[SJFF] 100 SJ Fic Challenge - 012 Chains (16/100)
Title: Chains
Pairing/Characters: Heechul/Kangin
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Angst
Type: Drabble
Summary: Being chained down by something you used to love isn't exactly the best of feelings, as Heechul had learned.
Author's Notes: Kinda had the idea after recently translating an article about Heechul saying that he had only regained his courage to sing after M&D was formed. Perhaps we have never noticed it before, but Heechul's kinda hard on himself about his own mistakes. /sighs
~ * ~
The thinner man took a drag of his cigarette, habitually exhaling the smoke from his mouth as he accepted the bottle of soju from the other man seated next to him. Even though the younger man said nothing more than extending a request for Heechul to accompany him for a drink or two (but knowing them, they would end up downing at least ten bottles anyway) at their dorm balcony, he already saw through Youngwoon's intentions.
There was probably only one thing that bothered everyone else's minds outside of their album promotions.
Yet neither of them said anything for the past thirty minutes. All that had surrounded them were the sounds of vehicles passing by on the streets below. The clicking sounds of the lighter as cigarette after cigarette was burned out. The strong stench of smoke wafted in the air, continuously invading their senses. The sound of alcohol swished around in its bottle as they chugged the contents down.
Ten more quiet minutes passed, before Youngwoon finally spoke up. "Hyung, why do you actually want to leave the group?" he questioned, straightforward as always.
"I've said this many times before. I want to focus on pursuing a career in acting," Heechul drawled lazily, repeating the sentence for the umpteenth time since he had brought forth his intentions. It was as though it had become rehearsed speech for his drama.
"You could very well juggle your career in acting and participate in activities as a member of Super Junior, hyung," Youngwoon mumbled, the quality of his voice a telltale sign that he was far from sober. "You've been doing this for the past few years without any hiccups. Why stop now?"
Heechul scoffed at the younger man's remarks. "If I were doing such a great job, the fans wouldn't be complaining so much about my constant absence from the group. Neither would the other members," he pointed out, taking yet another drag of the cigarette in between his fingers before discarding the burnt-out butt.
"You know that the other guys don't really mean that," Youngwoon said, eyes following the movements of the butt which soared through the air and disappeared into the darkness. "And since when did Kim Heechul become someone who cares about what the others think of him?" he teased again, flinching when Heechul hit him square in the chest.
"Aish watch your manners, you brat," the older one of the pair scowled, completely ignoring the points that Youngwoon had brought up.
The younger male, however, was relentless in satiating his curiosity. "Seriously, though. I don't think this is the main reason why you've decided to leave," Youngwoon pressed on, throwing a sideward glance at the other man through his glazed eyes.
Heechul let out a disbelieving chuckle and moved to ruffle Youngwoon's short-cropped hair. The latter grunted in an annoyed manner at the treatment he received, half-heartedly pushing Heechul's hand away.
"You should be a mind-reader after you retire. Just like idiot Teuk," Heechul sighed as he leaned against the glass door. "You're right; I don't really care about what the others are saying about me," he finally admitted.
"Then why?"
"Do you remember when we were doing promotions for 'U', and my voice cracked on stage?" Youngwoon nodded. "I can't let myself live that down. It was a terrible mistake that I shouldn't have committed."
The larger man rolled his eyes. "Everyone makes mistakes, hyung. You're being too hard on yourself."
"Am I really?" Heechul shot back cynically. "My confidence took a huge dip because of that. I feel completely suffocated by music. It used to be my strongest pursuit in the past, but right now it just feels like I have huge chains clamping me down. I can't sing when I'm feeling like this."
"Don't we all have such chains around us all the time?" Youngwoon said quietly, coming to realise about the amount of truth behind Heechul's words, and also how the older man had suffered silently for so long. "The entire music industry is one such chain. There's not much of a freedom to do anything else without being afraid of getting judged."
Heechul nodded gloomily at that. "Unfortunately, we have to rely on these chains to survive and make a living. It's what we chose to get ourselves involved in. But I can't do this anymore, Youngwoon. I hope you understand."
A blanket of silence fell over them after Heechul's final sentence, both coming to a quiet understanding of the other's standpoint. Heechul had made up his mind about focusing on acting, and Youngwoon couldn't possibly hold him back if he were suffering this much by just being in a singing group.
They all had to break away from these chains sooner or later; Heechul chose the former.
Pairing/Characters: Heechul/Kangin
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Angst
Type: Drabble
Summary: Being chained down by something you used to love isn't exactly the best of feelings, as Heechul had learned.
Author's Notes: Kinda had the idea after recently translating an article about Heechul saying that he had only regained his courage to sing after M&D was formed. Perhaps we have never noticed it before, but Heechul's kinda hard on himself about his own mistakes. /sighs
~ * ~
The thinner man took a drag of his cigarette, habitually exhaling the smoke from his mouth as he accepted the bottle of soju from the other man seated next to him. Even though the younger man said nothing more than extending a request for Heechul to accompany him for a drink or two (but knowing them, they would end up downing at least ten bottles anyway) at their dorm balcony, he already saw through Youngwoon's intentions.
There was probably only one thing that bothered everyone else's minds outside of their album promotions.
Yet neither of them said anything for the past thirty minutes. All that had surrounded them were the sounds of vehicles passing by on the streets below. The clicking sounds of the lighter as cigarette after cigarette was burned out. The strong stench of smoke wafted in the air, continuously invading their senses. The sound of alcohol swished around in its bottle as they chugged the contents down.
Ten more quiet minutes passed, before Youngwoon finally spoke up. "Hyung, why do you actually want to leave the group?" he questioned, straightforward as always.
"I've said this many times before. I want to focus on pursuing a career in acting," Heechul drawled lazily, repeating the sentence for the umpteenth time since he had brought forth his intentions. It was as though it had become rehearsed speech for his drama.
"You could very well juggle your career in acting and participate in activities as a member of Super Junior, hyung," Youngwoon mumbled, the quality of his voice a telltale sign that he was far from sober. "You've been doing this for the past few years without any hiccups. Why stop now?"
Heechul scoffed at the younger man's remarks. "If I were doing such a great job, the fans wouldn't be complaining so much about my constant absence from the group. Neither would the other members," he pointed out, taking yet another drag of the cigarette in between his fingers before discarding the burnt-out butt.
"You know that the other guys don't really mean that," Youngwoon said, eyes following the movements of the butt which soared through the air and disappeared into the darkness. "And since when did Kim Heechul become someone who cares about what the others think of him?" he teased again, flinching when Heechul hit him square in the chest.
"Aish watch your manners, you brat," the older one of the pair scowled, completely ignoring the points that Youngwoon had brought up.
The younger male, however, was relentless in satiating his curiosity. "Seriously, though. I don't think this is the main reason why you've decided to leave," Youngwoon pressed on, throwing a sideward glance at the other man through his glazed eyes.
Heechul let out a disbelieving chuckle and moved to ruffle Youngwoon's short-cropped hair. The latter grunted in an annoyed manner at the treatment he received, half-heartedly pushing Heechul's hand away.
"You should be a mind-reader after you retire. Just like idiot Teuk," Heechul sighed as he leaned against the glass door. "You're right; I don't really care about what the others are saying about me," he finally admitted.
"Then why?"
"Do you remember when we were doing promotions for 'U', and my voice cracked on stage?" Youngwoon nodded. "I can't let myself live that down. It was a terrible mistake that I shouldn't have committed."
The larger man rolled his eyes. "Everyone makes mistakes, hyung. You're being too hard on yourself."
"Am I really?" Heechul shot back cynically. "My confidence took a huge dip because of that. I feel completely suffocated by music. It used to be my strongest pursuit in the past, but right now it just feels like I have huge chains clamping me down. I can't sing when I'm feeling like this."
"Don't we all have such chains around us all the time?" Youngwoon said quietly, coming to realise about the amount of truth behind Heechul's words, and also how the older man had suffered silently for so long. "The entire music industry is one such chain. There's not much of a freedom to do anything else without being afraid of getting judged."
Heechul nodded gloomily at that. "Unfortunately, we have to rely on these chains to survive and make a living. It's what we chose to get ourselves involved in. But I can't do this anymore, Youngwoon. I hope you understand."
A blanket of silence fell over them after Heechul's final sentence, both coming to a quiet understanding of the other's standpoint. Heechul had made up his mind about focusing on acting, and Youngwoon couldn't possibly hold him back if he were suffering this much by just being in a singing group.
They all had to break away from these chains sooner or later; Heechul chose the former.