(no subject)
so i've been thinking.... i made a lot of people pissed off lately. and for some of you, i'm sorry for it. and i've told you exactly how sorry i am...but i'm not commenting on that further.
i've forgotten how therapedic it is to play an instrument. angry, sad, happy, ecstatic. no matter how you feel you can get it out through playing. i did that today, and i got alot of emotion out. a lot of needless anger and hurt....needless to say i've had a rough day.. or rather days. i understand some of it is my own doing. when other things are not. but what i've come to realize the most is that i need to change. i've known that i needed to but i've never had enough guts or not enough push to actually do it. i need to change. i need to figure out who i am; what i am. so this is it. for the better or for worse, idk. having andrew and david bully me around and basically gang up on me made me realize a lot of things. made me realize who mattered, who didn't. it made me realize that i've 3 months left, and i want to spend it like its one large kick ass party. so thats what i am going to do. i want to spend it with those i love: Meagan, Scott, Dan, Callahan, Patterson,Amanda, Charlie, and everyone else and yeah even David. despite all his faults and misgivings i still want him here.. here, till the end. now whether he feels the same is his own decision. but i'm not going to push anymore. I found out some interesting news from the doc's the other day. thats another reason why i'm taking the plung and doing something drastic. idk how to take it. but its something significant enough to push me to take the plung. so i'm doing it. I'm doing what i want to do, when i want to do it. I'm going to be happy. on my own. i'm going to be ok. on my own. And i'm going to have fun while i'm at it. So here's something drastic for ya. this is my last entry. No really! it is. To start a new beginning you must have an end. so i'm ending this. I'm ending putting my life out there on Live journal for everyone to disect into whatever interpretation they want to disect it as. don't worry, i'll try and keep up whats going on w/ everyone else's w/ the rare and occasional comment, but don't expect anymore entries.
so thats it. thats the end of this. hopefully life will begin to look a little brighter. after all.. it is spring- new beginnings right?
i've forgotten how therapedic it is to play an instrument. angry, sad, happy, ecstatic. no matter how you feel you can get it out through playing. i did that today, and i got alot of emotion out. a lot of needless anger and hurt....needless to say i've had a rough day.. or rather days. i understand some of it is my own doing. when other things are not. but what i've come to realize the most is that i need to change. i've known that i needed to but i've never had enough guts or not enough push to actually do it. i need to change. i need to figure out who i am; what i am. so this is it. for the better or for worse, idk. having andrew and david bully me around and basically gang up on me made me realize a lot of things. made me realize who mattered, who didn't. it made me realize that i've 3 months left, and i want to spend it like its one large kick ass party. so thats what i am going to do. i want to spend it with those i love: Meagan, Scott, Dan, Callahan, Patterson,Amanda, Charlie, and everyone else and yeah even David. despite all his faults and misgivings i still want him here.. here, till the end. now whether he feels the same is his own decision. but i'm not going to push anymore. I found out some interesting news from the doc's the other day. thats another reason why i'm taking the plung and doing something drastic. idk how to take it. but its something significant enough to push me to take the plung. so i'm doing it. I'm doing what i want to do, when i want to do it. I'm going to be happy. on my own. i'm going to be ok. on my own. And i'm going to have fun while i'm at it. So here's something drastic for ya. this is my last entry. No really! it is. To start a new beginning you must have an end. so i'm ending this. I'm ending putting my life out there on Live journal for everyone to disect into whatever interpretation they want to disect it as. don't worry, i'll try and keep up whats going on w/ everyone else's w/ the rare and occasional comment, but don't expect anymore entries.
so thats it. thats the end of this. hopefully life will begin to look a little brighter. after all.. it is spring- new beginnings right?