Fic: Prisoner of Love (18/?)
MASTERPOST / AO3
Chapter summary: Unexpected visitor, unforeseen revelations
Additional chapter warnings: off-screen minor character death; mentions of past Cas/Daphne in graphic details; kind of top-from-bottom!Dean; and a few cheesy lines, or more
A/N: Thank you for your reviews!
~:~:~
"Dean, let's get out of here."
The words hit Dean like a freight train coming at full speed, carrying with it a lungful of hope Dean had painfully abandoned not-so-long ago. But the little freak-out look on Cas' face brought Dean to immediate reality and had Dean collect himself.
"Slow down. What's going on?"
Cas wouldn't answer his question, so Dean decided to plop on the bed, tugging Cas down with him. Cas could have collapsed, it seemed.
"What happened?" Dean repeated when Cas sat himself next to him; his eyes fixated on his dangling feet. "Who was your visitor?"
But Cas pursed his lips shut. His face scrunched up as if he was hurt. Dean tentatively placed a hand on his arm. That was when Cas threw himself at Dean, almost knocking him back on the mattress.
"Whoa, okay, wait," Dean cried. He carefully scurried up the bed and braced his back against the wall, beckoning Cas to scoot over. Cas straddled his lap and leaned down to slot his arms around Dean's torso, placing his head on Dean's shoulders. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' back, holding him loosely.
The way Cas wriggled into him let Dean know Cas was upset. Soon enough, he broke into quiet sobs. Anyway it was better than an impassive Cas. Whoever came to visit him must have come bringing bad news. Dean could only guess while soothing Cas through it, whispering words of comfort and urging him to 'let it all out'.
When Cas quieted down somewhat, Dean gently nudged again. "Come on, Cas, talk to me. Who was your visitor?"
Cas wiped his face on Dean's shirt. His voice was barely audible when he told Dean about his visitor, Rufus, a guy who had been working with his family for a very long time. Rufus came bearing the news of his sister's death.
"Oh, Cas, I'm so sorry," Dean said softly, heartbroken.
"What am I going to do, Dean?" Cas wailed in agony, his hands clutching Dean's shirt like a lifeline. "Anna's dead. She's gone and I'll never get to see her again. I thought I would see her again when this is all over, but she's gone. She's gone."
Cas' voice became louder, broken, his words incoherent as he grieved, "Everyone I loved has left me. First my parents and now her; I have no one left. There's no one left, Dean. My family, they are all gone. They left me alone. Why didn't they take me with them?"
"Don't say that," Dean shushed him, terrified at the thought of losing his beloved. "I'm here, Cas. I'm here. You still have me. I'll be your family, okay? I'll never leave you. I'll be your family."
He could only imagine being in Cas' shoes. His parents were gone, too, but at least he still had Sam. But he wanted Cas to see it. Cas needed to see that Dean was never going to leave him. That if Cas was lost, Dean was going to kill his way to find him and bring him back.
Dean's shirt was soaked and dirty, but he couldn't care less. He let Cas cry onto him, raking his fingers through Cas' hair and humming soothing nonsense. Dean's heart ached at all the series of misfortunes bestowed on his cellmate. It was bad enough that he had lost his parents; his sister went nuts, him being incarcerated and then assaulted, only to find his only family gone without getting to say goodbye. Dean had thought his life was bad, but it was nothing compared to Castiel's.
Cas sniffed one last time before straightening up, wiping his wet face with the back of his hands. "Did you just propose to me?" he mumbled.
Dean gawked. "What?"
"I don't see how else you can be my family," Cas replied, his voice thick and nasal from crying too hard. "Unless you want to be my brother?"
"No! Hell, no," Dean shot back, a little too quickly. He was so not fucking his brother. That one thing he was sure.
"Well?" Cas kept staring back at Dean, expecting some answers.
Dean let himself entertain the idea: he and Cas in suits, at the altar, exchanging rings. He might have liked that image more than he should.
"What if I did?" Dean tried with a sheepish look on his face. He didn't exactly have a marriage proposal in mind when he said he would be Cas' family, but it was worth a shot.
"Can we do that here?" Cas asked. He furrowed his forehead and narrowed his swollen eyes. Dean thought Cas would be more flabbergasted, but instead he seemed genuinely intrigued.
"Well, it's not like anyone needs to know that, but us," Dean replied, lacing their fingers together to keep himself from blushing. He should have known by now that this tactic never worked. "And our family. Sam will be your family, too. So he has to know."
Cas' face scrunched up again.
"Is that a yes, or are you having a cramp?" Dean playfully poked at his ribs, still not letting go of Cas' hand. He knew Cas was starting to have another bout of crying fit, so he tried to come up with something, he hoped, amusing.
It worked. Cas failed to stifle a laugh, so it came out as a half-snort, half-choke, before it broke into a timid smile. Dean couldn't help meeting it with a face-splitting grin.
"Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?"
The words sprinted out of Dean's mouth faster than he could catch it. Cas' smile had made him heady. Even so, he meant every single word of it.
"It's not like I can go anywhere if I want," Cas mewled with a shy smile.
"Ouch!" Dean dramatically clutched his heart, in doing so tugging Cas towards him by their interlaced fingers. Cas' face was mere inches away, his features damp, rosy and puffy: traces that suggested grief was evidenced. A sight so endearing Dean wanted to imprint into his mind, but never wanted it repeated.
Dean recited the marriage vow in his heart - for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. He didn't have a ring to vouch for his promise, but he sealed it with a kiss.
~:~:~
"Why don't you tell me about your sister?" Dean asked, turning his head to the man behind him. Right now he was sitting between Cas' legs, back to chest. Cas was leaning against the headboard. 'I want to hold someone in my arms,' Cas had said. That was how they ended up in this position. "You rarely talk about her. And now I don't have a chance to meet her in person, so…"
Cas leaned his head on Dean's, holding him tighter and slightly rocking them. It was some time later that he began. "She was very much like you," he recalled nostalgically. "Beautiful, passionate, and she loved fiercely, just like you do."
Maybe that was why Castiel was so drawn to Dean, enthralled even. He secretly craved someone who loved like his sister did: possessive and overprotective, selfish and yet selfless.
"We were very close since as far back as I remember," he continued. "Too close for anyone's comfort."
Then he went on about how smart his sister was, so much so that their parents decided to send her to a medical school. They went to the same university so they could share an apartment. That was how close they were.
By the time Castiel was in his third year, Anna had already finished her pre-med. But being a doctor was never something she wanted. He couldn't stand seeing his sister unhappy. So, when he graduated, he convinced her to drop out and move to Sacramento with him. Anna loved to cook, so they agreed on opening a restaurant where Castiel helped in accounts, which was the major he studied.
Then Cas went silent. Dean wanted to prompt him for some more. That was the longest Cas had ever spoken of his family. Dean felt like he was getting to know them - and him - better.
"Dean," Cas rumbled low in his throat. He sounded troubled. "There're some things that I want to share with you, that you may find," he searched for the right word, "uncomfortable."
Dean told Cas to carry on.
"My sister, she didn't take too kindly to outside relationships," Cas blurted and Dean nodded. That was something Dean could relate. "I once had a girlfriend in high school. When Anna learned of it, she went," again, Castiel fumbled for a word, "mad. It didn't work out anyway, my girlfriend and I. So after a while, we broke up. I never had another since."
There was a wistful tone in the way Cas talked about it, Dean observed, but he could be wrong. Cas let out a small sigh, then resumed, "Life went on, happily. It wasn't until people started to notice that we both were single adults and started asking prying questions, that I realized our relationship wasn't healthy by any means."
Dean knew all too well how quick people could jump to conclusion. Too many times people simply assumed he and Sam were lovers, and, more often than not, they were too tired to correct it.
Then a thought hit him.
"Did you, uh,-" Dean stumbled, not knowing how to raise the issue without leaving a foul taste in his mouth.
On the contrary, it didn't seem to faze Castiel. "Did we have sexual relations?" he voiced the unspoken question for Dean. "No, I wouldn't do that to my sister, though that might be the only thing we did not do. Anna never had a boyfriend. She said she had me, and that was enough."
Then Cas talked about Daphne, how she came along and they hit it off. He saw her as a means to escape from that kind of life, so he quitted the restaurant and moved out. Needless to say, that caused fallout in their relationship. Anna even declined his wedding invitation. But he had to do it, for her, and for himself.
But his marriage didn't last. They enjoyed their time together, but even Daphne knew something was missing. They parted ways, on good terms. Anna started talking to him again, though he didn't go back to that former life. He took a job as a teacher, and Dean knew the rest of the story.
When Cas stopped, Dean tried to recall what 'the rest of the story' was. He knew Cas and his sister drove up to visit their parents one day. Their car broke. Mom and Dad got killed. Then Cas killed some people who seemed to have killed Cas' parents. And he was here because of that. But Cas had been so adamant not to leave this place before. What changed?
"Cas," Dean called, looking back at the man behind him. "Do you still want to leave this place?"
"Yes, Dean," he gave a firm reply. "What are the plans?"
"Why now? I asked you many times. You never agreed to leave."
"Does it matter?" Cas asked coldly.
"I think I have that much right to know if I'm going to let you in on my plans, don't I?"
Fair enough, Castiel thought. Escaping prison must be one hell of a confidential scheme. He might as well let Dean in on one of his own - not that his secret mattered anymore.
He needed as much strength as he could get to talk about this, so Castiel moved to let Dean sit against the headboard instead. Then he sat himself between Dean's legs, his right side leaning on Dean's body. He flung his legs over Dean's right one, having Dean wrapped his arms around him.
Castiel exhaled in relief when he felt Dean's warmth envelop him. The way their bodies always correspond so perfectly let him know he had finally found a welcoming home.
"What I am going to tell you," he sighed. "You must promise me that you'll never bring it up again, not to me, not to anyone."
His parents' death, Cas started after Dean gave him his word, sort of stretched the already strained relationship between him and his sister. There weren't many leads the police could work on the case, and Anna was very frustrated about it. Castiel, on the other hand, believed in the system. He told her as such, but his sister, hasty as she was, wanted to take matters into her own hands.
So one day when FBI showed up at his doorsteps, he kind of knew what went down. Anna was angry at him for doing nothing, and held him responsible for it, quite literally. Castiel accepted all the charges. He'd rather get himself locked up than have anyone taken her. The sad part was that, he kind of lost her since. He guessed plotting and committing murder and framing your only brother for it must have taken its toll on anyone's sanity.
Dean listened to Cas' account with a chill running down his spine. Cas knew Anna had killed those people and set him up, yet he still took the blame for her. Dean would do anything for his brother, but even he couldn't wrap his head around Cas' logic.
"I don't understand. Why did you do it? If she was convicted, she would be getting help in an asylum, and you wouldn't have to go through all these madness."
Cas shook his head. "I couldn't do it. It was my fault my parents got killed. Anna's hands were bloodied because of me. I deserve to be here."
"Cas, you need to stop." Dean grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing Cas to meet his eyes. He stressed out each word, stern and commanding, "None of this is your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself for things you did not do."
But Castiel refused to hear Dean. It was all useless now. Everything he had done, all the blame he had taken, and none of it could help bring his parents back, or keep his sister alive. She was the sole reason he was still standing in this place. With her gone, he would simply give up the fight and die.
Or leave.
He just wanted to see her one last time, to say goodbye and tell her how much he loved her - even if it was to a cold gravestone.
"Do it for me, at least," Dean was still talking, his speech merely wafting through Castiel's ears. "Forgive yourself. I can't see you like this, ridden with guilt."
Anna also said the same thing Dean did, when she came to say goodbye in his dream last night, that Castiel had to forgive himself. But now who was there for him to hold the grudge against? His parents were dead. Their killers were dead. The person who killed those killers was also dead, killed in an accident. Fate had decided it was time to end their vicious spree.
"Cas, baby, talk to me, please." Castiel was pulled back from zoning out when Dean tugged his arm. "I'm here. You still have me."
Dean gradually formed in his vision, reminding him of his sister's words. 'Someone who loves you as much as I do, if not more,' Anna referred to Dean so. His sister had forgiven him. Maybe it was time he forgave himself.
"Show me you love me," Castiel said hastily. He got up to straddle Dean's lap, his tone urgent when he demanded, "Take me. Claim what is yours."
"What? Cas, are you sure?"
"Yes, Dean, I'm sure. I don't want to regret this."
Because Cas wasn't going to waste it, any more time. If there was one thing his sister's death taught him, it was that life was too short, too unpredictable. And if Dean wouldn't be here tomorrow, he would need something to remember him by. This would be his vow to Dean, a vow that Dean would always have a special place in his soul - 'til death do them part.
Dean planted on him a soft, smiling kiss: a sweet promise of a valiant sailing through uncharted seas. "Tonight, okay? I need to get us some supplies."
~:~:~
"So you're a f-"
Dean silenced him with a smooch before Cas could get the word out. It was after lunch time, and even though they had been conversing more quietly than they usually did in their hushed voices, he couldn't risk anyone hearing it.
"I'm not a fed," Dean clarified. Cas saw the f-word from the movements of Dean's lips rather than hearing it. "I used to work for one. Sam and I did all the dirty jobs for them, the kind that couldn't go on record."
"But why are you here? Don't you have immunity or something?"
"It's complicated." Dean sighed when he couldn't come up with a better explanation. "I had to accept the charges so it wouldn't blow the entire operation, but they did try to help me out. I was placed here because of that. They needed me to do some investigation here, taking on a whole new official assignment, hoping to bail me out once the case closes."
"You mean the Alastair case?"
Dean nodded.
"So you failed?" Cas asked, baffled. It didn't seem like a failure to him, but what did he know? It was before his time. "Is that why you're still here?"
"Oh, it was successful alright," Dean said ruefully. "I just refused to leave."
Castiel frowned. His head did that involuntary tilt he usually did. "Why?"
But Dean no longer spoke. He merely bit his lower lip and stared at his knees.
"Dean," Cas nudged him gently. "Why didn't you leave?"
All these while, Cas never knew Dean had had a choice. There must be something crucial behind Dean's decision. One simply did not put himself behind bars by design. He just wished Dean would share the burden with him, whatever it was.
"I can't," Dean croaked out after a short while. It wasn't something that was meant to be spoken, but Cas had a way to drill his soul and tear down every fort and wall Dean ever built.
"Sam was all I had," Dean elaborated. Though he couldn't keep his voice from wavering, he fought tears pricking his eyes. It was painful, talking about it, but it was also a relief. "I tried my best to be everything I could for him. I tried to be the best brother he'll ever have. I tried my best to be a better mom and dad than any kid could ever dream of. I made sure Sam had the best of everything our desolate lives could offer. But then-"
Dean thumped his head on the wall and closed his eyes, but it wasn't quick enough to hide a single tear that descended his cheek. Castiel rushed to sit on Dean's lap, to give him a sense of warmth and corporeal presence. He placed a hand on Dean's five o'clock shadow. Dean promptly leaned into the touch, savoring all the comfort he could get.
"But then I'm here." Dean swallowed hard. "And what I see is that the best life Sam ever has is the one without me."
Dean was glad that Cas pulled him into his arms. This way he could hide his ugly sobs on Cas' shoulder. A bright future awaited Sam, who was working his way up to be that big-shot lawyer, with a beautiful girlfriend he had been pining for since he was a squirt. Dean wondered where it all went so wrong. Why were they on the roads doing jack shit instead of sending Sam to Stanford with a full ride, making his way to be a real legal advisor instead of posing as one?
"You can't speak for him," Castiel said softly. "Maybe his idea of the best life is the one that includes you." He smiled when Dean pulled back, puzzled. "Remember you are all he has, too."
Castiel was caught off-guard when Dean yanked him close and crushed his lips. Dean's face was soaking with salty tears, making the kiss both sloppy and sad. He would have known. Anna was all he had, too. He would take any version of his life, if it meant he could be with her.
As if sensing his thought, Dean uttered a word of apology. Cas lightly shook his head in dismissal.
"You know you have me now, right?" Dean said firmly. It was a statement, not a question. The solemnity of it made Castiel peck Dean's lips with a grin.
"No," he teased, smiling wider when he saw Dean's face twitch in confusion. "We have each other."
Yes, they had each other. Before Cas came into his life, Dean never saw himself outside the cage, going back to the same old routines, dragging Sam to hell with him. But now? Now he couldn't wait to walk away from here, making breakfast for this adorable dork, limbs tangling on the sofa watching movies or holding hands in the settling sun. Sam could have the life he wanted, and Dean could live the life he never knew he had.
Dean tackled him, throwing Castiel on his back on the mattress. He then lifted the hem of Cas' shirt and blew raspberries kisses on his soft tummy. Castiel's mirthful laughter permeated the air, chasing away the gloom that clouded over them.
~:~:~
"So, how do we get out this time?" Castiel asked after they were calm enough to talk again. Dean tickling him was followed by a series of light-hearted wrestling matches and heavy make-out sessions.
"We take on another case," Dean stated matter-of-factly. "Sam is coming in tomorrow. I already told him you're on board. Hopefully he could build us a solid case."
"Is there something else to investigate here?"
Dean fidgeted where he sat. He wished there was a way they could do this without having to bring back bad memories. "Yeah, apparently there is something fishy about the, uh," Dean stuttered, "The drug you were given. I already gave Sam a sample of it. It seems like-" God, this was harder than he had assumed. "Lucifer and Crowley are working together."
He didn't miss the shudder that rippled through Cas' body.
"Crowley? The warden?"
Cas would have that incredulous look on his face, naturally. He might not know that it was Crowley's kind of authority that enabled Lucifer to hurt him, or that could override Dr. Sebastian's drug reports, or authorize Dean's transfer order.
"You need to be extra careful around them, okay? We'll know more when Sam's here." And Dean left it at that.
~:~:~
"Just do it, Dean. I don't mind."
Cas was exasperated. He and Dean were now sitting on the top bunk, naked; the main light went out hours ago. Previously, they had tried a hundred different ways to get Castiel aroused: changes of places, positions, tactics. None of them worked.
"You can't ask that of me, Cas."
Dean heaved a sigh. It was horrible enough, the other night, when Dean thought he had forced himself on Cas. It was horrifying now to learn that certain things triggered him. Cas couldn't get on his hands and knees because that was, presumably, how Lucifer took him. He couldn't be sitting on Dean's lap either. That was how he saw Dean in his dream, Cas said. But, unfortunately, he had associated the recollection with pain. It took almost an hour, if not more, to calm Cas down, each time.
"You have my full consent," Cas said seriously.
"And I believe you," Dean affirmed. He put his hands on Cas' stiff shoulders and started massaging them, kissing the top of his head. "But your body says otherwise. You need to relax, Cas. You are all tensed up."
Cas leaned back into the touch, letting himself enjoy the squashing pain that bespoke gratification afterwards. The feel of Dean's calloused hands on his muscles was nothing if not sensual and unwinding.
"Lie down on your stomach for me," Dean whispered. Castiel complied, tugging a pillow under his arms. His elbows made a triangle shape over the fluffy cushion and he rested on it. Dean's hands pressed hot and hard along the length of Cas' naked spine, adding some body weight for good measure. Castiel moaned at the heavenly relief of physical tension he didn't realize he needed.
"Tell me about your wife," Dean said softly, his breath ghosted behind Cas' ear as the heels of his palms smoothed across Cas' shoulder blades. "Tell me how you met her."
"You want me to talk about Daphne?" Castiel jerked his head up and turned sideways to Dean. "Now?"
"Why not?" Dean's lips curled into an amused smile. He gently pushed Cas back down and kneaded the nape of his neck. Cas whimpered brokenly at the contact. "We try, okay? If it doesn't work, we try something else," he coaxed.
"You know how I met her. I told you a couple of times already," Cas grumbled into the pillow. His head slightly turned in synch with the movements of Dean's expert hands.
Of course Dean knew how Cas met his ex-wife. When your life was restricted to the same place and the same routines with the same people, there was nothing much you could talk about. After some time you started to repeat the same old stories.
But Dean had other idea. "This time I want you to bring yourself back to the day. Tell me as if you were there."
Cas grunted and Dean had to say please nicely and give him another pacifying squeeze, before Cas eventually caved in and started his story.
It was a crisp early morning. Castiel was in a park for his daily run when he came across a girl who seemed to have some problems with her bicycle. He stopped and walked over. Now, he didn't know a thing about bikes, but he couldn't walk away from someone clearly in distress. He asked if she was alright. When the girl turned, she had a gleam of gratitude in her eyes that Castiel couldn't shake off. They ended up walking her bike to the nearest shop that happened to be roughly two miles away. It was during that walk that he felt a strange pull towards another person - a very fleshly one. The way she kept touching his arm, the way her face lit up when she told him tidbits of her life, had him asking her out for a coffee afterwards.
"You know what I love about runners?" Dean purred when Cas went silence, seemingly lost in time and space. He grazed his hands down the backside of Cas' thighs, the lines of muscles still visible even after a long time of no use. "Their strong legs. Bet you could hoist her up your hips and bounce her on your cock without the support of a wall, couldn't you?"
Cas' breath hitched as he recalled those many times he did just that. Daphne was mad about it. Her screams were deafening every time he plunged freely into her. Her whole body that was weighing down on him, got him to reach deep and harsh inside her wet channel like no other way could. It was crazy days back then.
"Tell me about the best sex you've had," Dean inquired. He was now propped on one elbow, loosely curling strands of Cas' hair with his fingers. His complimentary massage had stopped, but somehow Castiel felt the need to remain lying on his front. His hips subtly moved against the mattress. It felt so good.
"I'll tell you one of mine later, if you want," Dean crooned. His voice went a pitch lower, and Castiel'd be damned if it wasn't seductive. The image of Dean pleasuring a faceless woman got Castiel up on his elbows surging for air and chasing some much-needed friction.
It was with a shaky voice that Cas started letting Dean in on his most private secrets. One day, he came back from work, exhausted and drained. His wife was in the kitchen, cooking, as was their routine. But the instant he walked in, he dropped his bag to the floor with a thud, stupefied.
Daphne had her back to him. Her hair was rolled up into a loose bun, baring her lean neck. There were straps of an apron tied behind it. He then raked his gaze down her naked spine that slightly curved up at the small of her back. Another knot of ribbons rounded her slim waist. It was what was below that line that had his brain short-circuited.
Ebony floral garter belt hugged snugly on her hips, exposing her luscious ass cheeks and the top of her thighs. Her legs were sheathed in matching satin lace-top stockings, clipped to the belt with strings of tiny suspenders. Her feet were clad in pointy heels. He remembered them browsing through online sexy lingerie catalogue. It was enough to spice up their sex life. He never thought his wife would actually order them.
"So you have a thing for panties, huh?"
Castiel shuddered when Dean's lips brushed over the sensitive area above his shoulder blade. He whimpered as he wiggled between Dean's body that was now hovering over him and the mattress, his skin on fire.
"She wasn't wearing panties, Dean," he said pointedly. It was the absence of it that had blood clogging his phallus faster than he would have supposed it could.
"Fuck," Dean groaned onto his back. A rush of carnal desire that came with the sound had Castiel roll over and seize Dean down for a searing kiss.
"I made a beeline for her," he continued when they broke the kiss. Cas closed his eyes and squirmed as he felt Dean leisurely stroking his growing erection. "Wrapping my arms around her waist and nibbling the back of her neck. My pants were achingly tight by the time I ground my hips to the globes of her ass."
She was soaking wet when he slithered his hand downwards and dipped his fingers between her folds. She had heard him when he arrived, and the anticipation alone made her shiver with need. He got rid of the apron, opened the front of his trousers, not even bothering to undress when he pulled his cock out and slid it between her legs, rubbing but not entering. He circled her clit with his cockhead. Every prod elicited from her a moan and a flood of her wetness over his shaft.
'More, please, Castiel,' she whimpered urgently as he did nothing but teased. He wanted to enjoy the thrill more, but took pity on her. He cradled her to perch on the kitchen island. Her legs spread wide, trembling, when he crudely slammed home.
The velvety moistness had him bordering on blowing his load. Castiel gathered his breath before he got a firm grip of her hips and started moving. Daphne clenched around his cock as he pounded into her. The sound of his squelching thrusts was drowned out by their satisfying groans.
"Cas"
Dean's gravelly moan jolted Castiel back to the present. He could hardly suppress a moan himself when he opened his eyes to see Dean currently fucking himself on his fingers.
"Cas, please, I need you."
Castiel's heart raced hearing Dean beg for his touch. He placed his hands on Dean's biceps, one shaking from supporting himself on the bed, the other from the diligent work in and out of his hole. Dean's face crumpled, but it wasn't from pain.
"Please, it'll be easier on your fingers."
Cas quickly nodded. He coated his fingers with the bottle of lube Dean had handed to him. When he was sure he was generously wet enough, he had Dean guide him to his opening. Castiel was impressed by how his first digit could sink in with little resistance.
Soon Dean asked for a second one that Cas gingerly added. Dean told him to 'scissor him open' so he tried crossing and stretching his fingers, watching attentively to Dean's reaction, making sure he was not hurt. At one point, Dean visibly shuddered, which made Castiel freeze in his tracks.
"Don't stop. Do that again," Dean all but barked. Castiel was still perplexed, but he repeated the motion.
"You like that?" he asked, crushing again that spot which, he now noticed, was a small bump inside. Dean's moans when he did that were utterly obscene; it made his cock leak ridiculous amount of pre-cum.
Dean's answers were positive, though incoherent. Castiel found it amazing that he could coerce from Dean, who was usually smug, unintelligible responses. He added one more finger and more lube when Dean told him to, curling every now and then to massage his prostrate.
"Stop, stop," Dean croaked. "I'm going to come," he explained with a faint sheepish chuckle when panic started to creep up on Cas' face. Goddamn him and his long, elegant fingers. Dean knew they were going to be the death of him. He wished he were wrong. At this rate, Dean would come faster than any first-timer.
"You're too hot to handle," Dean flattered with a wide grin as he leaned down to peck Cas on the lips. It made Castiel swell up with pride.
Cas carefully removed his fingers, smearing excess lube on his own cock and stroking it, keeping it erect because he knew Dean would refuse to go through his plan for tonight otherwise. It wasn't until Dean batted his hand away and tried to roll a condom on him that he realized what Dean actually had in mind.
Castiel abruptly winced away.
"Whoa, easy, Cas," Dean cautiously said. He cupped his face and captured him in another tender kiss. "Do you want to do this tonight?" Dean asked sweetly. Castiel nodded, even though he was still wide-eyed. "Then let's do it my way. I need you. Do you trust me?"
Of course he trusted Dean. It just never occurred to him that it could be done the other way around. He had been unwilling earlier because he didn't want to hurt Dean, but Dean didn't seem to be in pain by the looks of it. If Dean wanted this, then Cas would do it for him.
He gave Dean another kiss. "I trust you."
"Good," Dean replied with an elated grin. "Follow my lead."
Truth be told, Dean was scared, scared that he couldn't get Cas aroused, or even if he did, Cas wouldn't go all the way with him. Now he was glad he had let Cas talk about his ex-wife. Cas had to re-learn that sex, primal and brutal as it was, could be enjoyable to both parties.
Dean was going to show him how.
"You ready?" he asked when he had Cas' cock lubed up and poised at his entrance. Castiel eagerly nodded and grasped when the head of his cock slipped past Dean's puckered hole. The way Dean lowered himself on his cock was both sinful and elegant. His chest glistened with sweat, his six-pack abs constricted, his muscled thighs tightened. Castiel grabbed a handful of bed sheet to still his erratic heartbeat when Dean sat fully on his groin, his cock throbbing in the burning passage.
Thankfully, Dean sat unmoving for a while, or else Cas would come in record time. Castiel gazed at their joined hips, overjoyed that this was finally happening, that he and Dean essentially became one. When he looked up, Dean had a blissed-out look on his face. Cas couldn't resist pulling him down for a bruising kiss. He didn't know who did it harder; tongue-fucking each other's mouths like their lives depended on it.
Then Dean moved, a little rolling of his hips that had Castiel give up the tongue battle in favor of chasing Dean's movements. He planted his feet on the mattress, gaining himself some footing to meet Dean at each thrust. They were not sharp or harsh plunges, just shallow undulating rides but Castiel loved the way their hips rocked together like tidal waves in rainy seas. Then Cas remembered that little bump inside that had Dean losing his mind, so he shifted his angle a little. Dean's responsive groans were nothing short of pornographic.
"Cas, Cas"
Besides his name, Cas couldn't make out other terms that fell from Dean's parted lips. He himself had lost the ability to form words long before, else he would say how beautiful Dean looked at this moment; praise him for how perfect he was when his skin flushed with passionate heat while Cas swayed with him.
Dean's mind was whirling. He couldn't muse anything beyond Cas and need and more. He had planned to ride Cas hard, to show him how good Dean could make him feel, but Cas was relentlessly scraping that spot with his slick lunges. It made Dean lose control over himself. He toppled forward; his palms flopped besides Cas' shoulders. Cas grinned up at him as he grabbed Dean by his pelvic bones; the slight gap between their hips allowed for Castiel to fuck into him hard and fast. It was embarrassing how Dean's moans echoed deeper and louder than he would ever admit in his lifetime.
When Cas got up to stifle his moans with a kiss, Dean knew he was losing this fight. He pushed at Cas' chest for leverage and then straightened his back. This time, Dean clenched his ass as he pulled almost all the way off and loosened it as he slid back down, milking Cas the best he knew how. He smirked when Cas literally growled, reveling in the triumph as he impaled himself on Cas' cock, riding it like a pro he knew he was.
It didn't last long, however, when Cas' arousal never failed to hit Dean's prostrate. Soon Dean could do nothing more than fall back to the rhythmic ebbs and flows of their hips. His back arched, his arms fumbling for purchase as his orgasm rapidly built. When Castiel took hold of Dean's flinging hand, entwining their fingers, he lost it. The delicate bones were near breaking when Dean tensed up and came. Creamy, steamy liquid spurted far and fierily across Castiel's chest.
Cas got his orgasm ripped out of him when Dean's anal muscles clenched and dilated wildly around his length. His balls pulsated as it shot out gush after gush of his seeds, rendering Castiel partly unconscious. When he came to, Dean was up on one elbow, grinning at him like a happy idiot. His body was already cleaned of the sticky mess.
"Hey gorgeous," Dean cooed, brushing a sweaty lock of hair off his forehead. Castiel basked in the feel of Dean's soft touch and his post-coitus euphoria. "That was intense, huh?"
Cas grabbed Dean's hand that skirted around the shape of his countenance, and brought it to a kiss. "It was," he agreed with a contented smile.
It was nearly unimaginable, that they would come to this. Lost souls that ventured through the gravest perils, binding by the most disastrous of fate, had found their way to each other in the end.
Dean wriggled until his body half blanketed over Cas'. He kissed the corner of Cas' mouth, his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, all the unusual places; it had Castiel giggle softly at every brush. As his hand kept toying the dark curls of Cas' hair, Dean knew he would never get tired of that smile.
"I love you," he said, gulping down the butterflies that were fluttering with excitement in his belly. It was ludicrous, precarious even, how Dean fell headlong in love with the man underneath him, his better judgment thrown overboard. There were many things in life that Dean regretted. Definitely, this was not one of them - never would be.
Cas was his life and light. The day it stopped shining would be the day Dean breathed his last.
Castiel didn't miss the way Dean swallowed the lump in his throat or the jitters that flickered over his face as he said those words. It was nerves, not uncertainty. And if Dean, in all his nervousness, could do it, maybe he could do it, too. Maybe Dean could help him find his definition of love. Maybe they could help each other define theirs.
"I know," Cas replied with a gentle smile, petting Dean on one cheek. "I love you, too."
~:~:~
Some time at dawn, Dean woke up to a sound of muffled cry. He looked around to see Cas sitting on the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest as he sobbed onto them. Dean entangled him from the posture, ushering him to lie down and cry onto his shoulder instead. He didn't say a word, only held Cas close and let him mourn his sister's death until he fell back to sleep. After all, nobody replaced the ones you loved.
~:~:~
A/N: I finished this chapter some time ago, but I was reluctant to post it. I guess, in a way, it is getting harder and harder to part with the characters you dearly love, despite their flaws - because of their flaws. I am also aware that each of you has your own expectations, and there is no way I can meet all of them. My only hope is that you don't find mine too... unacceptable.
Chapter summary: Unexpected visitor, unforeseen revelations
Additional chapter warnings: off-screen minor character death; mentions of past Cas/Daphne in graphic details; kind of top-from-bottom!Dean; and a few cheesy lines, or more
A/N: Thank you for your reviews!
~:~:~
"Dean, let's get out of here."
The words hit Dean like a freight train coming at full speed, carrying with it a lungful of hope Dean had painfully abandoned not-so-long ago. But the little freak-out look on Cas' face brought Dean to immediate reality and had Dean collect himself.
"Slow down. What's going on?"
Cas wouldn't answer his question, so Dean decided to plop on the bed, tugging Cas down with him. Cas could have collapsed, it seemed.
"What happened?" Dean repeated when Cas sat himself next to him; his eyes fixated on his dangling feet. "Who was your visitor?"
But Cas pursed his lips shut. His face scrunched up as if he was hurt. Dean tentatively placed a hand on his arm. That was when Cas threw himself at Dean, almost knocking him back on the mattress.
"Whoa, okay, wait," Dean cried. He carefully scurried up the bed and braced his back against the wall, beckoning Cas to scoot over. Cas straddled his lap and leaned down to slot his arms around Dean's torso, placing his head on Dean's shoulders. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' back, holding him loosely.
The way Cas wriggled into him let Dean know Cas was upset. Soon enough, he broke into quiet sobs. Anyway it was better than an impassive Cas. Whoever came to visit him must have come bringing bad news. Dean could only guess while soothing Cas through it, whispering words of comfort and urging him to 'let it all out'.
When Cas quieted down somewhat, Dean gently nudged again. "Come on, Cas, talk to me. Who was your visitor?"
Cas wiped his face on Dean's shirt. His voice was barely audible when he told Dean about his visitor, Rufus, a guy who had been working with his family for a very long time. Rufus came bearing the news of his sister's death.
"Oh, Cas, I'm so sorry," Dean said softly, heartbroken.
"What am I going to do, Dean?" Cas wailed in agony, his hands clutching Dean's shirt like a lifeline. "Anna's dead. She's gone and I'll never get to see her again. I thought I would see her again when this is all over, but she's gone. She's gone."
Cas' voice became louder, broken, his words incoherent as he grieved, "Everyone I loved has left me. First my parents and now her; I have no one left. There's no one left, Dean. My family, they are all gone. They left me alone. Why didn't they take me with them?"
"Don't say that," Dean shushed him, terrified at the thought of losing his beloved. "I'm here, Cas. I'm here. You still have me. I'll be your family, okay? I'll never leave you. I'll be your family."
He could only imagine being in Cas' shoes. His parents were gone, too, but at least he still had Sam. But he wanted Cas to see it. Cas needed to see that Dean was never going to leave him. That if Cas was lost, Dean was going to kill his way to find him and bring him back.
Dean's shirt was soaked and dirty, but he couldn't care less. He let Cas cry onto him, raking his fingers through Cas' hair and humming soothing nonsense. Dean's heart ached at all the series of misfortunes bestowed on his cellmate. It was bad enough that he had lost his parents; his sister went nuts, him being incarcerated and then assaulted, only to find his only family gone without getting to say goodbye. Dean had thought his life was bad, but it was nothing compared to Castiel's.
Cas sniffed one last time before straightening up, wiping his wet face with the back of his hands. "Did you just propose to me?" he mumbled.
Dean gawked. "What?"
"I don't see how else you can be my family," Cas replied, his voice thick and nasal from crying too hard. "Unless you want to be my brother?"
"No! Hell, no," Dean shot back, a little too quickly. He was so not fucking his brother. That one thing he was sure.
"Well?" Cas kept staring back at Dean, expecting some answers.
Dean let himself entertain the idea: he and Cas in suits, at the altar, exchanging rings. He might have liked that image more than he should.
"What if I did?" Dean tried with a sheepish look on his face. He didn't exactly have a marriage proposal in mind when he said he would be Cas' family, but it was worth a shot.
"Can we do that here?" Cas asked. He furrowed his forehead and narrowed his swollen eyes. Dean thought Cas would be more flabbergasted, but instead he seemed genuinely intrigued.
"Well, it's not like anyone needs to know that, but us," Dean replied, lacing their fingers together to keep himself from blushing. He should have known by now that this tactic never worked. "And our family. Sam will be your family, too. So he has to know."
Cas' face scrunched up again.
"Is that a yes, or are you having a cramp?" Dean playfully poked at his ribs, still not letting go of Cas' hand. He knew Cas was starting to have another bout of crying fit, so he tried to come up with something, he hoped, amusing.
It worked. Cas failed to stifle a laugh, so it came out as a half-snort, half-choke, before it broke into a timid smile. Dean couldn't help meeting it with a face-splitting grin.
"Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?"
The words sprinted out of Dean's mouth faster than he could catch it. Cas' smile had made him heady. Even so, he meant every single word of it.
"It's not like I can go anywhere if I want," Cas mewled with a shy smile.
"Ouch!" Dean dramatically clutched his heart, in doing so tugging Cas towards him by their interlaced fingers. Cas' face was mere inches away, his features damp, rosy and puffy: traces that suggested grief was evidenced. A sight so endearing Dean wanted to imprint into his mind, but never wanted it repeated.
Dean recited the marriage vow in his heart - for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. He didn't have a ring to vouch for his promise, but he sealed it with a kiss.
~:~:~
"Why don't you tell me about your sister?" Dean asked, turning his head to the man behind him. Right now he was sitting between Cas' legs, back to chest. Cas was leaning against the headboard. 'I want to hold someone in my arms,' Cas had said. That was how they ended up in this position. "You rarely talk about her. And now I don't have a chance to meet her in person, so…"
Cas leaned his head on Dean's, holding him tighter and slightly rocking them. It was some time later that he began. "She was very much like you," he recalled nostalgically. "Beautiful, passionate, and she loved fiercely, just like you do."
Maybe that was why Castiel was so drawn to Dean, enthralled even. He secretly craved someone who loved like his sister did: possessive and overprotective, selfish and yet selfless.
"We were very close since as far back as I remember," he continued. "Too close for anyone's comfort."
Then he went on about how smart his sister was, so much so that their parents decided to send her to a medical school. They went to the same university so they could share an apartment. That was how close they were.
By the time Castiel was in his third year, Anna had already finished her pre-med. But being a doctor was never something she wanted. He couldn't stand seeing his sister unhappy. So, when he graduated, he convinced her to drop out and move to Sacramento with him. Anna loved to cook, so they agreed on opening a restaurant where Castiel helped in accounts, which was the major he studied.
Then Cas went silent. Dean wanted to prompt him for some more. That was the longest Cas had ever spoken of his family. Dean felt like he was getting to know them - and him - better.
"Dean," Cas rumbled low in his throat. He sounded troubled. "There're some things that I want to share with you, that you may find," he searched for the right word, "uncomfortable."
Dean told Cas to carry on.
"My sister, she didn't take too kindly to outside relationships," Cas blurted and Dean nodded. That was something Dean could relate. "I once had a girlfriend in high school. When Anna learned of it, she went," again, Castiel fumbled for a word, "mad. It didn't work out anyway, my girlfriend and I. So after a while, we broke up. I never had another since."
There was a wistful tone in the way Cas talked about it, Dean observed, but he could be wrong. Cas let out a small sigh, then resumed, "Life went on, happily. It wasn't until people started to notice that we both were single adults and started asking prying questions, that I realized our relationship wasn't healthy by any means."
Dean knew all too well how quick people could jump to conclusion. Too many times people simply assumed he and Sam were lovers, and, more often than not, they were too tired to correct it.
Then a thought hit him.
"Did you, uh,-" Dean stumbled, not knowing how to raise the issue without leaving a foul taste in his mouth.
On the contrary, it didn't seem to faze Castiel. "Did we have sexual relations?" he voiced the unspoken question for Dean. "No, I wouldn't do that to my sister, though that might be the only thing we did not do. Anna never had a boyfriend. She said she had me, and that was enough."
Then Cas talked about Daphne, how she came along and they hit it off. He saw her as a means to escape from that kind of life, so he quitted the restaurant and moved out. Needless to say, that caused fallout in their relationship. Anna even declined his wedding invitation. But he had to do it, for her, and for himself.
But his marriage didn't last. They enjoyed their time together, but even Daphne knew something was missing. They parted ways, on good terms. Anna started talking to him again, though he didn't go back to that former life. He took a job as a teacher, and Dean knew the rest of the story.
When Cas stopped, Dean tried to recall what 'the rest of the story' was. He knew Cas and his sister drove up to visit their parents one day. Their car broke. Mom and Dad got killed. Then Cas killed some people who seemed to have killed Cas' parents. And he was here because of that. But Cas had been so adamant not to leave this place before. What changed?
"Cas," Dean called, looking back at the man behind him. "Do you still want to leave this place?"
"Yes, Dean," he gave a firm reply. "What are the plans?"
"Why now? I asked you many times. You never agreed to leave."
"Does it matter?" Cas asked coldly.
"I think I have that much right to know if I'm going to let you in on my plans, don't I?"
Fair enough, Castiel thought. Escaping prison must be one hell of a confidential scheme. He might as well let Dean in on one of his own - not that his secret mattered anymore.
He needed as much strength as he could get to talk about this, so Castiel moved to let Dean sit against the headboard instead. Then he sat himself between Dean's legs, his right side leaning on Dean's body. He flung his legs over Dean's right one, having Dean wrapped his arms around him.
Castiel exhaled in relief when he felt Dean's warmth envelop him. The way their bodies always correspond so perfectly let him know he had finally found a welcoming home.
"What I am going to tell you," he sighed. "You must promise me that you'll never bring it up again, not to me, not to anyone."
His parents' death, Cas started after Dean gave him his word, sort of stretched the already strained relationship between him and his sister. There weren't many leads the police could work on the case, and Anna was very frustrated about it. Castiel, on the other hand, believed in the system. He told her as such, but his sister, hasty as she was, wanted to take matters into her own hands.
So one day when FBI showed up at his doorsteps, he kind of knew what went down. Anna was angry at him for doing nothing, and held him responsible for it, quite literally. Castiel accepted all the charges. He'd rather get himself locked up than have anyone taken her. The sad part was that, he kind of lost her since. He guessed plotting and committing murder and framing your only brother for it must have taken its toll on anyone's sanity.
Dean listened to Cas' account with a chill running down his spine. Cas knew Anna had killed those people and set him up, yet he still took the blame for her. Dean would do anything for his brother, but even he couldn't wrap his head around Cas' logic.
"I don't understand. Why did you do it? If she was convicted, she would be getting help in an asylum, and you wouldn't have to go through all these madness."
Cas shook his head. "I couldn't do it. It was my fault my parents got killed. Anna's hands were bloodied because of me. I deserve to be here."
"Cas, you need to stop." Dean grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing Cas to meet his eyes. He stressed out each word, stern and commanding, "None of this is your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself for things you did not do."
But Castiel refused to hear Dean. It was all useless now. Everything he had done, all the blame he had taken, and none of it could help bring his parents back, or keep his sister alive. She was the sole reason he was still standing in this place. With her gone, he would simply give up the fight and die.
Or leave.
He just wanted to see her one last time, to say goodbye and tell her how much he loved her - even if it was to a cold gravestone.
"Do it for me, at least," Dean was still talking, his speech merely wafting through Castiel's ears. "Forgive yourself. I can't see you like this, ridden with guilt."
Anna also said the same thing Dean did, when she came to say goodbye in his dream last night, that Castiel had to forgive himself. But now who was there for him to hold the grudge against? His parents were dead. Their killers were dead. The person who killed those killers was also dead, killed in an accident. Fate had decided it was time to end their vicious spree.
"Cas, baby, talk to me, please." Castiel was pulled back from zoning out when Dean tugged his arm. "I'm here. You still have me."
Dean gradually formed in his vision, reminding him of his sister's words. 'Someone who loves you as much as I do, if not more,' Anna referred to Dean so. His sister had forgiven him. Maybe it was time he forgave himself.
"Show me you love me," Castiel said hastily. He got up to straddle Dean's lap, his tone urgent when he demanded, "Take me. Claim what is yours."
"What? Cas, are you sure?"
"Yes, Dean, I'm sure. I don't want to regret this."
Because Cas wasn't going to waste it, any more time. If there was one thing his sister's death taught him, it was that life was too short, too unpredictable. And if Dean wouldn't be here tomorrow, he would need something to remember him by. This would be his vow to Dean, a vow that Dean would always have a special place in his soul - 'til death do them part.
Dean planted on him a soft, smiling kiss: a sweet promise of a valiant sailing through uncharted seas. "Tonight, okay? I need to get us some supplies."
~:~:~
"So you're a f-"
Dean silenced him with a smooch before Cas could get the word out. It was after lunch time, and even though they had been conversing more quietly than they usually did in their hushed voices, he couldn't risk anyone hearing it.
"I'm not a fed," Dean clarified. Cas saw the f-word from the movements of Dean's lips rather than hearing it. "I used to work for one. Sam and I did all the dirty jobs for them, the kind that couldn't go on record."
"But why are you here? Don't you have immunity or something?"
"It's complicated." Dean sighed when he couldn't come up with a better explanation. "I had to accept the charges so it wouldn't blow the entire operation, but they did try to help me out. I was placed here because of that. They needed me to do some investigation here, taking on a whole new official assignment, hoping to bail me out once the case closes."
"You mean the Alastair case?"
Dean nodded.
"So you failed?" Cas asked, baffled. It didn't seem like a failure to him, but what did he know? It was before his time. "Is that why you're still here?"
"Oh, it was successful alright," Dean said ruefully. "I just refused to leave."
Castiel frowned. His head did that involuntary tilt he usually did. "Why?"
But Dean no longer spoke. He merely bit his lower lip and stared at his knees.
"Dean," Cas nudged him gently. "Why didn't you leave?"
All these while, Cas never knew Dean had had a choice. There must be something crucial behind Dean's decision. One simply did not put himself behind bars by design. He just wished Dean would share the burden with him, whatever it was.
"I can't," Dean croaked out after a short while. It wasn't something that was meant to be spoken, but Cas had a way to drill his soul and tear down every fort and wall Dean ever built.
"Sam was all I had," Dean elaborated. Though he couldn't keep his voice from wavering, he fought tears pricking his eyes. It was painful, talking about it, but it was also a relief. "I tried my best to be everything I could for him. I tried to be the best brother he'll ever have. I tried my best to be a better mom and dad than any kid could ever dream of. I made sure Sam had the best of everything our desolate lives could offer. But then-"
Dean thumped his head on the wall and closed his eyes, but it wasn't quick enough to hide a single tear that descended his cheek. Castiel rushed to sit on Dean's lap, to give him a sense of warmth and corporeal presence. He placed a hand on Dean's five o'clock shadow. Dean promptly leaned into the touch, savoring all the comfort he could get.
"But then I'm here." Dean swallowed hard. "And what I see is that the best life Sam ever has is the one without me."
Dean was glad that Cas pulled him into his arms. This way he could hide his ugly sobs on Cas' shoulder. A bright future awaited Sam, who was working his way up to be that big-shot lawyer, with a beautiful girlfriend he had been pining for since he was a squirt. Dean wondered where it all went so wrong. Why were they on the roads doing jack shit instead of sending Sam to Stanford with a full ride, making his way to be a real legal advisor instead of posing as one?
"You can't speak for him," Castiel said softly. "Maybe his idea of the best life is the one that includes you." He smiled when Dean pulled back, puzzled. "Remember you are all he has, too."
Castiel was caught off-guard when Dean yanked him close and crushed his lips. Dean's face was soaking with salty tears, making the kiss both sloppy and sad. He would have known. Anna was all he had, too. He would take any version of his life, if it meant he could be with her.
As if sensing his thought, Dean uttered a word of apology. Cas lightly shook his head in dismissal.
"You know you have me now, right?" Dean said firmly. It was a statement, not a question. The solemnity of it made Castiel peck Dean's lips with a grin.
"No," he teased, smiling wider when he saw Dean's face twitch in confusion. "We have each other."
Yes, they had each other. Before Cas came into his life, Dean never saw himself outside the cage, going back to the same old routines, dragging Sam to hell with him. But now? Now he couldn't wait to walk away from here, making breakfast for this adorable dork, limbs tangling on the sofa watching movies or holding hands in the settling sun. Sam could have the life he wanted, and Dean could live the life he never knew he had.
Dean tackled him, throwing Castiel on his back on the mattress. He then lifted the hem of Cas' shirt and blew raspberries kisses on his soft tummy. Castiel's mirthful laughter permeated the air, chasing away the gloom that clouded over them.
~:~:~
"So, how do we get out this time?" Castiel asked after they were calm enough to talk again. Dean tickling him was followed by a series of light-hearted wrestling matches and heavy make-out sessions.
"We take on another case," Dean stated matter-of-factly. "Sam is coming in tomorrow. I already told him you're on board. Hopefully he could build us a solid case."
"Is there something else to investigate here?"
Dean fidgeted where he sat. He wished there was a way they could do this without having to bring back bad memories. "Yeah, apparently there is something fishy about the, uh," Dean stuttered, "The drug you were given. I already gave Sam a sample of it. It seems like-" God, this was harder than he had assumed. "Lucifer and Crowley are working together."
He didn't miss the shudder that rippled through Cas' body.
"Crowley? The warden?"
Cas would have that incredulous look on his face, naturally. He might not know that it was Crowley's kind of authority that enabled Lucifer to hurt him, or that could override Dr. Sebastian's drug reports, or authorize Dean's transfer order.
"You need to be extra careful around them, okay? We'll know more when Sam's here." And Dean left it at that.
~:~:~
"Just do it, Dean. I don't mind."
Cas was exasperated. He and Dean were now sitting on the top bunk, naked; the main light went out hours ago. Previously, they had tried a hundred different ways to get Castiel aroused: changes of places, positions, tactics. None of them worked.
"You can't ask that of me, Cas."
Dean heaved a sigh. It was horrible enough, the other night, when Dean thought he had forced himself on Cas. It was horrifying now to learn that certain things triggered him. Cas couldn't get on his hands and knees because that was, presumably, how Lucifer took him. He couldn't be sitting on Dean's lap either. That was how he saw Dean in his dream, Cas said. But, unfortunately, he had associated the recollection with pain. It took almost an hour, if not more, to calm Cas down, each time.
"You have my full consent," Cas said seriously.
"And I believe you," Dean affirmed. He put his hands on Cas' stiff shoulders and started massaging them, kissing the top of his head. "But your body says otherwise. You need to relax, Cas. You are all tensed up."
Cas leaned back into the touch, letting himself enjoy the squashing pain that bespoke gratification afterwards. The feel of Dean's calloused hands on his muscles was nothing if not sensual and unwinding.
"Lie down on your stomach for me," Dean whispered. Castiel complied, tugging a pillow under his arms. His elbows made a triangle shape over the fluffy cushion and he rested on it. Dean's hands pressed hot and hard along the length of Cas' naked spine, adding some body weight for good measure. Castiel moaned at the heavenly relief of physical tension he didn't realize he needed.
"Tell me about your wife," Dean said softly, his breath ghosted behind Cas' ear as the heels of his palms smoothed across Cas' shoulder blades. "Tell me how you met her."
"You want me to talk about Daphne?" Castiel jerked his head up and turned sideways to Dean. "Now?"
"Why not?" Dean's lips curled into an amused smile. He gently pushed Cas back down and kneaded the nape of his neck. Cas whimpered brokenly at the contact. "We try, okay? If it doesn't work, we try something else," he coaxed.
"You know how I met her. I told you a couple of times already," Cas grumbled into the pillow. His head slightly turned in synch with the movements of Dean's expert hands.
Of course Dean knew how Cas met his ex-wife. When your life was restricted to the same place and the same routines with the same people, there was nothing much you could talk about. After some time you started to repeat the same old stories.
But Dean had other idea. "This time I want you to bring yourself back to the day. Tell me as if you were there."
Cas grunted and Dean had to say please nicely and give him another pacifying squeeze, before Cas eventually caved in and started his story.
It was a crisp early morning. Castiel was in a park for his daily run when he came across a girl who seemed to have some problems with her bicycle. He stopped and walked over. Now, he didn't know a thing about bikes, but he couldn't walk away from someone clearly in distress. He asked if she was alright. When the girl turned, she had a gleam of gratitude in her eyes that Castiel couldn't shake off. They ended up walking her bike to the nearest shop that happened to be roughly two miles away. It was during that walk that he felt a strange pull towards another person - a very fleshly one. The way she kept touching his arm, the way her face lit up when she told him tidbits of her life, had him asking her out for a coffee afterwards.
"You know what I love about runners?" Dean purred when Cas went silence, seemingly lost in time and space. He grazed his hands down the backside of Cas' thighs, the lines of muscles still visible even after a long time of no use. "Their strong legs. Bet you could hoist her up your hips and bounce her on your cock without the support of a wall, couldn't you?"
Cas' breath hitched as he recalled those many times he did just that. Daphne was mad about it. Her screams were deafening every time he plunged freely into her. Her whole body that was weighing down on him, got him to reach deep and harsh inside her wet channel like no other way could. It was crazy days back then.
"Tell me about the best sex you've had," Dean inquired. He was now propped on one elbow, loosely curling strands of Cas' hair with his fingers. His complimentary massage had stopped, but somehow Castiel felt the need to remain lying on his front. His hips subtly moved against the mattress. It felt so good.
"I'll tell you one of mine later, if you want," Dean crooned. His voice went a pitch lower, and Castiel'd be damned if it wasn't seductive. The image of Dean pleasuring a faceless woman got Castiel up on his elbows surging for air and chasing some much-needed friction.
It was with a shaky voice that Cas started letting Dean in on his most private secrets. One day, he came back from work, exhausted and drained. His wife was in the kitchen, cooking, as was their routine. But the instant he walked in, he dropped his bag to the floor with a thud, stupefied.
Daphne had her back to him. Her hair was rolled up into a loose bun, baring her lean neck. There were straps of an apron tied behind it. He then raked his gaze down her naked spine that slightly curved up at the small of her back. Another knot of ribbons rounded her slim waist. It was what was below that line that had his brain short-circuited.
Ebony floral garter belt hugged snugly on her hips, exposing her luscious ass cheeks and the top of her thighs. Her legs were sheathed in matching satin lace-top stockings, clipped to the belt with strings of tiny suspenders. Her feet were clad in pointy heels. He remembered them browsing through online sexy lingerie catalogue. It was enough to spice up their sex life. He never thought his wife would actually order them.
"So you have a thing for panties, huh?"
Castiel shuddered when Dean's lips brushed over the sensitive area above his shoulder blade. He whimpered as he wiggled between Dean's body that was now hovering over him and the mattress, his skin on fire.
"She wasn't wearing panties, Dean," he said pointedly. It was the absence of it that had blood clogging his phallus faster than he would have supposed it could.
"Fuck," Dean groaned onto his back. A rush of carnal desire that came with the sound had Castiel roll over and seize Dean down for a searing kiss.
"I made a beeline for her," he continued when they broke the kiss. Cas closed his eyes and squirmed as he felt Dean leisurely stroking his growing erection. "Wrapping my arms around her waist and nibbling the back of her neck. My pants were achingly tight by the time I ground my hips to the globes of her ass."
She was soaking wet when he slithered his hand downwards and dipped his fingers between her folds. She had heard him when he arrived, and the anticipation alone made her shiver with need. He got rid of the apron, opened the front of his trousers, not even bothering to undress when he pulled his cock out and slid it between her legs, rubbing but not entering. He circled her clit with his cockhead. Every prod elicited from her a moan and a flood of her wetness over his shaft.
'More, please, Castiel,' she whimpered urgently as he did nothing but teased. He wanted to enjoy the thrill more, but took pity on her. He cradled her to perch on the kitchen island. Her legs spread wide, trembling, when he crudely slammed home.
The velvety moistness had him bordering on blowing his load. Castiel gathered his breath before he got a firm grip of her hips and started moving. Daphne clenched around his cock as he pounded into her. The sound of his squelching thrusts was drowned out by their satisfying groans.
"Cas"
Dean's gravelly moan jolted Castiel back to the present. He could hardly suppress a moan himself when he opened his eyes to see Dean currently fucking himself on his fingers.
"Cas, please, I need you."
Castiel's heart raced hearing Dean beg for his touch. He placed his hands on Dean's biceps, one shaking from supporting himself on the bed, the other from the diligent work in and out of his hole. Dean's face crumpled, but it wasn't from pain.
"Please, it'll be easier on your fingers."
Cas quickly nodded. He coated his fingers with the bottle of lube Dean had handed to him. When he was sure he was generously wet enough, he had Dean guide him to his opening. Castiel was impressed by how his first digit could sink in with little resistance.
Soon Dean asked for a second one that Cas gingerly added. Dean told him to 'scissor him open' so he tried crossing and stretching his fingers, watching attentively to Dean's reaction, making sure he was not hurt. At one point, Dean visibly shuddered, which made Castiel freeze in his tracks.
"Don't stop. Do that again," Dean all but barked. Castiel was still perplexed, but he repeated the motion.
"You like that?" he asked, crushing again that spot which, he now noticed, was a small bump inside. Dean's moans when he did that were utterly obscene; it made his cock leak ridiculous amount of pre-cum.
Dean's answers were positive, though incoherent. Castiel found it amazing that he could coerce from Dean, who was usually smug, unintelligible responses. He added one more finger and more lube when Dean told him to, curling every now and then to massage his prostrate.
"Stop, stop," Dean croaked. "I'm going to come," he explained with a faint sheepish chuckle when panic started to creep up on Cas' face. Goddamn him and his long, elegant fingers. Dean knew they were going to be the death of him. He wished he were wrong. At this rate, Dean would come faster than any first-timer.
"You're too hot to handle," Dean flattered with a wide grin as he leaned down to peck Cas on the lips. It made Castiel swell up with pride.
Cas carefully removed his fingers, smearing excess lube on his own cock and stroking it, keeping it erect because he knew Dean would refuse to go through his plan for tonight otherwise. It wasn't until Dean batted his hand away and tried to roll a condom on him that he realized what Dean actually had in mind.
Castiel abruptly winced away.
"Whoa, easy, Cas," Dean cautiously said. He cupped his face and captured him in another tender kiss. "Do you want to do this tonight?" Dean asked sweetly. Castiel nodded, even though he was still wide-eyed. "Then let's do it my way. I need you. Do you trust me?"
Of course he trusted Dean. It just never occurred to him that it could be done the other way around. He had been unwilling earlier because he didn't want to hurt Dean, but Dean didn't seem to be in pain by the looks of it. If Dean wanted this, then Cas would do it for him.
He gave Dean another kiss. "I trust you."
"Good," Dean replied with an elated grin. "Follow my lead."
Truth be told, Dean was scared, scared that he couldn't get Cas aroused, or even if he did, Cas wouldn't go all the way with him. Now he was glad he had let Cas talk about his ex-wife. Cas had to re-learn that sex, primal and brutal as it was, could be enjoyable to both parties.
Dean was going to show him how.
"You ready?" he asked when he had Cas' cock lubed up and poised at his entrance. Castiel eagerly nodded and grasped when the head of his cock slipped past Dean's puckered hole. The way Dean lowered himself on his cock was both sinful and elegant. His chest glistened with sweat, his six-pack abs constricted, his muscled thighs tightened. Castiel grabbed a handful of bed sheet to still his erratic heartbeat when Dean sat fully on his groin, his cock throbbing in the burning passage.
Thankfully, Dean sat unmoving for a while, or else Cas would come in record time. Castiel gazed at their joined hips, overjoyed that this was finally happening, that he and Dean essentially became one. When he looked up, Dean had a blissed-out look on his face. Cas couldn't resist pulling him down for a bruising kiss. He didn't know who did it harder; tongue-fucking each other's mouths like their lives depended on it.
Then Dean moved, a little rolling of his hips that had Castiel give up the tongue battle in favor of chasing Dean's movements. He planted his feet on the mattress, gaining himself some footing to meet Dean at each thrust. They were not sharp or harsh plunges, just shallow undulating rides but Castiel loved the way their hips rocked together like tidal waves in rainy seas. Then Cas remembered that little bump inside that had Dean losing his mind, so he shifted his angle a little. Dean's responsive groans were nothing short of pornographic.
"Cas, Cas"
Besides his name, Cas couldn't make out other terms that fell from Dean's parted lips. He himself had lost the ability to form words long before, else he would say how beautiful Dean looked at this moment; praise him for how perfect he was when his skin flushed with passionate heat while Cas swayed with him.
Dean's mind was whirling. He couldn't muse anything beyond Cas and need and more. He had planned to ride Cas hard, to show him how good Dean could make him feel, but Cas was relentlessly scraping that spot with his slick lunges. It made Dean lose control over himself. He toppled forward; his palms flopped besides Cas' shoulders. Cas grinned up at him as he grabbed Dean by his pelvic bones; the slight gap between their hips allowed for Castiel to fuck into him hard and fast. It was embarrassing how Dean's moans echoed deeper and louder than he would ever admit in his lifetime.
When Cas got up to stifle his moans with a kiss, Dean knew he was losing this fight. He pushed at Cas' chest for leverage and then straightened his back. This time, Dean clenched his ass as he pulled almost all the way off and loosened it as he slid back down, milking Cas the best he knew how. He smirked when Cas literally growled, reveling in the triumph as he impaled himself on Cas' cock, riding it like a pro he knew he was.
It didn't last long, however, when Cas' arousal never failed to hit Dean's prostrate. Soon Dean could do nothing more than fall back to the rhythmic ebbs and flows of their hips. His back arched, his arms fumbling for purchase as his orgasm rapidly built. When Castiel took hold of Dean's flinging hand, entwining their fingers, he lost it. The delicate bones were near breaking when Dean tensed up and came. Creamy, steamy liquid spurted far and fierily across Castiel's chest.
Cas got his orgasm ripped out of him when Dean's anal muscles clenched and dilated wildly around his length. His balls pulsated as it shot out gush after gush of his seeds, rendering Castiel partly unconscious. When he came to, Dean was up on one elbow, grinning at him like a happy idiot. His body was already cleaned of the sticky mess.
"Hey gorgeous," Dean cooed, brushing a sweaty lock of hair off his forehead. Castiel basked in the feel of Dean's soft touch and his post-coitus euphoria. "That was intense, huh?"
Cas grabbed Dean's hand that skirted around the shape of his countenance, and brought it to a kiss. "It was," he agreed with a contented smile.
It was nearly unimaginable, that they would come to this. Lost souls that ventured through the gravest perils, binding by the most disastrous of fate, had found their way to each other in the end.
Dean wriggled until his body half blanketed over Cas'. He kissed the corner of Cas' mouth, his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, all the unusual places; it had Castiel giggle softly at every brush. As his hand kept toying the dark curls of Cas' hair, Dean knew he would never get tired of that smile.
"I love you," he said, gulping down the butterflies that were fluttering with excitement in his belly. It was ludicrous, precarious even, how Dean fell headlong in love with the man underneath him, his better judgment thrown overboard. There were many things in life that Dean regretted. Definitely, this was not one of them - never would be.
Cas was his life and light. The day it stopped shining would be the day Dean breathed his last.
Castiel didn't miss the way Dean swallowed the lump in his throat or the jitters that flickered over his face as he said those words. It was nerves, not uncertainty. And if Dean, in all his nervousness, could do it, maybe he could do it, too. Maybe Dean could help him find his definition of love. Maybe they could help each other define theirs.
"I know," Cas replied with a gentle smile, petting Dean on one cheek. "I love you, too."
~:~:~
Some time at dawn, Dean woke up to a sound of muffled cry. He looked around to see Cas sitting on the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest as he sobbed onto them. Dean entangled him from the posture, ushering him to lie down and cry onto his shoulder instead. He didn't say a word, only held Cas close and let him mourn his sister's death until he fell back to sleep. After all, nobody replaced the ones you loved.
~:~:~
A/N: I finished this chapter some time ago, but I was reluctant to post it. I guess, in a way, it is getting harder and harder to part with the characters you dearly love, despite their flaws - because of their flaws. I am also aware that each of you has your own expectations, and there is no way I can meet all of them. My only hope is that you don't find mine too... unacceptable.