I am doomed to unpopular obsessions, aren't I
It feels like some strange twist of fate that now that I've stopped being publicly active in Whodom because of health reasons, all the kids should start reblogging the Doctor/Master and Dave/John gifs I made a couple of years ago. It took me forfuckingever to make those and about three people reblogged them at the time. And it hurt so much that so few cared. I was in pain; I was dying inside because I had nobody to talk to about timecock. It was a horrible time to go through; to have a burning love for something that very few people gave a shit about--and the people who did were either too busy or too wrapped up in some personal crisis or another to chat with me on a regular basis. So it was hard to keep going and hard to keep writing because nobody was listening to me (and since my main form of writing that stuff had been through chatporn, I didn't feel like writing at all because I didn't have that instant audience response). I had so much inspiration inside me, so many visions I wanted to share, but nobody to share them with. I didn't want for that love, that passion to die. I really didn't. I kept grabbing every not-too-scary person by the arm and wailing about timecock at them. But it was of no use.
And now, stuff that I made two years ago, shit like this--something that took long to make and I was so gutted didn't get more than half a dozen notes--is getting a good amount of notes for a gif of its type. And the other day, someone came in and commented on one of my Dave/John RPS fics and asked if I was going to write more, because she was hooked. WHERE THE FUCK WERE THESE PEOPLE WHEN I NEEDED THEM?
But ah, well. I still need Dave and John to do something that I actually enjoy watching (or, perhaps, can even be passionate about) to get me to gif/write them again. I've been sitting and waiting for quite a while, but it doesn't seem to be happening.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not whining about it. I'm more like... shrugging and shaking my head. It's kind of weird, that's all. I'm almost laughing here, really. 2012 was such a turning point in that I nearly died AGAIN for the third time in three years, was put on a permanent pension and... realised how short and precious life was. And decided not to fucking kill myself with the crazy that's Whodom amy more, to stop trying to grab people who didn't care about my rambles and just started to escape into tons of old films instead. And then came my dark prince* (while kicking a few Nazis in the balls on his way), pointed out he was the inspiration behind pretty much all the villains I'd ever fancied, spread a feast of all my kinks before me and the rest is history. Now I've got an even tinier fandom that even fewer people give a shit about! The sound of the wind and the sight of tumbleweeds rolling past every time I post a Jaffar... ah. Pure poetry.
So, in a nutshell, you can't win with these things. At least I found longfic and that I could dump all my feels in there. I really don't know what the fuck I'd do otherwise. And I really should get off my arse and get back to writing my ship fucking on a ship...
*I still love how I can use terms like that unironically when Connie's concerned. So many of his characters are pure Romantic froth untainted by postmodern wangst, apathy and cynicism and that's just so incredibly healing when the entire world tries to depress the living fucking shit out of me. Shove your existential bitterness and wanky sexual politics up your arse and give me my beautiful Byronic poof instead.
And now, stuff that I made two years ago, shit like this--something that took long to make and I was so gutted didn't get more than half a dozen notes--is getting a good amount of notes for a gif of its type. And the other day, someone came in and commented on one of my Dave/John RPS fics and asked if I was going to write more, because she was hooked. WHERE THE FUCK WERE THESE PEOPLE WHEN I NEEDED THEM?
But ah, well. I still need Dave and John to do something that I actually enjoy watching (or, perhaps, can even be passionate about) to get me to gif/write them again. I've been sitting and waiting for quite a while, but it doesn't seem to be happening.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not whining about it. I'm more like... shrugging and shaking my head. It's kind of weird, that's all. I'm almost laughing here, really. 2012 was such a turning point in that I nearly died AGAIN for the third time in three years, was put on a permanent pension and... realised how short and precious life was. And decided not to fucking kill myself with the crazy that's Whodom amy more, to stop trying to grab people who didn't care about my rambles and just started to escape into tons of old films instead. And then came my dark prince* (while kicking a few Nazis in the balls on his way), pointed out he was the inspiration behind pretty much all the villains I'd ever fancied, spread a feast of all my kinks before me and the rest is history. Now I've got an even tinier fandom that even fewer people give a shit about! The sound of the wind and the sight of tumbleweeds rolling past every time I post a Jaffar... ah. Pure poetry.
So, in a nutshell, you can't win with these things. At least I found longfic and that I could dump all my feels in there. I really don't know what the fuck I'd do otherwise. And I really should get off my arse and get back to writing my ship fucking on a ship...
*I still love how I can use terms like that unironically when Connie's concerned. So many of his characters are pure Romantic froth untainted by postmodern wangst, apathy and cynicism and that's just so incredibly healing when the entire world tries to depress the living fucking shit out of me. Shove your existential bitterness and wanky sexual politics up your arse and give me my beautiful Byronic poof instead.