(no subject)
I'm in the biggest city in Canada yet I feel so alone.
I've never been so lonely in my life.
Even surrounded by friends and co-workers.
I hate this feeling.
I hate feeling like the world is passing me by.
I hate feeling like the only person who doesn't have somebody.
I hate feeling like I'll never truely be happy.
I mean, I laugh, I smile and I have a good time, but at the end of the day, I still find myself sitting alone and ready to cry.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
I want to have someone.
I want to have someone to share all my thoughts with.
I want to have someone who loves all my faults. Sometimes it feels like all that I have are faults.
I feel like I'm stuck in a world that won't let me move forward. I feel like I'm always going to be the girl that knows what she wants with her life, finally achieves it but still feels like something is missing.
The only things that has been getting me through this lately is the song "No Reason To Cry Out Your Eyes (On The Highway Tonight)".
Ryan is the only one that can really get me through it.
I miss him so much.
Although I only really knew him since February, I still feel like he's an older brother.
He isn't here with me anymore...I wish he was...But I know that I can fall back on his music and pretend that maybe, just maybe, one of his songs was written for and/or about me.
I wake up, it's a bad dream, no one on my side, I was fighting, but I just feel to tired to be fighting. Guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Maybe in the end I'm just a depressed person.
I have the lowest self-esteem ever. I don't understand. I mean, if I know my self-esteem is low...why can't I fix it!?
I hate crying. It seems like lately that's all I seem to do. Cry. Cry. Cry.
I hate not having my bestfriend here to talk to.
Even still, I'm not sure if I'd be able to say all of what I'm feeling to him.
Fuck this! I don't to feel this way anymore! I don't want to feel anything anymore! When I feel really happy it only takes a moment for me to feel really shitty. I'm never in between!
Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong. Anywhere.
The only place I feel comfortable is by myself, in a room with the door shut. Only because I know I can scream if I have to, cry if I have to, laugh if I have to, etc.
I need some serious help and I just don't know where to get it.
I'm at the point where not even RHCP makes me happy anymore. What the hell is going on with me!?
I'm scared.
I'm scared that if I ever find someone, they'll pull and offspring and say something like this:
"I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit"
I've never been so lonely in my life.
Even surrounded by friends and co-workers.
I hate this feeling.
I hate feeling like the world is passing me by.
I hate feeling like the only person who doesn't have somebody.
I hate feeling like I'll never truely be happy.
I mean, I laugh, I smile and I have a good time, but at the end of the day, I still find myself sitting alone and ready to cry.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
I want to have someone.
I want to have someone to share all my thoughts with.
I want to have someone who loves all my faults. Sometimes it feels like all that I have are faults.
I feel like I'm stuck in a world that won't let me move forward. I feel like I'm always going to be the girl that knows what she wants with her life, finally achieves it but still feels like something is missing.
The only things that has been getting me through this lately is the song "No Reason To Cry Out Your Eyes (On The Highway Tonight)".
Ryan is the only one that can really get me through it.
I miss him so much.
Although I only really knew him since February, I still feel like he's an older brother.
He isn't here with me anymore...I wish he was...But I know that I can fall back on his music and pretend that maybe, just maybe, one of his songs was written for and/or about me.
I wake up, it's a bad dream, no one on my side, I was fighting, but I just feel to tired to be fighting. Guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Maybe in the end I'm just a depressed person.
I have the lowest self-esteem ever. I don't understand. I mean, if I know my self-esteem is low...why can't I fix it!?
I hate crying. It seems like lately that's all I seem to do. Cry. Cry. Cry.
I hate not having my bestfriend here to talk to.
Even still, I'm not sure if I'd be able to say all of what I'm feeling to him.
Fuck this! I don't to feel this way anymore! I don't want to feel anything anymore! When I feel really happy it only takes a moment for me to feel really shitty. I'm never in between!
Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong. Anywhere.
The only place I feel comfortable is by myself, in a room with the door shut. Only because I know I can scream if I have to, cry if I have to, laugh if I have to, etc.
I need some serious help and I just don't know where to get it.
I'm at the point where not even RHCP makes me happy anymore. What the hell is going on with me!?
I'm scared.
I'm scared that if I ever find someone, they'll pull and offspring and say something like this:
"I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit"