Lisa Gerrard, Dead Can Dance, how we express ourselves
-Watched the Lisa Gerrard docu and it was very interesting. I've been listening to some Dead Can Dance afterwards, naturally. I hadn't listened to Summoning Of The Muse in ages, but I lay there on my bed with my headphones on with tears rolling down my face because the beauty of the music is... gah, words aren't enough to describe it. Speaking of words, the docu gave some interesting insights into Gerrard's own language, the one that she sings in. According to her, every note has its own shape and tone and the language embraces that, and frees the song itself from the structures of language and words. Which is just one more reason why her music is so powerful. She said "The Host of Seraphim" was as close as you could get to having a conversation with angels, a language they might speak, which was intriguing (this sounds a lot less pretentious if you close your eyes and listen to the music, I swear--ignore the fan video in that youtube link, it has lame fantasy art laid over the very best bits that make me shiver). It certainly is out of this world--and at the same time, rooted in this world and our cultures and means of expression, but on a very deep level. Pre-language level, ritual level. (And how odd that it should make me think of a language of my own I dabbled in when I was a child, but soon abandoned... how could I ever forget I had a language of my own once?)
-It was also interesting how she came across as... very stark at first, because she has a way of speaking that can sound really cold and unforgiving, with a certain sort of loud tone (as if she was a teacher trying to be heard over misbehaving kids)--very concerned and almost reprimanding, and her gaze was focused inwards, and it looked like she was constantly frowning. And yet what emerged from underneath that was a very intelligent, spiritual, thinking woman with a huge passion for what she does and an amazing ability to tap into some very essential streams of creativity and life and energy. In fact, she reminded me of someone I know, who also looks like she's constantly frowning and speaking in a concerned, forceful (yet soft) voice, as if she's trying very hard to be understood. It's really, really interesting how a person like that can come across as cold, but can have a very rich internal life and can produce the most amazing beauty through their work, even if in other ways they may seem offputting. It also reminded me of a bad argument I had with that friend she reminded me of because it was freshly in my mind (the argument was, in fact, because she was being judgemental of others while describing the happiness and balance of her own life and her own spiritual balance, which felt very uncomfortable and unfair to me--and yet, at the same time, I didn't ever think she seriously meant to sound harsh. It just came across as hypocritical, that was the problem. It wasn't her thoughts, but the way she communicated with them that was problematic). It's tragic how often it's difficult to communicate our real selves to the outside world because the difference between what we feel and how we express that, how it comes across to others can be so huge.
-And that's why I'm still thinking about these different modes of expression we have. How someone might come across as really scary and angry especially when they talk or write, when conversing with others (through speaking or through written discussions), and yet, like Gerrard, when they "sing", when they communicate through creative means of expression, you *get* them and can grok it, can go with the flow, because there's depth and emotion there that just clicks. The frustrated teacher becomes a high priestess and lets something deep and powerful flow through her into the world. Like an actor might be an unappealing person IRL but who can make your heart break when you watch them on the screen; like a novelist who sounds offensive and off-putting in interviews but who can make you wet the pages with your tears. I could go on and on. Is it only in art and spirit (well, those are the same thing to me) that we can truly express our true humanity? Is it easier because art can be beyond the limits set by ordinary conversation? Is it, like magic and trance, a liminal experience that crosses the boundaries by definition? I find that sad and uplifting at the same time, because I know I am certainly not the easiest person to be with, but a picture I've made can be more accessible and strike a chord much more easily. And I'd rather have people cry over a fic I wrote rather than because I've said something horrible to them. (This brought to you by No More *still* getting new comments and new people crying over it. Holy moly.)
-Anyway. I'm feeling good and balanced for once, even though this is probably because the red tide seems to have come in. I wish I could feel like this all the time, because I'm more relaxed and calm than I've been in ages. I feel like myself (hence all this hippie babbling), and I can't often say that. The scent of jasmine in the aroma lamp, Dead Can Dance on my headphones and Noki purring by my side? Heaven.
-It was also interesting how she came across as... very stark at first, because she has a way of speaking that can sound really cold and unforgiving, with a certain sort of loud tone (as if she was a teacher trying to be heard over misbehaving kids)--very concerned and almost reprimanding, and her gaze was focused inwards, and it looked like she was constantly frowning. And yet what emerged from underneath that was a very intelligent, spiritual, thinking woman with a huge passion for what she does and an amazing ability to tap into some very essential streams of creativity and life and energy. In fact, she reminded me of someone I know, who also looks like she's constantly frowning and speaking in a concerned, forceful (yet soft) voice, as if she's trying very hard to be understood. It's really, really interesting how a person like that can come across as cold, but can have a very rich internal life and can produce the most amazing beauty through their work, even if in other ways they may seem offputting. It also reminded me of a bad argument I had with that friend she reminded me of because it was freshly in my mind (the argument was, in fact, because she was being judgemental of others while describing the happiness and balance of her own life and her own spiritual balance, which felt very uncomfortable and unfair to me--and yet, at the same time, I didn't ever think she seriously meant to sound harsh. It just came across as hypocritical, that was the problem. It wasn't her thoughts, but the way she communicated with them that was problematic). It's tragic how often it's difficult to communicate our real selves to the outside world because the difference between what we feel and how we express that, how it comes across to others can be so huge.
-And that's why I'm still thinking about these different modes of expression we have. How someone might come across as really scary and angry especially when they talk or write, when conversing with others (through speaking or through written discussions), and yet, like Gerrard, when they "sing", when they communicate through creative means of expression, you *get* them and can grok it, can go with the flow, because there's depth and emotion there that just clicks. The frustrated teacher becomes a high priestess and lets something deep and powerful flow through her into the world. Like an actor might be an unappealing person IRL but who can make your heart break when you watch them on the screen; like a novelist who sounds offensive and off-putting in interviews but who can make you wet the pages with your tears. I could go on and on. Is it only in art and spirit (well, those are the same thing to me) that we can truly express our true humanity? Is it easier because art can be beyond the limits set by ordinary conversation? Is it, like magic and trance, a liminal experience that crosses the boundaries by definition? I find that sad and uplifting at the same time, because I know I am certainly not the easiest person to be with, but a picture I've made can be more accessible and strike a chord much more easily. And I'd rather have people cry over a fic I wrote rather than because I've said something horrible to them. (This brought to you by No More *still* getting new comments and new people crying over it. Holy moly.)
-Anyway. I'm feeling good and balanced for once, even though this is probably because the red tide seems to have come in. I wish I could feel like this all the time, because I'm more relaxed and calm than I've been in ages. I feel like myself (hence all this hippie babbling), and I can't often say that. The scent of jasmine in the aroma lamp, Dead Can Dance on my headphones and Noki purring by my side? Heaven.