*smites Tattychop*
I should feel less twitchy and depressed when pics or fics are refusing to work. But, gah. It's really fucking annoying when you're feeling creative and you feel like your tools are obeying you--you manage to create a few gorgeous word-images or Photoshop magic, but halfway through it starts to suck. It's worse when it's stuff that you are really proud of, the sort of stuff where you feel you've just surpassed yourself in some respect, yet... you can't surround those wonderful bits with other words or a full image properly, or the rest of the fic/pic is of ho-hum quality.
Yeah, I know this is probably universal. I was just thinking that I get super-emo about these things because there's little else I'm actually contributing these days. Not just to fandom, but to the world itself--I do bugger-all else to justify my existence, it seems. And when the rest of the time, I seem to be a horrible bitch who just brings people down because she's wrong in the head and always sounds grumpy... yeah, I really feel that I have to make up for it with something that's not just whining or outright hostility. I need to bring something into this world that creates joy through aesthetics/eroticism/humour/all of the above. Makes sense, yeah?
I don't particularily *like* being a bitch and just a pain in the arse, so writing and 'shopping and crack are the only ways out of that, most of the time. So, yeah, when I fail at the only things I'm good at, it feels like I fail at everything. I think it's probably even worse when I actually have some inspiration and don't feel like a complete klutz. That thing where your own resources and tools let you down? Sucky. It's that sense of... starting something and not being able to finish it properly that's really annoying. Because you've already done a lot and don't want to just... trash it--you've put so much work into something and then everything grinds to a halt.
This post brought to you by that familiar sensation of "OH, FUCK YES, I HAVE ACHEIVED PHOTOSHOP SMACKDOWN... wait, the rest of this pic is crap and I can't figure out how to fix it without resorting to cliches or making it look worse and thus bringing down the quality of the whole thing". I seriously think I've just 'shopped something really awesome, but that awesome thing is only one small part in a pic that needs half a dozen other parts to work and even then it's one of those pics that'll probably be a bit bleh to the viewer. It's like a movie with just one awesome scene and the rest of the film is amateurish and shaky and poorly lit and crap. And even the awesome scene's awesomeness can only be understood fully if you are a film buff and know what has gone into creating it.
I have probably jinxed it now by blogging about it, but I needed to take a break from Photoshop to rest my eyes and attack the pic again later. I'm not as emo or as grumpy as I sound (I swear to god, I'm like a Persian cat--I seem angry inna face even when I'm not). Just frustrated, especially after the pic had a really pwny start.
I could also blame hormones, since the bloodbath seems to have started. That'd explain the insane amount of inspiration and actually being able to hold the mouse pen long enough to do something with it. I last had a period in... April? So, yeah, two months' worth of hormones are struggling to come out. That'd explain the emo and the super-insomnia, too. Hum de dum.
In conclusion, I need millions of pounds and various mind-altering drugs to get Tennant'n'Simm to shag in front of my camera instead. It'd save a lot of trouble.
Yeah, I know this is probably universal. I was just thinking that I get super-emo about these things because there's little else I'm actually contributing these days. Not just to fandom, but to the world itself--I do bugger-all else to justify my existence, it seems. And when the rest of the time, I seem to be a horrible bitch who just brings people down because she's wrong in the head and always sounds grumpy... yeah, I really feel that I have to make up for it with something that's not just whining or outright hostility. I need to bring something into this world that creates joy through aesthetics/eroticism/humour/all of the above. Makes sense, yeah?
I don't particularily *like* being a bitch and just a pain in the arse, so writing and 'shopping and crack are the only ways out of that, most of the time. So, yeah, when I fail at the only things I'm good at, it feels like I fail at everything. I think it's probably even worse when I actually have some inspiration and don't feel like a complete klutz. That thing where your own resources and tools let you down? Sucky. It's that sense of... starting something and not being able to finish it properly that's really annoying. Because you've already done a lot and don't want to just... trash it--you've put so much work into something and then everything grinds to a halt.
This post brought to you by that familiar sensation of "OH, FUCK YES, I HAVE ACHEIVED PHOTOSHOP SMACKDOWN... wait, the rest of this pic is crap and I can't figure out how to fix it without resorting to cliches or making it look worse and thus bringing down the quality of the whole thing". I seriously think I've just 'shopped something really awesome, but that awesome thing is only one small part in a pic that needs half a dozen other parts to work and even then it's one of those pics that'll probably be a bit bleh to the viewer. It's like a movie with just one awesome scene and the rest of the film is amateurish and shaky and poorly lit and crap. And even the awesome scene's awesomeness can only be understood fully if you are a film buff and know what has gone into creating it.
I have probably jinxed it now by blogging about it, but I needed to take a break from Photoshop to rest my eyes and attack the pic again later. I'm not as emo or as grumpy as I sound (I swear to god, I'm like a Persian cat--I seem angry inna face even when I'm not). Just frustrated, especially after the pic had a really pwny start.
I could also blame hormones, since the bloodbath seems to have started. That'd explain the insane amount of inspiration and actually being able to hold the mouse pen long enough to do something with it. I last had a period in... April? So, yeah, two months' worth of hormones are struggling to come out. That'd explain the emo and the super-insomnia, too. Hum de dum.
In conclusion, I need millions of pounds and various mind-altering drugs to get Tennant'n'Simm to shag in front of my camera instead. It'd save a lot of trouble.