Jan 28, 2005 13:09
so... new journal. this one i'm only going on when i'm not at home. that way my ass hole of a father can't read it. i really hate the fact that he can see all the web sites i go too and all that jazz. He probably reads my email too. fucking bastard. oh well. I'm sick. it sucks. right now i should be in accounting, but i'm not. i'm skipping. te he. not really. their all playing monopoly, but i can't join in because i haven't been here for a while. so Mrs. H sent me to the library. ah. i'm really bored. and tired. i'm going to start prtending to be better though. that way i can't start doing stuf again. It's funny really. i have no emotion right now what so ever. just blank. weird. oh well. i had a rough night last night. couldn't sleep. well, thats i lie. i fell asleep around 12, and then i woke up from a nightmare around 1:30. then i stayed up for a few hours, thinking. i realy don't like talking or thinking about it. but latly i'm being forced to. matt, i know you're trying to help. but when you say something about it, it makes me think about it, and then it takes a really long time to make the nightmares staop again. i've been doing really good latly. and i can't afford to have anymore reason to not sleep at night. i need to start reading like i used to. i used to just get lost in other poples thought and not have to worry about my own. i looked "myself" up last night. it's kinda weird how all of these people know exactly whats going on in my head, and there are so many others out there. i should start a club. charge people a nickle to be in it. then i'd have real friends and be rich. lol. i wonder what time this class ends. damn the people who decided that screwing up the schedule would be a good idea! i look really tired. at least thats what ben said. i have really dark circles under my eyes. gross. ok. i can't make myself think about just one thing. i sound insane. maybe i am. that'd be fun. or not. i think i'm going to look up that college that keeps emailing me. i don't really want to go there. too far away. no where near boston. oh well. it could be nice. blah. someone take me home.