fic: all the stars and boulevards [ 2 ]
title all the stars and boulevards [ 2 ]
author snuffleslove
pairing zayn/liam, harry/louis, girl!niall
word count 60k
rating pg-13 (now)
warnings slash, swearing, drugs, genderswap, abuse, domestic violence, dub-con
summary zayn and louis take on columbia (university!au)
a/n AU where the boys are international students at columbia university and new york city is taken by storm.
"Harry. The pudding's free, get your own. Honestly," Zayn says, grabbing his cup of chocolate goodness away from Harry's prying fingers. Harry pouts prettily, but Zayn isn't Louis so that doesn't work on him.
"Li lets me share his food," Harry tries. Zayn rolls his eyes, shoulders tensing slightly. It's been a week since he last saw Liam. "He misses you, you know," Harry says quietly then.
"I haven't done anything," Zayn snaps. "I'm sure Louis's told you but it's not like I could have -"
"Lou hasn't told me anything," Harry interrupts abruptly. "He's very protective of you." Zayn feels the back of his neck heat up and Harry turns his head over to muss up his hair, flipping it back.
"I'm sorry, Haz," he says quietly.
"It's alright, Zayn, don't worry." There's something in Harry's eyes in that moment, so invitingly open and innocent and Zayn finds he can't help himself.
"I miss him, too."
Harry smiles at him, grips the back of his neck firmly.
--
Zayn hurries along the path towards Millbank, checking his watch. Only a few more minutes to seven thirty, fuck he's going to be late. It's getting darker and a bit nippy and he shivers and clutches his old leather jacket around him, thinking idly that George must be fast asleep by now.
"Zayn?" A voice comes up from behind him.
"Li -? What are you doing here?"
Liam looks unsure, stares at his feet for a moment before looking back up at Zayn.
"Niall invited me. Thought I should come out to support her and all that."
"Oh. Yeah. S'nice of you. Yeah, Louis and Harry couldn't make it because of -"
"Varsity Show rehearsals, yeah, I know."
"Oh. Yeah." Zayn rubs the back of his head awkwardly. Liam sneezes, wipes at his nose.
"Sorry, bit sick," he says sheepishly.
"Should have worn a jacket then, mate," Zayn says, smiling slightly.
"Yeah. Left mine at a buddy's the other night and now I have no hope of finding it," he says ruefully. Zayn chuckles. Oh, what the hell.
"Are you -?"
"Do you want to -?" they start talking at the same time. Zayn can't help but laugh.
"Yeah, sure, I'd like that."
--
The theater is cold when they enter and Zayn notices that Liam is shivering. He bites his lip.
"Here," he says, shrugging out of his jacket and handing it to the other boy. "S'cold in here and you're already sick."
"I - yeah. Thanks," he mumbles and Zayn can make out his blush in the dim audience lighting. He realizes suddenly that George hardly ever blushes.
They settle in their seats and the lights go out. Without any introduction, the first dancers enter the stage. The Barnard Dance Department puts on a Senior Thesis showcase every year. Zayn has never been before, but this year, Niall has been asked to perform alongside one of her friends who is graduating. Zayn can tell it's a serious honor because the quality of the dancers on stage is absolutely brilliant. They've got everything from choreographed spoken word to a cappella tap dancing and every performance is incredible.
Niall appears on stage with another boy and girl and they are dressed from head to toe in different shades of purple. All of them, even the boy, are dressed in long skirts over long pants with long sleeved shirts and scarves. The music begins to play, slow and steady - a folkish tune - and the dancers begin to move in an unsynchronized pattern, graceful, fluid-like movements interspersed with jarring stops and starts. Zayn has never seen Niall move like this before, swinging her arms about, moving her stomach, taking advantage of the space behind her. It's breathtaking.
The music begins to pick up and suddenly the three dancers are untying their skirts and letting them fall to the ground. There's a pause and the dancers simply sway. Then a man's voice comes through, crass and uneducated. They are suddenly dropping into a synchronized routine, moving as one, leaps, jumps, a floor routine that has Zayn holding his breath. And suddenly their long sleeves shirts are coming off. And then pants are being dropped. The main choreographer is breaking out in a beautiful solo in just her underwear and a shirt. But even the shirts are tossed a side one at a time as the music picks up intensity. Their movements are unrefined and the ending is abrupt.
They stand center stage in their underwear and bras and the lights dim. There's silence as the stunned audience takes in the performance, then Liam is yelling and clapping and Zayn joins in, jumping to his feet. They look at each other and grin and there's laughter and applause coming from all around them.
--
"Jesus, Ni, you couldn't have warned us?" Zayn says laughing as he pulls her into a hug. "You were unbelievable." She smiles prettily.
"Did you see our choreographer though? Anne is incredible, Zayner. She's brilliant. And this was the first piece she's ever choreographed on her own."
Liam comes up behind them and Niall's eyes widen only slightly when she notices he's wearing Zayn's jacket. When Liam pulls her into a hug she mouths over his shoulder.
"Looks good on him," and her eyes are cheeky. Zayn flushes and tries to glare at her.
"That was amazing, Niall," Liam says warmly.
"Glad you could make it, Li," Niall responds, blushing slightly at his sincerity.
"Niall!" someone taps her from behind and she turns into the hug of another girl "You were perfect."
"I'll catch you two later alright?" Niall says when she's let go, and disappears into the crowd.
The foyer begins to get crowded so Liam and Zayn step out into the quiet air.
"Wow," Liam says softly.
"Yeah." They begin to make their way back across the street in silence, remarking occasionally about the performance but in general just focusing on the cool breeze that washes over them. When they've reached the time to part ways, Zayn turns to Liam, determined.
"Listen, mate, I'm sorry about that night," he says quietly. Liam waves his words away.
"No, god, don't. Wasn't your fault - I was the sober one that night. Louis warned me that things were complicated for you and I should have listened." Zayn nods.
"S'alright though now, right? We're good?"
"Yeah, of course." It's too dark to see Liam's expression but his voice sounds genuine enough so Zayn doesn't push it. Smiles instead.
"Oh, here, thanks for this." Liam says, moving to take off the jacket.
"Keep it," Zayn says. "You've still got a ways to walk, and I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks," Liam scratches his hair.
"I'll see you in sociology then?"
"Yeah. Absolutely."
--
There's no music playing tonight. Tonight, they simply sit, share in each other's exhaustion. Coursework has hit them hard and they're all running on few hours of sleep. Harry's been struggling the most, it seems. It's only his first year and he's trying to balance five classes and daily rehearsals and Zayn can tell that he's exhausted, even when he tries to hide it. Tonight he slumps against Louis, who holds up him, sharing his brightness, and they burn together, low but strong. Niall rests against Zayn, eyes closed, and Zayn leans his head against hers, trying not to think about the exam he just flunked. Liam lays his head on Niall's lap, smiling contentedly as she plays with his hair.
"I just need spring break," Niall says, breaking the silence. They all murmur their agreement.
"Few more weeks, babe," Louis speaks up. "We'll get there." Harry sighs from beside him.
"I can't wait," Harry says in a small voice. Louis leans on one hand so he can lift Harry's chin up to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. The two of them are taking a trip to Boston to explore the city and see the sights. Zayn doubts they'll ever leave their hotel bedroom, but it's all very well-intended.
Zayn takes a deep breath. He hasn't mentioned his plans to anyone, but now seems like as good a time as ever so -
"I'm thinking about going to England," he says softly. Louis stiffens abruptly.
"That'll be great," Liam says, voice sleepy. "You'll get to see your family and sisters and sleep in your own bed. S'what I miss the most honestly -"
"You're not going to Bradford though, are you?" The room sparks and fizzes with tension as Harry and Niall catch on to the strain in Louis's voice. Zayn shakes his head.
"Zayn," Louis breathes, and now a note of pleading has woven into his voice. Harry nuzzles in closer. "There's no one left in Doncaster. All our friends have gone and -"
"I'm not going to see anyone else."
"Please Zayn. Where will you go if something happens? You'll have no where to go if he -"
"If he what Lou?" anger seeps up slowly into his words.
"Zayn - "
"Oh fuck off Louis. I don't need your fucking protection," he's frustrated and lonely and he just wants to be in George's arms for a little while. And for godssake, he's not a child damnit. He pushes away from Niall and stands. "You're not my mum. You're not anyone, Louis. So just fuck off." And with that he storms out of the attic.
--
He wakes up under Louis's gaze. His mate is lying on his side, leaning up on his elbow. It's still dark out.
"Lou -?"
"Hey."
"Have you been up all night?" Louis shrugs awkwardly.
"Couldn't sleep. I'm sorry."
"S'alright," Zayn is relieved, really. Because he didn't mean what he said and he doesn't want a fight. Louis reaches out with his other hand and pulls Zayn towards him so that Zayn's face ends up in Louis chest and their feet entangle. Louis doesn't say anything, simply breathes into Zayn's hair until his ears are itchy from the warm heat, but it's what Zayn needs and he just moves closer.
"I've been thinking about what you said," Louis murmurs after a moment. "About going back to Yorkshire. And it just makes me think about how much I miss home and my family." He falls silent, takes a deep breath that Zayn can feel run along his neck. "I want to go too."
"Lou -" Zayn says, anger still close to the surface.
"Not for you!" He interjects quickly, before Zayn can tell him off again. "Not for you, Zayn, I just. Want to be home with my mum and see my sisters."
"What about Boston?" asks Zayn skeptically.
"Harry'll understand. Is that alright? Can I?" Zayn considers this. He's knows at least part of Louis is doing this for him, he's not that naive and he's known Louis a long time, but - it would be nice to have his company, and they really haven't been back in a long time. He lets out a breath.
"Yeah," Zayn says, looking up at his best mate, "Of course."
--
Zayn's trying to read but he can't focus, knew he wouldn't be able to. They've finally booked their tickets and Zayn is going home. Home to England, home to George. He just wants to be done with these next two weeks and the desperation is making him restless. He sighs and tries to turn his attention to his best mate. Louis's got a lot of coursework tonight so Zayn has offered to stay in with him and as he watches the other boy from his place on the bed, he's glad he did. Louis' shoulders are tense as he types furiously on a laptop, stopping often to glance at the books he has laid out on his desk and occasionally letting out a stream of expletives. He's exhausted but he can't stop because the paper's due tomorrow and Louis's been at rehearsals constantly all week long.
Zayn moves from the bed to lay a hand on his best mate's shoulder. Louis leans back in his chair into the touch, rubbing his eyes warily with both hands.
"Coffee refill?" Louis looks up at him gratefully.
"Yeah, thanks, that'd be good."
Zayn sets about putting the coffee on, thinking idly that they'll have to clean out their fridge before they leave next weekend when he hears a sharp knock at the door. Zayn looks at Louis, startled.
"Jesus, it's two am. Is Harry -?" Louis furrows his brow.
"No, not that I know of..."
Zayn opens the door to find himself face to face with Liam. He's grinning, despite the black eye he's sporting.
"Vas happenninnnnnn" Liam says, smile stretching from ear to ear.
"Liam! What happened? Are you - Are you drunk?"
"No!" Liam shakes his head emphatically. The movement causes him to lose his balance and Zayn reaches out to steady him. "Okay maybe a little." He grins ruefully at him. "Can I come in?" he slurs, "I promise not to take advantage of you when you're drunk. When I'm drunk. I'm drunk."
Zayn can hear Louis sniggering in the background and he feels the tips of his ears heat up.
"Yeah, of course," Zayn steps aside and allows his friend to walk in, leading him to his bed to sit. "Grab some ice, will you Lou?"
"Yeah. Shit Li, what'd you do?"
"I didn't hit myself if that's what you're implying," Liam says, crossing his arms indignantly. Louis chuckles and Zayn turns to glare at him.
"That's not what he was implying, Li," Zayn reassures him gently. "Tell us what happened."
"Well," Liam's face goes comically serious. "Niall went on a date with me. A fake date. She was my fake date."
"We know that, Liam. For your wrestling team's party," Zayn says patiently. "But how'd you get the black eye?" Liam furrows his brow.
"Someone said something," he says slowly, "About Niall. It was. Well. It was very mean," he trails off solemnly. Zayn and Louis exchange a worried glance.
"And -?"
"And so I punched him," Liam finishes proudly, grinning evilly at Zayn. Louis laughs out loud at the expression on their friend's face and even Zayn has to smile.
"Niall's alright though?"
"Yessir. She walked me here and then left with a friend. Didn't give me a good night kiss though," he says, shoulders slumping sadly. Louis is shaking with silent laughter now and Zayn rolls his eyes. Oh boy.
"Here, hold this on your eye,"
"Ow," Liam pouts when the cold surface touches his skin made hot by the liquor.
"We have to get you drunk more often, Li," Louis comments, and Liam sticks his tongue out at him. After a moment, Zayn moves to get him a glass of water but Liam reaches out to grab his wrist. His grip is light and Zayn can easily move away if he wants to, but he stays still.
"Don't go," Liam whispers, looking up into Zayn's eyes. There's an emotion there that Zayn can't quite read and he swallows hard. "Don't go to London. Stay here with me. I'll - we'll - do stuff." Liam lets go of his hand then and it drops helplessly to his side. Zayn closes his eyes briefly, George's face a blurred vision across the inside of his eyelids. He looks back at Liam, earnest and vulnerable. Fuck. Why can't he say no to this boy?
"I'm not going anywhere," he whispers finally. "I'm right here. C'mon, let's get you to bed." He makes quick work of Liam's socks and shoes and moves the brown haired boy gently into bed. Liam reaches out to him again.
"Zayn?" There are butterflies in Zayn's stomach, there's no other way to describe it and god but this is ridiculous because only George should be able to say his name like that.
"Yeah, Li?"
"Can I - Will you stay?"
"Yeah, of course. Let me get you some water, ok?" Liam nods, his eyes fluttering closed already.
Louis comes up behind him as he's trying to find a clean glass.
"I'm always on your side, you know that. But Liam's one of our best mates now and just. Be careful ok?" Louis whispers in his ear. Zayn looks up at him helplessly.
"I'm trying," Zayn replies quietly. Louis' smile is sympathetic and his eyes are kind when he ruffles Zayn's hair.
"I know."
He coaxes a very reluctant, very sleepy Liam into drinking water and then slides into bed with him trying to give him some space, but Liam curls against his side instinctively, already half asleep. The feeling is sort of new to him - he's normally the one curling up against George. He decides not to think about it.
"If you throw up on me, Payne, I swear to God -" Zayn murmurs, but there's no bite in his voice. Liam just mumbles something indistinguishable into Zayn's ear, breath evening out.
He hears Louis gather his stuff and leave the room, shutting the light on his way out and he closes his eyes, tries to convince himself that this is okay, that George wouldn't mind. He falls into a restless sleep.
--
Zayn wakes up to a movement on his side and he cracks an eye open in time to see Liam making a run for the bathroom. A moment later he hears vomiting from the other side of the door and he winces sympathetically.
"Liam?" he knocks, glass of water in hand. "You alright in there?" Liam comes out of the bathroom a moment later, wiping his mouth.
"Yeah, fine," he says. His voice is bitter and Zayn sees a touch of self-loathing in his eyes. "I'm sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have come here last night."
"You're fine, Li," Zayn insists. "I'm glad you came here, I - "
"God, when I woke up and realized I was in your bed," Liam interrupts. "I thought we, I thought I had -" he tugs at his hair wretchedly, a faraway look in his eyes.
"Liam, you're fine," Zayn says firmly. "You were fine last night, just a little drunk. And you went straight to bed. No harm no foul. Ok? That bruise on the other hand...'fraid you might have that one for awhile."
Liam nods, hand going up to touch his face lightly, teeth worrying his bottom lip lightly. Zayn's eyes drop to watch the movement.
"I barely remember being hit," he says softly. He still looks unconvinced and Zayn wants to shake him. Or kiss him. Bloody hell. They hear the door slam and then Louis' shouting.
"My paper has officially been turned in. Thank. Fuck." Liam winces.
"Oi," Zayn responds, turning to grin at his friend. "Keep it down will you? Liam's a bit hungover." Liam groans.
"Hey mate," Louis says grinning mischeviously. "You look a bit worse for wear. Fun night?"
Liam glares at him but Louis just laughs cheekily.
"Better be rest up mate, because tonight, we are going out."
--
They sit stretched out in the subway car, taking swigs from their spiked soda bottles every time they notice a lost tourist, so that by the time they've travelled the hour it takes to get to Williamsburg they are all thoroughly enjoying themselves. The minute they step off the subway Niall notices a Waffles and Dinges truck and makes a run for it, the rest of the group trailing behind her. Liam and Zayn cling to each other and laugh, because one look from her has Louis and Harry shelling out the six bucks she needs to buy her a waffle loaded with chocolate syrup, dulce de leche and bananas.
They wander slowly through Williamsburg, stopping occasionally to take bites from Niall or make a bad joke. It's cool and quiet and you can see a few stars here and it's a nice change. Zayn pauses to admire a mural on the wall, pulling out a cigarette and his lighter. George has a similar painting at his place, he remembers suddenly. He tries to force the memories away but they bubble up to the surface, his grip on them loosened by the alcohol. George had kissed him underneath it once. Told him he was perfect. He blinks himself back to reality, realizing that the rest of the group has moved on but Harry is still with him.
"It's beautiful," Harry says softly and Zayn nods. He looks ahead to the brown haired boy walking with Niall, watching as he ruffles her hair and swings his arm around her. (George barely touches his hair.) Harry takes his hand then, interlacing their fingers. His hands are small and soft. (George's are big and rough.)
"I'm sorry Louis cancelled your vacation," Zayn mumbles, mostly to prevent the subject from turning to Liam.
"Me too, but s'alright. He just worries about you, that's all. You should let him, he's good at it." They both laugh quietly and Zayn squeezes Harry's hand.
"Do you love him?" Zayn asks, and Harry's expression is softened by the alcohol and something else.
"Yeah, I do," he answers without hesitation. Zayn stares at him, taking a long pull from the cigarette. It's surprising that they fit together like this, Harry and Louis, Louis and Harry. Louis, with his fierce over-protectiveness and hidden vulnerabilities and Harry with his permanent smirk and sinful beauty. They shouldn't fit together but they do. He knows Louis doesn't think George and him fit. But Louis's wrong, he's sure of it. Zayn needs him, doesn't remember a time without him. Doesn't want to. Zayn studies Harry once more.
"He's been waiting for someone like you," Zayn comments finally, then back tracks and corrects himself. "He's been waiting for you." Harry's answering smile lights up his entire face and Zayn is suddenly not surprised at all.
"Oi! Hurry up you two!" Louis calls. "I actually want to get to Bembe!" They laugh together at the irony of it and run to catch up with the rest of the group.
--
It's not yet midnight but the place is packed. Only Harry's been before and he insists it's brilliant and of course they have to go. There's music playing but the featured DJ - Zayn can't remember his name - comes on at 12 and they can sense the anticipation when they enter.
"Can I buy you a drink?" Niall stand on her tip toes to whisper into his ear. Zayn grins and nods. She comes back a few moments later with two White Russians, Zayn's favorite. Liam's eyebrows raise when he sees, so Zayn passes it to him.
"Fuck, that's chocolate milk," Liam exclaims over the music and Niall laughs. She looks beautiful tonight, in simple black pants and Zayn's old letterman jacket (George loves that jacket), blonde hair flowing down her back.
Louis comes up behind him and puts one hand on Zayn's waist, presses a shot glass to Zayn's lips with another. He downs the shot easily enough, the liquor muddling his brain wonderfully. He's a bit unsteady on his feet but Louis' grip is strong, stabilizing. Suddenly they hear the crackle of a mic come alive.
"And now -" the rest of what the announcer has to say is lost under the screams and foot stamping and suddenly there's a beat pulsing through the crowd. Afro-Cuban.
Louis pulls Zayn flush against him, moving their hips together in time to the song. Everything swerves around him in a blur and he shuts his eyes against the dizzying feeling. The music moves through him and his body moves of its own accord. Harry shifts in front of Zayn and it takes a moment for him to get the rhythm right but then the three of them are moving together. Zayn hears a moan from behind him and suddenly his two best friends are kissing over his shoulder. He groans, drops his head against Harry's neck, limbs heavy. Harry pushes back against him and Zayn feels the outline of his hard cock pressing against his thigh.
Fuck.
He breaks away, gasping.
--
The room vibrates and Zayn sways, pushes his way through the crowd.
--
He stumbles into the bathroom, shuts the door, slumps against it, drained. The bass sounds faint from here but the room still shakes. Zayn moves heavily towards the sink, leans into it. He really did not mean to get so drunk. He splashes cold water over his face but when he looks up his image in the mirror swims. Fuck.
"Zayn?" Liam's voice echoes against the cold tiles of the bathroom. Fucking, fuck. "Are you alright?" He's wide eyed and flushed from dancing, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, lips parted slight from panting, and he's beautiful enough that suddenly Zayn can't remember why this is a bad idea, but it is, it is.
"Yeah, fine," Zayn hears the slurred response before realizing its his own voice. "Just drunk. You should go," he mumbles, not quite meeting Liam's eye. Liam moves towards him. He says something but Zayn is staring at his lips.
"Zayn - " The hoarseness of his voice catches Zayn's attention and he looks up. Liam is closer than he remembers, and there's a hunger in his eyes that has Zayn catching his breath. They lean into each other, lips nearly touching and the heat of it sparks and pools in Zayn's belly, makes him inhale sharply. He lets out a soft moan, moving a hair closer. He feels Liam's sharp intake of breath and then Liam is stepping back and away.
"You're drunk," Liam says in a wrecked voice. He clenches his fists at his side and takes a deep breath. Zayn reaches out for him, puts one hand on his waist to draw him closer, wants him so much closer, but Liam just rests a hand over his for a moment before gently disentangling himself. "Come on, let's get you outside for a bit, you'll feel better with some fresh air."
He places a strong, gripping arm around Zayn and steers him out the door into the crowded club. Here people are still going strong, moving fiercely, beautifully to the music. It makes him think of Niall so he presses himself close to Liam, whispers in his ear.
"She's alright, I left her with Harry and Louis," Liam responds back into Zayn's ear and Zayn shivers at the feel of his lips. He turns his focus back to the rest of the people and the space tilts. Fuck. He wavers, off balance.
"I've got you," Liam says from behind him, hands gripping his waist. They make their way slowly through the crowd until they've reached the exit and at the first brush of cool air Zayn groans gratefully.
"Thanks," he murmurs, when the door shuts behind them and they're enveloped in quiet. Fuck. He turns towards the wall and leans over, throws up on the pavement.
"Glad to see I can return the favor," Liam says, chuckling, but he grips the back of Zayn's neck and his weight is a reassurance.
"You should get back inside. Niall's probably being molested by L-larry. And I'll be alright out here. There are stars here." Any place that has stars is alright.
"I'll stay," Liam says softly. He leads Zayn away from the puke and towards another part of the wall, leaning back and putting his arm around him, pulling him close. Zayn leans into him and smells cigarettes and a faint whiff of Armani. He looks up.
"You're wearing my leather jacket," Zayn says and he's smirking all of a sudden. Liam is blushing, face warm.
"Yeah, sorry I - "
"How come I didn't notice before?" He fingers the material gently. "Suits you."
Liam bites his bottom lip.
"Thanks," he mumbles. Zayn stares at him.
"You're embarrassed."
Liam grows redder and Zayn can't understand why.
"Yeah," he mutters darkly, looking down. Zayn stares at him some more. The spots on the wall behind Liam's head blend together.
"That suits you too."
Liam laughs at that, his entire body vibrating with it.
"Jesus, you're impossible, Zayn," but he just pulls him closer.
Zayn is inexplicably pleased.
--
Niall, Louis and Harry find them like that a while later. They are flushed and sweaty and they all look beautiful to Zayn. He tells them so and they laugh at him. Harry pulls at Louis to give him a quick kiss.
"You two are so stupid," Niall says suddenly, addressing Liam and Zayn, voice slurred. She stumbles slightly but Harry has a firm grip on her waist. He leans down and whispers something in her ear and she leans back into him, nodding.
"C'mon, Zayner," she takes his hand and leads the way.
"Oh boy, now we're never gonna find our way home," Louis complains and Zayn turns around to give him the two fingered salute.
--
Their sociology professor ends lecture ten minutes early and Zayn is so grateful he can hardly stand it. He turns to Liam who shoots him an easy smile.
"So how are we celebrating last day of classes before break?" Liam asks casually.
"Oh, hadn't thought about that," Zayn responds slowly. "Louis and Harry have rehearsal, and I'm not sure about Niall but I was planning on going downtown to pick up a few things for my mum and sisters. I thought we celebrated last week," he adds, grimacing slightly as he recalls what he can remember of that night.
"Oh," Liam says, and he looks a bit crestfallen so Zayn adds,
"You're welcome to join me downtown," and means it. "I could use the company and I'm hopeless with directions."
Liam smiles brightly at him.
"Yeah sure. I've got to meet the team at eleven but we should be back before that right?" Zayn nods, smiles back.
--
The subways are jammed to the brim with rush hour traffic and Liam and Zayn are shoved together into a tiny crevice of the car. Someone's elbow is poking painfully into his stomach and he's definitely rubbing up against the bum of an old man in a suit behind him. He grins at Liam though, can't get enough of this city if he's being honest. Liam offers him an earbud after he realizes he's forgotten his iPod and he quirks his eyebrow when he hears the sound of an Indian drum and the foreign lyrics.
"Niall," Liam says by way of explanation, and Zayn laughs.
--
They spend a couple hours walking through St. Mark's place, stepping in and out of consignment stores and boutiques, laughing at the stuff they come across. Zayn buys little trinkets for each of his sisters and a beautiful necklace for his mother. Liam is surprisingly helpful and when Zayn asks him about it he shrugs.
"I have a younger sister," Liam explains. "She's really into this kind of stuff."
"I have three, and I still don't know anything," Zayn says hopelessly. "You two must be close."
"We were," Liam says softly, and he has that faraway look in his eyes again. Before Zayn can ask him about it, he changes the subject.
"I thought you weren't going to be seeing your mum and sisters?"
"I'll put them in the post when I'm in England. It's a lot cheaper," he explains to Liam, who nods, smile still slightly strained. Zayn decides to let the subject lie.
At seven pm, Zayn's stomach grumbles and he smiles at Liam sheepishly.
"If you don't mind a small walk, I know a place we can go," Liam says. "It's great, you'll love it."
--
They walk uptown a bit to Max Brenner's and Liam smiles broadly at him before opening the door. Zayn steps inside to heaven on earth in a restaurant because lining the dark walls of this place is every different type of chocolate you can imagine. Zayn's mouth waters.
"Holy crap, this place is. It's perfect," Zayn breathes and Liam laughs at him, throwing his head back.
"You don't even know," he says solemnly when he can catch his breath again.
Zayn lets Liam order for them and he watches as Liam sits back in his chair, makes small talk with the waitress who nods and smiles like Liam is the best thing that's happened in her ten hour shift. Tells one of his stupid jokes and when she laughs his eyes light up like that was his sole purpose. He places his order as a question, easing into it as if she was his friend, not his server, and he doesn't bother with a menu. Zayn wonders how many times he's been here, who he's taken with him.
"I'm going to miss you," Zayn says when she's gone, because it's true, he is, and he wants Liam to know. Liam snorts in disbelief.
"When you're with George?" he asks, "Nah, I doubt it." But he's smiling anyway.
"So you've worked in a restaurant before?" Zayn asks then. Liam frowns, confused. "You were really good with the waitress," Zayn explains and the creases in Liam's forehead smooth out. He chuckles.
"No, no. My sister did though, and she'd come back from work late at night demanding a foot massage and an open ear. The horror stories she's told me," Liam laughs fully now. "I can't help but feel sympathetic. And leave big tips."
"Where is she now?"
"Still in Florida, her first year at state school," Liam says a bit wistfully.
"You miss her," Zayn says slowly. Liam offers him a small smile but his answer is short.
"It's complicated," he replies. Zayn wants to know more but their waitress is back, bearing a large plate of macaroni and cheese. Liam grins up at her, shoots her a thanks and she blushes, waves a hand.
"So how are Harry and Louis taking the upcoming separation?" Liam asks around a forkful of macaroni.
"Not sure, to be honest," Zayn says, considering the question. "I think they're alright. It's only ten days, after all. But sometimes Harry seems so young."
"He is," Liam says, picking at the macaroni, trying to get more cheese. "He skipped a grade, or level, or however your system works. So he's two years younger than you, three less than me." Zayn hums.
"You're right, didn't think about it like that. Anyway, they'll be fine," Zayn says, but the pitch of his voice rises towards the end, turning his words into a question and Liam catches it and its implication, smiles reassuringly at him.
"Yeah, course they will be," he says. Their waitress is back, here to replace their empty plate with a huge slice of chocolate cake and two glasses of milk and Liam must have really done a number on her because Zayn has never seen better service. They don't talk much after that, just enjoy the food and the smooth jazz playing over the speakers and every so often they catch each other's eye and grin, chocolate between their teeth.
When the bill comes, Liam's paying before Zayn can even get a word in.
"Smooth, Payne. Didn't know you had it in you," he says, blushing slightly. Liam smirks.
"I've still got some secrets, Malik," Zayn laughs but he's still blushing and Liam must notice because he says, "Don't worry, you'll get the next one, alright?"
Zayn nods, somewhat placated.
--
"What secrets?" Zayn asks later on when they're in the subway. The rush has died down and this time they have seats. Liam's closed his eyes but now he reopens them to stare at Zayn.
"Hmm?" Liam hums, gaze questioning.
"You said you still had secrets," Zayn says slowly. "And you don't talk much about your family and you don't go home, like ever. Hell, I didn't even know you had a sister until today." The shadow's back.
"What's there to talk about?" Liam replies after a moment, looking down at his hands. "They're just. A normal family. In a normal small town, where everyone's the same and news travels fast," bitterness infiltrates the last few words.
"But you don't talk about them at all," Zayn insists.
"You don't talk about George," Liam shoots back. Zayn looks away.
"That's - different. If I talk about him I miss him," Zayn says softly.
"Well then, it's the same for me," Liam says firmly. Zayn doesn't believe him but he doesn't ask anymore questions.
"Thanks for coming with me today," says Zayn instead, "And for dinner."
Liam's smile is back then, eyes crinkling at the corners.
"Yeah," he leans back again, closing his eyes, a faint smile lingering.
--
They say their goodbyes in front of Columbia gates. Louis has managed to convince Harry that he doesn't need to go to the airport with them and now they just stand together, Louis's hands cupping Harry's face, and Harry holding onto Louis's wrists. They don't talk but thoughts fly between them anyway and Zayn can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. He rarely can tell what George is thinking. Louis pulls Harry forward for a sweet kiss and then throws his arms around him, drawing him in close, murmuring into his ear.
Zayn smiles when Liam and Niall show up together from across the street. Niall leaps into his arms and he swings her about once before setting her down. There's something in her eyes like worry and it should make him angry but it's Niall so he lets it slide, just kisses her forehead and tells her he'll be back in ten days and that she should email him and to behave.
He pulls Liam into a hug before he can question it, his arms a warm comfort around him.
"I'll miss you," Liam whispers into ear softly, hesitantly, and Zayn nods against his neck. They break away smiling at each other. Louis and Harry join them and Louis hugs Liam roughly, ruffling up his hair. Harry reaches around Louis and pulls Zayn towards him, wrapping his arms around him and clinging to him.
"Come back soon, alright?" Harry whispers into Zayn's ear. Zayn pulls away and nods, hand going up to pull at one of his curls.
"We'll be back before you know it, yeah?"
Harry smiles so only one of his dimples shows and Zayn pokes at it until Harry's smiling properly. He steps out and hails a cab and together they load the luggage. Niall's clinging to Louis and he puts his arm around her.
"You're being silly," he says gently. "It's only one week and we parted for an entire summer last year. Come now."
"I just have a bad feeling about this," Niall responds softly, her eyes darting hesitantly to Zayn.
"Don't worry," Louis laughs. "Zayn's going to take proper care of me, aren't you Zayner?" Zayn rolls his eyes but he smiles reassuringly at Niall.
Louis gives Harry one last kiss before getting into the cab and pulling Zayn down with him. They close the door and stick their heads out the window.
"Bye you lot, be good! Don't get into too much mischief while we're gone!" Louis calls cheekily.
"Laguardia, please" Zayn tells the taxi driver. Louis settles back and pulls Zayn towards him, settling his head comfortably on top of his own.
Zayn's heart is beating too fast.
--
author snuffleslove
pairing zayn/liam, harry/louis, girl!niall
word count 60k
rating pg-13 (now)
warnings slash, swearing, drugs, genderswap, abuse, domestic violence, dub-con
summary zayn and louis take on columbia (university!au)
a/n AU where the boys are international students at columbia university and new york city is taken by storm.
"Harry. The pudding's free, get your own. Honestly," Zayn says, grabbing his cup of chocolate goodness away from Harry's prying fingers. Harry pouts prettily, but Zayn isn't Louis so that doesn't work on him.
"Li lets me share his food," Harry tries. Zayn rolls his eyes, shoulders tensing slightly. It's been a week since he last saw Liam. "He misses you, you know," Harry says quietly then.
"I haven't done anything," Zayn snaps. "I'm sure Louis's told you but it's not like I could have -"
"Lou hasn't told me anything," Harry interrupts abruptly. "He's very protective of you." Zayn feels the back of his neck heat up and Harry turns his head over to muss up his hair, flipping it back.
"I'm sorry, Haz," he says quietly.
"It's alright, Zayn, don't worry." There's something in Harry's eyes in that moment, so invitingly open and innocent and Zayn finds he can't help himself.
"I miss him, too."
Harry smiles at him, grips the back of his neck firmly.
--
Zayn hurries along the path towards Millbank, checking his watch. Only a few more minutes to seven thirty, fuck he's going to be late. It's getting darker and a bit nippy and he shivers and clutches his old leather jacket around him, thinking idly that George must be fast asleep by now.
"Zayn?" A voice comes up from behind him.
"Li -? What are you doing here?"
Liam looks unsure, stares at his feet for a moment before looking back up at Zayn.
"Niall invited me. Thought I should come out to support her and all that."
"Oh. Yeah. S'nice of you. Yeah, Louis and Harry couldn't make it because of -"
"Varsity Show rehearsals, yeah, I know."
"Oh. Yeah." Zayn rubs the back of his head awkwardly. Liam sneezes, wipes at his nose.
"Sorry, bit sick," he says sheepishly.
"Should have worn a jacket then, mate," Zayn says, smiling slightly.
"Yeah. Left mine at a buddy's the other night and now I have no hope of finding it," he says ruefully. Zayn chuckles. Oh, what the hell.
"Are you -?"
"Do you want to -?" they start talking at the same time. Zayn can't help but laugh.
"Yeah, sure, I'd like that."
--
The theater is cold when they enter and Zayn notices that Liam is shivering. He bites his lip.
"Here," he says, shrugging out of his jacket and handing it to the other boy. "S'cold in here and you're already sick."
"I - yeah. Thanks," he mumbles and Zayn can make out his blush in the dim audience lighting. He realizes suddenly that George hardly ever blushes.
They settle in their seats and the lights go out. Without any introduction, the first dancers enter the stage. The Barnard Dance Department puts on a Senior Thesis showcase every year. Zayn has never been before, but this year, Niall has been asked to perform alongside one of her friends who is graduating. Zayn can tell it's a serious honor because the quality of the dancers on stage is absolutely brilliant. They've got everything from choreographed spoken word to a cappella tap dancing and every performance is incredible.
Niall appears on stage with another boy and girl and they are dressed from head to toe in different shades of purple. All of them, even the boy, are dressed in long skirts over long pants with long sleeved shirts and scarves. The music begins to play, slow and steady - a folkish tune - and the dancers begin to move in an unsynchronized pattern, graceful, fluid-like movements interspersed with jarring stops and starts. Zayn has never seen Niall move like this before, swinging her arms about, moving her stomach, taking advantage of the space behind her. It's breathtaking.
The music begins to pick up and suddenly the three dancers are untying their skirts and letting them fall to the ground. There's a pause and the dancers simply sway. Then a man's voice comes through, crass and uneducated. They are suddenly dropping into a synchronized routine, moving as one, leaps, jumps, a floor routine that has Zayn holding his breath. And suddenly their long sleeves shirts are coming off. And then pants are being dropped. The main choreographer is breaking out in a beautiful solo in just her underwear and a shirt. But even the shirts are tossed a side one at a time as the music picks up intensity. Their movements are unrefined and the ending is abrupt.
They stand center stage in their underwear and bras and the lights dim. There's silence as the stunned audience takes in the performance, then Liam is yelling and clapping and Zayn joins in, jumping to his feet. They look at each other and grin and there's laughter and applause coming from all around them.
--
"Jesus, Ni, you couldn't have warned us?" Zayn says laughing as he pulls her into a hug. "You were unbelievable." She smiles prettily.
"Did you see our choreographer though? Anne is incredible, Zayner. She's brilliant. And this was the first piece she's ever choreographed on her own."
Liam comes up behind them and Niall's eyes widen only slightly when she notices he's wearing Zayn's jacket. When Liam pulls her into a hug she mouths over his shoulder.
"Looks good on him," and her eyes are cheeky. Zayn flushes and tries to glare at her.
"That was amazing, Niall," Liam says warmly.
"Glad you could make it, Li," Niall responds, blushing slightly at his sincerity.
"Niall!" someone taps her from behind and she turns into the hug of another girl "You were perfect."
"I'll catch you two later alright?" Niall says when she's let go, and disappears into the crowd.
The foyer begins to get crowded so Liam and Zayn step out into the quiet air.
"Wow," Liam says softly.
"Yeah." They begin to make their way back across the street in silence, remarking occasionally about the performance but in general just focusing on the cool breeze that washes over them. When they've reached the time to part ways, Zayn turns to Liam, determined.
"Listen, mate, I'm sorry about that night," he says quietly. Liam waves his words away.
"No, god, don't. Wasn't your fault - I was the sober one that night. Louis warned me that things were complicated for you and I should have listened." Zayn nods.
"S'alright though now, right? We're good?"
"Yeah, of course." It's too dark to see Liam's expression but his voice sounds genuine enough so Zayn doesn't push it. Smiles instead.
"Oh, here, thanks for this." Liam says, moving to take off the jacket.
"Keep it," Zayn says. "You've still got a ways to walk, and I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks," Liam scratches his hair.
"I'll see you in sociology then?"
"Yeah. Absolutely."
--
There's no music playing tonight. Tonight, they simply sit, share in each other's exhaustion. Coursework has hit them hard and they're all running on few hours of sleep. Harry's been struggling the most, it seems. It's only his first year and he's trying to balance five classes and daily rehearsals and Zayn can tell that he's exhausted, even when he tries to hide it. Tonight he slumps against Louis, who holds up him, sharing his brightness, and they burn together, low but strong. Niall rests against Zayn, eyes closed, and Zayn leans his head against hers, trying not to think about the exam he just flunked. Liam lays his head on Niall's lap, smiling contentedly as she plays with his hair.
"I just need spring break," Niall says, breaking the silence. They all murmur their agreement.
"Few more weeks, babe," Louis speaks up. "We'll get there." Harry sighs from beside him.
"I can't wait," Harry says in a small voice. Louis leans on one hand so he can lift Harry's chin up to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. The two of them are taking a trip to Boston to explore the city and see the sights. Zayn doubts they'll ever leave their hotel bedroom, but it's all very well-intended.
Zayn takes a deep breath. He hasn't mentioned his plans to anyone, but now seems like as good a time as ever so -
"I'm thinking about going to England," he says softly. Louis stiffens abruptly.
"That'll be great," Liam says, voice sleepy. "You'll get to see your family and sisters and sleep in your own bed. S'what I miss the most honestly -"
"You're not going to Bradford though, are you?" The room sparks and fizzes with tension as Harry and Niall catch on to the strain in Louis's voice. Zayn shakes his head.
"Zayn," Louis breathes, and now a note of pleading has woven into his voice. Harry nuzzles in closer. "There's no one left in Doncaster. All our friends have gone and -"
"I'm not going to see anyone else."
"Please Zayn. Where will you go if something happens? You'll have no where to go if he -"
"If he what Lou?" anger seeps up slowly into his words.
"Zayn - "
"Oh fuck off Louis. I don't need your fucking protection," he's frustrated and lonely and he just wants to be in George's arms for a little while. And for godssake, he's not a child damnit. He pushes away from Niall and stands. "You're not my mum. You're not anyone, Louis. So just fuck off." And with that he storms out of the attic.
--
He wakes up under Louis's gaze. His mate is lying on his side, leaning up on his elbow. It's still dark out.
"Lou -?"
"Hey."
"Have you been up all night?" Louis shrugs awkwardly.
"Couldn't sleep. I'm sorry."
"S'alright," Zayn is relieved, really. Because he didn't mean what he said and he doesn't want a fight. Louis reaches out with his other hand and pulls Zayn towards him so that Zayn's face ends up in Louis chest and their feet entangle. Louis doesn't say anything, simply breathes into Zayn's hair until his ears are itchy from the warm heat, but it's what Zayn needs and he just moves closer.
"I've been thinking about what you said," Louis murmurs after a moment. "About going back to Yorkshire. And it just makes me think about how much I miss home and my family." He falls silent, takes a deep breath that Zayn can feel run along his neck. "I want to go too."
"Lou -" Zayn says, anger still close to the surface.
"Not for you!" He interjects quickly, before Zayn can tell him off again. "Not for you, Zayn, I just. Want to be home with my mum and see my sisters."
"What about Boston?" asks Zayn skeptically.
"Harry'll understand. Is that alright? Can I?" Zayn considers this. He's knows at least part of Louis is doing this for him, he's not that naive and he's known Louis a long time, but - it would be nice to have his company, and they really haven't been back in a long time. He lets out a breath.
"Yeah," Zayn says, looking up at his best mate, "Of course."
--
Zayn's trying to read but he can't focus, knew he wouldn't be able to. They've finally booked their tickets and Zayn is going home. Home to England, home to George. He just wants to be done with these next two weeks and the desperation is making him restless. He sighs and tries to turn his attention to his best mate. Louis's got a lot of coursework tonight so Zayn has offered to stay in with him and as he watches the other boy from his place on the bed, he's glad he did. Louis' shoulders are tense as he types furiously on a laptop, stopping often to glance at the books he has laid out on his desk and occasionally letting out a stream of expletives. He's exhausted but he can't stop because the paper's due tomorrow and Louis's been at rehearsals constantly all week long.
Zayn moves from the bed to lay a hand on his best mate's shoulder. Louis leans back in his chair into the touch, rubbing his eyes warily with both hands.
"Coffee refill?" Louis looks up at him gratefully.
"Yeah, thanks, that'd be good."
Zayn sets about putting the coffee on, thinking idly that they'll have to clean out their fridge before they leave next weekend when he hears a sharp knock at the door. Zayn looks at Louis, startled.
"Jesus, it's two am. Is Harry -?" Louis furrows his brow.
"No, not that I know of..."
Zayn opens the door to find himself face to face with Liam. He's grinning, despite the black eye he's sporting.
"Vas happenninnnnnn" Liam says, smile stretching from ear to ear.
"Liam! What happened? Are you - Are you drunk?"
"No!" Liam shakes his head emphatically. The movement causes him to lose his balance and Zayn reaches out to steady him. "Okay maybe a little." He grins ruefully at him. "Can I come in?" he slurs, "I promise not to take advantage of you when you're drunk. When I'm drunk. I'm drunk."
Zayn can hear Louis sniggering in the background and he feels the tips of his ears heat up.
"Yeah, of course," Zayn steps aside and allows his friend to walk in, leading him to his bed to sit. "Grab some ice, will you Lou?"
"Yeah. Shit Li, what'd you do?"
"I didn't hit myself if that's what you're implying," Liam says, crossing his arms indignantly. Louis chuckles and Zayn turns to glare at him.
"That's not what he was implying, Li," Zayn reassures him gently. "Tell us what happened."
"Well," Liam's face goes comically serious. "Niall went on a date with me. A fake date. She was my fake date."
"We know that, Liam. For your wrestling team's party," Zayn says patiently. "But how'd you get the black eye?" Liam furrows his brow.
"Someone said something," he says slowly, "About Niall. It was. Well. It was very mean," he trails off solemnly. Zayn and Louis exchange a worried glance.
"And -?"
"And so I punched him," Liam finishes proudly, grinning evilly at Zayn. Louis laughs out loud at the expression on their friend's face and even Zayn has to smile.
"Niall's alright though?"
"Yessir. She walked me here and then left with a friend. Didn't give me a good night kiss though," he says, shoulders slumping sadly. Louis is shaking with silent laughter now and Zayn rolls his eyes. Oh boy.
"Here, hold this on your eye,"
"Ow," Liam pouts when the cold surface touches his skin made hot by the liquor.
"We have to get you drunk more often, Li," Louis comments, and Liam sticks his tongue out at him. After a moment, Zayn moves to get him a glass of water but Liam reaches out to grab his wrist. His grip is light and Zayn can easily move away if he wants to, but he stays still.
"Don't go," Liam whispers, looking up into Zayn's eyes. There's an emotion there that Zayn can't quite read and he swallows hard. "Don't go to London. Stay here with me. I'll - we'll - do stuff." Liam lets go of his hand then and it drops helplessly to his side. Zayn closes his eyes briefly, George's face a blurred vision across the inside of his eyelids. He looks back at Liam, earnest and vulnerable. Fuck. Why can't he say no to this boy?
"I'm not going anywhere," he whispers finally. "I'm right here. C'mon, let's get you to bed." He makes quick work of Liam's socks and shoes and moves the brown haired boy gently into bed. Liam reaches out to him again.
"Zayn?" There are butterflies in Zayn's stomach, there's no other way to describe it and god but this is ridiculous because only George should be able to say his name like that.
"Yeah, Li?"
"Can I - Will you stay?"
"Yeah, of course. Let me get you some water, ok?" Liam nods, his eyes fluttering closed already.
Louis comes up behind him as he's trying to find a clean glass.
"I'm always on your side, you know that. But Liam's one of our best mates now and just. Be careful ok?" Louis whispers in his ear. Zayn looks up at him helplessly.
"I'm trying," Zayn replies quietly. Louis' smile is sympathetic and his eyes are kind when he ruffles Zayn's hair.
"I know."
He coaxes a very reluctant, very sleepy Liam into drinking water and then slides into bed with him trying to give him some space, but Liam curls against his side instinctively, already half asleep. The feeling is sort of new to him - he's normally the one curling up against George. He decides not to think about it.
"If you throw up on me, Payne, I swear to God -" Zayn murmurs, but there's no bite in his voice. Liam just mumbles something indistinguishable into Zayn's ear, breath evening out.
He hears Louis gather his stuff and leave the room, shutting the light on his way out and he closes his eyes, tries to convince himself that this is okay, that George wouldn't mind. He falls into a restless sleep.
--
Zayn wakes up to a movement on his side and he cracks an eye open in time to see Liam making a run for the bathroom. A moment later he hears vomiting from the other side of the door and he winces sympathetically.
"Liam?" he knocks, glass of water in hand. "You alright in there?" Liam comes out of the bathroom a moment later, wiping his mouth.
"Yeah, fine," he says. His voice is bitter and Zayn sees a touch of self-loathing in his eyes. "I'm sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have come here last night."
"You're fine, Li," Zayn insists. "I'm glad you came here, I - "
"God, when I woke up and realized I was in your bed," Liam interrupts. "I thought we, I thought I had -" he tugs at his hair wretchedly, a faraway look in his eyes.
"Liam, you're fine," Zayn says firmly. "You were fine last night, just a little drunk. And you went straight to bed. No harm no foul. Ok? That bruise on the other hand...'fraid you might have that one for awhile."
Liam nods, hand going up to touch his face lightly, teeth worrying his bottom lip lightly. Zayn's eyes drop to watch the movement.
"I barely remember being hit," he says softly. He still looks unconvinced and Zayn wants to shake him. Or kiss him. Bloody hell. They hear the door slam and then Louis' shouting.
"My paper has officially been turned in. Thank. Fuck." Liam winces.
"Oi," Zayn responds, turning to grin at his friend. "Keep it down will you? Liam's a bit hungover." Liam groans.
"Hey mate," Louis says grinning mischeviously. "You look a bit worse for wear. Fun night?"
Liam glares at him but Louis just laughs cheekily.
"Better be rest up mate, because tonight, we are going out."
--
They sit stretched out in the subway car, taking swigs from their spiked soda bottles every time they notice a lost tourist, so that by the time they've travelled the hour it takes to get to Williamsburg they are all thoroughly enjoying themselves. The minute they step off the subway Niall notices a Waffles and Dinges truck and makes a run for it, the rest of the group trailing behind her. Liam and Zayn cling to each other and laugh, because one look from her has Louis and Harry shelling out the six bucks she needs to buy her a waffle loaded with chocolate syrup, dulce de leche and bananas.
They wander slowly through Williamsburg, stopping occasionally to take bites from Niall or make a bad joke. It's cool and quiet and you can see a few stars here and it's a nice change. Zayn pauses to admire a mural on the wall, pulling out a cigarette and his lighter. George has a similar painting at his place, he remembers suddenly. He tries to force the memories away but they bubble up to the surface, his grip on them loosened by the alcohol. George had kissed him underneath it once. Told him he was perfect. He blinks himself back to reality, realizing that the rest of the group has moved on but Harry is still with him.
"It's beautiful," Harry says softly and Zayn nods. He looks ahead to the brown haired boy walking with Niall, watching as he ruffles her hair and swings his arm around her. (George barely touches his hair.) Harry takes his hand then, interlacing their fingers. His hands are small and soft. (George's are big and rough.)
"I'm sorry Louis cancelled your vacation," Zayn mumbles, mostly to prevent the subject from turning to Liam.
"Me too, but s'alright. He just worries about you, that's all. You should let him, he's good at it." They both laugh quietly and Zayn squeezes Harry's hand.
"Do you love him?" Zayn asks, and Harry's expression is softened by the alcohol and something else.
"Yeah, I do," he answers without hesitation. Zayn stares at him, taking a long pull from the cigarette. It's surprising that they fit together like this, Harry and Louis, Louis and Harry. Louis, with his fierce over-protectiveness and hidden vulnerabilities and Harry with his permanent smirk and sinful beauty. They shouldn't fit together but they do. He knows Louis doesn't think George and him fit. But Louis's wrong, he's sure of it. Zayn needs him, doesn't remember a time without him. Doesn't want to. Zayn studies Harry once more.
"He's been waiting for someone like you," Zayn comments finally, then back tracks and corrects himself. "He's been waiting for you." Harry's answering smile lights up his entire face and Zayn is suddenly not surprised at all.
"Oi! Hurry up you two!" Louis calls. "I actually want to get to Bembe!" They laugh together at the irony of it and run to catch up with the rest of the group.
--
It's not yet midnight but the place is packed. Only Harry's been before and he insists it's brilliant and of course they have to go. There's music playing but the featured DJ - Zayn can't remember his name - comes on at 12 and they can sense the anticipation when they enter.
"Can I buy you a drink?" Niall stand on her tip toes to whisper into his ear. Zayn grins and nods. She comes back a few moments later with two White Russians, Zayn's favorite. Liam's eyebrows raise when he sees, so Zayn passes it to him.
"Fuck, that's chocolate milk," Liam exclaims over the music and Niall laughs. She looks beautiful tonight, in simple black pants and Zayn's old letterman jacket (George loves that jacket), blonde hair flowing down her back.
Louis comes up behind him and puts one hand on Zayn's waist, presses a shot glass to Zayn's lips with another. He downs the shot easily enough, the liquor muddling his brain wonderfully. He's a bit unsteady on his feet but Louis' grip is strong, stabilizing. Suddenly they hear the crackle of a mic come alive.
"And now -" the rest of what the announcer has to say is lost under the screams and foot stamping and suddenly there's a beat pulsing through the crowd. Afro-Cuban.
Louis pulls Zayn flush against him, moving their hips together in time to the song. Everything swerves around him in a blur and he shuts his eyes against the dizzying feeling. The music moves through him and his body moves of its own accord. Harry shifts in front of Zayn and it takes a moment for him to get the rhythm right but then the three of them are moving together. Zayn hears a moan from behind him and suddenly his two best friends are kissing over his shoulder. He groans, drops his head against Harry's neck, limbs heavy. Harry pushes back against him and Zayn feels the outline of his hard cock pressing against his thigh.
Fuck.
He breaks away, gasping.
--
The room vibrates and Zayn sways, pushes his way through the crowd.
--
He stumbles into the bathroom, shuts the door, slumps against it, drained. The bass sounds faint from here but the room still shakes. Zayn moves heavily towards the sink, leans into it. He really did not mean to get so drunk. He splashes cold water over his face but when he looks up his image in the mirror swims. Fuck.
"Zayn?" Liam's voice echoes against the cold tiles of the bathroom. Fucking, fuck. "Are you alright?" He's wide eyed and flushed from dancing, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, lips parted slight from panting, and he's beautiful enough that suddenly Zayn can't remember why this is a bad idea, but it is, it is.
"Yeah, fine," Zayn hears the slurred response before realizing its his own voice. "Just drunk. You should go," he mumbles, not quite meeting Liam's eye. Liam moves towards him. He says something but Zayn is staring at his lips.
"Zayn - " The hoarseness of his voice catches Zayn's attention and he looks up. Liam is closer than he remembers, and there's a hunger in his eyes that has Zayn catching his breath. They lean into each other, lips nearly touching and the heat of it sparks and pools in Zayn's belly, makes him inhale sharply. He lets out a soft moan, moving a hair closer. He feels Liam's sharp intake of breath and then Liam is stepping back and away.
"You're drunk," Liam says in a wrecked voice. He clenches his fists at his side and takes a deep breath. Zayn reaches out for him, puts one hand on his waist to draw him closer, wants him so much closer, but Liam just rests a hand over his for a moment before gently disentangling himself. "Come on, let's get you outside for a bit, you'll feel better with some fresh air."
He places a strong, gripping arm around Zayn and steers him out the door into the crowded club. Here people are still going strong, moving fiercely, beautifully to the music. It makes him think of Niall so he presses himself close to Liam, whispers in his ear.
"She's alright, I left her with Harry and Louis," Liam responds back into Zayn's ear and Zayn shivers at the feel of his lips. He turns his focus back to the rest of the people and the space tilts. Fuck. He wavers, off balance.
"I've got you," Liam says from behind him, hands gripping his waist. They make their way slowly through the crowd until they've reached the exit and at the first brush of cool air Zayn groans gratefully.
"Thanks," he murmurs, when the door shuts behind them and they're enveloped in quiet. Fuck. He turns towards the wall and leans over, throws up on the pavement.
"Glad to see I can return the favor," Liam says, chuckling, but he grips the back of Zayn's neck and his weight is a reassurance.
"You should get back inside. Niall's probably being molested by L-larry. And I'll be alright out here. There are stars here." Any place that has stars is alright.
"I'll stay," Liam says softly. He leads Zayn away from the puke and towards another part of the wall, leaning back and putting his arm around him, pulling him close. Zayn leans into him and smells cigarettes and a faint whiff of Armani. He looks up.
"You're wearing my leather jacket," Zayn says and he's smirking all of a sudden. Liam is blushing, face warm.
"Yeah, sorry I - "
"How come I didn't notice before?" He fingers the material gently. "Suits you."
Liam bites his bottom lip.
"Thanks," he mumbles. Zayn stares at him.
"You're embarrassed."
Liam grows redder and Zayn can't understand why.
"Yeah," he mutters darkly, looking down. Zayn stares at him some more. The spots on the wall behind Liam's head blend together.
"That suits you too."
Liam laughs at that, his entire body vibrating with it.
"Jesus, you're impossible, Zayn," but he just pulls him closer.
Zayn is inexplicably pleased.
--
Niall, Louis and Harry find them like that a while later. They are flushed and sweaty and they all look beautiful to Zayn. He tells them so and they laugh at him. Harry pulls at Louis to give him a quick kiss.
"You two are so stupid," Niall says suddenly, addressing Liam and Zayn, voice slurred. She stumbles slightly but Harry has a firm grip on her waist. He leans down and whispers something in her ear and she leans back into him, nodding.
"C'mon, Zayner," she takes his hand and leads the way.
"Oh boy, now we're never gonna find our way home," Louis complains and Zayn turns around to give him the two fingered salute.
--
Their sociology professor ends lecture ten minutes early and Zayn is so grateful he can hardly stand it. He turns to Liam who shoots him an easy smile.
"So how are we celebrating last day of classes before break?" Liam asks casually.
"Oh, hadn't thought about that," Zayn responds slowly. "Louis and Harry have rehearsal, and I'm not sure about Niall but I was planning on going downtown to pick up a few things for my mum and sisters. I thought we celebrated last week," he adds, grimacing slightly as he recalls what he can remember of that night.
"Oh," Liam says, and he looks a bit crestfallen so Zayn adds,
"You're welcome to join me downtown," and means it. "I could use the company and I'm hopeless with directions."
Liam smiles brightly at him.
"Yeah sure. I've got to meet the team at eleven but we should be back before that right?" Zayn nods, smiles back.
--
The subways are jammed to the brim with rush hour traffic and Liam and Zayn are shoved together into a tiny crevice of the car. Someone's elbow is poking painfully into his stomach and he's definitely rubbing up against the bum of an old man in a suit behind him. He grins at Liam though, can't get enough of this city if he's being honest. Liam offers him an earbud after he realizes he's forgotten his iPod and he quirks his eyebrow when he hears the sound of an Indian drum and the foreign lyrics.
"Niall," Liam says by way of explanation, and Zayn laughs.
--
They spend a couple hours walking through St. Mark's place, stepping in and out of consignment stores and boutiques, laughing at the stuff they come across. Zayn buys little trinkets for each of his sisters and a beautiful necklace for his mother. Liam is surprisingly helpful and when Zayn asks him about it he shrugs.
"I have a younger sister," Liam explains. "She's really into this kind of stuff."
"I have three, and I still don't know anything," Zayn says hopelessly. "You two must be close."
"We were," Liam says softly, and he has that faraway look in his eyes again. Before Zayn can ask him about it, he changes the subject.
"I thought you weren't going to be seeing your mum and sisters?"
"I'll put them in the post when I'm in England. It's a lot cheaper," he explains to Liam, who nods, smile still slightly strained. Zayn decides to let the subject lie.
At seven pm, Zayn's stomach grumbles and he smiles at Liam sheepishly.
"If you don't mind a small walk, I know a place we can go," Liam says. "It's great, you'll love it."
--
They walk uptown a bit to Max Brenner's and Liam smiles broadly at him before opening the door. Zayn steps inside to heaven on earth in a restaurant because lining the dark walls of this place is every different type of chocolate you can imagine. Zayn's mouth waters.
"Holy crap, this place is. It's perfect," Zayn breathes and Liam laughs at him, throwing his head back.
"You don't even know," he says solemnly when he can catch his breath again.
Zayn lets Liam order for them and he watches as Liam sits back in his chair, makes small talk with the waitress who nods and smiles like Liam is the best thing that's happened in her ten hour shift. Tells one of his stupid jokes and when she laughs his eyes light up like that was his sole purpose. He places his order as a question, easing into it as if she was his friend, not his server, and he doesn't bother with a menu. Zayn wonders how many times he's been here, who he's taken with him.
"I'm going to miss you," Zayn says when she's gone, because it's true, he is, and he wants Liam to know. Liam snorts in disbelief.
"When you're with George?" he asks, "Nah, I doubt it." But he's smiling anyway.
"So you've worked in a restaurant before?" Zayn asks then. Liam frowns, confused. "You were really good with the waitress," Zayn explains and the creases in Liam's forehead smooth out. He chuckles.
"No, no. My sister did though, and she'd come back from work late at night demanding a foot massage and an open ear. The horror stories she's told me," Liam laughs fully now. "I can't help but feel sympathetic. And leave big tips."
"Where is she now?"
"Still in Florida, her first year at state school," Liam says a bit wistfully.
"You miss her," Zayn says slowly. Liam offers him a small smile but his answer is short.
"It's complicated," he replies. Zayn wants to know more but their waitress is back, bearing a large plate of macaroni and cheese. Liam grins up at her, shoots her a thanks and she blushes, waves a hand.
"So how are Harry and Louis taking the upcoming separation?" Liam asks around a forkful of macaroni.
"Not sure, to be honest," Zayn says, considering the question. "I think they're alright. It's only ten days, after all. But sometimes Harry seems so young."
"He is," Liam says, picking at the macaroni, trying to get more cheese. "He skipped a grade, or level, or however your system works. So he's two years younger than you, three less than me." Zayn hums.
"You're right, didn't think about it like that. Anyway, they'll be fine," Zayn says, but the pitch of his voice rises towards the end, turning his words into a question and Liam catches it and its implication, smiles reassuringly at him.
"Yeah, course they will be," he says. Their waitress is back, here to replace their empty plate with a huge slice of chocolate cake and two glasses of milk and Liam must have really done a number on her because Zayn has never seen better service. They don't talk much after that, just enjoy the food and the smooth jazz playing over the speakers and every so often they catch each other's eye and grin, chocolate between their teeth.
When the bill comes, Liam's paying before Zayn can even get a word in.
"Smooth, Payne. Didn't know you had it in you," he says, blushing slightly. Liam smirks.
"I've still got some secrets, Malik," Zayn laughs but he's still blushing and Liam must notice because he says, "Don't worry, you'll get the next one, alright?"
Zayn nods, somewhat placated.
--
"What secrets?" Zayn asks later on when they're in the subway. The rush has died down and this time they have seats. Liam's closed his eyes but now he reopens them to stare at Zayn.
"Hmm?" Liam hums, gaze questioning.
"You said you still had secrets," Zayn says slowly. "And you don't talk much about your family and you don't go home, like ever. Hell, I didn't even know you had a sister until today." The shadow's back.
"What's there to talk about?" Liam replies after a moment, looking down at his hands. "They're just. A normal family. In a normal small town, where everyone's the same and news travels fast," bitterness infiltrates the last few words.
"But you don't talk about them at all," Zayn insists.
"You don't talk about George," Liam shoots back. Zayn looks away.
"That's - different. If I talk about him I miss him," Zayn says softly.
"Well then, it's the same for me," Liam says firmly. Zayn doesn't believe him but he doesn't ask anymore questions.
"Thanks for coming with me today," says Zayn instead, "And for dinner."
Liam's smile is back then, eyes crinkling at the corners.
"Yeah," he leans back again, closing his eyes, a faint smile lingering.
--
They say their goodbyes in front of Columbia gates. Louis has managed to convince Harry that he doesn't need to go to the airport with them and now they just stand together, Louis's hands cupping Harry's face, and Harry holding onto Louis's wrists. They don't talk but thoughts fly between them anyway and Zayn can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. He rarely can tell what George is thinking. Louis pulls Harry forward for a sweet kiss and then throws his arms around him, drawing him in close, murmuring into his ear.
Zayn smiles when Liam and Niall show up together from across the street. Niall leaps into his arms and he swings her about once before setting her down. There's something in her eyes like worry and it should make him angry but it's Niall so he lets it slide, just kisses her forehead and tells her he'll be back in ten days and that she should email him and to behave.
He pulls Liam into a hug before he can question it, his arms a warm comfort around him.
"I'll miss you," Liam whispers into ear softly, hesitantly, and Zayn nods against his neck. They break away smiling at each other. Louis and Harry join them and Louis hugs Liam roughly, ruffling up his hair. Harry reaches around Louis and pulls Zayn towards him, wrapping his arms around him and clinging to him.
"Come back soon, alright?" Harry whispers into Zayn's ear. Zayn pulls away and nods, hand going up to pull at one of his curls.
"We'll be back before you know it, yeah?"
Harry smiles so only one of his dimples shows and Zayn pokes at it until Harry's smiling properly. He steps out and hails a cab and together they load the luggage. Niall's clinging to Louis and he puts his arm around her.
"You're being silly," he says gently. "It's only one week and we parted for an entire summer last year. Come now."
"I just have a bad feeling about this," Niall responds softly, her eyes darting hesitantly to Zayn.
"Don't worry," Louis laughs. "Zayn's going to take proper care of me, aren't you Zayner?" Zayn rolls his eyes but he smiles reassuringly at Niall.
Louis gives Harry one last kiss before getting into the cab and pulling Zayn down with him. They close the door and stick their heads out the window.
"Bye you lot, be good! Don't get into too much mischief while we're gone!" Louis calls cheekily.
"Laguardia, please" Zayn tells the taxi driver. Louis settles back and pulls Zayn towards him, settling his head comfortably on top of his own.
Zayn's heart is beating too fast.
--