(no subject)
i keep on looking up obsequious because i want to know what it means but i forget every time
i feel guilty for walking funny and spilling things and i think it scares people and i just want to shake them and say "it's not my fault! i'm not frightening! it's not my fault!" but i think it is my fault and i can't stop.
i fell in the kitchen last week and i thought i broke my surgery gear but i didn't but now i don't feel like i am safe anywhere
if i brake something, it'll mean no europe, no college for awhile, another bout with morphine and i might just lose my mind
cause i'm not feeling great these days these days i feel isolated and i don't want people to know that i have a neurological disorder but it's getting harder every day to keep it away from them. i was addicted to morphine and coming off it while getting back to school was so hard and some days i felt like i should die, or i was dying and sometimes i feel like that now, that i'm dying from outside in. i'm so scared of my mind and i think i'm crazy some days these days these days i worry about maturity and college; is there anyone going to my school who isnt a cunt? is it just that kind of school? am i suited to study what they are? i'm dead confused with myself and completely dizzy and unauthentic and i am better than i think but i'm too scared to be proactive. so i'm going to stop shitting around and fucking off and start being better.
ob·se·qui·ous- (adj) characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning
i feel guilty for walking funny and spilling things and i think it scares people and i just want to shake them and say "it's not my fault! i'm not frightening! it's not my fault!" but i think it is my fault and i can't stop.
i fell in the kitchen last week and i thought i broke my surgery gear but i didn't but now i don't feel like i am safe anywhere
if i brake something, it'll mean no europe, no college for awhile, another bout with morphine and i might just lose my mind
cause i'm not feeling great these days these days i feel isolated and i don't want people to know that i have a neurological disorder but it's getting harder every day to keep it away from them. i was addicted to morphine and coming off it while getting back to school was so hard and some days i felt like i should die, or i was dying and sometimes i feel like that now, that i'm dying from outside in. i'm so scared of my mind and i think i'm crazy some days these days these days i worry about maturity and college; is there anyone going to my school who isnt a cunt? is it just that kind of school? am i suited to study what they are? i'm dead confused with myself and completely dizzy and unauthentic and i am better than i think but i'm too scared to be proactive. so i'm going to stop shitting around and fucking off and start being better.
ob·se·qui·ous- (adj) characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning