Further True Love thoughts
Just more thoughts on how refreshing True Love was--and this time, not because of Tennant being allowed to be at his best, but because of a positive (yes, positive!) portrayal of a man who has an affair. And how, despite the subject matter, the narrative was a fresh break from many depressing male stereotypes and was rather egalitarian on an emotional level, when you think about it. I honestly believe that while this wasn't a super-radical political tract about gender roles, this was--probably entirely unintentionally--a nice little exception to the usual gender roles you find in love stories. Meta follows! Are you ready? Then dive in.
I was just thinking how hard it is to write/play a guy who has an affair without making him come across as a total douchebag. When you think about it, that doesn't happen a lot in drama and seemingly doesn't happen much IRL either. The usual pattern dictates that the guy loves one woman more than he loves the other--either he really hates his wife and his new love is his everything, or he loves his wife and wants the comfort of their relationship and just uses some pretty chick for sex and lols and to feel young again or something. (Also note that in many stories, even well-written ones, the women are still just the love objects and sadly very much on the virgin/whore axis.) But what astonished me in this story that it was *balanced*, and both the women were wonderful and neither was evil or idealised or whatever, they were just human beings. I could truly believe David's character deeply loved his wife and deeply loved his old flame, both. Isn't it usually the female protagonists who are portrayed sympathetically when they have to choose between a steady, satisfying, happy home life and someone who represents wild passion and torrid emotions? It's such a common trope in female-oriented romantic fiction and chick flicks, and we often don't see its tender form with male protagonists who are often very active and pursuing their love interest, rather than trapped in situations like this--the angst usually comes from an unattainable love in male romantic fiction, whereas in female-oriented fiction you often get women who have several loves in their lives and have to choose between suitors, or are the sort of romantic heroines who go through many marriages over the course of their lives. And then, oh shit, her first husband turns out to be alive and then you get situations exactly like in True Love. But here it's a guy! Holy shit! Awesome! In that way, the story parallels slash because a hell of a lot of stereotypical male role/male socialisation crap is jettisoned and we just focus on the deep emotions and the genuine humanity of the character, the genuine emotions.
I mean, when he has that conversation with his workmate and the workmate immediately tells him cheating isn't on and he should think of his wife and kids, that's... when you think about fiction and RL, that'd be pretty rare. That's the sort of conversation the heroine of the romcom has with her best friend, isn't it? The cultural assumption is that if it's two guys, there would be lots of nudging and winking and "ooh, you cheeky bastard" or "you lucky devil" and cheating would be seen as a badge of pride and an accomplishment, because the more pussy the better, right? Because it's the type of socialisation a lot of men and women still take for granted, that it's some sort of biological fact that guys are ruled by their cocks, hurf durf. So it's *wonderful* to watch a guy who isn't written as that, and that he's written as a human being who actually has emotions attached to that dick. In that, it's incredibly radical even for today. Far too many guys are still socialised into repressing their emotions and treating sex as a commodity, and the sensible guys who reject that bullshit are still rare as hell and are often seen as whiny pussies. The "pussy" being an operative word because it's the females who are socialised into being openly emotional, talking about their emotions and thinking of sex through emotions, which is the opposite (and can also be damaging to those women who just aren't crazyemotional and might enjoy casual sex). So the stereotype is still there, rather deeply entrenched into society and it's damaging to both men and women. So it's so liberating to see this kind of thing, seriously. I can't overemphasise that fact.
Part of this was probably influenced by the fact that I saw a news item just before the show from Northern Ireland where some twat politician said he's against gay men donating blood because they indulge in risky sexual behaviour. And I was screaming at the screen and saying "that's not an exclusive homosexual thing, you fucking knob, it's a problem of male socialisation and you get fuckloads of heterosexual men doing that as well--by the way, the guys who subscribe to that stupid fuck machine stereotype are the ones responsible for the majority of new HIV infections today, so suck on that". So that whole sad "men are ruled by their dicks" cultural meme was fresh in my mind when I was watching it.
So let me tell you, I am just punching the air with joy when I see fiction in which men are written as the human beings they are without those stupid macho stereotypes. And I meant what I said about the slash, because slash tends to focus on emotions and can often be complex. There are so many stories where in order to write slash, you have to pull at least one of the guys out of a heterosexual relationship and in the better stories, this is portrayed as problematic and the character will struggle with it. I was watching this and gasping and muttering to myself "this is the Dave I write in RPS! This really is my RPS Dave! This is how I write Dave characters in slash! Oh my god!" Slash rarely subscribes to that utterly idiotic "ruled by their dicks" stereotype and starts from the emotions and the characters are written as body-mind combinations, not the patriarchal male ideal of the man who's all strength and steel and stone and no emotions. After all, that ideal came into being because of constant warfare from ancient into modern times where you had to repress your emotions in order to be a soldier, to be able to kill other human beings, and to be cannon fodder for your country. And it's kind of hard to get much of an emotional kick out of a machine like that. Not that many women want that out of a guy, and any gentle and sensible and intelligent man wouldn't want to be that guy either. Because despite our plumbing, we still have hearts and emotions and no amount of socialisation can fully eradicate that.
So, yes. What really struck me about True Love is that this guy was vulnerable. And human. And torn. And conflicted. Without being a selfish arsehole about the whole thing, but genuinely overwhelmed. It's the same kind of deeply human thing that had a deep impact on me with Sam Tyler, for instance. No macho posturing, just the deepest emotions and conflicts and questions and fears and worries and dreams that form the core of the human experience, and the character seemed almost like a victim. Yes, I actually blinked as I realised I was thinking of the word "victim". And here, he wasn't a victim of his ex, no. He was a victim of Love itself, with a capital L. Love held the reins here. It was the storyteller and the people were its puppets--its presence was so overwhelming it was very much like a deity, unpredictable and capricious and not giving a fuck about your situation or your morals. It's as if Venus herself had come down from the heavens, seen this beautiful man and decided to stab his heart with a jagged knife. Repeatedly. Because it amused her. And because David Tennant looks pretty when he's suffering.
And yeah, yeah, IRL, "Venus made me do it" isn't an excuse, and cheating is cheating. But it made for some bloody good drama. Just look at his expressions here, when they are both trying to convince themselves it would be a good idea to run away (and they know it wouldn't work, in their heart of hearts). There's so much heartbreak and longing there, so much worship and yearning for something that could've been, a love that could've lasted had they not gone their separate ways, the pain of the mistakes they've both made. They're indulging in a beautiful fantasy exactly because they know it can never be, trying to warm themselves by a fire that is meant to go out. It's a love that was doomed seventeen years ago and this kiss is mourning it, it's kissing something you can never have even if the object of your passion sits in your lap, is warm and alive and answers your kiss. It's a kiss of deep loss, it's a kiss of goodbyes. God damn it, I'm starting to get tears in my eyes even as I type this, because I'm watching the gifs and that scene breaks my heart. I've never seen David act love like that because they haven't allowed him to, so it's even more heartbreaking that way. Not to mention the improvisation meaning a hell of a lot of the actors' own personalities bled through, resulting in something so realistic it makes me ache.
So, in conclusion: Dave is an honourary girl. This episode of True Love had a good fanfic aesthetic. Can we have some more of this, please?
I was just thinking how hard it is to write/play a guy who has an affair without making him come across as a total douchebag. When you think about it, that doesn't happen a lot in drama and seemingly doesn't happen much IRL either. The usual pattern dictates that the guy loves one woman more than he loves the other--either he really hates his wife and his new love is his everything, or he loves his wife and wants the comfort of their relationship and just uses some pretty chick for sex and lols and to feel young again or something. (Also note that in many stories, even well-written ones, the women are still just the love objects and sadly very much on the virgin/whore axis.) But what astonished me in this story that it was *balanced*, and both the women were wonderful and neither was evil or idealised or whatever, they were just human beings. I could truly believe David's character deeply loved his wife and deeply loved his old flame, both. Isn't it usually the female protagonists who are portrayed sympathetically when they have to choose between a steady, satisfying, happy home life and someone who represents wild passion and torrid emotions? It's such a common trope in female-oriented romantic fiction and chick flicks, and we often don't see its tender form with male protagonists who are often very active and pursuing their love interest, rather than trapped in situations like this--the angst usually comes from an unattainable love in male romantic fiction, whereas in female-oriented fiction you often get women who have several loves in their lives and have to choose between suitors, or are the sort of romantic heroines who go through many marriages over the course of their lives. And then, oh shit, her first husband turns out to be alive and then you get situations exactly like in True Love. But here it's a guy! Holy shit! Awesome! In that way, the story parallels slash because a hell of a lot of stereotypical male role/male socialisation crap is jettisoned and we just focus on the deep emotions and the genuine humanity of the character, the genuine emotions.
I mean, when he has that conversation with his workmate and the workmate immediately tells him cheating isn't on and he should think of his wife and kids, that's... when you think about fiction and RL, that'd be pretty rare. That's the sort of conversation the heroine of the romcom has with her best friend, isn't it? The cultural assumption is that if it's two guys, there would be lots of nudging and winking and "ooh, you cheeky bastard" or "you lucky devil" and cheating would be seen as a badge of pride and an accomplishment, because the more pussy the better, right? Because it's the type of socialisation a lot of men and women still take for granted, that it's some sort of biological fact that guys are ruled by their cocks, hurf durf. So it's *wonderful* to watch a guy who isn't written as that, and that he's written as a human being who actually has emotions attached to that dick. In that, it's incredibly radical even for today. Far too many guys are still socialised into repressing their emotions and treating sex as a commodity, and the sensible guys who reject that bullshit are still rare as hell and are often seen as whiny pussies. The "pussy" being an operative word because it's the females who are socialised into being openly emotional, talking about their emotions and thinking of sex through emotions, which is the opposite (and can also be damaging to those women who just aren't crazyemotional and might enjoy casual sex). So the stereotype is still there, rather deeply entrenched into society and it's damaging to both men and women. So it's so liberating to see this kind of thing, seriously. I can't overemphasise that fact.
Part of this was probably influenced by the fact that I saw a news item just before the show from Northern Ireland where some twat politician said he's against gay men donating blood because they indulge in risky sexual behaviour. And I was screaming at the screen and saying "that's not an exclusive homosexual thing, you fucking knob, it's a problem of male socialisation and you get fuckloads of heterosexual men doing that as well--by the way, the guys who subscribe to that stupid fuck machine stereotype are the ones responsible for the majority of new HIV infections today, so suck on that". So that whole sad "men are ruled by their dicks" cultural meme was fresh in my mind when I was watching it.
So let me tell you, I am just punching the air with joy when I see fiction in which men are written as the human beings they are without those stupid macho stereotypes. And I meant what I said about the slash, because slash tends to focus on emotions and can often be complex. There are so many stories where in order to write slash, you have to pull at least one of the guys out of a heterosexual relationship and in the better stories, this is portrayed as problematic and the character will struggle with it. I was watching this and gasping and muttering to myself "this is the Dave I write in RPS! This really is my RPS Dave! This is how I write Dave characters in slash! Oh my god!" Slash rarely subscribes to that utterly idiotic "ruled by their dicks" stereotype and starts from the emotions and the characters are written as body-mind combinations, not the patriarchal male ideal of the man who's all strength and steel and stone and no emotions. After all, that ideal came into being because of constant warfare from ancient into modern times where you had to repress your emotions in order to be a soldier, to be able to kill other human beings, and to be cannon fodder for your country. And it's kind of hard to get much of an emotional kick out of a machine like that. Not that many women want that out of a guy, and any gentle and sensible and intelligent man wouldn't want to be that guy either. Because despite our plumbing, we still have hearts and emotions and no amount of socialisation can fully eradicate that.
So, yes. What really struck me about True Love is that this guy was vulnerable. And human. And torn. And conflicted. Without being a selfish arsehole about the whole thing, but genuinely overwhelmed. It's the same kind of deeply human thing that had a deep impact on me with Sam Tyler, for instance. No macho posturing, just the deepest emotions and conflicts and questions and fears and worries and dreams that form the core of the human experience, and the character seemed almost like a victim. Yes, I actually blinked as I realised I was thinking of the word "victim". And here, he wasn't a victim of his ex, no. He was a victim of Love itself, with a capital L. Love held the reins here. It was the storyteller and the people were its puppets--its presence was so overwhelming it was very much like a deity, unpredictable and capricious and not giving a fuck about your situation or your morals. It's as if Venus herself had come down from the heavens, seen this beautiful man and decided to stab his heart with a jagged knife. Repeatedly. Because it amused her. And because David Tennant looks pretty when he's suffering.
And yeah, yeah, IRL, "Venus made me do it" isn't an excuse, and cheating is cheating. But it made for some bloody good drama. Just look at his expressions here, when they are both trying to convince themselves it would be a good idea to run away (and they know it wouldn't work, in their heart of hearts). There's so much heartbreak and longing there, so much worship and yearning for something that could've been, a love that could've lasted had they not gone their separate ways, the pain of the mistakes they've both made. They're indulging in a beautiful fantasy exactly because they know it can never be, trying to warm themselves by a fire that is meant to go out. It's a love that was doomed seventeen years ago and this kiss is mourning it, it's kissing something you can never have even if the object of your passion sits in your lap, is warm and alive and answers your kiss. It's a kiss of deep loss, it's a kiss of goodbyes. God damn it, I'm starting to get tears in my eyes even as I type this, because I'm watching the gifs and that scene breaks my heart. I've never seen David act love like that because they haven't allowed him to, so it's even more heartbreaking that way. Not to mention the improvisation meaning a hell of a lot of the actors' own personalities bled through, resulting in something so realistic it makes me ache.
So, in conclusion: Dave is an honourary girl. This episode of True Love had a good fanfic aesthetic. Can we have some more of this, please?