Clarifications / Work Promotion / The Teeth Processing Begins / Dates
So my last two entries have been kinda odd. Forgive me; I've kind of been a whirlwind of different emotions. It kind of all started a month ago when a girl I was warming up to found a boyfriend who wasn't me and my brother proposed to his girlfriend. It's all made me realize how alone I am. The first thing I did about it was join a couple dating websites and while that was exciting and fun at first, I've realized these things are marathons, not sprints. Plus, trying to talk about myself and present myself to women leaves me with the impression that I'm a rather dull, boring, passionless hermit. This invariably leads me to focus on the problems I have and I soon realize I'm probably not in any real position to be dating anyone. That's what happens when I take a long, hard look at myself, and it's made me emotionally scattered. So that's what happened with the last couple entries. Highs and lows.
My "promotion" at work isn't a true promotion. For the last year, I've been assisting the IT department at my workplace by being the first-responder for my night shift. I wasn't an official IT department employee and my real job (Pushing silicon) always came first. A couple weeks ago, the IT people decided to fire up a bunch of crazy projects and in order to get it done before Christmas, they decided to pull me away from pushing silicon and take me completely into the IT realm. I answer to a new boss and even though I'm on the same shift and am still a first responder, I get to spend the entire shift working strictly on the computers. Last week was the first week of doing this and it's been actually really nice. It's great not to have to run around qualifying machines and spazing out over the complicated workload. The drawbacks are that this isn't permanent and there's no change in pay. I don't mind all that much because this could be the last six months I work at this place anyway. In order for me to get my life in true gear, I need to leave this place.
But doing just that got a little harder to envision yesterday. I visited a dentist for the first time in eight years and we did a full exam and workup. I'm finally getting geared up to really fix my smile once and for all after twenty years of dealing with how badly and crooked my teeth grew in. I learned a lot and I heard some great stuff that no dentist has ever told me about my teeth. But getting down to brass tacks, the journey to correct my smile is not going to be a quick process, to my numb dismay. There will be three phases. First, we need to do restorative work to the problem teeth. This is the typical stuff you normally go to a dentist for anyway. The second phase is correcting my crossbite which probably requires braces on both decks of teeth. Once the teeth are all in the right place, the final phase will be putting the finishing touches on things like caps on my front teeth. The estimated time frame? 24 to 48 months. Yeap. I'll be approaching my mid 30s before my smile looks like it should have when I was 20. I'm trying not to kick myself for a decade of not working on my teeth and it hasn't quite sunk in just how far away I am, but all that matters is that I've taken the first step and it's happening. I'm on the journey. If I do leave my current job this year, I'll definitely need to find a job where the health insurance starts up immediately. If I wasn't dateable before, I probably won't be for sure with metal in my mouth for two+ years...
Speaking of dating, the date I was excited about last Wednesday was kind of a dud. The girl was nice and we got along fine but I didn't feel many sparks. Even though the whole date lasted three hours, it felt procedural. There weren't any awkward pauses and we kept talking and we shared a bunch of history, so the truth is, I did have a good time and it seemed that she did too. I waited twenty-four hours and left her a short message free of desperation saying I had fun and that it'd be nice to see her again sometime. I've yet to hear a response. What disappoints me most is not the rejection itself, but that I'm apparently not going to get a rejection at all. "Nahh, I'll just completely ignore him," as if it was the worst date ever. I'm not old-fashioned. I don't like the gender roles that say men have to pursue women and that I should be more forceful and try talking again, so don't suggest that. It wasn't the best date I'd ever had but it sure wasn't bad enough to be this disrespectful. Farewell, and good luck to you.
There is a major bright spot, however. By a random twist of fate, a girl in La Grande, Oregon, viewed my dating site profile and when I noticed, I decided to say hello just for the hell of it. La Grande is the city I spent four years in while at college and my message to her was silly and inquisitive about how the town is doing. I didn't expect a response (No one responds) but she did. Instantly, it became back-and-forth and within two days, we were chatting through instant messengers. Two days after that we were talking on the phone. I love her voice. I've never had this deep a connection with someone this quickly. It's amazing and thrilling and new and the best adventure I've had in such a long time. To say that this new friendship is exactly what I've needed lately is an understatement. She's the one who called me, "This Rose," and I'm really enjoying all these new feelings. We're quite realistic about the distance and other circumstances, so this is by no means any kind of real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but it's certainly an unexpected and wonderful thing. Who says dating websites are bad places to meet people?
My "promotion" at work isn't a true promotion. For the last year, I've been assisting the IT department at my workplace by being the first-responder for my night shift. I wasn't an official IT department employee and my real job (Pushing silicon) always came first. A couple weeks ago, the IT people decided to fire up a bunch of crazy projects and in order to get it done before Christmas, they decided to pull me away from pushing silicon and take me completely into the IT realm. I answer to a new boss and even though I'm on the same shift and am still a first responder, I get to spend the entire shift working strictly on the computers. Last week was the first week of doing this and it's been actually really nice. It's great not to have to run around qualifying machines and spazing out over the complicated workload. The drawbacks are that this isn't permanent and there's no change in pay. I don't mind all that much because this could be the last six months I work at this place anyway. In order for me to get my life in true gear, I need to leave this place.
But doing just that got a little harder to envision yesterday. I visited a dentist for the first time in eight years and we did a full exam and workup. I'm finally getting geared up to really fix my smile once and for all after twenty years of dealing with how badly and crooked my teeth grew in. I learned a lot and I heard some great stuff that no dentist has ever told me about my teeth. But getting down to brass tacks, the journey to correct my smile is not going to be a quick process, to my numb dismay. There will be three phases. First, we need to do restorative work to the problem teeth. This is the typical stuff you normally go to a dentist for anyway. The second phase is correcting my crossbite which probably requires braces on both decks of teeth. Once the teeth are all in the right place, the final phase will be putting the finishing touches on things like caps on my front teeth. The estimated time frame? 24 to 48 months. Yeap. I'll be approaching my mid 30s before my smile looks like it should have when I was 20. I'm trying not to kick myself for a decade of not working on my teeth and it hasn't quite sunk in just how far away I am, but all that matters is that I've taken the first step and it's happening. I'm on the journey. If I do leave my current job this year, I'll definitely need to find a job where the health insurance starts up immediately. If I wasn't dateable before, I probably won't be for sure with metal in my mouth for two+ years...
Speaking of dating, the date I was excited about last Wednesday was kind of a dud. The girl was nice and we got along fine but I didn't feel many sparks. Even though the whole date lasted three hours, it felt procedural. There weren't any awkward pauses and we kept talking and we shared a bunch of history, so the truth is, I did have a good time and it seemed that she did too. I waited twenty-four hours and left her a short message free of desperation saying I had fun and that it'd be nice to see her again sometime. I've yet to hear a response. What disappoints me most is not the rejection itself, but that I'm apparently not going to get a rejection at all. "Nahh, I'll just completely ignore him," as if it was the worst date ever. I'm not old-fashioned. I don't like the gender roles that say men have to pursue women and that I should be more forceful and try talking again, so don't suggest that. It wasn't the best date I'd ever had but it sure wasn't bad enough to be this disrespectful. Farewell, and good luck to you.
There is a major bright spot, however. By a random twist of fate, a girl in La Grande, Oregon, viewed my dating site profile and when I noticed, I decided to say hello just for the hell of it. La Grande is the city I spent four years in while at college and my message to her was silly and inquisitive about how the town is doing. I didn't expect a response (No one responds) but she did. Instantly, it became back-and-forth and within two days, we were chatting through instant messengers. Two days after that we were talking on the phone. I love her voice. I've never had this deep a connection with someone this quickly. It's amazing and thrilling and new and the best adventure I've had in such a long time. To say that this new friendship is exactly what I've needed lately is an understatement. She's the one who called me, "This Rose," and I'm really enjoying all these new feelings. We're quite realistic about the distance and other circumstances, so this is by no means any kind of real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but it's certainly an unexpected and wonderful thing. Who says dating websites are bad places to meet people?