(no subject)
-I am so conFUSED over AWF, grarehcölkxh jlxkcjlkcjlkjkh. Because it insists on it being set in Sweden and yet Barring Senior is referred to as "consul" and he lives in "Forssa" and that's in Finland and then he goes on about how his family's made its fortune on the falls on his ancestral estate and they've basically been there for centuries. Is the old geezer retired or something? And why do people call him "consul" if he's got some noble title they'd probably be more likely to use? I have trouble with this because I'd need to talk about the Barrings' surroundings in the fic (and obvs, I set it in Sweden in the Devilverse) and yet I don't even know their titles. So I'm reluctant to make those titles up. It'd be so great to have an early version of the script or something. Or the play in my hands. I've still not seen the Swedish film entirely because it's so blah in comparison. So I guess I can only blame myself.
-I don't know what it is about whiskey that gives me such a calm and smooth and pleasant mental state the next day. Like the opposite of the usual hangover. Well, for most of the day, that is, while there's still plenty of alcohol sloshing around in my system. I'd love to pinpoint which neurotransmitter it is that causes such... fullness, such smoothness. Usually the orgasms are amazing, too, even if my cognition is still a little impaired. I'd love to write but while I have a good mood and some ideas, the motor parts of me are still too bzuh. But I'm actually less scatterbrained, less ADD, if you can believe that. The drunkenness itself is gone and it's like I've taken some really strong antidepressant.
-It's healing to read the stories of strong, sexual, feminine women without much whining. I'm still working my way through Anaïs's unexpurgated diaries and also started on a biography (well, more of a really long interview with) Mae West. So, so many women's stories are just sob stories about neuroses and going through miserable shit, but it's so much better and so much more constructive to read positive stories about intelligent, passionate women. And I like that in the Mae thing I'm reading, she does come across as crazily smart and the view is more balanced than the usual one of her--where only her 'lololol you can stomp all over men' type of jokes get quoted. And she's just so much more than that. The way she tells the interviewer about her life is highly entertaining--she creates a fiction, a story of her life and romanticises it but it reads like an interesting novel. There's so much cool stuff there. And no whining whatsoever, just a determined chick getting on with her life and doing whatever the fuck she wants. Even if it means going to jail for talking about sex in a frank fashion. Respect. (Then again, she had a supportive-as-fuck mother which always makes me angry because I was never allowed that--every time I read about people having supportive parents it just makes me think of everything humanity could accomplish if there were more of those people around. Perhaps gender equality hasn't happened exactly because so many mothers just perpetuate that bullshit of women putting other women down.) And I so need to get my old Mae icons back or make new ones.
-"Self-analysis is destructive, it generates only introspection, the labyrinth, division. It is always false, based on false premises. It is paralyzing. Analysis should only be endured at the hands of another as a healing process. There is no self-analysis--there is neurosis. It is anti-creative. It is a form of pause, not motion."--Anaïs Nin
-I got compliments on my sex-positivity and my crazy tags and writing from another thirtysomething European woman on Tumblr. She hadn't seen AWF, but had read Devil when she was going through a really stressful time and it was affecting her sex drive, and the fic helped her to pull herself out of that because it gave her so much wank fodder. That was a *wonderful* thing to hear. I suppose good feedback becomes even more important and precious to me now that fanfic pretty much *is* my life's work. And it's significant that I tend to get these types of comments from the het fics in particular. You don't really get that whole "wow, now I feel ok for being a perv" thing when it's a guy spanking another, because reading kinky stuff from a female POV is far more liberating. So in your face, the concept of slash being the No.1 form of sexual subversion and liberation and healing. If I can bring any of that sort of happiness and release into the world through female bodies as well, my work here is done.
-I don't know what it is about whiskey that gives me such a calm and smooth and pleasant mental state the next day. Like the opposite of the usual hangover. Well, for most of the day, that is, while there's still plenty of alcohol sloshing around in my system. I'd love to pinpoint which neurotransmitter it is that causes such... fullness, such smoothness. Usually the orgasms are amazing, too, even if my cognition is still a little impaired. I'd love to write but while I have a good mood and some ideas, the motor parts of me are still too bzuh. But I'm actually less scatterbrained, less ADD, if you can believe that. The drunkenness itself is gone and it's like I've taken some really strong antidepressant.
-It's healing to read the stories of strong, sexual, feminine women without much whining. I'm still working my way through Anaïs's unexpurgated diaries and also started on a biography (well, more of a really long interview with) Mae West. So, so many women's stories are just sob stories about neuroses and going through miserable shit, but it's so much better and so much more constructive to read positive stories about intelligent, passionate women. And I like that in the Mae thing I'm reading, she does come across as crazily smart and the view is more balanced than the usual one of her--where only her 'lololol you can stomp all over men' type of jokes get quoted. And she's just so much more than that. The way she tells the interviewer about her life is highly entertaining--she creates a fiction, a story of her life and romanticises it but it reads like an interesting novel. There's so much cool stuff there. And no whining whatsoever, just a determined chick getting on with her life and doing whatever the fuck she wants. Even if it means going to jail for talking about sex in a frank fashion. Respect. (Then again, she had a supportive-as-fuck mother which always makes me angry because I was never allowed that--every time I read about people having supportive parents it just makes me think of everything humanity could accomplish if there were more of those people around. Perhaps gender equality hasn't happened exactly because so many mothers just perpetuate that bullshit of women putting other women down.) And I so need to get my old Mae icons back or make new ones.
-"Self-analysis is destructive, it generates only introspection, the labyrinth, division. It is always false, based on false premises. It is paralyzing. Analysis should only be endured at the hands of another as a healing process. There is no self-analysis--there is neurosis. It is anti-creative. It is a form of pause, not motion."--Anaïs Nin
-I got compliments on my sex-positivity and my crazy tags and writing from another thirtysomething European woman on Tumblr. She hadn't seen AWF, but had read Devil when she was going through a really stressful time and it was affecting her sex drive, and the fic helped her to pull herself out of that because it gave her so much wank fodder. That was a *wonderful* thing to hear. I suppose good feedback becomes even more important and precious to me now that fanfic pretty much *is* my life's work. And it's significant that I tend to get these types of comments from the het fics in particular. You don't really get that whole "wow, now I feel ok for being a perv" thing when it's a guy spanking another, because reading kinky stuff from a female POV is far more liberating. So in your face, the concept of slash being the No.1 form of sexual subversion and liberation and healing. If I can bring any of that sort of happiness and release into the world through female bodies as well, my work here is done.