(no subject)
The new gym is beautiful.
I keep making mistakes and misjudging things and people.
I'm trying not to let the emotional swirl taint my lens too much.
I hope that my omnipresent review cycle can cancel some of the recurrent initial stupidity.
Life seems to be moving along. Still alot of difficult work, but it feels like it is going somewhere. Job search begins in earnest on monday, when the most serious apps and coverletters go out.
I need to handle chance encounters better, I need to handle them better on the spot and to remember them fairly and without crapmush in memory...to stop letting the the resilient bluebrain dye them all wrong. I really dont fit the genderstereotype mould I'm supposed to...I want to talk everything to death, and nothing messes me up more than the existence or perception of incompleteness or insufficiency in a given bit of communication...which is a terrible weakness....I mean, it is out of my control what people understand or dont, so its stupid to let that stuff affect me. owell.
Seem to have initiated 3 new silly myspace ish things this week, one that I was supposed to do ages ago, two that are newish. Not sure if I can motivate myself to really do anything on them though. There is this fear of post school social difficulty...not sure what to do about it...experimentation is really the only solution I have in hand, that and just DOING more in general, to prepare to lessen the potential sting of putative empty friday nights...plus the whole intrinsic value of being active in worldsville...you know, as a lil bonus...
okie, ramblebramble time is over!
Time to play with some appropriate class structure for the black scholes pde finite difference solution in c++.
I keep making mistakes and misjudging things and people.
I'm trying not to let the emotional swirl taint my lens too much.
I hope that my omnipresent review cycle can cancel some of the recurrent initial stupidity.
Life seems to be moving along. Still alot of difficult work, but it feels like it is going somewhere. Job search begins in earnest on monday, when the most serious apps and coverletters go out.
I need to handle chance encounters better, I need to handle them better on the spot and to remember them fairly and without crapmush in memory...to stop letting the the resilient bluebrain dye them all wrong. I really dont fit the genderstereotype mould I'm supposed to...I want to talk everything to death, and nothing messes me up more than the existence or perception of incompleteness or insufficiency in a given bit of communication...which is a terrible weakness....I mean, it is out of my control what people understand or dont, so its stupid to let that stuff affect me. owell.
Seem to have initiated 3 new silly myspace ish things this week, one that I was supposed to do ages ago, two that are newish. Not sure if I can motivate myself to really do anything on them though. There is this fear of post school social difficulty...not sure what to do about it...experimentation is really the only solution I have in hand, that and just DOING more in general, to prepare to lessen the potential sting of putative empty friday nights...plus the whole intrinsic value of being active in worldsville...you know, as a lil bonus...
okie, ramblebramble time is over!
Time to play with some appropriate class structure for the black scholes pde finite difference solution in c++.