Saved - Chapter Seven
Saved - Chapter Seven
Notes: Sorry for the long delay. I have every intention of completing this, it may just take awhile. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and commenting on it.
By four-thirty in the morning Caiden had finally made up his mind. Rainey’s head was still resting on his shoulder so Caiden wrapped one arm around his brother and pulled him up as gently as he could. When Rainey began to protest Caiden pressed his finger against his brother’s lips, quieting him before he woke the boys who were lying fast asleep on the floor or sprawled out across the few pieces of mismatched furniture, all of them dead to the world. Picking up the backpack and suitcase with his free hand, Caiden led Rainey to the front door, squinting into the darkness that surrounded them. Once outside he put down their bags and pulled what looked to be their clothes off of the clothesline. He couldn’t be sure that all the pieces actually belonged to them. Jason would just need to replace anything they mistakenly took with the money Caiden had earned and was now leaving behind. As he gathered their belongings, shoving them into the backpack, Rainey leaned heavily against him.
Once everything was as secure as he could get it with the use of only one hand, he led Rainey out to the highway, stumbling now and again over tangled up legs and bags. He only stopped when the apartment building and the house in front of it were around a curve in the highway and out of view. Dropping their bags to the ground heavily he pushed them together creating a bundle that Rainey could rest against. Once his brother was settled Caiden began to pace along the shoulder of the highway, looking for headlights heading north. The only light he could see came from a porch a few houses up the road. Caiden rubbed his face with open palms, feeling his brand new calluses scratching lightly at his skin. Minutes passed and Caiden was grateful that Rainey seemed to have fallen back to sleep on the makeshift pillow he had constructed for him. Keeping his own eyes open was difficult enough. When a truck flew past, swerving towards the shoulder a bit and kicking up dust along the side of the road as it did, Caiden jerked awake, shielding his eyes from the onslaught of sand and grit, unaware that he had fallen asleep standing up. Rainey was sitting up, staring hard at him.
“Why’d we leave?”
Caiden closed his eyes and took a deep breath once the dirt had settled.
“Why’d we leave Caiden?” Rainey sounded angry; a tone Caiden had only heard a handful of times, usually directed at older boys who were committing some sort of injustice on an animal or a little kid.
“We had to.”
A sliver of moon shone done on the boys. It was the sort of moon that would be visible all day long.
“I wanna go home. I wanna see mama and Shade and our room. I wanna lie down on my bed. Let me lay down Caiden. Please?” Rainey lowered his head onto his knees and cradled his neck with his hands, he felt sick. He began to rock, slowly at first but them more and more quickly, moving back and forth so fast that he almost lost his balance.
“What are you talking about? You know we can’t go back, once you leave you can’t ever go back. I thought you knew that.” Caiden felt as though he had swallowed a giant stone and it was sinking down into the middle of his chest. It was true, Caiden could never return, but Rainey was different.
“I wanna go home Caiden, I just wanna go home.” Rainey kept rocking. It wasn’t anything like the gentle swaying that lulled him to sleep each night. Caiden stared at his brother. He didn’t know what to do, this wasn’t his fault. People kept making him leave. He didn’t want to but they made him.
“You didn’t have to come. You could have stayed. Why’d you come?” Rainey wasn’t the only one who sounded angry now.
Rainey’s body slowed until he sat motionless on the red dirt beneath him. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
Caiden felt a surge of heat race though him, his skin prickling. “Alone? You’re never alone Rainey. They all want you. They’ve always wanted you.” A wave of nausea passed over him. “You’re mama’s favorite you know. Should have seen how she fussed over you when you were a baby. All the wives told her not to, said you’d get spoiled. She never listened though, picked you up even more it seemed.” Rainey had begun to rock again, slowly now. “Everyone wants you Rainey. Father, the prophet …Zach…; they all want you.” Caiden’s voice was shaking. For a moment he tried to control it, worried that it would scare Rainey but he gave up quickly, things were different now. Hiding things wasn’t going to help either of them. Couldn’t Rainey see what was right in front of him? Alone? He’d never been alone.
Caiden thought back to the first time that it had become clear to him that Rainey’s future wasn’t like his, wasn’t like any of theirs. When Caiden was twelve and Rainey was ten the prophet had asked their father to bring Rainey to his office for a meeting. Rainey and his father had returned a couple of hours later, their father rushing off to work without going into the house, Rainey joining Caiden out behind the shed to shoot at cans. Caiden had asked him what the prophet had said and Rainey had told him but it didn’t’ make much sense to either of them so they quickly moved on to other things such as the snowfall that promised to come by the end of the week. That evening Caiden had pressed his ear to the wall, listening to this father discuss the day’s events with Rainey’s mother. ‘A successor’, he had said. ‘Full of potential’. Caiden didn’t know what those words meant but he knew whom they were about and that they were important.
Looking down at Rainey Caiden sighed and turned back toward the apartment. “C’mon”. Rainey would have to carry their things this time, Caiden had carried his share. When they reached the door to the apartment Caiden gently tried the doorknob. He knew it would be locked, he had distinctly heard it click behind him just hours before. At the time it had been comforting, now it was another hurdle they’d have to cross.
“Should we try a window?” Rainey’s eyes were closed and he was out of breath, the walk back had worn him out.
“No, that’ll wake them. Let’s just wait out here.” The boys slid down to the ground, resting their backs against the rough stucco wall of the building. Caiden closed his eyes but sleep was out of his reach so he just pretended for a while, he was tired of talking. He could feel Rainey’s stillness beside him, letting him know that his brother was doing the same thing. As the night wore on Caiden went over his options again and again, none of them feeling right. The sun would come up soon and Caiden had to know.
“How do you feel?”
Rainey didn’t lift his head from where it rested on his knees. “Awful, like someone-‘
“But it felt good before?”
“Yeah, really good. Like heaven might feel maybe.” Caiden reached for his brother’s hand and squeezed hard. Rainey turned his head slightly. “I’m still here Caiden.”
Caiden let go slowly, “I know.”
* * *
When Rainey woke up he squinted against the sunlight that was shining into the room and directly into his eyes. Turning his head, he tried to find an angle that didn’t make his eyes feel as though they were being seared with hot pokers. Giving up, he buried his head into the pillow beneath him.
“Finally, thought you were gonna sleep all day.” Rainey could tell from his voice that Zach was standing over by the closet. Apparently someone had put him to bed in Zach and Jason’s bedroom.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright, you feel pretty bad though, huh?”
“Yeah, everything aches.”
“That can happen, lucky for you I got just the thing for it. C’mon, get up.”
Rainey struggled to sit up. Zach was leaned over into the closet, his low slung jeans threatening to slide down even further, each vertebra visible on his slender back.
“What are you looking for?”
“A pair of shoes that fit. Fuckin’ john puked up on my Vans, no warning, just chucked all over them, fucking junkie.” Rainey couldn’t remember which of the boys John was. Zach tossed a pair of jeans that he found on the closet floor up onto the bed. “Get dressed, we’re gonna make you feel better.” As Rainey pulled on the loose fitting jeans, Zach found some shoes that fit and put them on. When Zach stood up Rainey could see that he was wearing a necklace made up of small pastel discs strung together on a flimsy looking piece of string.
“Do you have a shirt?” Rainey couldn’t remember where any of his clothes were. He had woken up in only his traditional under shorts; his undershirt had gone missing.
“It’s hot out, you don’t need one.” Rainey looked down at his pale bare chest. He’d never even slept without a shirt, never mind walking around without one. “Don’t worry, you’re on the outside now. No one cares, really.” Rainey looked at Zach. He never seemed to have a shirt on.
“Okay.” Maybe his shirt was in the living room, he’d look once he got out of bed. Following Zach, Rainey slowly made his way out of the bedroom but there was no time to look for any stray clothing, Zach was heading straight towards the front door.
“Where are we going?” Rainey looked down at this chest again, inside was one thing, but outside?
“Told you, we’re going to make you feel better.” Zach watched as Rainey looked down at the floor. “It’s okay; really, I don’t have one on either. C’mon”. Rainey walked towards the door where Zach was waiting. With the way he was starting to feel he hoped that he wouldn’t be the second person to puke on Zach’s shoes that day.
Walking to the back of the complex, Zach pulled an old ten speed out from a pile of junk in the carport. He swung onto it and rode over to where Rainey was standing. “Hop on, I’ll pedal.” Rainey hoisted himself up onto the handlebars and held on tight. He was used to riding like this, Caiden always wanted to pedal too. Zach rode hard and Rainey felt secure on his perch. They coasted down the driveway and up the highway past a series of lawns cluttered with an assortment of rusted out swing sets and lawn furniture. Zach made a sharp left about a mile down the highway. The road going in this direction wasn’t paved and the bumps made Rainey hold on a little tighter. Zach stayed steady though and after a couple of minutes Rainey relaxed again and enjoyed the view. The highway was behind them, all that was in front of them were rocky mountain ranges and golden prairie grass. The land was fenced and once in a while they would pass a stand of cattle but the only sounds in the world seemed to be the whipping of the wind and the rolling of the bike’s tires. Rainey’s eyes had drifted shut by the time he felt Zach slow down.
“Last stop.” Rainey slid off of the handle bars and stretched. He had felt completely at peace sitting up there but now that he was on the ground his muscles reminded him one again of how sore they were. Rainey looked around. They were standing in the middle of a field, not a house or a cow to be seen. The grass was knee high all around except for an area where a trampled down path had been created. As Rainey followed Zach down the path he wondered if his own shoulder blades stuck out as sharply as Zach’s did. He was getting used to not having a shirt on and the sun felt good against his skin. The path ended in a small clearing and Rainey was surprised to see what looked like a small pond sitting in the middle of it. As they got closer he could see that it was formed from craggy rock and that the water inside of it was crystal clear.
“It’s a hot spring, you ever seen one before?”
“Uh-uh.” Rainey stepped closer, wanting to get a better look.
“Put your hand in.” Kneeling down, Rainey reached out and dipped his hand into the water. It was as warm as the water his mama used to heat up for his bath.
“It’s so warm, how does it get like that?”
“The rocks underground are hot. It the water gets down deep enough it heats up. Let’s get in, it’ll loosen all your muscles up, make you feel a lot better.”
Zach kicked off his shoes and pulled off his jeans. Rainey could see that he was about to pull his boxers off but stopped at the last minute. Walking gingerly over the sharp edges of the spring he sat down and slid into the warm pool of water, resting his head on a flat rock and closing his eyes. Rainey watched carefully. Pulling off his own jeans and shoes, Rainey make his way into the spring, finding a good smooth rock that he could sit on comfortably. He slid into the water, smiling as the warmth surrounded him. Zach kept his eyes closed so Rainey did the same, enjoying the way the water felt lapping gently at his skin.
* * *
Something was tickling Rainey’s neck. When he opened his eyes with a start he saw Zach leaning over him, tying something around his neck.
“What are you doing?” His voice shook, the adrenaline that had come with the surprise awakening was slow to fade.
“I want you to wear this.” Rainey looked down. It was the necklace that Zach had been wearing earlier. Up close he saw that the discs were candy and that few pieces had been taken off already. Zach was positioned right about Rainey’s lap, kneeling over him with his thighs on either side of Rainey’s. He was so close and yet his fingers were the only thing touching Rainey as he tightened the frayed string.
“Why?”
“Because it’s sweet, like you.” Zach leaned in and pressed his chest against Rainey’s, running his hands along Rainey’s sides and over his stomach. Lowering his mouth to Rainey’s neck he began to gently bite at the candy necklace, alternately licking and sucking at the smooth skin underneath. Rainey’s heart was racing but he kept his hands firmly at his sides. He didn’t know what to do. “I want you...okay?” Rainey could feel Zach’s hot breath next to his ear. “I wanna be with you.”
Rainey stayed frozen and wondered if Zach could feel his heart beating. The sucking on this neck became more insistent and Rainey could feel his body go completely rigid. It felt as though he were freezing up more and more with every passing second and he wondered if a point would come where he would simply break apart from the tension.
“C’mon Rainey, please? I had a bad night. I feel dirty, make it go away.” Zach kept going, his hands frantically moving up and down Rainey’s chest, the moving around to his back. Rainey stayed perfectly still and held his breath. He liked Zach, he liked being near him, he liked how it felt when they lay next to each other on the bed, when he sat in front of him on the bike, He liked Zach’s careless ease and ready smile This wasn’t like that though. Zach wanted something from him right now that he didn’t have. It was supposed to feel different. It was supposed to feel the way it did when he watched Clara braiding her hair in front of the fire when she thought no one was watching. He was supposed to feel it deep inside like he did late at night when he hoped that Caiden was asleep. The only place he felt this was in his heart so he did what if told him to and reached up, pulling Zach against him tightly. Zach tried to move, to slide up and down against him, but Rainey held fast until he felt Zach’s body being to relax.
“What are you dong?” Zach laid his head on Rainey’s shoulder, his hands drifting down into the water.
“I don’t know.” Rainey reached up and stroked the back of Zach’s head with one hand while he rubbed his back with the other. This felt right. This was what he had to give. The warm water rippled around them and Rainey hoped it would make Zach feel clean.
* * *
The sun had moved to the other side of the sky by the time they pulled themselves out of the hot spring, shaking the water out of their hair since there were no towels.
“I had fun yesterday, let’s go back and do some more.” Zach’s short thick hair stuck up and his smile was back.
“I can’t.” Rainey struggled with his jeans, the heavy denim getting stuck on his damp skin.
“How come? You feel better don’t you? It’s always roughest the first time; once you’re rolling you’ll forget all about it. Maybe you’ll even want to mess around.” The last part was said with a smirk as Zach turned around, pulling his wet boxers off, and putting his dry jeans on. “Gonna look like you wet your pants if you keep those boxers on.”
“Well you’re the only one who’s going to see me and you know I didn’t so I guess it’s all right.” Rainey continued to struggle with the jeans.
“I’ve got more of what we did yesterday, you liked that, right?”
“Well yeah, bit I still can’t do it.” Finally getting his pants all the way up, Rainey began fastening his buttons. He could already feel the seat getting wet.
“Why not?” Zach picked up the bike and straddled it. When he was settled Rainey climbed up onto the handlebars.
“It makes me feel like someone else.”
‘Well yeah, that’s sort of the point.” Zach began pedaling as Rainey leaned back to find his balance.
“I can’t be someone else, my brother won’t recognize me.”
The ride back was louder than it had been before. The cattle had just been fed. Their pawing and snorting could be heard all around. There was more traffic on the highway, trucks flying past. Rainey leaned with Zach as they maneuvered around parked cars. When they reached the apartment it was still early afternoon. It would be at least a couple of hours before the boys returned from the job site. Zach went into the kitchen right away for a glass of orange juice and then disappeared into the bedroom for a few minutes. Rainey began to clean up the kitchen. There were a lot of dishes in the sink. When Zach came back he started to help Rainey, drying the dishes carefully and placing the mismatched pieces in to the cabinet with no regard to size or shape. Once everything was put away they scrubbed the counters and mopped the floor, making surer to get as far under the refrigerator as they could reach. When they finished Rainey looked around. It was still dingy looking but at least it was clean.
“Wanna watch TV?” Zach had gotten a piece of gum out of the kitchen drawer and was chewing it vigorously.
“Alright.” Rainey had never seen a TV before he had come to the apartment. Well, he’d seen a picture of a TV in a magazine that one of their brothers had but he’d never see a real one turned on. The one in the motel had been broken. He hoped they weren’t going to watch that cartoon with the caterpillar again though. I that was all that was on TV he wasn’t sure he had been missing much. Zach turned the set on and flipped through a few channels before settling on a movie where normal looking people were in some sort of out space bar filled with all of these aliens. A tall furry brown creature kept making grunting noises while his human companion talked to him. Rainey kicked off his shoes and sat on one end of the couch cross legged while Zach sat next to him rubbing his hands together. Rainey liked the movie. It was funny and exciting and mysterious. He was completely engrossed when he felt Zach’s hand on his leg.
“Rainey?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you do what you did before? We don’t have to mess around or anything. I won’t touch you, I promise. I just want to feel it.” Zach had his eyes closed and was rocking back and forth slowly. Rainey turned sideways, stretching his legs out on the couch, letting Zach crawl between them and settle his head down on his chest. Rainey’s hand traveled lightly over Zach’s shoulders, moving down his back in slow even circles. When the movie was over neither of them moved, they were out cold by the time six o’clock rolled around and the front door swung open..