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Jul 23, 2007 22:52

have no idea what's going on in my life right now with anything. i'm doing things completely against my normal character, things that i have said i would never do b/c they were so wrong and hurt so badly when done to me. still have no job for once camp ends (which is driving me crazy, we had to take a kid's book b/c he was hitting other kids with it) i've got some major decisions to make in the next year but this next year is really just biding time which i'm not looking forward to but there's no way i could have made these descisions already or now actually. i'm just not ready. too much other shit is going on now. my head and my heart are about in 6 different places and i'm hurting a lot of people unintentionally b/c i'm hurting and very confused. i'm feeling very lost as if i've lost almost everything i know or feel like i'm about to lose what i have left. bascially graduating sucks ass. all the other camp staff are talking about when they go back to school and shit and i have no idea what i'm doing after camp. where the hell am i even gonna be? i don't feel like i belong anywhere right now. i feel like i shouldn't be moving to newport news b/c i need to move on but there's nothing for me in richmond and i don't wanna go to grad school for english in NC. my knee is getting so bad from camp this summer the pain is starting to spread down to my ankle and my left elbow keeps randomly hurting to the point where i think the whole arm is gonna fall off. i feel like my chest is about to spontaneously combust at any moment but thankfully i've got some wonderful camp staff people to keep me sane and a few great friends in newport news who never fail to hang out with me when i'm there.

at least the kids haven't ruined harry potter for me yet, but i'm putting a lot of things that needed to be done a few days ago off to finish it so they don't ruin it for me.

i seriously need a vacation or something, anyone wanna join me?
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