I dedicate this entry to B.C. even though he'll never read it
I've learned the same lesson twice in my life, and apparently I don't seem to be able to get it. Now I'm terrified though, because one of the two chances I took completely bombed... even just with friendship and trying to let things work out.
My biggest worry is that chance number two will do the same, and all will be for nothing. If at least one person can change, then I at least helped someone. I guess inadvertantly I'm helping myself, but I hope B.C. doesn't crush me. I don't know how much more I can take. If someone takes a chance on you, and you don't deserve it, go with it. Use it. Help yourself become a better person by showing the person who is helping you that you can in fact be that person they know you are capable of being. If they are taking a chance in trusting you because you lied, then don't lie. If they are taking a chance because you hurt them, don't hurt them. If they are taking a chance because they know you hurt someone else, but want to show you that you are capeable of being a good person, do it! If you stole, don't steal. If you cheated, don't cheat. All I want to give people a chance to change, because I know what it's like to want that chance so badly and no one will give it to you. I know what it's like to feel failed and abandoned. I know what it's like to just want to be heard.
B.C. I know you will never see this, but I hope you come here this summer to visit, and I just hope with every inch of me that you will be the person I think you have become. I don't want to lose all hope that people are capeable of change, because I have always been the optimistic one, the fighter, the one who goes against the grain and stands when everyone is sitting. Please please keep me going. I don't want to lose myself, but I feel like I'm slipping, getting sloppy, losing touch with my ability to read people.
My biggest worry is that chance number two will do the same, and all will be for nothing. If at least one person can change, then I at least helped someone. I guess inadvertantly I'm helping myself, but I hope B.C. doesn't crush me. I don't know how much more I can take. If someone takes a chance on you, and you don't deserve it, go with it. Use it. Help yourself become a better person by showing the person who is helping you that you can in fact be that person they know you are capable of being. If they are taking a chance in trusting you because you lied, then don't lie. If they are taking a chance because you hurt them, don't hurt them. If they are taking a chance because they know you hurt someone else, but want to show you that you are capeable of being a good person, do it! If you stole, don't steal. If you cheated, don't cheat. All I want to give people a chance to change, because I know what it's like to want that chance so badly and no one will give it to you. I know what it's like to feel failed and abandoned. I know what it's like to just want to be heard.
B.C. I know you will never see this, but I hope you come here this summer to visit, and I just hope with every inch of me that you will be the person I think you have become. I don't want to lose all hope that people are capeable of change, because I have always been the optimistic one, the fighter, the one who goes against the grain and stands when everyone is sitting. Please please keep me going. I don't want to lose myself, but I feel like I'm slipping, getting sloppy, losing touch with my ability to read people.