.i put the "z" in byzantium.
_in relations to my subject, i just returned from greek camp, "just return [sic] from greek camp" meaning i came home like four hours ago. twas a wonderful experience, as it always is. as kosta and i drove home in the blinding sun, our headlights pointed at the dawn, i found the lad tuckered out from this week's festivities, and therefore he was asleep. when i dropped him off, i was invited into his house, which is like a home away from home for me, as their family and mine are close and they treat me like a son (of which my appreciation has no limits). we began to converse over such matters ranging from our camp experience to their week and whatnot. it was a comforting feeling to walk into a household whose hosts welcomed me with open arms. coming home, i was elated to see my mother of whom i've not seen in weeks.
_instead of walking home into her open arms and mother's love, i experienced her wrath and anger, from an array of topics, but the one continuing thread in all of them is that i am a fuck up, an unappreciative bastard who in no way deserves the love of such a woman. she means the world to me and yet i cannot even express that.
_but i'm not in the mood to get into all that. summer's been up every night and down every day. i've done so much, and i can safely say i am fully taking advantage of my time away from the nazism of heritage high school. much of it eludes me, but sobriety doesn't pop its head up too much. i think this encapsulates my summer:
i spent the summer wasting, the time was passed so easily
but if the summer's wasted, how come that i could feel so free?
i spent the summer wasting, the sky was blue beyond compare
a photograph of myself
is all i have to show for
_though lackluster, that's the extent of my thought process being integrated into this writing. i've been spending much time over the past few months pondering over and reevaluating my life. i am an emotional wreck, torn between two poles, such biting anger and such sweet happiness.
_but my plight is futile. i recently met a man named michel aylo. he lived in lebanon. he told me stories of how he had to spend his youth fighting in their civil war, being persecuted based on his faith in christianity. he was shot at, but thankfully never hit. he had to shoot at the muslim police. he escaped, however, and leads a productive life in america.
_if people are living like this all over the world, how dare i sulk in my misery?
_and that is the question i come to often. i think over a lot of things. what i'm doing, who i'm doing it with. what i'm doing with my life in essence. i usually hit the term 'nothing.' i am never satisfied, never sated, by whatever i have.
_but fuck all. this is why i don't write in this. i ramble about off-topics and end up disgusted with everything i wasted a good five minutes on. i sometimes delete failed entries, but i leave this as a testament to that fact alone.
_do i ever now hate these livejournals. i hate looking at people stupidly flaunting their days and who they're with to boost their egos. i can't stand the fact that it's the new trend. i loathe the attempt at gaining friends, or comments, or whatever it be, for web persona bragging rights. if i see another generic "i took a picture of myself, i'm going to post it in some random ass community, and in the end will get eighty comments from other suburban pseudo-intellectuals like myself in other parts of the country all praising my beauty and interests and journal layout to make me feel better about myself, while masking it in my "creativity" and "photogenic genius""-related occurrence, i swear i will fucking snap.
_livejournals are fucking ridiculous, and you should all be ashamed. i sure as hell am.
_oh well.
_greece beat czech republic in the finals of the euro cup, one to zero. god-damn ex-soviet bloc motherfuckers. this weekend, we play portugal.
[and a side note; never listen to what i have to say. it's nonsense.]
_instead of walking home into her open arms and mother's love, i experienced her wrath and anger, from an array of topics, but the one continuing thread in all of them is that i am a fuck up, an unappreciative bastard who in no way deserves the love of such a woman. she means the world to me and yet i cannot even express that.
_but i'm not in the mood to get into all that. summer's been up every night and down every day. i've done so much, and i can safely say i am fully taking advantage of my time away from the nazism of heritage high school. much of it eludes me, but sobriety doesn't pop its head up too much. i think this encapsulates my summer:
i spent the summer wasting, the time was passed so easily
but if the summer's wasted, how come that i could feel so free?
i spent the summer wasting, the sky was blue beyond compare
a photograph of myself
is all i have to show for
_though lackluster, that's the extent of my thought process being integrated into this writing. i've been spending much time over the past few months pondering over and reevaluating my life. i am an emotional wreck, torn between two poles, such biting anger and such sweet happiness.
_but my plight is futile. i recently met a man named michel aylo. he lived in lebanon. he told me stories of how he had to spend his youth fighting in their civil war, being persecuted based on his faith in christianity. he was shot at, but thankfully never hit. he had to shoot at the muslim police. he escaped, however, and leads a productive life in america.
_if people are living like this all over the world, how dare i sulk in my misery?
_and that is the question i come to often. i think over a lot of things. what i'm doing, who i'm doing it with. what i'm doing with my life in essence. i usually hit the term 'nothing.' i am never satisfied, never sated, by whatever i have.
_but fuck all. this is why i don't write in this. i ramble about off-topics and end up disgusted with everything i wasted a good five minutes on. i sometimes delete failed entries, but i leave this as a testament to that fact alone.
_do i ever now hate these livejournals. i hate looking at people stupidly flaunting their days and who they're with to boost their egos. i can't stand the fact that it's the new trend. i loathe the attempt at gaining friends, or comments, or whatever it be, for web persona bragging rights. if i see another generic "i took a picture of myself, i'm going to post it in some random ass community, and in the end will get eighty comments from other suburban pseudo-intellectuals like myself in other parts of the country all praising my beauty and interests and journal layout to make me feel better about myself, while masking it in my "creativity" and "photogenic genius""-related occurrence, i swear i will fucking snap.
_livejournals are fucking ridiculous, and you should all be ashamed. i sure as hell am.
_oh well.
_greece beat czech republic in the finals of the euro cup, one to zero. god-damn ex-soviet bloc motherfuckers. this weekend, we play portugal.
[and a side note; never listen to what i have to say. it's nonsense.]