I don't want to fall in the cliché...
But I feel like talking about 9/11
I was in school that morning. One of my friends came, early in the morning and asked me if I had watched the news before coming because an airplane had "accidentaly" crashed against one of the World Trade Center towers...
What gets to me, even now; is that we thought it was an accident. And even later, when I watched with my classmates in the English classroom, we thought it could be an accident. Even when we saw the second plane crashing... we thought, we held the vain hope it could have been an accident.
And it's almost like, 5 years have gone by, and we still can't get over it. We can't move on. It's like this terribly haunting memory that keeps coming back, because it is not over! It is nowhere near over.
To a certain instance, we all have made it part of our lives. Everyone, everywhere has a memory realted to 9/11 that won't go away. It meant something for most of us, it meant something that doesn't go away.
And in some twisted, rebelled part of me, I have something in my heart that reminds me of C... I don't want to talk about him at all, because it's painful, and nasty and bad for me! It is bad for me.
This thing, this monster that's eating away at our souls... it has to go. I don't want it to follow me forever. It has to go!...
I guess... (And I realise it's almost cruel to say this after talking about 9/11) I just need, as in SERIOUSLY, BADLY NEED TO GET LAID!!!
I have to get laid. I need to get laid. I need to have sex.
And I bet it has something with that stupid hormone situation we, women have, because a while ago, I was talking to a friend and said "I need to have sex" and he said "With him?"
And well, I'd have sex with other people (Dr McDreamy!), but mostly, I want to have sex with him.
And that sucks so bad that I can't even say!
But I'm not going there, not even. Yes, I want to have sex, I need to get laid, and it would be rather extraordinary if it could be him.
Of course it doesn't help that he calls me every now and then, and that I call him. But that we're both too busy to get together and that however I'd like to ignore the fact he has a girlfriend. And last time we talked, I asked him for her, in a very SATC!Big kinda way as in how things are with her, and he said "Everything's ok... well, not really, but... never mind". I tried to make him crumble under questioning, but that took me off guard.
I guess... I guess I just don't understand why we don't give up on each other. I can't help but wonder if there are relationships that follow you around like bad memories. I don't... I don't want to forget him, or let him go entirely... and I certainly don't want him to let me go.
But sometimes, every now and then... I'd like to have closure, either way.
*sigh*
Because a part of me can't help but thinking that something may happen... something big, huge, that could change everything, and we didn't have closure. I don't want to die without having closure with him. You know what I mean?
*sigh*
"Cristina: You have a feeling?
Meredith: Yes.
Cristina: Okay, what kind of feeling?
Meredith: Like I might die.
Cristina: Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? We're all going to die eventually. Now we're late! Let's go!
Meredith: Cristina. C'mon!
Cristina: This is me being supportive.
Meredith: Really?
Cristina: Yeah, I'm totally supportive. Go.
Meredith: OK. The man I love has a wife and then he chooses her over me. And that wife takes my dog-OK, she didn't take the dog, I gave it to her, but I didn't mean to give it to her, I meant to give it to him-but that does not change the fact that she's got my McDreamy. And my McDog. She's got my McLife! And what have I got? -sits up-You know, I can't even remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more. You think you have forever, but you don't. [Flops onto pillow] Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I just-I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today.
Cristina: [throws back blanket] Whatever - everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move! Move! Move! [Opens the door to find Izzie and George]
Cristina: We're good to go."
So... in all good spirit.. I have to be good to go. Like... now. I didn't mean to make my 9/11 memory turn into my lonely memory... I guess it's just the way it is.
I was in school that morning. One of my friends came, early in the morning and asked me if I had watched the news before coming because an airplane had "accidentaly" crashed against one of the World Trade Center towers...
What gets to me, even now; is that we thought it was an accident. And even later, when I watched with my classmates in the English classroom, we thought it could be an accident. Even when we saw the second plane crashing... we thought, we held the vain hope it could have been an accident.
And it's almost like, 5 years have gone by, and we still can't get over it. We can't move on. It's like this terribly haunting memory that keeps coming back, because it is not over! It is nowhere near over.
To a certain instance, we all have made it part of our lives. Everyone, everywhere has a memory realted to 9/11 that won't go away. It meant something for most of us, it meant something that doesn't go away.
And in some twisted, rebelled part of me, I have something in my heart that reminds me of C... I don't want to talk about him at all, because it's painful, and nasty and bad for me! It is bad for me.
This thing, this monster that's eating away at our souls... it has to go. I don't want it to follow me forever. It has to go!...
I guess... (And I realise it's almost cruel to say this after talking about 9/11) I just need, as in SERIOUSLY, BADLY NEED TO GET LAID!!!
I have to get laid. I need to get laid. I need to have sex.
And I bet it has something with that stupid hormone situation we, women have, because a while ago, I was talking to a friend and said "I need to have sex" and he said "With him?"
And well, I'd have sex with other people (Dr McDreamy!), but mostly, I want to have sex with him.
And that sucks so bad that I can't even say!
But I'm not going there, not even. Yes, I want to have sex, I need to get laid, and it would be rather extraordinary if it could be him.
Of course it doesn't help that he calls me every now and then, and that I call him. But that we're both too busy to get together and that however I'd like to ignore the fact he has a girlfriend. And last time we talked, I asked him for her, in a very SATC!Big kinda way as in how things are with her, and he said "Everything's ok... well, not really, but... never mind". I tried to make him crumble under questioning, but that took me off guard.
I guess... I guess I just don't understand why we don't give up on each other. I can't help but wonder if there are relationships that follow you around like bad memories. I don't... I don't want to forget him, or let him go entirely... and I certainly don't want him to let me go.
But sometimes, every now and then... I'd like to have closure, either way.
*sigh*
Because a part of me can't help but thinking that something may happen... something big, huge, that could change everything, and we didn't have closure. I don't want to die without having closure with him. You know what I mean?
*sigh*
"Cristina: You have a feeling?
Meredith: Yes.
Cristina: Okay, what kind of feeling?
Meredith: Like I might die.
Cristina: Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? We're all going to die eventually. Now we're late! Let's go!
Meredith: Cristina. C'mon!
Cristina: This is me being supportive.
Meredith: Really?
Cristina: Yeah, I'm totally supportive. Go.
Meredith: OK. The man I love has a wife and then he chooses her over me. And that wife takes my dog-OK, she didn't take the dog, I gave it to her, but I didn't mean to give it to her, I meant to give it to him-but that does not change the fact that she's got my McDreamy. And my McDog. She's got my McLife! And what have I got? -sits up-You know, I can't even remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more. You think you have forever, but you don't. [Flops onto pillow] Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I just-I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today.
Cristina: [throws back blanket] Whatever - everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move! Move! Move! [Opens the door to find Izzie and George]
Cristina: We're good to go."
So... in all good spirit.. I have to be good to go. Like... now. I didn't mean to make my 9/11 memory turn into my lonely memory... I guess it's just the way it is.