when im stuck with a day thats grey and lonely....
I knew this day would come...
Never knew exactly when but knew it was comming none the less. Knew that one day I would have to be done and move on. Knew that one day I would have to take the blade and push it deep inside my stomach until my insides were on the outside. Knew that I had to be the one to state the obvious. Knew that I couldnt always live waiting for the other shoe to drop (as brendan would say) Knew that this would never end happily or well, so it might as well end now, my way. Knew that my past would always make me spit in her face and that her past would always eat away at us as it watched us sleep at night.
I just cant fight anymore. I just cant feel unwanted anymore. I just cant be her friend anymore. I just cant be nothing anymore. I just cant be her toy anymore. I just cant be unloved anymore. I just cant be hated anymore. I just cant be teased anymore. I just cant be alone in a relationship anymore. I just cant be the adult anymore. I just cant be the only one who wants certain things anymore. Its not my fault that im not her "soulmate" that im not "the one" i wanted to be...
I just cant live on "maybe" or someday or "just give it time" im sick of waiting for us to be connected again. FOr us to be like we were. I mean when did we fall out of love and start living on just like? I mean yes she loves me. But shes not in love with me. When did we stop cuddling and holding hands and start turning over and just falling asleep with tears in my eyes. When did we stop having sex? When did we stop being close? Intimate? When did we stop talking about things that really matter and start bitching at each other constantly about hurt feelings. When did this relationship start falling apart? When did i stop wanting to spend the rest of my life with her? When did she stop calling me her little one, her puppy, her love? When did this start....how is it finished?
Fuck....idk....i knew it wasnt going to work. I knew that. So why does it hurt so much to finally accept it?
Never knew exactly when but knew it was comming none the less. Knew that one day I would have to be done and move on. Knew that one day I would have to take the blade and push it deep inside my stomach until my insides were on the outside. Knew that I had to be the one to state the obvious. Knew that I couldnt always live waiting for the other shoe to drop (as brendan would say) Knew that this would never end happily or well, so it might as well end now, my way. Knew that my past would always make me spit in her face and that her past would always eat away at us as it watched us sleep at night.
I just cant fight anymore. I just cant feel unwanted anymore. I just cant be her friend anymore. I just cant be nothing anymore. I just cant be her toy anymore. I just cant be unloved anymore. I just cant be hated anymore. I just cant be teased anymore. I just cant be alone in a relationship anymore. I just cant be the adult anymore. I just cant be the only one who wants certain things anymore. Its not my fault that im not her "soulmate" that im not "the one" i wanted to be...
I just cant live on "maybe" or someday or "just give it time" im sick of waiting for us to be connected again. FOr us to be like we were. I mean when did we fall out of love and start living on just like? I mean yes she loves me. But shes not in love with me. When did we stop cuddling and holding hands and start turning over and just falling asleep with tears in my eyes. When did we stop having sex? When did we stop being close? Intimate? When did we stop talking about things that really matter and start bitching at each other constantly about hurt feelings. When did this relationship start falling apart? When did i stop wanting to spend the rest of my life with her? When did she stop calling me her little one, her puppy, her love? When did this start....how is it finished?
Fuck....idk....i knew it wasnt going to work. I knew that. So why does it hurt so much to finally accept it?