Fic: Prisoner of Love (8/?)
MASTERPOST / AO3
Chapter summary: So this is how it goes on for the two of them - or rather the three of them.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who is still reading this. You have the patience of a saint! Special thanks to darkphoenix2345 for simply being awesome and incredibly supportive. Check out her stories if you haven't already!
This chapter is un-beta'd, so please forgive my mistakes.
~:~:~
Castiel put dirty clothes into a washing machine in the laundry room. It was the first time he came back to work after the Uriel incident. He couldn't say he was better, but life needed to go on, and so did his funding account. Nobody hired those who didn't show up at work, and he did not know how to find a new job if he had lost this one.
"Castiel!"
He jumped at the sound of someone calling his name. So far no one but Chuck and Gabriel dared get anywhere near him. Nobody should be calling his name. Castiel turned to see a familiar face smiling, walking towards him.
"Nick," he greeted. He refused to call him Lucifer like everyone did.
"Glad to see you here!" Nick greeted him with a pat on Castiel's arm. Cas tried not to wince visibly from the touch. "How are you doing?"
"Good," was the only reply Cas could give, as he ducked his head away.
"Good," Nick repeated softly. He noticed Castiel was avoiding his gaze. Nick squeezed Cas' arm as a form of encouragement, but it sent Cas' whole body shuddering with goose bumps.
"Look," Nick continued in a softer tone. "I'm sorry about what happened. If I had known Uriel was up to some sickening plans, I'd have helped you."
Castiel should have found comfort in those words. He knew Nick meant him no harm, but at the presence of another man getting too close, all he could think of was Dean, Dean, Dean.
"Thank you," Castiel replied politely.
"I have something for you," Nick said, suddenly turning bashful like a teenager. He looked at the ground where he kicked lightly with one foot. "Think it might cheer you up."
Castiel did not say anything. He just waited for him to continue.
"I remember you said you like tea," Nick said, handing a small sachet to Castiel. It was a bag of Twining's Darjeeling Tea. "This is the best I could find."
Castiel immediately thought of Dean's apple pie and beamed. "This is perfect," he said with a wide smile. Well, it was not perfect per se, but Castiel was well aware of where they were, and this was much better than he could have asked for. "Thank you very much," he said.
Nick returned his smile with a wider grin. "Well, I'm glad you like it, kiddo," he said while ruffling Cas' hair. Castiel tried to duck his head away from the touch, but he couldn't go too far. It wasn't the first time Nick got physically friendly but it made him uncomfortable now. So Castiel tried to think of Dean, and of the next time he brought another pie, even though he doubted there would be a next time. Castiel would make them some tea and prove to Dean how wrong he was to think apple pie goes well only with vanilla ice cream.
"Oh, and if you need hot water," Nick continued speaking in a chirpy tone, "go ask for Gordon in the kitchen, okay? He is expecting you."
Castiel nodded appreciatively. Nick had gone out of his way in having hot water prepared for him. The secret to making good tea required boiling water, not the kind you got from a hot water dispenser.
"And if you need more of those," Nick said, nodding his head to the tea bag in Cas' hand. "Just come get them at my cell, okay? Anytime"
Nick reached out to touch Castiel again. Cas stiffened. He didn't want to be rude to a friend who had been nothing but nice to him, but he was not ready to be touched - any kind of touch - by any other man.
Nick placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder and squeezed it gently. Castiel held his breath until Nick said his goodbye and left.
Dean. He needed to see Dean right now.
~:~:~
It wasn't until after dinner time that he got to see Dean in private. Dean leisurely walked past the open metal gate and Castiel immediately dashed to him until Dean's back hit the wall. He crudely rubbed his left arm where Lucifer had touched against Dean's chest. Dean just wrapped his arms loosely around Cas' waist, amused, unaware of what had been going on.
"Hey, baby," he said smugly, "miss me already?"
"Yes," Castiel could only murmur while he tried to rub his shoulder against Dean's chest too, which turned out to be a little trickier than he had thought. Then he pulled one of Dean's hands to ruffle the top of his head. There, all traces of Lucifer were gone.
"You alright, ang-, babe?" Dean asked. It would sometimes slip his tongue, the word Castiel asked Dean not to say, but he would quickly brush it away, every time. "Why are you clingy all of a sudden?"
"I'm always clingy," was a cheap reply, Castiel knew, but it was all he could offer Dean right now.
"That's true," Dean said, smiling, wrapping his arms a little tighter now that Castiel stopped moving. "But it's not lights out yet."
"Can't wait"
At least that much was true. Castiel leaned in to give Dean a brief kiss before pulling away. He smiled seeing Dean a little flustered. Dean was right. It was not even passed shower time yet. Anyone could walk past their cell at any moment.
"You, uh," Dean stammered. "You've been working?"
"Yes," Castiel replied, tilting his head with a frown. "How did you know?"
Dean smiled tightly. "Well, you smell like you fell into a washing machine."
Castiel threw his head back in a merry laugh. He removed himself from Dean to get ready to go shower.
"You know, Cas," Dean said, pushing himself off the wall and following Cas' steps, "I can get you to work in the library. You'll love it there, and it's less tiring."
That sounded tempting, Castiel had to admit. His typical duties included throwing dirty clothes into towering washing machines, removing them when done and move them to even bigger tumble dryers. Folding was unavoidable, though ironing was kept to the minimum. The work was exhausting, but it was the smell of detergent and dirty clothes that was unbearable.
But he could not depend on Dean forever. He was determined to be able to take care of himself. This was a perfect example. "Thanks, Dean," Castiel replied, "but I'll be fine."
Dean sighed heavily and ran his hand through his spiky hair. "Look, Cas, I'll be honest with you," Dean said, his tone going solemn. "My, uh, influence is not so high in the laundry room. I can't be at peace while you're there."
Smiling, Castiel moved closer and cupped Dean's cheek with one hand. He was flattered at how much Dean cared for him. Dean nuzzled into his hand. "I'll be fine, Dean," he said, assuring. "After all, you put Andy in there with me, didn't you?"
Dean snorted, rubbing his thumb at the back of Cas' hand. "That's kind of the point. There's no one but him."
Castiel leaned in to kiss Dean. He was overwhelmed by how far Dean would go to protect him. He knew there were a few other people besides Andy - not enough for safety, but enough for him not to feel alone. Besides, he had Nick in there, he would be fine.
Pulling away, he leaned his forehead against Dean's, who was breathing hard. "I'm taking a shower," Castiel said in a low voice. "Care to join me?"
Dean threw his head back and groaned. Castiel could only snicker when Dean pushed him away playfully. "Get outta here, you tease."
Castiel couldn't erase the smile on his face as he stopped at the metal gate and turned back to look at Dean, who stood gazing at him with arms crossed; a corner of his lips curled into a suppressed smile. If they weren't inside a prison, this would be Castiel's cue to say 'I love you'. He almost did, the other night, after Dean pampered him with terms of endearment. But his voice decided to walk out on him at that very moment, allowing him to say only the next best thing - that he wasn't a whore. There was no other man he would bare his body and soul to but Dean.
~:~:~
So that was how it went on for the two of them. Day after day they would keep their distance in public. Dean's eyes were still on him, but only to the level that Cas felt safe but not suffocating. Castiel progressed noticeably in his self-defense classes with Gabriel, while Dean helped him train in their cell whenever they found themselves free from work at the same time slot. Night after night, the top bed neglected, as Dean and Cas squeezed themselves onto one small bed.
It was under the cloak of darkness and streaks of artificial light that they shared their life stories outside the cage. Cas would tell Dean of his job and of his ex-wife, Daphne, whom he married more out of obligation than love and of their marriage that lasted a little over a year. He kept tales of his family to a minimum.
Dean, on the other hand, bragged about his family, especially of his little brother whom Dean lovingly called Sammy. He also bragged a lot about Baby, whom Castiel learned with a raised eyebrow, was actually Dean's car, some kind of classic. Cas could only imagine what it looked like and doubted his imagination would be any accurate. Dean hardly talked about his work or his past relationships; other than that they were a series of 'hot fucks and leave before breakfast'.
They would have sex (Castiel refused to call it otherwise). This basically meant Dean brought Cas to orgasm and nothing more. After a while, Castiel was comfortable enough to let Dean blow him. As much as he loved it, his preferred sexual act was frottage, which, if Cas tried hard enough, he could get Dean to come with him, clothes on and all. Good news was, as long as Dean was in bed with him, he didn't have to face those nightmares again. With Dean holding him in his arms, prison might have been the best thing that happened to him after all.
Except his life was never that simple.
~:~:~
He longed to touch Dean.
Castiel's fingers itched every time they made love. He had seen that firm chest and that branded tattoo up close once. He still had glimpses of it on scorching hot afternoons when most inmates tossed away their shirts or when he walked past Dean in the shower area. His fingers would tingle when he thought of trailing them on those tanned muscles. His lips went dry whenever he thought of dragging his tongue over those pretty nipples and making Dean squirm the same way Dean did to him. But Dean had made it very clear from the first day; he did not want Cas' touch. It was the only control he had, and he was very much determined to keep it.
But it wasn't easy. Every time he straddled Dean, he wanted nothing but to shred Dean's top and rake his stubble on that skin. Every time he ground onto Dean, all he wanted to do was strip those pants off and take Dean's erection into his mouth. Castiel longed to know what Dean tasted and smelled like, to see how ungraceful Dean would writhe under his touch and how shamelessly Dean would moan under his tongue.
He never had sex with a guy before, but he didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know where they penetrated. What he did not know, however, was how they did it, all the basics. Since he assumed Dean wouldn't tell him any of that, he turned to Gabriel. He could not exactly tell Gabriel what he needed though. No one could know what happened - or did not happen, in this case. It could jeopardize Dean's reputation. So instead, he asked for something to 'spice up' their love life.
Gabriel was more than happy to oblige. A few days later he was handed a gay porn magazine, something Castiel never knew existed until now. If they were in the outside world, his teacher said, he would pass him some exciting clips, but this was the best he could get now.
What he saw in there confirmed that Gabriel had no shame and no taste. It was the most explicit of explicit sexual scenes Castiel had ever seen. (Not that he had seen many of those, but still.) There was nothing desirable about seeing two naked dudes - sometimes more - in positions that would make your grandmother drop dead at the spot, but he knew sex and he knew Dean. And he knew it would be nothing but wonderful.
But Dean wanted none of this, he told himself firmly as he passed the material back to Gabe. Castiel wanted to burn it, actually, but he had no idea where and how to. He dared not leave it in his cell either, lest Dean should find it and be disgusted with him and never want to touch him ever again.
~:~:~
Cas' body broke in a sweat all over. He clutched tight at Dean's top, wondering if he could rip it apart and blame it on circumstances. Dean was pumping him with his fist so hard Cas thought Dean's calloused hand must have been blistered. But it was either Dean's hand or Dean's lips, and he had bruised both of those more than enough times for him to forgive himself.
What Castiel wanted was to come untouched. Gabriel's handbook said it was possible, apparently if you got fucked hard enough in the ass. He moved in to kiss Dean, distracting him while he slowly removed Dean's hand from his cock and guided it lower to his balls; then lower towards his backside. He pressed Dean's middle finger along the crack of his butt, fumbling to find that wonder hole. It was not as easy as it seemed, and Dean realized what he was trying to do before he could really do it.
Dean pulled away from the kiss with a frown. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"I want you, Dean," Cas replied, a little surprised at how needy he sounded. "Please, Dean," he pleaded, adding a more desperate tone to his voice. "I really want it."
Dean still frowned at him, but when Cas pushed Dean's finger again, it started to move without his guidance. Dean found his entrance in no time, kneading it with the pad of his finger. Castiel parted his lips, letting out anticipating puffs. He felt Dean press a little harder and waited for the moment he would be breached, but it never happened.
Dean pulled his hand away.
"Let's not do this, Cas," he said, agitated.
"Please, Dean," Castiel begged, trying to sound as whiny as possible. "I want this."
Dean pursed his lips shut. His brows tied into a deep knot, suggesting he was debating hard in his head. Castiel nuzzled into Dean's neck, brushing his nose over his skin as he mewed his request, "You said you'll do what I want."
He felt Dean suck in his breath, then he was pushed away by the shoulders. "I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said. "I can't do it."
Castiel felt cracks of ice creep up his body as he stared blankly at Dean's face. He had been hot and bothered but now he went stone cold. Dean couldn't do it. Dean never wanted him. Who was he kidding?
"Okay." The word fell out of his lips like a dead leaf falling from a dying tree.
"I'm sorry," Dean mumbled, trying to give him a hug. Castiel dodged him and sat upright.
"Do you still have the cuff?" Castiel asked dryly.
"What? Why?" Dean frowned. His voice went an octave higher.
"I want you to cuff me to the bed. You can at least do that, right? You've done it before."
There was an apparent shock on Dean's face, but Castiel was too detached to care for it.
"Cas, please," Dean pleaded. "I said I'm sorry."
"I need something, Dean!" Castiel retorted. His voice might have been a little louder than their usual whispers could allow.
"Okay, okay," Dean said, running his hand through his hair, frustrated. "Let me just tie you up, okay? Cuff will cut through your skin and I'm not letting that happen."
Cas felt his throat constrict. He didn't understand Dean at all. One minute he didn't want to touch him. A minute later, he wouldn't let him bleed.
Dean returned with a clean pair of cotton pants, tying Castiel up to the head bars. When Dean gently guided him to lie down on the mattress, Castiel was already panting hard. It reminded him of his first few nights here, when Dean had him tied up and abused him. Castiel realized, to his horror, how much everything had changed since then. What used to be non-consensual had turned consensual. Or maybe it was still non-consensual, with the abuser switching from Dean to him, considering the way he had been using Dean to gratify his needs-
"Can I kiss you?"
Dean's tender voice broke Castiel's train of thoughts. He turned to see Dean propped up on one elbow, looking down at him. His expression was soft and he affectionately ran his fingers through Cas' hair.
Castiel closed his eyes, gulping hard because none of this was real. This sweet, unselfish Dean was not real. He felt soft lips gently nibbling his. Castiel breathed in warm air and Dean's own sweaty scent. He wanted to place his hands on those bony cheeks and pull Dean closer. Oh God, he really did.
He sighed blissfully and Dean cupped his cheeks, winding their tongues together. Dean slid on top of Cas once the kiss got more heated. Castiel couldn't move under Dean's weight. Instead he wriggled his limbs wildly as he sucked Dean's tongue; his arms pulled at the knot, wrenching to slip free.
"Dean, move, please." Castiel pulled away harshly, begging because his whole body was on fire, again.
Dean smirked then leaned down to kiss behind his ears, making Cas squirm. "What do you want, dear?" He said teasingly.
"Your mouth," Cas replied at once.
Dean glided down his torso hastily, only stopping to place a quick kiss once on his belly, and then Dean was at it. His tongue pressed on the slit of his swollen head, lapping the salty liquid there. Soon enough Cas' erection was encased in that wet mouth and those stretched lips.
No matter how many nights Dean had done this to him, it was never enough. Castiel writhed violently, pulling at the head bars as Dean sucked, hard, obscene soggy sounds audible amidst his own suppressed moans.
Before Castiel knew it, his wrists had slipped free. He must have unconsciously used the trick learned from Lucifer to unlace them. He was about to grab Dean's sandy hair, when he remembered what happened some nights back.
It was peculiarly similar. Dean had been giving him a heavenly amazing blowjob. Castiel had been so lost with the feelings, he unknowingly locked Dean's head over his cock with all his might as he got closer and closer to his climax; oblivious of how Dean fought to wrench free of his hold. Dean had barely managed to jerk his head away in time, resulting in an unintentional facial. After that night, Castiel discreetly observed, it was always the same - ending with Dean spilling his seed to the ground, so to speak.
Not that Castiel was a pervert who wanted to force his load down an unwilling throat, but it was only deliberately unnatural not to. Even his wife had done it for him on more than one occasion. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his head, Castiel cupped Dean's cheeks with both hands, and pulled him off.
He guided Dean up for a light kiss, careful not to bruise those mushy lips. Dean closed his eyes and softly moaned when Castiel parted his mouth and dragged his tongue along the row of Dean's teeth. Then Dean gripped Castiel's wrists and backed away.
"How did you…" Dean's question was lost as he frowned at those unbound hands.
Shit.
"It slipped," Castiel replied too fast. He should have given himself time to come up with something. He had forgotten that his hands should be tied, but what Dean was doing to him had been too overpowering. He could not restrain himself.
"I never slip," Dean said firmly. He glanced at Cas with a furrowed brow.
Castiel avoided Dean's gaze. It was glaringly obvious Nick and Dean were archenemies in this place. More reason for Castiel not to let Dean know of their encounters. He definitely could not tell Dean from whom he had learned the trick, and most definitely not the why.
"I don't know," Castiel added guiltily.
Fortunately, Dean softened at that. He let go of Castiel's wrists and rested his forehead on his. Dean placed his hand on the side of Cas' face, tracing his thumb in circular movements on the cheek. Hot breath ghosted over his parted lips, but Dean did not close the gap.
Castiel shifted his hips upwards, dragging his erection along Dean's bulge until he saw Dean's irises blaze with need. Tossing his head back, Castiel drifted away as Dean devoured the skin on his neck and crushed his groin down in enticing rhythms.
It was twisted, what he and Dean had between them. Desires buried so deep yet surfaced so above that sex wasn't sex and lust wasn't lust. If what they said was true, that love was giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to; then this must be love.
"Dean," Castiel whimpered, hot breaths coming out in pulsating puffs as they ground their hips against each other. "Come with me, please?"
He never verbally asked Dean to come with him, but if he could not touch Dean with his hands, he may as well touch him with his voice.
"Cas," Dean moaned, reaching down to gingerly hold Castiel's cock in one hand. Cas could feel it burn against Dean's calloused palm.
"Please, Dean" Castiel pleaded one more time, voice urgent as his orgasm continued rising to its inevitable crescendo. "I need you."
I need you like fish need water and birds need air; like a shroud of darkness needs luminous moonlight. I need you.
Dean bit down his lower lip, forcing back the moans as he spilled in his pants, cum soaking through the thin fabric. Castiel was thrilled. It was another successful night where he didn't have to leave Dean hanging. The man in his arms was dazzling in his euphoric state. Castiel jerked at the radiance, and then came strikingly hard.
~:~:~
"Hey, pretty, a word with you, please?"
Castiel was folding what seemed like endless piles of orange jumpsuits when he felt Nick ruffle his hair and mumble into his ear. He shot a look at Andy who was sitting on the opposite side, before getting up and following him.
"Nick," he greeted once they reached their usual spot behind a row of washing machines.
"How you've been doing?" Nick asked.
"Good," Castiel replied. For the first time in a long time, it wasn't just a polite answer. He was no longer jumpy around other people. Lately he could carry on his days almost normally and it was all thanks to Dean.
Castiel observed Nick was also somewhat giddy. "You look good, too. What's going on?"
"Uriel won't be coming back," Nick replied with a wide smile.
Castiel felt his stomach flip. "Don't tell me he's dead?" he asked, terrified at the idea and what it would mean to Dean.
"Oh, no, far from it," Nick said, shaking his head. "He's recovered and will be sent to a maximum security prison miles away."
Castiel puffed out his cheeks, letting out a heavy sigh. "Well, that's a relief."
"Indeed it is," Nick agreed. He squeezed Castiel's arm with a big grin on his face. "I'm sure pretty soon you'll be able to move out of Dean's cell."
Shit. Castiel had forgotten all about it. "About that," he trailed off, fidgeting where he stood.
"Don't tell me you want to stay," Nick cut him off. He sounded irritated.
Castiel could not reply.
"I hear you, Castiel, every night," his friend hissed. "Your voice changed."
Beet red to his ears, Castiel was extremely embarrassed. They might be able to keep their conversations secret, but it was hardly possible to keep his voice down when Dean did things to him.
"Don't tell me he got to you?" Nick snorted. Seeing Castiel did not reply, he wailed, "Castiel, Dean is a monster!"
Cas wanted to argue. He really did.
"You don't know, do you?" Nick continued to sneer, and Castiel wondered what he could possibly not know about Dean. "That Dean killed the previous shut call."
Castiel gasped. Did he just say Dean killed someone, after he was convicted, behind these bars?
"He never got caught, but it's a known fact. Ask anyone," Nick continued to spit his aversion to Dean. "Why else do you think everyone here is afraid of him?"
It seemed to make sense. Bed manners aside, Dean's face was always set. His worn-out complexion and wrinkles told of fierce battles. It seemed as if Dean was on constant kills and nearly-got-killed with countless monsters in an endless-nightmare land. But it took more than a look to subdue a whole bunch of lawbreakers. He had been enjoying his time with Dean so much he almost forgot Dean was a criminal first.
~:~:~
That night it was difficult being in bed with Dean. Castiel could not shake away the information Nick had bestowed on him. Who was Dean, exactly? What kind of person would have gentle, unselfish sex and expect nothing in return? Or was Dean simply a sicko? Why else would he have sex with someone whose touch he didn't want?
The fact that Dean deliberately avoided swallowing his cum could only mean Dean was disgusted with him, a filthy man-whore. After some time, Castiel started to believe that maybe he was - a whore - after all. He could spread his legs for anyone who would take his nightmares away.
Dean seemed antsy tonight, toying with Cas' fingers nervously as they lied facing each other in the darkness. Perhaps he had learned of his conversation with Nick today? But that wasn't likely. He and Nick had exchanged more than one conversation in the laundry room, and Dean had never showed any sign that he knew anything about it.
"Cas," Dean said, bringing Cas' hands up to kiss at the knuckles. His voice was lower than usual. "Let's get out of here."
~:~:~
A/N: If you haven't known it already, I appreciate all your reviews!
Chapter summary: So this is how it goes on for the two of them - or rather the three of them.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who is still reading this. You have the patience of a saint! Special thanks to darkphoenix2345 for simply being awesome and incredibly supportive. Check out her stories if you haven't already!
This chapter is un-beta'd, so please forgive my mistakes.
~:~:~
Castiel put dirty clothes into a washing machine in the laundry room. It was the first time he came back to work after the Uriel incident. He couldn't say he was better, but life needed to go on, and so did his funding account. Nobody hired those who didn't show up at work, and he did not know how to find a new job if he had lost this one.
"Castiel!"
He jumped at the sound of someone calling his name. So far no one but Chuck and Gabriel dared get anywhere near him. Nobody should be calling his name. Castiel turned to see a familiar face smiling, walking towards him.
"Nick," he greeted. He refused to call him Lucifer like everyone did.
"Glad to see you here!" Nick greeted him with a pat on Castiel's arm. Cas tried not to wince visibly from the touch. "How are you doing?"
"Good," was the only reply Cas could give, as he ducked his head away.
"Good," Nick repeated softly. He noticed Castiel was avoiding his gaze. Nick squeezed Cas' arm as a form of encouragement, but it sent Cas' whole body shuddering with goose bumps.
"Look," Nick continued in a softer tone. "I'm sorry about what happened. If I had known Uriel was up to some sickening plans, I'd have helped you."
Castiel should have found comfort in those words. He knew Nick meant him no harm, but at the presence of another man getting too close, all he could think of was Dean, Dean, Dean.
"Thank you," Castiel replied politely.
"I have something for you," Nick said, suddenly turning bashful like a teenager. He looked at the ground where he kicked lightly with one foot. "Think it might cheer you up."
Castiel did not say anything. He just waited for him to continue.
"I remember you said you like tea," Nick said, handing a small sachet to Castiel. It was a bag of Twining's Darjeeling Tea. "This is the best I could find."
Castiel immediately thought of Dean's apple pie and beamed. "This is perfect," he said with a wide smile. Well, it was not perfect per se, but Castiel was well aware of where they were, and this was much better than he could have asked for. "Thank you very much," he said.
Nick returned his smile with a wider grin. "Well, I'm glad you like it, kiddo," he said while ruffling Cas' hair. Castiel tried to duck his head away from the touch, but he couldn't go too far. It wasn't the first time Nick got physically friendly but it made him uncomfortable now. So Castiel tried to think of Dean, and of the next time he brought another pie, even though he doubted there would be a next time. Castiel would make them some tea and prove to Dean how wrong he was to think apple pie goes well only with vanilla ice cream.
"Oh, and if you need hot water," Nick continued speaking in a chirpy tone, "go ask for Gordon in the kitchen, okay? He is expecting you."
Castiel nodded appreciatively. Nick had gone out of his way in having hot water prepared for him. The secret to making good tea required boiling water, not the kind you got from a hot water dispenser.
"And if you need more of those," Nick said, nodding his head to the tea bag in Cas' hand. "Just come get them at my cell, okay? Anytime"
Nick reached out to touch Castiel again. Cas stiffened. He didn't want to be rude to a friend who had been nothing but nice to him, but he was not ready to be touched - any kind of touch - by any other man.
Nick placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder and squeezed it gently. Castiel held his breath until Nick said his goodbye and left.
Dean. He needed to see Dean right now.
~:~:~
It wasn't until after dinner time that he got to see Dean in private. Dean leisurely walked past the open metal gate and Castiel immediately dashed to him until Dean's back hit the wall. He crudely rubbed his left arm where Lucifer had touched against Dean's chest. Dean just wrapped his arms loosely around Cas' waist, amused, unaware of what had been going on.
"Hey, baby," he said smugly, "miss me already?"
"Yes," Castiel could only murmur while he tried to rub his shoulder against Dean's chest too, which turned out to be a little trickier than he had thought. Then he pulled one of Dean's hands to ruffle the top of his head. There, all traces of Lucifer were gone.
"You alright, ang-, babe?" Dean asked. It would sometimes slip his tongue, the word Castiel asked Dean not to say, but he would quickly brush it away, every time. "Why are you clingy all of a sudden?"
"I'm always clingy," was a cheap reply, Castiel knew, but it was all he could offer Dean right now.
"That's true," Dean said, smiling, wrapping his arms a little tighter now that Castiel stopped moving. "But it's not lights out yet."
"Can't wait"
At least that much was true. Castiel leaned in to give Dean a brief kiss before pulling away. He smiled seeing Dean a little flustered. Dean was right. It was not even passed shower time yet. Anyone could walk past their cell at any moment.
"You, uh," Dean stammered. "You've been working?"
"Yes," Castiel replied, tilting his head with a frown. "How did you know?"
Dean smiled tightly. "Well, you smell like you fell into a washing machine."
Castiel threw his head back in a merry laugh. He removed himself from Dean to get ready to go shower.
"You know, Cas," Dean said, pushing himself off the wall and following Cas' steps, "I can get you to work in the library. You'll love it there, and it's less tiring."
That sounded tempting, Castiel had to admit. His typical duties included throwing dirty clothes into towering washing machines, removing them when done and move them to even bigger tumble dryers. Folding was unavoidable, though ironing was kept to the minimum. The work was exhausting, but it was the smell of detergent and dirty clothes that was unbearable.
But he could not depend on Dean forever. He was determined to be able to take care of himself. This was a perfect example. "Thanks, Dean," Castiel replied, "but I'll be fine."
Dean sighed heavily and ran his hand through his spiky hair. "Look, Cas, I'll be honest with you," Dean said, his tone going solemn. "My, uh, influence is not so high in the laundry room. I can't be at peace while you're there."
Smiling, Castiel moved closer and cupped Dean's cheek with one hand. He was flattered at how much Dean cared for him. Dean nuzzled into his hand. "I'll be fine, Dean," he said, assuring. "After all, you put Andy in there with me, didn't you?"
Dean snorted, rubbing his thumb at the back of Cas' hand. "That's kind of the point. There's no one but him."
Castiel leaned in to kiss Dean. He was overwhelmed by how far Dean would go to protect him. He knew there were a few other people besides Andy - not enough for safety, but enough for him not to feel alone. Besides, he had Nick in there, he would be fine.
Pulling away, he leaned his forehead against Dean's, who was breathing hard. "I'm taking a shower," Castiel said in a low voice. "Care to join me?"
Dean threw his head back and groaned. Castiel could only snicker when Dean pushed him away playfully. "Get outta here, you tease."
Castiel couldn't erase the smile on his face as he stopped at the metal gate and turned back to look at Dean, who stood gazing at him with arms crossed; a corner of his lips curled into a suppressed smile. If they weren't inside a prison, this would be Castiel's cue to say 'I love you'. He almost did, the other night, after Dean pampered him with terms of endearment. But his voice decided to walk out on him at that very moment, allowing him to say only the next best thing - that he wasn't a whore. There was no other man he would bare his body and soul to but Dean.
~:~:~
So that was how it went on for the two of them. Day after day they would keep their distance in public. Dean's eyes were still on him, but only to the level that Cas felt safe but not suffocating. Castiel progressed noticeably in his self-defense classes with Gabriel, while Dean helped him train in their cell whenever they found themselves free from work at the same time slot. Night after night, the top bed neglected, as Dean and Cas squeezed themselves onto one small bed.
It was under the cloak of darkness and streaks of artificial light that they shared their life stories outside the cage. Cas would tell Dean of his job and of his ex-wife, Daphne, whom he married more out of obligation than love and of their marriage that lasted a little over a year. He kept tales of his family to a minimum.
Dean, on the other hand, bragged about his family, especially of his little brother whom Dean lovingly called Sammy. He also bragged a lot about Baby, whom Castiel learned with a raised eyebrow, was actually Dean's car, some kind of classic. Cas could only imagine what it looked like and doubted his imagination would be any accurate. Dean hardly talked about his work or his past relationships; other than that they were a series of 'hot fucks and leave before breakfast'.
They would have sex (Castiel refused to call it otherwise). This basically meant Dean brought Cas to orgasm and nothing more. After a while, Castiel was comfortable enough to let Dean blow him. As much as he loved it, his preferred sexual act was frottage, which, if Cas tried hard enough, he could get Dean to come with him, clothes on and all. Good news was, as long as Dean was in bed with him, he didn't have to face those nightmares again. With Dean holding him in his arms, prison might have been the best thing that happened to him after all.
Except his life was never that simple.
~:~:~
He longed to touch Dean.
Castiel's fingers itched every time they made love. He had seen that firm chest and that branded tattoo up close once. He still had glimpses of it on scorching hot afternoons when most inmates tossed away their shirts or when he walked past Dean in the shower area. His fingers would tingle when he thought of trailing them on those tanned muscles. His lips went dry whenever he thought of dragging his tongue over those pretty nipples and making Dean squirm the same way Dean did to him. But Dean had made it very clear from the first day; he did not want Cas' touch. It was the only control he had, and he was very much determined to keep it.
But it wasn't easy. Every time he straddled Dean, he wanted nothing but to shred Dean's top and rake his stubble on that skin. Every time he ground onto Dean, all he wanted to do was strip those pants off and take Dean's erection into his mouth. Castiel longed to know what Dean tasted and smelled like, to see how ungraceful Dean would writhe under his touch and how shamelessly Dean would moan under his tongue.
He never had sex with a guy before, but he didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know where they penetrated. What he did not know, however, was how they did it, all the basics. Since he assumed Dean wouldn't tell him any of that, he turned to Gabriel. He could not exactly tell Gabriel what he needed though. No one could know what happened - or did not happen, in this case. It could jeopardize Dean's reputation. So instead, he asked for something to 'spice up' their love life.
Gabriel was more than happy to oblige. A few days later he was handed a gay porn magazine, something Castiel never knew existed until now. If they were in the outside world, his teacher said, he would pass him some exciting clips, but this was the best he could get now.
What he saw in there confirmed that Gabriel had no shame and no taste. It was the most explicit of explicit sexual scenes Castiel had ever seen. (Not that he had seen many of those, but still.) There was nothing desirable about seeing two naked dudes - sometimes more - in positions that would make your grandmother drop dead at the spot, but he knew sex and he knew Dean. And he knew it would be nothing but wonderful.
But Dean wanted none of this, he told himself firmly as he passed the material back to Gabe. Castiel wanted to burn it, actually, but he had no idea where and how to. He dared not leave it in his cell either, lest Dean should find it and be disgusted with him and never want to touch him ever again.
~:~:~
Cas' body broke in a sweat all over. He clutched tight at Dean's top, wondering if he could rip it apart and blame it on circumstances. Dean was pumping him with his fist so hard Cas thought Dean's calloused hand must have been blistered. But it was either Dean's hand or Dean's lips, and he had bruised both of those more than enough times for him to forgive himself.
What Castiel wanted was to come untouched. Gabriel's handbook said it was possible, apparently if you got fucked hard enough in the ass. He moved in to kiss Dean, distracting him while he slowly removed Dean's hand from his cock and guided it lower to his balls; then lower towards his backside. He pressed Dean's middle finger along the crack of his butt, fumbling to find that wonder hole. It was not as easy as it seemed, and Dean realized what he was trying to do before he could really do it.
Dean pulled away from the kiss with a frown. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"I want you, Dean," Cas replied, a little surprised at how needy he sounded. "Please, Dean," he pleaded, adding a more desperate tone to his voice. "I really want it."
Dean still frowned at him, but when Cas pushed Dean's finger again, it started to move without his guidance. Dean found his entrance in no time, kneading it with the pad of his finger. Castiel parted his lips, letting out anticipating puffs. He felt Dean press a little harder and waited for the moment he would be breached, but it never happened.
Dean pulled his hand away.
"Let's not do this, Cas," he said, agitated.
"Please, Dean," Castiel begged, trying to sound as whiny as possible. "I want this."
Dean pursed his lips shut. His brows tied into a deep knot, suggesting he was debating hard in his head. Castiel nuzzled into Dean's neck, brushing his nose over his skin as he mewed his request, "You said you'll do what I want."
He felt Dean suck in his breath, then he was pushed away by the shoulders. "I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said. "I can't do it."
Castiel felt cracks of ice creep up his body as he stared blankly at Dean's face. He had been hot and bothered but now he went stone cold. Dean couldn't do it. Dean never wanted him. Who was he kidding?
"Okay." The word fell out of his lips like a dead leaf falling from a dying tree.
"I'm sorry," Dean mumbled, trying to give him a hug. Castiel dodged him and sat upright.
"Do you still have the cuff?" Castiel asked dryly.
"What? Why?" Dean frowned. His voice went an octave higher.
"I want you to cuff me to the bed. You can at least do that, right? You've done it before."
There was an apparent shock on Dean's face, but Castiel was too detached to care for it.
"Cas, please," Dean pleaded. "I said I'm sorry."
"I need something, Dean!" Castiel retorted. His voice might have been a little louder than their usual whispers could allow.
"Okay, okay," Dean said, running his hand through his hair, frustrated. "Let me just tie you up, okay? Cuff will cut through your skin and I'm not letting that happen."
Cas felt his throat constrict. He didn't understand Dean at all. One minute he didn't want to touch him. A minute later, he wouldn't let him bleed.
Dean returned with a clean pair of cotton pants, tying Castiel up to the head bars. When Dean gently guided him to lie down on the mattress, Castiel was already panting hard. It reminded him of his first few nights here, when Dean had him tied up and abused him. Castiel realized, to his horror, how much everything had changed since then. What used to be non-consensual had turned consensual. Or maybe it was still non-consensual, with the abuser switching from Dean to him, considering the way he had been using Dean to gratify his needs-
"Can I kiss you?"
Dean's tender voice broke Castiel's train of thoughts. He turned to see Dean propped up on one elbow, looking down at him. His expression was soft and he affectionately ran his fingers through Cas' hair.
Castiel closed his eyes, gulping hard because none of this was real. This sweet, unselfish Dean was not real. He felt soft lips gently nibbling his. Castiel breathed in warm air and Dean's own sweaty scent. He wanted to place his hands on those bony cheeks and pull Dean closer. Oh God, he really did.
He sighed blissfully and Dean cupped his cheeks, winding their tongues together. Dean slid on top of Cas once the kiss got more heated. Castiel couldn't move under Dean's weight. Instead he wriggled his limbs wildly as he sucked Dean's tongue; his arms pulled at the knot, wrenching to slip free.
"Dean, move, please." Castiel pulled away harshly, begging because his whole body was on fire, again.
Dean smirked then leaned down to kiss behind his ears, making Cas squirm. "What do you want, dear?" He said teasingly.
"Your mouth," Cas replied at once.
Dean glided down his torso hastily, only stopping to place a quick kiss once on his belly, and then Dean was at it. His tongue pressed on the slit of his swollen head, lapping the salty liquid there. Soon enough Cas' erection was encased in that wet mouth and those stretched lips.
No matter how many nights Dean had done this to him, it was never enough. Castiel writhed violently, pulling at the head bars as Dean sucked, hard, obscene soggy sounds audible amidst his own suppressed moans.
Before Castiel knew it, his wrists had slipped free. He must have unconsciously used the trick learned from Lucifer to unlace them. He was about to grab Dean's sandy hair, when he remembered what happened some nights back.
It was peculiarly similar. Dean had been giving him a heavenly amazing blowjob. Castiel had been so lost with the feelings, he unknowingly locked Dean's head over his cock with all his might as he got closer and closer to his climax; oblivious of how Dean fought to wrench free of his hold. Dean had barely managed to jerk his head away in time, resulting in an unintentional facial. After that night, Castiel discreetly observed, it was always the same - ending with Dean spilling his seed to the ground, so to speak.
Not that Castiel was a pervert who wanted to force his load down an unwilling throat, but it was only deliberately unnatural not to. Even his wife had done it for him on more than one occasion. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his head, Castiel cupped Dean's cheeks with both hands, and pulled him off.
He guided Dean up for a light kiss, careful not to bruise those mushy lips. Dean closed his eyes and softly moaned when Castiel parted his mouth and dragged his tongue along the row of Dean's teeth. Then Dean gripped Castiel's wrists and backed away.
"How did you…" Dean's question was lost as he frowned at those unbound hands.
Shit.
"It slipped," Castiel replied too fast. He should have given himself time to come up with something. He had forgotten that his hands should be tied, but what Dean was doing to him had been too overpowering. He could not restrain himself.
"I never slip," Dean said firmly. He glanced at Cas with a furrowed brow.
Castiel avoided Dean's gaze. It was glaringly obvious Nick and Dean were archenemies in this place. More reason for Castiel not to let Dean know of their encounters. He definitely could not tell Dean from whom he had learned the trick, and most definitely not the why.
"I don't know," Castiel added guiltily.
Fortunately, Dean softened at that. He let go of Castiel's wrists and rested his forehead on his. Dean placed his hand on the side of Cas' face, tracing his thumb in circular movements on the cheek. Hot breath ghosted over his parted lips, but Dean did not close the gap.
Castiel shifted his hips upwards, dragging his erection along Dean's bulge until he saw Dean's irises blaze with need. Tossing his head back, Castiel drifted away as Dean devoured the skin on his neck and crushed his groin down in enticing rhythms.
It was twisted, what he and Dean had between them. Desires buried so deep yet surfaced so above that sex wasn't sex and lust wasn't lust. If what they said was true, that love was giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to; then this must be love.
"Dean," Castiel whimpered, hot breaths coming out in pulsating puffs as they ground their hips against each other. "Come with me, please?"
He never verbally asked Dean to come with him, but if he could not touch Dean with his hands, he may as well touch him with his voice.
"Cas," Dean moaned, reaching down to gingerly hold Castiel's cock in one hand. Cas could feel it burn against Dean's calloused palm.
"Please, Dean" Castiel pleaded one more time, voice urgent as his orgasm continued rising to its inevitable crescendo. "I need you."
I need you like fish need water and birds need air; like a shroud of darkness needs luminous moonlight. I need you.
Dean bit down his lower lip, forcing back the moans as he spilled in his pants, cum soaking through the thin fabric. Castiel was thrilled. It was another successful night where he didn't have to leave Dean hanging. The man in his arms was dazzling in his euphoric state. Castiel jerked at the radiance, and then came strikingly hard.
~:~:~
"Hey, pretty, a word with you, please?"
Castiel was folding what seemed like endless piles of orange jumpsuits when he felt Nick ruffle his hair and mumble into his ear. He shot a look at Andy who was sitting on the opposite side, before getting up and following him.
"Nick," he greeted once they reached their usual spot behind a row of washing machines.
"How you've been doing?" Nick asked.
"Good," Castiel replied. For the first time in a long time, it wasn't just a polite answer. He was no longer jumpy around other people. Lately he could carry on his days almost normally and it was all thanks to Dean.
Castiel observed Nick was also somewhat giddy. "You look good, too. What's going on?"
"Uriel won't be coming back," Nick replied with a wide smile.
Castiel felt his stomach flip. "Don't tell me he's dead?" he asked, terrified at the idea and what it would mean to Dean.
"Oh, no, far from it," Nick said, shaking his head. "He's recovered and will be sent to a maximum security prison miles away."
Castiel puffed out his cheeks, letting out a heavy sigh. "Well, that's a relief."
"Indeed it is," Nick agreed. He squeezed Castiel's arm with a big grin on his face. "I'm sure pretty soon you'll be able to move out of Dean's cell."
Shit. Castiel had forgotten all about it. "About that," he trailed off, fidgeting where he stood.
"Don't tell me you want to stay," Nick cut him off. He sounded irritated.
Castiel could not reply.
"I hear you, Castiel, every night," his friend hissed. "Your voice changed."
Beet red to his ears, Castiel was extremely embarrassed. They might be able to keep their conversations secret, but it was hardly possible to keep his voice down when Dean did things to him.
"Don't tell me he got to you?" Nick snorted. Seeing Castiel did not reply, he wailed, "Castiel, Dean is a monster!"
Cas wanted to argue. He really did.
"You don't know, do you?" Nick continued to sneer, and Castiel wondered what he could possibly not know about Dean. "That Dean killed the previous shut call."
Castiel gasped. Did he just say Dean killed someone, after he was convicted, behind these bars?
"He never got caught, but it's a known fact. Ask anyone," Nick continued to spit his aversion to Dean. "Why else do you think everyone here is afraid of him?"
It seemed to make sense. Bed manners aside, Dean's face was always set. His worn-out complexion and wrinkles told of fierce battles. It seemed as if Dean was on constant kills and nearly-got-killed with countless monsters in an endless-nightmare land. But it took more than a look to subdue a whole bunch of lawbreakers. He had been enjoying his time with Dean so much he almost forgot Dean was a criminal first.
~:~:~
That night it was difficult being in bed with Dean. Castiel could not shake away the information Nick had bestowed on him. Who was Dean, exactly? What kind of person would have gentle, unselfish sex and expect nothing in return? Or was Dean simply a sicko? Why else would he have sex with someone whose touch he didn't want?
The fact that Dean deliberately avoided swallowing his cum could only mean Dean was disgusted with him, a filthy man-whore. After some time, Castiel started to believe that maybe he was - a whore - after all. He could spread his legs for anyone who would take his nightmares away.
Dean seemed antsy tonight, toying with Cas' fingers nervously as they lied facing each other in the darkness. Perhaps he had learned of his conversation with Nick today? But that wasn't likely. He and Nick had exchanged more than one conversation in the laundry room, and Dean had never showed any sign that he knew anything about it.
"Cas," Dean said, bringing Cas' hands up to kiss at the knuckles. His voice was lower than usual. "Let's get out of here."
~:~:~
A/N: If you haven't known it already, I appreciate all your reviews!