" i sleep alot and i stay as detatched mentally as possable and try my best to keep myself distracted at all times when i have to be up and about... speaking of which i have work to do now so i dont lose my job.