Diary of a Darkened Soul
May 16, 2006
She sits at her new desk her belongings placed neatly in order, the flowers, their scent surrrounding what is left of her senses, the card lays before her eyes.. She should be happy today, she should be celebrating a promotion, the bonus, all this before her yet.... She feels it consuming...
Rage..
Feed it torn..
Give into it....
Be it... She hears it all again, his tiny voice pleading to not make him go, he wants to stay, yet she can't do nothing... His taunts echo in her mind...
She runs her hand through her hair, feels the tug of her tightly swelled skin pull.. A flash of white overtakes her from the dull pain, question is where is this pain from, her hand? or inside? She hears it, sees it....
FEED IT....
She shakes her head to clear it, takes the letter opener, stares and intense urge surrounds her, quickly she opens the card... "Every sunset brings us peace... Every sunshine brings us hope" Kem Lee Sun....
They have all signed it, Peace- is what they have bestowed upon her spirit, they heard, everyone knows, it's off, no move, no union, no nothing..
NOTHING....
FEED IT TORN.....
She throws the opener as if it was on fire, places the card with the roses and picks one up pricking her already cut finger with a thorn... Sees the red, smells the tension that builds, hears the deafening roar.. The urge grows, the rumbling is louder as she looks out the window in to the dark rainy night... She clenches her hand feels the tug in that moment there is but other than that--------------
NOTHING...
Eyes dark as the night, lifeless cold scan her surroundings..
A whisper...
Feed it....
She walks around without a thought in her head, all she can hear now is the rumbling that won't subside, she gathers what she needs, places it in the corner of her room, stares, feels it, it screams out, it calls out.
Rage..
Feed it.
Be it...
Do it.. She runs her fingers through her hair in desperation, attempting to shut out all that is going in her head, she goes to the bathroom, does not dare look into the mirror, she knows, she feels it, they are lifeless, dull, she won't look into them, they are now a dark abyss, the life from them gone, she squeezes her eyes shut as she walks by the mirror, and hears the screams..... His words, his taunts, she hears his tiny voice begging not to let him go, he does not want to go, he pleads with her, to let him stay...
She feels it..
THAT GOD DAMN RAGE...
FEED IT.....
BE IT.......
She clenches her jaw and grabs a towel and goes to splash cold water on her face, eyes squeezed shut, she can hear it all, the pleads, that taunts, his pleading, His taunting, His empty promises, she makes a mistake and looks up, sees into them, NOTHING, empty, lifeless, without hope, without light... She hears it.... That fucked up whisper that can not be contained, She can't hold on, the struggle has her exhausted...
Rage...
FEED IT... a whisper.... "come on you know you want to"
DO IT TORN FEED ME....... Her hand clenches, she slams her small hand onto the mirror, flashes of white rush through her, she sees nothing, cracked images, blood, rage, she looks at her hand, cut, bleeding, her heart feels it, it is as if someone placed a rat, it is knawing slowly away, leaving only an empty cavity, she senses it, she knows, walls, marble, rage...... She wraps the towel around her hand, leans against the wall, looks into the shattered mirror, a puzzle, broken, torn, shattered, never again to be put together, she slides down that wall, drops her hand and watches, the rage is fed, the pain subsides, torn.... broken... shattered, but for a moment, it's gone, it's fed...
Rage......
She sits at her new desk her belongings placed neatly in order, the flowers, their scent surrrounding what is left of her senses, the card lays before her eyes.. She should be happy today, she should be celebrating a promotion, the bonus, all this before her yet.... She feels it consuming...
Rage..
Feed it torn..
Give into it....
Be it... She hears it all again, his tiny voice pleading to not make him go, he wants to stay, yet she can't do nothing... His taunts echo in her mind...
She runs her hand through her hair, feels the tug of her tightly swelled skin pull.. A flash of white overtakes her from the dull pain, question is where is this pain from, her hand? or inside? She hears it, sees it....
FEED IT....
She shakes her head to clear it, takes the letter opener, stares and intense urge surrounds her, quickly she opens the card... "Every sunset brings us peace... Every sunshine brings us hope" Kem Lee Sun....
They have all signed it, Peace- is what they have bestowed upon her spirit, they heard, everyone knows, it's off, no move, no union, no nothing..
NOTHING....
FEED IT TORN.....
She throws the opener as if it was on fire, places the card with the roses and picks one up pricking her already cut finger with a thorn... Sees the red, smells the tension that builds, hears the deafening roar.. The urge grows, the rumbling is louder as she looks out the window in to the dark rainy night... She clenches her hand feels the tug in that moment there is but other than that--------------
NOTHING...
Eyes dark as the night, lifeless cold scan her surroundings..
A whisper...
Feed it....
She walks around without a thought in her head, all she can hear now is the rumbling that won't subside, she gathers what she needs, places it in the corner of her room, stares, feels it, it screams out, it calls out.
Rage..
Feed it.
Be it...
Do it.. She runs her fingers through her hair in desperation, attempting to shut out all that is going in her head, she goes to the bathroom, does not dare look into the mirror, she knows, she feels it, they are lifeless, dull, she won't look into them, they are now a dark abyss, the life from them gone, she squeezes her eyes shut as she walks by the mirror, and hears the screams..... His words, his taunts, she hears his tiny voice begging not to let him go, he does not want to go, he pleads with her, to let him stay...
She feels it..
THAT GOD DAMN RAGE...
FEED IT.....
BE IT.......
She clenches her jaw and grabs a towel and goes to splash cold water on her face, eyes squeezed shut, she can hear it all, the pleads, that taunts, his pleading, His taunting, His empty promises, she makes a mistake and looks up, sees into them, NOTHING, empty, lifeless, without hope, without light... She hears it.... That fucked up whisper that can not be contained, She can't hold on, the struggle has her exhausted...
Rage...
FEED IT... a whisper.... "come on you know you want to"
DO IT TORN FEED ME....... Her hand clenches, she slams her small hand onto the mirror, flashes of white rush through her, she sees nothing, cracked images, blood, rage, she looks at her hand, cut, bleeding, her heart feels it, it is as if someone placed a rat, it is knawing slowly away, leaving only an empty cavity, she senses it, she knows, walls, marble, rage...... She wraps the towel around her hand, leans against the wall, looks into the shattered mirror, a puzzle, broken, torn, shattered, never again to be put together, she slides down that wall, drops her hand and watches, the rage is fed, the pain subsides, torn.... broken... shattered, but for a moment, it's gone, it's fed...
Rage......