Noki ei enää sanonut kurnau/Noki no longer said "kurnau."

[snowgrouse]

(English translation underneath; this theme of the kurnau was something I thought I would write the day she would finally no longer say kurnau. Now the day has come, and so has the--disjointed, but necessary--piece of writing. It was originally in Finnish in my head, so that's why the Finnish comes first

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[snowgrouse]

She'd been steadily declining during her last two years, and I was always stressed for her--you know that whole worrying about whether a cat's in pain or unhappy because they can't articulate it the same way humans do. But I'd had this thing you see in the post above in my mind from as early on as I'd just got her--she was always so talkative by cat standards that I knew that when the kurnaus would go, that'd mean she was going, too. For the past year or so, the kurnaus dwindled and half of them turned into confused vocalisations at night, but she was still happy and purrity most of the time (once you just reminded her of where she was and cuddled her, she became so happy she could purr for an entire hour straight!) and the vet found nothing wrong with her apart from the dementia and the asthma we could ameliorate with medications. But the decline she had in the past week or so was so rapid and she couldn't even purr without great effort, so... yeah. It was time to say goodbye. At least she didn't have to be in pain for too long. And while I find myself more stressed now without the calming effects of a warm, sympathetic body to touch (and the purring, especially), I also realise a huge amount of stress has come off my shoulders. The last two years were so full of constant worry--"Where has she gone? What's she up to now?" and I find myself still automatically checking whether she's squashed herself into too-small spaces or crawled somewhere where it'd be hard for me to reach her. (We lived most of our shared life in tiny one-room flats as well, and the worry--and her confusion--mounted as soon as we moved into larger places.) So now neither of us has to worry any more or suffer from any uncertainties.

Sorry for all this logorrhea, but it helps to talk. Thanks for dropping by; I really appreciate it.