(no subject)
Health update: Apparently the tryptophan I'm taking for mood and sleep is very likely to be responsible for the most awful nighttime stomach cramps, as it promotes the secretion of gastrin (the hormone that prompts the body to release stomach acid). Son. Of. A Bitch. And I can't reduce the dose, let alone stop it because that will mean I'll be plunged into pretty much suicidal depression and complete insomnia. *bitter nervous laughter* And I won't be able to see a doc about switching to some alternative antidep until my stomach settles until Tuesday. For fuck's sake. I tested the hypothesis last night by forcing myself to stay up very late and taking only my codeine to help me sleep, and slept for several hours without pain. But I woke up in the middle of the night and decided that fuckit, I need the tryp, took my usual dose and within half an hour, I was doubled over in pain. AND I had taken all the antacids, proton pump inhibitors and H2 inhibitors (four stomach drugs in total) AND an extra 30 mg pill of codeine at the same time as I took the tryp so my stomach should've been at its least acidic, and the fucking pain still broke through.
So I basically have to choose between stomach pains that are so bad they wake me up and have me in cold sweat and for which no painkillers are adequate, or going into near-psychotic levels of anger and depression and hatred and crying at everything and lashing out at everyone and wanting to jump out of the window (AND I'm in fucking PMS already, where such symptoms can often present even with the tryp).
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. I'd rather have the stomach cramps. But I don't have to fucking like it.
At least the pain's a bit more manageable during the day, now, so I might even be able to get some writing or graphics done. Insallah. I'm just knocking on wood because I know the moment I say that, it'll all get worse :P I really do want to get back to the pr0nz, especially as my linguistic mutant superpowers have come into effect with the prostaglandin from the PMS and there's POETRY COMING IN.
And dicks.
But, yeah. Sorry I haven't been posting much about fannish stuff lately, but just these crappy health whines. I have been thinking of writing a thorough essay on that thing I've been promoting since Redemption '15 where using the term "ravishment" for the sort of dubcon/noncon where the "victim" really enjoys it (because there's a whole psychological world of difference there and it requires a long feminist/queer essay). But then again, that can attract wank and I've just spotted some notoriously assholey, wanky fan Morally Disapproving of one of my older fics because it involved that sort of thing, and effectively being so offensively condescending that she made that assumption of me approving of date rape drugs IRL.
Yeah, exactly. So I'm just too fucking tired for all that shit, especially with people like that out there, especially as they're BNFs and the culture of hysterical policing (and women, even self-identified feminists, making the patriarchal fallacy of presuming women writers have no agency/consideration and can't see the difference between fiction and RL and totally ignoring the whole thing where the sexual suppression of women makes such fantasies cathartic and liberating and about as much to do with rape as consensual BDSM has to do with real abuse) is just so fucking depressing. Too exhausting; I'd much rather go back to my morally depraved porn, kthx.
(I don't want to discuss that topic in the comments, BTW, so please don't talk to me about it right now because I'm too depression-prone and stressed out; I just needed to vomit that out.)
But, yeah. In any case, someone please send me an entire new digestive system. I could use one.
So I basically have to choose between stomach pains that are so bad they wake me up and have me in cold sweat and for which no painkillers are adequate, or going into near-psychotic levels of anger and depression and hatred and crying at everything and lashing out at everyone and wanting to jump out of the window (AND I'm in fucking PMS already, where such symptoms can often present even with the tryp).
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. I'd rather have the stomach cramps. But I don't have to fucking like it.
At least the pain's a bit more manageable during the day, now, so I might even be able to get some writing or graphics done. Insallah. I'm just knocking on wood because I know the moment I say that, it'll all get worse :P I really do want to get back to the pr0nz, especially as my linguistic mutant superpowers have come into effect with the prostaglandin from the PMS and there's POETRY COMING IN.
And dicks.
But, yeah. Sorry I haven't been posting much about fannish stuff lately, but just these crappy health whines. I have been thinking of writing a thorough essay on that thing I've been promoting since Redemption '15 where using the term "ravishment" for the sort of dubcon/noncon where the "victim" really enjoys it (because there's a whole psychological world of difference there and it requires a long feminist/queer essay). But then again, that can attract wank and I've just spotted some notoriously assholey, wanky fan Morally Disapproving of one of my older fics because it involved that sort of thing, and effectively being so offensively condescending that she made that assumption of me approving of date rape drugs IRL.
Yeah, exactly. So I'm just too fucking tired for all that shit, especially with people like that out there, especially as they're BNFs and the culture of hysterical policing (and women, even self-identified feminists, making the patriarchal fallacy of presuming women writers have no agency/consideration and can't see the difference between fiction and RL and totally ignoring the whole thing where the sexual suppression of women makes such fantasies cathartic and liberating and about as much to do with rape as consensual BDSM has to do with real abuse) is just so fucking depressing. Too exhausting; I'd much rather go back to my morally depraved porn, kthx.
(I don't want to discuss that topic in the comments, BTW, so please don't talk to me about it right now because I'm too depression-prone and stressed out; I just needed to vomit that out.)
But, yeah. In any case, someone please send me an entire new digestive system. I could use one.