my life is a repetitive catharsis lately
I'm changing.
I've been changing.
Easter today was stupid. I'm sick of laughing "with" the old church ladies when they think they're being funny. and I'm sick of my family. everyone is unsupportive and judgemental.
I'm fed up with the people around me who are supposed to be supportive acting the opposite. no one seems to understand, let alone appreciate, my newly found sense of calm. my "it's ok" attitude. not toward everything, mind you - I'm not a COMPLETELY different person, haha, some of my neuroses are still going strong [my attitude toward the future is really what has changed].
I'm giving myself permission to not know what's going to happen, to not plan out my life, and my family doesn't get it. if they really knew me [cliche, I realize] then they would know that no matter what I end up doing, it's going to be just fine!
I'm going to do what makes me happy. period.
my mom tells me that's selfish, and maybe it is a little bit. up until this point in my life I have been pretty fucking unselfish, so I kinda think I'm due for a little bit of "it's all about me". yea, that was definitely selfish.
I tried to have a conversation with my parents the other day about where I am with my religious beliefs. my dad told me my thoughts and feelings are from satan, and my mom and I ended up getting into it about how she can talk to me however she wants because she has more life experience.
that's a big fucking WHATEVER.
I really don't care as much about my family as I thought I did...
we might share DNA, but they don't act like they're actually my family, just people [in a sense] burdened with my existance.
I've been changing.
Easter today was stupid. I'm sick of laughing "with" the old church ladies when they think they're being funny. and I'm sick of my family. everyone is unsupportive and judgemental.
I'm fed up with the people around me who are supposed to be supportive acting the opposite. no one seems to understand, let alone appreciate, my newly found sense of calm. my "it's ok" attitude. not toward everything, mind you - I'm not a COMPLETELY different person, haha, some of my neuroses are still going strong [my attitude toward the future is really what has changed].
I'm giving myself permission to not know what's going to happen, to not plan out my life, and my family doesn't get it. if they really knew me [cliche, I realize] then they would know that no matter what I end up doing, it's going to be just fine!
I'm going to do what makes me happy. period.
my mom tells me that's selfish, and maybe it is a little bit. up until this point in my life I have been pretty fucking unselfish, so I kinda think I'm due for a little bit of "it's all about me". yea, that was definitely selfish.
I tried to have a conversation with my parents the other day about where I am with my religious beliefs. my dad told me my thoughts and feelings are from satan, and my mom and I ended up getting into it about how she can talk to me however she wants because she has more life experience.
that's a big fucking WHATEVER.
I really don't care as much about my family as I thought I did...
we might share DNA, but they don't act like they're actually my family, just people [in a sense] burdened with my existance.