Circle is closed
I can now plot the full trajectory for the 3 months of my life in which Jessica was of significance.
Infatuation-Love-Longing-Heartbreak-Friendship-Resentment-Malice-Relief
The only surprise, perhaps, is malice. Because in the end (and yes, this is absolutely the end) you just wanted to hurt her. And that you did. Give yourself a pat on the back.
There can be no doubting the state in which you have left this - utterly demolished. The persona that the lovelorn David tried so hard to mould, to sculpt, in order to win back her heart, the resentful and hate-filled David bulldozed in a sentence.
And what a freeing experience!
I guess her response to you was not entirely unjustified. You pretty callously defriended her without telling her, and then instead of an apology you just said that it's the better course. Then ended with a rather hilarous "stay lucky". And to think of her practicing her guitar for your future jam session. All this no doubt came as a nasty shock.
Which was, in the end, the whole point. To rake her with a small morsel of the pain and misery that she inflicted upon you.
I am not someone who delights in the suffering of others. But here I have inflicted pain on another. I doubt it will last. Her egocentricity pretty much precludes any deep thought about anyone other than herself. But I want to get to the deeper thesis here: I wanted to make this unsalvageable. As long as I believed there was a chance for me, I couldn't let go. Perversely, but logically, the only escape from that horrible situation is to scupper that chance. Scupper it good and proper. Which I have done nicely.
So now I can move on. Her complete self absorption, AA disposition, and everything else, made us not as compatible as I would have hoped. At best she was a good match. At worst, perhaps, a disaster-match. This you will never know.
But the feelings are gone. Those feelings that haunt this tragic blog stretching back to June, of doubt, anxiety, desire. All gone. Nothing but a hole left. With a rather tatty image of a girl I once was utterly, utterly crazy about sitting in a puddle at the bottom.
Okey doke then. Much learned, eh? So much. So much left to learn. And there's still the rather exciting prospect of meeting someone truly special.
To play us out, DesRee
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most,
I'd rather have a piece of toast,
Watch the evening news,
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life!
Doo doo doo doo
Infatuation-Love-Longing-Heartbreak-Friendship-Resentment-Malice-Relief
The only surprise, perhaps, is malice. Because in the end (and yes, this is absolutely the end) you just wanted to hurt her. And that you did. Give yourself a pat on the back.
There can be no doubting the state in which you have left this - utterly demolished. The persona that the lovelorn David tried so hard to mould, to sculpt, in order to win back her heart, the resentful and hate-filled David bulldozed in a sentence.
And what a freeing experience!
I guess her response to you was not entirely unjustified. You pretty callously defriended her without telling her, and then instead of an apology you just said that it's the better course. Then ended with a rather hilarous "stay lucky". And to think of her practicing her guitar for your future jam session. All this no doubt came as a nasty shock.
Which was, in the end, the whole point. To rake her with a small morsel of the pain and misery that she inflicted upon you.
I am not someone who delights in the suffering of others. But here I have inflicted pain on another. I doubt it will last. Her egocentricity pretty much precludes any deep thought about anyone other than herself. But I want to get to the deeper thesis here: I wanted to make this unsalvageable. As long as I believed there was a chance for me, I couldn't let go. Perversely, but logically, the only escape from that horrible situation is to scupper that chance. Scupper it good and proper. Which I have done nicely.
So now I can move on. Her complete self absorption, AA disposition, and everything else, made us not as compatible as I would have hoped. At best she was a good match. At worst, perhaps, a disaster-match. This you will never know.
But the feelings are gone. Those feelings that haunt this tragic blog stretching back to June, of doubt, anxiety, desire. All gone. Nothing but a hole left. With a rather tatty image of a girl I once was utterly, utterly crazy about sitting in a puddle at the bottom.
Okey doke then. Much learned, eh? So much. So much left to learn. And there's still the rather exciting prospect of meeting someone truly special.
To play us out, DesRee
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most,
I'd rather have a piece of toast,
Watch the evening news,
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life!
Doo doo doo doo