(no subject)
i don't know how to deal today.
bobbie is gone. mark is gone.
kristi is gone.
my 3 closest friends at work, all gone at once.
i feel the back of my eyes vibrating. it feels like my brain is about to collapse.
i don't know why some days are harder. why some days are like torture and others just pass.
sometimes i look around and wonder if i am crazy, and no one's figured it out yet. or they have and they're treading lightly in case i snap.
i just want to close my fucking eyes. it hurts to be in light, to be in noise, to hear my voice in my head.
i sound so fucking normal on the phone. it feels so plastic.
now the tops of my eyeballs are heavy. i would give anything to just lie down in the dark.
i came to something this weekend. i made some... i took a step, though in what direction is hard to tell.
it has left me raw, and wiggling.
i just want it to be dark. i want to hear my own breathing. i want to hear my lamp bubbling.
this day is going to last forever.
bobbie is gone. mark is gone.
kristi is gone.
my 3 closest friends at work, all gone at once.
i feel the back of my eyes vibrating. it feels like my brain is about to collapse.
i don't know why some days are harder. why some days are like torture and others just pass.
sometimes i look around and wonder if i am crazy, and no one's figured it out yet. or they have and they're treading lightly in case i snap.
i just want to close my fucking eyes. it hurts to be in light, to be in noise, to hear my voice in my head.
i sound so fucking normal on the phone. it feels so plastic.
now the tops of my eyeballs are heavy. i would give anything to just lie down in the dark.
i came to something this weekend. i made some... i took a step, though in what direction is hard to tell.
it has left me raw, and wiggling.
i just want it to be dark. i want to hear my own breathing. i want to hear my lamp bubbling.
this day is going to last forever.