(no subject)
meep!
interview tomorrow
internet is back! yay cause it died for a bit...
I got cat food in case the friendly cat comes by. Now he will get more than water!
I seem to be drifting into a version of how I was a long time ago. I feel like I am giving up on this vague social ideal and just returning a state that is baseline solitude, only with better peopleness on the periphery... I really want my life to be in some sense fundamentally social, but that involves finding people who share my "scene"-y interests, which just isnt going to happen. The more I give up the better it feels, for now anyhow. I still go out all the time, but I havent an ounce of hope that I will make a single friend who will want to join me in any of a vast swath of the things I do constantly by myself. It hasn't happenned after so many years, and so long as I fail to wear the uniform or be quite "cool" enough, it still probably wont happen. I really have trouble being social at these random things. Seem to have, oddly enough, met a few people at said things, but the big clods are set there as clods and dont form up at outings, they form like old style spontaneous maggots, going by alex-vision anyhow. yeah.
I definitely just ate this ancient thing of disgustingly unnatural and preservative laden freezer garlic bread, since I wanted it to die and cease eating space. Now it is eating my insides with its hyperprocessed deathness, but at least it is gone. I wonder how much good healthy eating has done me. hopefully some, since unhealthy food wilts me, so some change has taken place. FER SHUR omgasif.kittens.
interview tomorrow
internet is back! yay cause it died for a bit...
I got cat food in case the friendly cat comes by. Now he will get more than water!
I seem to be drifting into a version of how I was a long time ago. I feel like I am giving up on this vague social ideal and just returning a state that is baseline solitude, only with better peopleness on the periphery... I really want my life to be in some sense fundamentally social, but that involves finding people who share my "scene"-y interests, which just isnt going to happen. The more I give up the better it feels, for now anyhow. I still go out all the time, but I havent an ounce of hope that I will make a single friend who will want to join me in any of a vast swath of the things I do constantly by myself. It hasn't happenned after so many years, and so long as I fail to wear the uniform or be quite "cool" enough, it still probably wont happen. I really have trouble being social at these random things. Seem to have, oddly enough, met a few people at said things, but the big clods are set there as clods and dont form up at outings, they form like old style spontaneous maggots, going by alex-vision anyhow. yeah.
I definitely just ate this ancient thing of disgustingly unnatural and preservative laden freezer garlic bread, since I wanted it to die and cease eating space. Now it is eating my insides with its hyperprocessed deathness, but at least it is gone. I wonder how much good healthy eating has done me. hopefully some, since unhealthy food wilts me, so some change has taken place. FER SHUR omgasif.kittens.