Fic! Idol, Adam Lambert Gen crazy!
Title: These guidelines are here for your protection
Pairing: None...gen
Rating: G
Summary: Management wants Adam to re-read some guidelines
From management to: Adam Lambert
Mr. Lambert, we in management want to congratulate you on your continuation on our show. However, it has recently come to our attention that you have broken a number of the guidelines listed beginning on pg 134 in your handbook. Please reacquaint yourself with the following;
Clothing and accessories
1.1 Male contestants will not wear eyeliner and/or nail polish for more than two (2) back to back performances or appearances (such as performance night and results night, wearing of eyeliner and/or nail polish for each of these nights will necessitate the absence of said cosmetics for the following weeks performance)
1.2 Male contestants will have no more than two (2) visible piercings. Under NO circumstances will male contestants wear earrings other than stud type (i.e. no “dangly earrings)
1.3 It is preferred that male contestants keep their jewelry selection to plain chain type necklaces, preferably with the addition of a cross. Multiple necklaces and/or belts of other types are discouraged. Please keep rings to minimum.
1.4 In no manner will a contestant imply an affinity for unconventional sexual practices in their dress. Meaning the Cat of Nine Tails goes
1.5 The wearing of “girl jeans” by male contestants is frowned upon. And let’s see what we can do about those low-cut shirts, shall we?
On-stage movement (includes dancing, conduct with other contestants, Mr. Seacrest and all judges)
2.1 Male contestants will not:
a) Roll, shimmy, or swing the hips more that two (2) times per song performance (exceptions will be made for “lame white boy” use of aforementioned movements) if you need help, Mr. Gokey is proficient in this area
b) Lick their lips, snarl or bring undue attention to ones lips
c) Touch their body in any suggestive manner (including the thighs, stomach, hips or buttocks)
d) Dancing, in general is frowned upon. However, if you must do it, keep it minimal and try not to be good at it. Again, see Mr. Gokey
e) At no point shall you kneel with both knees on the stage floor. (Exceptions to this rule include the occasional “rock star slide” and in supplication in response to either a religiously moving song or relief at remarks made by the judges)
f) Hugging will be minimal between male contestants, judges and Mr. Seacrest.
g) At no point will you make more than minimal eye contact with any male contestant. (Three (3) seconds max)
All of the above need to be re-read…multiple times.
As you have high approval numbers, we will overlook the previous violations of these rules. However, from now on, the camera-men will be on standby to employ “Elvis rules” which include filming from the waist up and showing multiple band, judge and/or audience shots. Don’t make us warn you again.
We have been lenient until this point, however we would appreciate you choosing a song with the pronoun of “girl” and articulating said pronoun.
In addition, we ask that you restrain the sex appeal. We feel you are exuding an “R” Rating and ask you pull it back to a respectable “PG”
Sincerely,
Management
Pairing: None...gen
Rating: G
Summary: Management wants Adam to re-read some guidelines
From management to: Adam Lambert
Mr. Lambert, we in management want to congratulate you on your continuation on our show. However, it has recently come to our attention that you have broken a number of the guidelines listed beginning on pg 134 in your handbook. Please reacquaint yourself with the following;
Clothing and accessories
1.1 Male contestants will not wear eyeliner and/or nail polish for more than two (2) back to back performances or appearances (such as performance night and results night, wearing of eyeliner and/or nail polish for each of these nights will necessitate the absence of said cosmetics for the following weeks performance)
1.2 Male contestants will have no more than two (2) visible piercings. Under NO circumstances will male contestants wear earrings other than stud type (i.e. no “dangly earrings)
1.3 It is preferred that male contestants keep their jewelry selection to plain chain type necklaces, preferably with the addition of a cross. Multiple necklaces and/or belts of other types are discouraged. Please keep rings to minimum.
1.4 In no manner will a contestant imply an affinity for unconventional sexual practices in their dress. Meaning the Cat of Nine Tails goes
1.5 The wearing of “girl jeans” by male contestants is frowned upon. And let’s see what we can do about those low-cut shirts, shall we?
On-stage movement (includes dancing, conduct with other contestants, Mr. Seacrest and all judges)
2.1 Male contestants will not:
a) Roll, shimmy, or swing the hips more that two (2) times per song performance (exceptions will be made for “lame white boy” use of aforementioned movements) if you need help, Mr. Gokey is proficient in this area
b) Lick their lips, snarl or bring undue attention to ones lips
c) Touch their body in any suggestive manner (including the thighs, stomach, hips or buttocks)
d) Dancing, in general is frowned upon. However, if you must do it, keep it minimal and try not to be good at it. Again, see Mr. Gokey
e) At no point shall you kneel with both knees on the stage floor. (Exceptions to this rule include the occasional “rock star slide” and in supplication in response to either a religiously moving song or relief at remarks made by the judges)
f) Hugging will be minimal between male contestants, judges and Mr. Seacrest.
g) At no point will you make more than minimal eye contact with any male contestant. (Three (3) seconds max)
All of the above need to be re-read…multiple times.
As you have high approval numbers, we will overlook the previous violations of these rules. However, from now on, the camera-men will be on standby to employ “Elvis rules” which include filming from the waist up and showing multiple band, judge and/or audience shots. Don’t make us warn you again.
We have been lenient until this point, however we would appreciate you choosing a song with the pronoun of “girl” and articulating said pronoun.
In addition, we ask that you restrain the sex appeal. We feel you are exuding an “R” Rating and ask you pull it back to a respectable “PG”
Sincerely,
Management