Taking it as it comes
I'm up late for no reason and every reason. Sometimes the Internet can suck me in, which is a good thing, because my job requires me to dig deep in these here tubes and sometimes, I'd rather just loiter in the ease and comfort of my favorite social network or two rather than explore the daily new frontier. It's so vast online, and so rapidly evolving, it's sometimes overwhelming to try to keep up.
My life's a little bit like that right now; steamrolling forward with me trying to jog with a bad knee and catch up.
I owed my mom a call from Friday and hadn't spoken with my Dad other than a quick "hi" on Friday and text about the spring in NYC.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that my Dad has a serious terminal illness. You may think I should have come to terms with that some time ago. I mean, his first incidence of lung cancer was two years ago. That was a bucket of reality/mortality, isn't it? It was, however, a successful and non-invasive surgery followed by two years of freedom from cancer made it seem like a memory.
Spinal cancer is a new ballgame. Did you know that one of the risks of spinal cancer is that it rapidly leads to brain cancer? I learned that today. It hasn't spread to his brain. Yet. He had an MRI on his brain last week, it was clean. But now that's OUT THERE. Looming. Brain cancer.
The radiation isn't working. His last appointment is on Monday. By working, I mean it's not alleviating the pain. Who knows if it's shrinking the tumor? Apparently the spinal cord is a ton of nerve endings so it could be shrinking and still affecting the nerves, causing the enormous pain. That's the one thing that I've learned. Cancer HURTS. A lot. And that sucks. It makes me wish cancer were a gameshow, like family feud or millionaire and we could work as a team or a lifeline. Call me for the pain! I'll take some of it!
My dad told me he's going to start looking for a toupee next week - that's when I knew things are bad. When he broke the news over Easter, a toupee was not reality. I think he thought chemo wouldn't end up happening. That he'd get another "get of jail free" card. Now he's planning for a toupee and chemo in Philly. He asked my bro for a spare key to his place in case he's too sick to make it home.
I keep reminding myself that at least w/ cancer, he's not dying today or tomorrow. That I'm lucky to have this time with him. That does help, but it's still sad.
My life's a little bit like that right now; steamrolling forward with me trying to jog with a bad knee and catch up.
I owed my mom a call from Friday and hadn't spoken with my Dad other than a quick "hi" on Friday and text about the spring in NYC.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that my Dad has a serious terminal illness. You may think I should have come to terms with that some time ago. I mean, his first incidence of lung cancer was two years ago. That was a bucket of reality/mortality, isn't it? It was, however, a successful and non-invasive surgery followed by two years of freedom from cancer made it seem like a memory.
Spinal cancer is a new ballgame. Did you know that one of the risks of spinal cancer is that it rapidly leads to brain cancer? I learned that today. It hasn't spread to his brain. Yet. He had an MRI on his brain last week, it was clean. But now that's OUT THERE. Looming. Brain cancer.
The radiation isn't working. His last appointment is on Monday. By working, I mean it's not alleviating the pain. Who knows if it's shrinking the tumor? Apparently the spinal cord is a ton of nerve endings so it could be shrinking and still affecting the nerves, causing the enormous pain. That's the one thing that I've learned. Cancer HURTS. A lot. And that sucks. It makes me wish cancer were a gameshow, like family feud or millionaire and we could work as a team or a lifeline. Call me for the pain! I'll take some of it!
My dad told me he's going to start looking for a toupee next week - that's when I knew things are bad. When he broke the news over Easter, a toupee was not reality. I think he thought chemo wouldn't end up happening. That he'd get another "get of jail free" card. Now he's planning for a toupee and chemo in Philly. He asked my bro for a spare key to his place in case he's too sick to make it home.
I keep reminding myself that at least w/ cancer, he's not dying today or tomorrow. That I'm lucky to have this time with him. That does help, but it's still sad.