[SJ] together, we're about to fly (1/2)
Title: together, we're about to fly
Author: snowychrys
Pairings: KyuSung, side!YeWook
Characters: Yesung, Kyuhyun, Leeteuk, Ryeowook, Zhou Mi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Pilot!AU, angst, drama
Word Count: 8,649
Summary: One seeks to repeatedly return to the past that never will be, and the other seeks to be the future that has the possibility of coming true.
Warnings: Character death, hinted rated scenes.
Author's Notes: Completely burned my life to finish this fic. I've never intended for this to get so long, but it did, and um... well, I have nothing else to say, except pilots are sexy as heck. Also, thanks to my lovely beta airplanewishes for bearing with my grammatical errors♥ You're the best, sweetheart!
~ * ~
together, we’re about to fly
Narrowed brown eyes meets azure as the man glances up at the skies above, squinting at the brightness of the sun. He partially blocks out the sunrays with his hand, watching as yet another aircraft takes off from the tarmac and flies overhead.
Incessant announcements looking for passengers to head to their boarding gates, safety information, baggage size restrictions, and the lot ring from behind him in a mixture of Czech and English after a succession of pre-recorded bell chimes, and he instinctively takes a step forward, further away from the entrance of the airport.
It wasn’t as though the volume of these announcements would reduce by doing so, but he likes to pretend they did, anyway.
“Captain Kim,” someone calls after him from behind, and he turns to meet the grinning face of his long-legged crew member. The man’s smile reminds him of spring and rainbows, the sort that would brighten up even the gloomiest of days; it reminds him of another person who possessed such a smile, but he stops himself short of continuing that thought. “Where are you headed to? Our bus is this way,” the man continues, jabbing his finger in the opposite direction.
“I-” he starts, only to be interrupted by another man with a dimpled smile. Zhou Mi immediately bows in greeting to the head steward of the flight he had just served; his superior.
“He’s not joining us on the bus ride to the hotel, Zhou Mi.” The person who had joined them tells the air steward, whom questioningly cocks his head to the side. “It’s his usual ritual to take a tour around town the moment the plane lands. Contrary to his clueless face, he’s actually quite well-versed with the streets of Prague. Go on ahead to the bus. I’ll join you guys in a moment.”
“Thanks for that, Jungsoo hyung.” He smiles at the dimpled man in gratitude when the lanky air steward bows and takes his leave, whom pats him in the back.
“No problem, Jongwoon. It is part of my responsibility to inform the new cabin crew about certain things, after all - even the various quirks of the pilot.” Jungsoo winks at him and chuckles, and then turns serious again, expressions full of concern. “Are you going about alone? Do you want me to join you?”
Jongwoon’s lips presses into a thin line, neither smiling nor frowning at the question as he replaces his hat on his messy head of hair. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be back at the hotel by dinner time. Thanks for your offer, though.” He replies silently. The word ‘as usual’ lingers in the air between the two, but neither breathes a word. A soft smile sweeps Jungsoo’s expressions, and he squeezes Jongwoon’s shoulder as he always does.
“I’ll see you later, then.”
--
The summer sun in Prague is - has always been - merciless.
Time and again, Jongwoon is reminded of that fact an hour too late, when he finds himself stripping himself of his necktie and rolling up the sleeves of his already-drenched pristine white button-down shirt to aid ventilation in the middle of the Jan Palach Square. He bristles when even undoing the first two buttons didn’t seem to help, and continues to press his damp handkerchief against his sweat-glistened neck in hopes that the measly piece of cloth could still absorb moisture. Why didn’t he head back to the hotel first to have a change of clothes again?
His irritation slowly dissipates as he steps onto the pavement in front of a building built with sandstone, whose tall, ornate windows gleamed under the sun. His eyes sweeps over the numerous statues perched on the lampposts on each side of the building and its roof, admiring them as though it is the first time he had been there. Jongwoon smiles at the couple who were trying to take a photo of themselves in front of Dvořák’s statue, and offers to help them when they struggle immensely with their tripod and multiple failed shots.
Jongwoon ambles towards the stairs leading into the Rudolfinum later on, sitting on the step that he would always occupy whenever he was there. Seeing couples taking joyful strolls around him weighs down on his heart, adding on to the weariness from the heat that enveloped him.
He vividly remembers about the sunshine smiles he would receive, the light chatter he would indulge in, the playful nudges in his side, butterfly kisses exchanged, and the familiar weight on his shoulder, supporting the head of his most cherished person as the latter leans on him and falls asleep as they watch the sun set over the Vltava.
I’d like to perform in the Dvořák Hall someday, when I can pursue classical music again, Jongwoon would often hear, the voice clear and crisp even now, and I want you to be there to watch me play, and Jongwoon’s hands ball up into tightly-clenched fists at the memory.
There is no person to be held, no promises to be fulfilled, no more dreams to run towards.
All he has is a broken heart and more shattered memories, scattered across the floor in millions of glittery fragments, mocking him in the face.
--
That night, Jungsoo watches Jongwoon in deep concern over dinner, just like every other time they had travelled to Prague together.
Three years down the line, and the younger man was evidently still holding onto the past. Never once had Jungsoo seen Jongwoon smiling or socialising with the other cabin crew members when they were in town, not since that particular incident. Jongwoon was always withdrawn into his own world, expressions pensive - occasionally downright furious, most probably with himself - as he sat in the table furthest away from the rest of the crew.
Jungsoo wasn’t sure whether Jongwoon had noticed this, but the man would always be the last to finish his food, long after the other crew members have retreated to their hotel rooms to rest for the flight back on the next day.
Sighing, Jungsoo gets up from his seat and heads over to Jongwoon’s table, settling into the chair right opposite the other man with a wry smile on his face. “Hey, are you alright?” He asks gently, and Jongwoon seems to have jolted out of his reverie at the question.
“Y-yeah, fine. I’m fine.” he stammers; Jungsoo knows at once that it was a lie.
“You don’t look fine to me,” Jungsoo comments. In fact, you look more horrible than the previous time we were here, he thinks, but he keeps the thought to himself. “How old are you anyway? You made a mess out of your dinner plate.” He chuckles, trying to lighten up the mood a little.
The laughter gets caught in his throat when Jongwoon’s expressions fell even more as he pushes the plate away from him. “Sorry; I was just thinking about… stuff.” Jongwoon mutters sheepishly, shifting his gaze, as though he didn’t want Jungsoo to read his mind through his eyes.
When do you never think about your past? The words hang on the tip of Jungsoo’s tongue, but he settles for, “It’s not healthy to over-think, Jongwoon.” What he really meant was It’s not healthy to hang onto past memories, to cling onto a person who will never return, but again, he doesn’t say it.
“I’m not over-thinking, hyung.” Jongwoon replies, tone curt and barring any further discussion to unravel from it.
Jungsoo exhales quietly and forces a smile. “Then you should go get some sleep. We have another long flight ahead of us tomorrow morning.” He says, and leaves the table when the younger boy merely replies with a slight nod of his head; Jongwoon seemed to be distracted by his thoughts again.
He doesn’t miss how Jongwoon mutters “I don’t even know why I’m still doing this” to himself when he walks away.
--
Cho Kyuhyun’s heart pounds against his ribs in excitement as he steps into the flight deck of the Boeing 747-8I aircraft, a joyful glee on his face as he pats the leather seats soundly. His eyes traces each and every blinking button there was on the control panels, feeling in awe that he could actually step in here. It has always been his dream to fly a plane this huge, with its 467-seater capacity and cruising speed which surpasses 600 miles per hour. Bliss.
He slides into the co-pilot’s seat with relative ease, leaning into the chair and savouring how it feels like to be seated there. It’s different from the smaller aircraft he has been piloting all this while on the local flight routes, and he loves it.
It feels just like home, as though he truly belongs there.
Staring at the panel situated above him, Kyuhyun reaches up and flicks the switch which starts up the aircraft, smiling wistfully to himself when the engine roars to life. And then he jumps slightly when someone raps him on the head, swiftly turning around to catch the sight of a man several years older than he was, with messy black hair tucked beneath his hat and smartly dressed in a navy blue blazer adorned with various pins denoting his ranking, watching him with sharp, narrowed eyes; eyes that seem to question, Who are you and what the fuck do you think you’re doing?
Kyuhyun immediately clambers out of his seat, tripping awkwardly over the seatbelt which was left lying on the floor of the cockpit. He manages to catch himself just in the nick of time before he bowls the other man over, and gives him a perfect 90-degree bow. “Hello, nice to meet you! I’m your co-pilot for this flight, sir!”
The silence hangs between them, long after Kyuhyun’s too-loud introduction, and Kyuhyun straightens himself without being told to. Captain Kim Jongwoon, his nametag reads.
“I’ve never seen you around before” is the man’s first reply, tone sounding more displeased than inquisitive. His sharp, hawk-like eyes are watching, observing, scrutinising, and it makes Kyuhyun slightly uncomfortable. Slightly.
“Uh- yeah, I’ve received a promotion to handle the international routes just recently.” Kyuhyun explains - assuming that’s the answer his superior is searching for. “This is my first flight, actually.”
Jongwoon mutters something unintelligible under his breath, which includes the words ‘newbie’ and ‘why me’ - Kyuhyun is, again, slightly offended by his choice of words - before stiffly extending his arm for the younger man to shake. “I’m Kim Jongwoon, obviously your superior in this flight and in the company in general. There’s only one thing you need to know about me: I hate flying, so if I ever happen to screw up, you’re in charge of the flight.”
With that, Jongwoon turns to leave for another part of the plane, presumably to look for the head steward of their flight to sort out some serving schedules. Kyuhyun finds himself staring at Jongwoon’s retreating back, pondering about the last words he had thrown at him.
What the hell?
--
“Jungsoo hyung, has Captain Kim always acted like he had a stick up his ass?” Kyuhyun finds himself asking as they savour their dinner for the night - authentic Italian pasta, so delicious that it makes Kyuhyun’s toes curl in delight. It’s been barely a couple of hours since they had become acquainted, yet Kyuhyun was already good friends with Jungsoo and half of the crew. Their end of the table is cut off from the rest of the crew, who were rambunctiously playing some guessing game that they couldn’t be bothered to follow.
Beside him, the air steward called Zhou Mi snorts and chokes on a strand of pasta at the too-honest term. Kyuhyun pats his back apologetically. “Badmouthing your superiors is a no-no, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi chastises with a slight chuckle as he dabs at his mouth with a napkin. “But to answer your question, he’s actually really nice when he’s in the right mood. You just have to get to know him better.”
“How, exactly?” Kyuhyun wonders out loud, the exasperation clearly reflected in his expressions. “He’s been nothing but hostile the entire time I was with him in the cockpit. And then he ignores my questions the rest of the time.”
Jungsoo glances over to the table where Jongwoon is, once again, seated alone. “He was much more cheerful than this in the past,” he supplements carelessly, snapping his mouth shut when he turns to find Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi staring expectantly at him. “You’re not getting anything else out of me.” Jungsoo then says with a tone of finality, earning synchronous whines from the pair.
“Why not?” Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi choruses in protest. It’s like reading a novel with an amazing opening, but has no substantial plotline nor a decent enough ending to tie up the loose ends. It leaves them feeling empty.
“You’ll find out if he wants you to find out. I’m in no position to talk about his affairs” is Jungsoo’s firm reply, changing the subject fairly rapidly to talk about the weather and the country they were in and the sights to see.
Kyuhyun steals surreptitious glances at his captain as he indulges with the conversation with Jungsoo and Zhou Mi, wondering what exactly was hidden behind those pensive eyes of Jongwoon’s.
He thinks they almost look distant, sad and lost.
--
Jongwoon has no idea whether he should laugh or cry when he finds his name on the roster for the flight to Prague for the second time in two months. He knows, however, that he has every intention to march right up to the human resource manager’s office to protest against this decision. The company knew about his request to fly to Prague once every six months, at the very most, so why was he scheduled to do this again?
But apparently, there’s a first for everything, as told by the HR manager Lee Sooman. “I’m sorry, Jongwoon; I understand your circumstances with regards to your reluctance in flying to Prague, but we need you to be the captain for this flight. Many senior pilots are on leave because of the Chuseok festivities. You’re the best candidate we can think of to ply the route, and guide the junior pilots who have just been promoted to take on the international flights.”
“What if I told you that I’m planning to take some time off for Chuseok as well?” Jongwoon huffs in retort, even though he knew that the HR manager made the proper decision. He was, after all, the one pilot who had clocked in the highest amount of flying time to the capital city of Czech Republic; for obvious reasons.
“But you haven’t submitted your leave application yet,” Lee Sooman reminds him, “so you have to fulfil your responsibility according to the schedule. Again, I’m sorry, Jongwoon. I have no say in this.”
The discussion was effectively over with that one simple line. Although Jongwoon knows that his HR manager has every say in arranging the pilots’ flight schedules, he doesn’t call the older man out on the fact. Nothing he says or does would be able to change Lee Sooman’s mind after all, and any other effort made to protest would be a waste of time, energy, and his saliva.
Jongwoon sighs as he drags himself out of the office, kick-starting the mental preparations for the anguish that would inevitably be dredged up from hell when he sets foot in Prague again.
--
Kyuhyun groans out loud, the response almost becoming a reflex when he finally finds his name on the flight roster for the upcoming month. He knew that the end of the month was termed as the ‘period of hell’ by many of the cabin crew - most notably the ones who are single and unmarried with no decent plans for Chuseok, but he is quite close to cursing his own luck.
Next to his name, is Captain Kim Jongwoon, printed in bold, dark font.
Six times; that was the number of times Kyuhyun had been on the same flight with Kim Jongwoon after his promotion to the international routes. Never once did Jongwoon acknowledge him (but it doesn’t mean that Kyuhyun didn’t try to talk to him regardless), much less greet him in the way that Kyuhyun had expected a senior to, and frankly, he was disappointed and perhaps slightly jealous when he hears his friends boast about how nice the senior pilots they were posted under are.
His next flight with Jongwoon is another long-haul flight, this time to Prague - somewhere he had always been eager to pay a visit to. But to be completely honest with himself, Kyuhyun is beginning to lose his enthusiasm at the mere thought of Jongwoon’s frowning face.
He wonders whether this trip will be another one filled with awkward silence and minimal conversations in the flight deck. Only the two of them. Kyuhyun’s shoulders slump in defeat, but he perks up again, full of ardour moments later.
No, he wasn’t going to let this get to him. Cho Kyuhyun will conquer Kim Jongwoon and find out what’s going on in the older man’s mind, even if that’s the last thing he does.
--
“Jongwoon hyung, stop it; I really need to go,” the younger man laughs as he half-heartedly tries to wrest his wrist out of Jongwoon’s death grip, his other hand holding onto the handle of his luggage. “I’m going to be late for the flight. I’m going to get a bad scolding from Jungsoo hyung if you don’t let go.”
Jongwoon flashes a pout at the younger man - probably the only person who would see this side of him. He’s usually serious, and wears a stern expression on his face, but this man… this man made him feel comfortable to be himself; he could act like a kid even, and not get judged. “This sucks, Ryeowook. You get to fly to Bali, and I’m stuck here in this stupid hospital room.”
Ryeowook laughs again and pats Jongwoon on the cheek. “There’s nothing we can do about this, hyung. I hope you’re not expecting Mr. Lee to drop by the hospital and tell you that you’re still scheduled to fly. You’ve just had your surgery; you heard the doctor. You’re in no position or condition to move around or your wound’s going to pop right open.”
“Still,” Jongwoon almost whines, “this was supposed to be our small getaway after our flight schedule.” He mourns for the loss of the holiday which he had looked forward to spending with Ryeowook. The company had approved their request to extend their stay in Bali (after much difficulties and pleads and requests), but it looks like it’s all going to waste.
“We can always plan another holiday when you’re better.” Ryeowook says as he bends forward and catches Jongwoon’s lips in a chaste, lingering kiss. Jongwoon almost didn’t want to let go; he wishes he hadn’t. “I really have to go, Jongwoon hyung. I’ll see you in a couple of days, alright?”
Jongwoon once again finds himself regretting the fact that he had allowed Ryeowook to walk off so easily, wishing that he had held on tighter to the younger man, wanting to turn back the time if he could. But there was no easy way through life, nor were there any options for one to so conveniently reverse what has been done, what has been set in motion, to return to the greener pastures from the past.
Time moves forward regardless of the circumstances, mercilessly and unfeeling. Time does not wait, and people who linger in what has been will be abandoned in just that; what has been.
Broken promises of that next time which never came, regretful thoughts of what would happen if I hadn’t let go, and recurrent nightmares of no, Ryeowook, don’t go don’t leave me don’t do this I can’t go on I can’t breathe come back are the only things left in Jongwoon’s life, plaguing his mind in the waking hours and in his dreams.
As per all the other times he had dreamed of Ryeowook, Jongwoon wakes up in tears, his lips fervently screaming for a name, a voice, an existence that would never again materialise in his life.
--
“You again” is the first phrase that greets Kyuhyun when he steps into the flying deck of the plane, tone bitter and annoyed. His eyes narrow in response at the hostility, wondering what he had done this time to deserve such treatment. And then Kyuhyun reminds himself that no, he wasn’t going to give in to the taunting.
Instead, he answers with as much controlled sarcasm as he could. “I thought you’d know that I would be your co-pilot again this time, Captain Kim. My name was listed beside yours after all.” Kyuhyun smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. If Jongwoon had noticed, he doesn’t show that he’s offended.
Jongwoon opts to scoff at the younger man instead. “I don’t pay attention to such details. Well, I don’t mind, as long as you can handle your part of the responsibility well.” He shrugs, before turning back to punch several buttons on the control panel, completely ignoring Kyuhyun’s presence thereafter.
Kyuhyun shakes his head and rolls his eyes at his superior when the latter’s attention was turned away from him, wondering about Jongwoon’s quirky side. It seemed to him that Jongwoon isn’t very capable of sustaining a normal conversation without the snappy intonation and the less-than-enthusiastic expression he wears; but then Kyuhyun remembers that phrase Jungsoo had said, he was much more cheerful than this in the past, and frowns again. The amount of whys that entails makes his head throb, because he had no answers for them.
He decides that Kim Jongwoon was an enigma to him.
--
I hate flying.
Kyuhyun doesn’t find out what Jongwoon had tried to convey through the phrase until that fateful flight to Prague, when their aircraft gets caught in an unexpectedly violent storm.
The flight was thrown into a chaotic state, with anxious passengers asking questions after questions to the cabin crew, whom entered the cockpit much more than really necessary. Kyuhyun notices how Jongwoon’s muscles tenses up at the situation, thinking that he was just stressed up when the captain of the flight almost snaps at Zhou Mi for delivering the message from one of the passengers.
But then he realises that something isn’t quite right with Jongwoon - how his hands grips the steering wheel, so tightly that his knuckles turned white; how he is sweating profusely, his eyes darting around the flight deck as if trying to find some nonexistent object; how he keeps licking his dry, pale lips, as though on the verge of passing out.
Most importantly, Kyuhyun sees the fear and pain that flickers in Jongwoon’s eyes, the pain overpowering every other emotion that fills the space. Kyuhyun is sure that being a seasoned pilot, Jongwoon isn’t very much worried about the weather; they merely had to trudge on and hope that they would arrive to the end of the storm soon. The aircraft is cruising rather steadily in the storm, getting thrown to the side only occasionally when strong winds threatened to pull its wings apart, so it must mean that Jongwoon still had adequate control of what he’s doing and what he’s supposed to do.
To him, Jongwoon appears as though he is suffocating from his thoughts, his memories, and Kyuhyun feels compelled to tap into those emotions, to relieve Jongwoon of his suffering.
If I ever happen to screw up, you’re in charge of the flight; Kyuhyun remembers the other half of the words Jongwoon had thrown at him on their first meeting like it was yesterday, and without being told, the young pilot silently, gently takes over the control of the aircraft from Jongwoon’s firm grip, with whispers of assurance that let me do this; trust me; everything will be alright.
--
part 2
Author: snowychrys
Pairings: KyuSung, side!YeWook
Characters: Yesung, Kyuhyun, Leeteuk, Ryeowook, Zhou Mi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Pilot!AU, angst, drama
Word Count: 8,649
Summary: One seeks to repeatedly return to the past that never will be, and the other seeks to be the future that has the possibility of coming true.
Warnings: Character death, hinted rated scenes.
Author's Notes: Completely burned my life to finish this fic. I've never intended for this to get so long, but it did, and um... well, I have nothing else to say, except pilots are sexy as heck. Also, thanks to my lovely beta airplanewishes for bearing with my grammatical errors♥ You're the best, sweetheart!
~ * ~
together, we’re about to fly
Narrowed brown eyes meets azure as the man glances up at the skies above, squinting at the brightness of the sun. He partially blocks out the sunrays with his hand, watching as yet another aircraft takes off from the tarmac and flies overhead.
Incessant announcements looking for passengers to head to their boarding gates, safety information, baggage size restrictions, and the lot ring from behind him in a mixture of Czech and English after a succession of pre-recorded bell chimes, and he instinctively takes a step forward, further away from the entrance of the airport.
It wasn’t as though the volume of these announcements would reduce by doing so, but he likes to pretend they did, anyway.
“Captain Kim,” someone calls after him from behind, and he turns to meet the grinning face of his long-legged crew member. The man’s smile reminds him of spring and rainbows, the sort that would brighten up even the gloomiest of days; it reminds him of another person who possessed such a smile, but he stops himself short of continuing that thought. “Where are you headed to? Our bus is this way,” the man continues, jabbing his finger in the opposite direction.
“I-” he starts, only to be interrupted by another man with a dimpled smile. Zhou Mi immediately bows in greeting to the head steward of the flight he had just served; his superior.
“He’s not joining us on the bus ride to the hotel, Zhou Mi.” The person who had joined them tells the air steward, whom questioningly cocks his head to the side. “It’s his usual ritual to take a tour around town the moment the plane lands. Contrary to his clueless face, he’s actually quite well-versed with the streets of Prague. Go on ahead to the bus. I’ll join you guys in a moment.”
“Thanks for that, Jungsoo hyung.” He smiles at the dimpled man in gratitude when the lanky air steward bows and takes his leave, whom pats him in the back.
“No problem, Jongwoon. It is part of my responsibility to inform the new cabin crew about certain things, after all - even the various quirks of the pilot.” Jungsoo winks at him and chuckles, and then turns serious again, expressions full of concern. “Are you going about alone? Do you want me to join you?”
Jongwoon’s lips presses into a thin line, neither smiling nor frowning at the question as he replaces his hat on his messy head of hair. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be back at the hotel by dinner time. Thanks for your offer, though.” He replies silently. The word ‘as usual’ lingers in the air between the two, but neither breathes a word. A soft smile sweeps Jungsoo’s expressions, and he squeezes Jongwoon’s shoulder as he always does.
“I’ll see you later, then.”
--
The summer sun in Prague is - has always been - merciless.
Time and again, Jongwoon is reminded of that fact an hour too late, when he finds himself stripping himself of his necktie and rolling up the sleeves of his already-drenched pristine white button-down shirt to aid ventilation in the middle of the Jan Palach Square. He bristles when even undoing the first two buttons didn’t seem to help, and continues to press his damp handkerchief against his sweat-glistened neck in hopes that the measly piece of cloth could still absorb moisture. Why didn’t he head back to the hotel first to have a change of clothes again?
His irritation slowly dissipates as he steps onto the pavement in front of a building built with sandstone, whose tall, ornate windows gleamed under the sun. His eyes sweeps over the numerous statues perched on the lampposts on each side of the building and its roof, admiring them as though it is the first time he had been there. Jongwoon smiles at the couple who were trying to take a photo of themselves in front of Dvořák’s statue, and offers to help them when they struggle immensely with their tripod and multiple failed shots.
Jongwoon ambles towards the stairs leading into the Rudolfinum later on, sitting on the step that he would always occupy whenever he was there. Seeing couples taking joyful strolls around him weighs down on his heart, adding on to the weariness from the heat that enveloped him.
He vividly remembers about the sunshine smiles he would receive, the light chatter he would indulge in, the playful nudges in his side, butterfly kisses exchanged, and the familiar weight on his shoulder, supporting the head of his most cherished person as the latter leans on him and falls asleep as they watch the sun set over the Vltava.
I’d like to perform in the Dvořák Hall someday, when I can pursue classical music again, Jongwoon would often hear, the voice clear and crisp even now, and I want you to be there to watch me play, and Jongwoon’s hands ball up into tightly-clenched fists at the memory.
There is no person to be held, no promises to be fulfilled, no more dreams to run towards.
All he has is a broken heart and more shattered memories, scattered across the floor in millions of glittery fragments, mocking him in the face.
--
That night, Jungsoo watches Jongwoon in deep concern over dinner, just like every other time they had travelled to Prague together.
Three years down the line, and the younger man was evidently still holding onto the past. Never once had Jungsoo seen Jongwoon smiling or socialising with the other cabin crew members when they were in town, not since that particular incident. Jongwoon was always withdrawn into his own world, expressions pensive - occasionally downright furious, most probably with himself - as he sat in the table furthest away from the rest of the crew.
Jungsoo wasn’t sure whether Jongwoon had noticed this, but the man would always be the last to finish his food, long after the other crew members have retreated to their hotel rooms to rest for the flight back on the next day.
Sighing, Jungsoo gets up from his seat and heads over to Jongwoon’s table, settling into the chair right opposite the other man with a wry smile on his face. “Hey, are you alright?” He asks gently, and Jongwoon seems to have jolted out of his reverie at the question.
“Y-yeah, fine. I’m fine.” he stammers; Jungsoo knows at once that it was a lie.
“You don’t look fine to me,” Jungsoo comments. In fact, you look more horrible than the previous time we were here, he thinks, but he keeps the thought to himself. “How old are you anyway? You made a mess out of your dinner plate.” He chuckles, trying to lighten up the mood a little.
The laughter gets caught in his throat when Jongwoon’s expressions fell even more as he pushes the plate away from him. “Sorry; I was just thinking about… stuff.” Jongwoon mutters sheepishly, shifting his gaze, as though he didn’t want Jungsoo to read his mind through his eyes.
When do you never think about your past? The words hang on the tip of Jungsoo’s tongue, but he settles for, “It’s not healthy to over-think, Jongwoon.” What he really meant was It’s not healthy to hang onto past memories, to cling onto a person who will never return, but again, he doesn’t say it.
“I’m not over-thinking, hyung.” Jongwoon replies, tone curt and barring any further discussion to unravel from it.
Jungsoo exhales quietly and forces a smile. “Then you should go get some sleep. We have another long flight ahead of us tomorrow morning.” He says, and leaves the table when the younger boy merely replies with a slight nod of his head; Jongwoon seemed to be distracted by his thoughts again.
He doesn’t miss how Jongwoon mutters “I don’t even know why I’m still doing this” to himself when he walks away.
--
Cho Kyuhyun’s heart pounds against his ribs in excitement as he steps into the flight deck of the Boeing 747-8I aircraft, a joyful glee on his face as he pats the leather seats soundly. His eyes traces each and every blinking button there was on the control panels, feeling in awe that he could actually step in here. It has always been his dream to fly a plane this huge, with its 467-seater capacity and cruising speed which surpasses 600 miles per hour. Bliss.
He slides into the co-pilot’s seat with relative ease, leaning into the chair and savouring how it feels like to be seated there. It’s different from the smaller aircraft he has been piloting all this while on the local flight routes, and he loves it.
It feels just like home, as though he truly belongs there.
Staring at the panel situated above him, Kyuhyun reaches up and flicks the switch which starts up the aircraft, smiling wistfully to himself when the engine roars to life. And then he jumps slightly when someone raps him on the head, swiftly turning around to catch the sight of a man several years older than he was, with messy black hair tucked beneath his hat and smartly dressed in a navy blue blazer adorned with various pins denoting his ranking, watching him with sharp, narrowed eyes; eyes that seem to question, Who are you and what the fuck do you think you’re doing?
Kyuhyun immediately clambers out of his seat, tripping awkwardly over the seatbelt which was left lying on the floor of the cockpit. He manages to catch himself just in the nick of time before he bowls the other man over, and gives him a perfect 90-degree bow. “Hello, nice to meet you! I’m your co-pilot for this flight, sir!”
The silence hangs between them, long after Kyuhyun’s too-loud introduction, and Kyuhyun straightens himself without being told to. Captain Kim Jongwoon, his nametag reads.
“I’ve never seen you around before” is the man’s first reply, tone sounding more displeased than inquisitive. His sharp, hawk-like eyes are watching, observing, scrutinising, and it makes Kyuhyun slightly uncomfortable. Slightly.
“Uh- yeah, I’ve received a promotion to handle the international routes just recently.” Kyuhyun explains - assuming that’s the answer his superior is searching for. “This is my first flight, actually.”
Jongwoon mutters something unintelligible under his breath, which includes the words ‘newbie’ and ‘why me’ - Kyuhyun is, again, slightly offended by his choice of words - before stiffly extending his arm for the younger man to shake. “I’m Kim Jongwoon, obviously your superior in this flight and in the company in general. There’s only one thing you need to know about me: I hate flying, so if I ever happen to screw up, you’re in charge of the flight.”
With that, Jongwoon turns to leave for another part of the plane, presumably to look for the head steward of their flight to sort out some serving schedules. Kyuhyun finds himself staring at Jongwoon’s retreating back, pondering about the last words he had thrown at him.
What the hell?
--
“Jungsoo hyung, has Captain Kim always acted like he had a stick up his ass?” Kyuhyun finds himself asking as they savour their dinner for the night - authentic Italian pasta, so delicious that it makes Kyuhyun’s toes curl in delight. It’s been barely a couple of hours since they had become acquainted, yet Kyuhyun was already good friends with Jungsoo and half of the crew. Their end of the table is cut off from the rest of the crew, who were rambunctiously playing some guessing game that they couldn’t be bothered to follow.
Beside him, the air steward called Zhou Mi snorts and chokes on a strand of pasta at the too-honest term. Kyuhyun pats his back apologetically. “Badmouthing your superiors is a no-no, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi chastises with a slight chuckle as he dabs at his mouth with a napkin. “But to answer your question, he’s actually really nice when he’s in the right mood. You just have to get to know him better.”
“How, exactly?” Kyuhyun wonders out loud, the exasperation clearly reflected in his expressions. “He’s been nothing but hostile the entire time I was with him in the cockpit. And then he ignores my questions the rest of the time.”
Jungsoo glances over to the table where Jongwoon is, once again, seated alone. “He was much more cheerful than this in the past,” he supplements carelessly, snapping his mouth shut when he turns to find Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi staring expectantly at him. “You’re not getting anything else out of me.” Jungsoo then says with a tone of finality, earning synchronous whines from the pair.
“Why not?” Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi choruses in protest. It’s like reading a novel with an amazing opening, but has no substantial plotline nor a decent enough ending to tie up the loose ends. It leaves them feeling empty.
“You’ll find out if he wants you to find out. I’m in no position to talk about his affairs” is Jungsoo’s firm reply, changing the subject fairly rapidly to talk about the weather and the country they were in and the sights to see.
Kyuhyun steals surreptitious glances at his captain as he indulges with the conversation with Jungsoo and Zhou Mi, wondering what exactly was hidden behind those pensive eyes of Jongwoon’s.
He thinks they almost look distant, sad and lost.
--
Jongwoon has no idea whether he should laugh or cry when he finds his name on the roster for the flight to Prague for the second time in two months. He knows, however, that he has every intention to march right up to the human resource manager’s office to protest against this decision. The company knew about his request to fly to Prague once every six months, at the very most, so why was he scheduled to do this again?
But apparently, there’s a first for everything, as told by the HR manager Lee Sooman. “I’m sorry, Jongwoon; I understand your circumstances with regards to your reluctance in flying to Prague, but we need you to be the captain for this flight. Many senior pilots are on leave because of the Chuseok festivities. You’re the best candidate we can think of to ply the route, and guide the junior pilots who have just been promoted to take on the international flights.”
“What if I told you that I’m planning to take some time off for Chuseok as well?” Jongwoon huffs in retort, even though he knew that the HR manager made the proper decision. He was, after all, the one pilot who had clocked in the highest amount of flying time to the capital city of Czech Republic; for obvious reasons.
“But you haven’t submitted your leave application yet,” Lee Sooman reminds him, “so you have to fulfil your responsibility according to the schedule. Again, I’m sorry, Jongwoon. I have no say in this.”
The discussion was effectively over with that one simple line. Although Jongwoon knows that his HR manager has every say in arranging the pilots’ flight schedules, he doesn’t call the older man out on the fact. Nothing he says or does would be able to change Lee Sooman’s mind after all, and any other effort made to protest would be a waste of time, energy, and his saliva.
Jongwoon sighs as he drags himself out of the office, kick-starting the mental preparations for the anguish that would inevitably be dredged up from hell when he sets foot in Prague again.
--
Kyuhyun groans out loud, the response almost becoming a reflex when he finally finds his name on the flight roster for the upcoming month. He knew that the end of the month was termed as the ‘period of hell’ by many of the cabin crew - most notably the ones who are single and unmarried with no decent plans for Chuseok, but he is quite close to cursing his own luck.
Next to his name, is Captain Kim Jongwoon, printed in bold, dark font.
Six times; that was the number of times Kyuhyun had been on the same flight with Kim Jongwoon after his promotion to the international routes. Never once did Jongwoon acknowledge him (but it doesn’t mean that Kyuhyun didn’t try to talk to him regardless), much less greet him in the way that Kyuhyun had expected a senior to, and frankly, he was disappointed and perhaps slightly jealous when he hears his friends boast about how nice the senior pilots they were posted under are.
His next flight with Jongwoon is another long-haul flight, this time to Prague - somewhere he had always been eager to pay a visit to. But to be completely honest with himself, Kyuhyun is beginning to lose his enthusiasm at the mere thought of Jongwoon’s frowning face.
He wonders whether this trip will be another one filled with awkward silence and minimal conversations in the flight deck. Only the two of them. Kyuhyun’s shoulders slump in defeat, but he perks up again, full of ardour moments later.
No, he wasn’t going to let this get to him. Cho Kyuhyun will conquer Kim Jongwoon and find out what’s going on in the older man’s mind, even if that’s the last thing he does.
--
“Jongwoon hyung, stop it; I really need to go,” the younger man laughs as he half-heartedly tries to wrest his wrist out of Jongwoon’s death grip, his other hand holding onto the handle of his luggage. “I’m going to be late for the flight. I’m going to get a bad scolding from Jungsoo hyung if you don’t let go.”
Jongwoon flashes a pout at the younger man - probably the only person who would see this side of him. He’s usually serious, and wears a stern expression on his face, but this man… this man made him feel comfortable to be himself; he could act like a kid even, and not get judged. “This sucks, Ryeowook. You get to fly to Bali, and I’m stuck here in this stupid hospital room.”
Ryeowook laughs again and pats Jongwoon on the cheek. “There’s nothing we can do about this, hyung. I hope you’re not expecting Mr. Lee to drop by the hospital and tell you that you’re still scheduled to fly. You’ve just had your surgery; you heard the doctor. You’re in no position or condition to move around or your wound’s going to pop right open.”
“Still,” Jongwoon almost whines, “this was supposed to be our small getaway after our flight schedule.” He mourns for the loss of the holiday which he had looked forward to spending with Ryeowook. The company had approved their request to extend their stay in Bali (after much difficulties and pleads and requests), but it looks like it’s all going to waste.
“We can always plan another holiday when you’re better.” Ryeowook says as he bends forward and catches Jongwoon’s lips in a chaste, lingering kiss. Jongwoon almost didn’t want to let go; he wishes he hadn’t. “I really have to go, Jongwoon hyung. I’ll see you in a couple of days, alright?”
Jongwoon once again finds himself regretting the fact that he had allowed Ryeowook to walk off so easily, wishing that he had held on tighter to the younger man, wanting to turn back the time if he could. But there was no easy way through life, nor were there any options for one to so conveniently reverse what has been done, what has been set in motion, to return to the greener pastures from the past.
Time moves forward regardless of the circumstances, mercilessly and unfeeling. Time does not wait, and people who linger in what has been will be abandoned in just that; what has been.
Broken promises of that next time which never came, regretful thoughts of what would happen if I hadn’t let go, and recurrent nightmares of no, Ryeowook, don’t go don’t leave me don’t do this I can’t go on I can’t breathe come back are the only things left in Jongwoon’s life, plaguing his mind in the waking hours and in his dreams.
As per all the other times he had dreamed of Ryeowook, Jongwoon wakes up in tears, his lips fervently screaming for a name, a voice, an existence that would never again materialise in his life.
--
“You again” is the first phrase that greets Kyuhyun when he steps into the flying deck of the plane, tone bitter and annoyed. His eyes narrow in response at the hostility, wondering what he had done this time to deserve such treatment. And then Kyuhyun reminds himself that no, he wasn’t going to give in to the taunting.
Instead, he answers with as much controlled sarcasm as he could. “I thought you’d know that I would be your co-pilot again this time, Captain Kim. My name was listed beside yours after all.” Kyuhyun smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. If Jongwoon had noticed, he doesn’t show that he’s offended.
Jongwoon opts to scoff at the younger man instead. “I don’t pay attention to such details. Well, I don’t mind, as long as you can handle your part of the responsibility well.” He shrugs, before turning back to punch several buttons on the control panel, completely ignoring Kyuhyun’s presence thereafter.
Kyuhyun shakes his head and rolls his eyes at his superior when the latter’s attention was turned away from him, wondering about Jongwoon’s quirky side. It seemed to him that Jongwoon isn’t very capable of sustaining a normal conversation without the snappy intonation and the less-than-enthusiastic expression he wears; but then Kyuhyun remembers that phrase Jungsoo had said, he was much more cheerful than this in the past, and frowns again. The amount of whys that entails makes his head throb, because he had no answers for them.
He decides that Kim Jongwoon was an enigma to him.
--
I hate flying.
Kyuhyun doesn’t find out what Jongwoon had tried to convey through the phrase until that fateful flight to Prague, when their aircraft gets caught in an unexpectedly violent storm.
The flight was thrown into a chaotic state, with anxious passengers asking questions after questions to the cabin crew, whom entered the cockpit much more than really necessary. Kyuhyun notices how Jongwoon’s muscles tenses up at the situation, thinking that he was just stressed up when the captain of the flight almost snaps at Zhou Mi for delivering the message from one of the passengers.
But then he realises that something isn’t quite right with Jongwoon - how his hands grips the steering wheel, so tightly that his knuckles turned white; how he is sweating profusely, his eyes darting around the flight deck as if trying to find some nonexistent object; how he keeps licking his dry, pale lips, as though on the verge of passing out.
Most importantly, Kyuhyun sees the fear and pain that flickers in Jongwoon’s eyes, the pain overpowering every other emotion that fills the space. Kyuhyun is sure that being a seasoned pilot, Jongwoon isn’t very much worried about the weather; they merely had to trudge on and hope that they would arrive to the end of the storm soon. The aircraft is cruising rather steadily in the storm, getting thrown to the side only occasionally when strong winds threatened to pull its wings apart, so it must mean that Jongwoon still had adequate control of what he’s doing and what he’s supposed to do.
To him, Jongwoon appears as though he is suffocating from his thoughts, his memories, and Kyuhyun feels compelled to tap into those emotions, to relieve Jongwoon of his suffering.
If I ever happen to screw up, you’re in charge of the flight; Kyuhyun remembers the other half of the words Jongwoon had thrown at him on their first meeting like it was yesterday, and without being told, the young pilot silently, gently takes over the control of the aircraft from Jongwoon’s firm grip, with whispers of assurance that let me do this; trust me; everything will be alright.
--
part 2