Life is kind of sucky sometimes.
I feel so trapped, so shitty. I don't even know what to type, but I think it'll help. Tomorrow, I'll know when my dad is going to have stomach removal surgery for his cancer. He'll have a scan scheduled to find out of the cancer has spread before the surgery. If it has, his stomach won't be taken out.
He was drinking again today, and I never thought I'd feel as down as I have since childhood as I have today. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and though it was "only two mixed drinks," I know what that actually means. I'm disappointed in him, and I'm angry; and I'm angry at myself for feeling disappointed in a dying man who is also my dad and may also not be dying after all.
I'm home now, alone while my roommate sleeps early. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I have of being so sad and so confused. So empty.
He was drinking again today, and I never thought I'd feel as down as I have since childhood as I have today. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and though it was "only two mixed drinks," I know what that actually means. I'm disappointed in him, and I'm angry; and I'm angry at myself for feeling disappointed in a dying man who is also my dad and may also not be dying after all.
I'm home now, alone while my roommate sleeps early. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I have of being so sad and so confused. So empty.