time is odd.
So this last weekend/monday/whatever, I had this sort of, meltdown.
So.. I'm home sick for a week.
I went through this shit time, where I found out people who I thought were my friends were not, and (I'm afraid) destroyed a true friendship beyond repair.
Livejournal has just become this fucking soap opera of a place. So, I had deleted my journal. Now I am undeleting it. What I'll do tomorrow, who knows.
What I learned was that there are people who care about me, even if I don't always feel deserving.
So, anyway.
From now on, I am making this journal friends only; if you want to be added, add a comment saying why.
I am not going to go back and make all of the previous entries friends only; my life until this point has been an open book.
I recently learned that some people are offended and disgusted by my pages.
So, if you can't take the ups and downs of being friends with me, you're not worth my feelings.
Happy. New. Year.
(amendment) If you were on my friends list before, you are still on it, with one exception.
As for those who feel that this is a demand for you to beg for my friendship, as one person has said. It is not. As I told her:
If you want to be my friend, be it. If not, don't. I only want people in my life who love me no matter what, and understand that sometimes I do and say things I don't mean when I am upset, or at least not heavily sedated.(ha, ha)
At the moment, I am trying to pick up the pieces after hitting the bottom and shattering.
Less than a week ago, I thought about killing myself every day. I'm just trying to rebuild.
I won't apologize for who I am, although I am sorry that I hurt other people, and for some of the things I said.
I beleive that friendship isn't finite; it changes, it grows, and sometimes it dies.
Ok, seriously, I need to eat breakfast now.
So.. I'm home sick for a week.
I went through this shit time, where I found out people who I thought were my friends were not, and (I'm afraid) destroyed a true friendship beyond repair.
Livejournal has just become this fucking soap opera of a place. So, I had deleted my journal. Now I am undeleting it. What I'll do tomorrow, who knows.
What I learned was that there are people who care about me, even if I don't always feel deserving.
So, anyway.
From now on, I am making this journal friends only; if you want to be added, add a comment saying why.
I am not going to go back and make all of the previous entries friends only; my life until this point has been an open book.
I recently learned that some people are offended and disgusted by my pages.
So, if you can't take the ups and downs of being friends with me, you're not worth my feelings.
Happy. New. Year.
(amendment) If you were on my friends list before, you are still on it, with one exception.
As for those who feel that this is a demand for you to beg for my friendship, as one person has said. It is not. As I told her:
If you want to be my friend, be it. If not, don't. I only want people in my life who love me no matter what, and understand that sometimes I do and say things I don't mean when I am upset, or at least not heavily sedated.(ha, ha)
At the moment, I am trying to pick up the pieces after hitting the bottom and shattering.
Less than a week ago, I thought about killing myself every day. I'm just trying to rebuild.
I won't apologize for who I am, although I am sorry that I hurt other people, and for some of the things I said.
I beleive that friendship isn't finite; it changes, it grows, and sometimes it dies.
Ok, seriously, I need to eat breakfast now.